Whispers & Dreams

It's so hot in this house, I already took a nice shower but it is so hot. Work was crazy because of the holiday weekend and I got stuck there trying to help my boss figure out what the hell my coworker did to mess money up. But anyway......For those of you who don't know I love watching movies so from time to time I will talk about a movie that I might have just seen. Last night I saw  In Good Company (2004) with Dennis Quaid , Topher Grace , Scarlett Johansson , and Marg Helgenberger . I gave it a 7 stars out of 10 I haven't written a review but with that said. This movie encompasses everything life has to offer. It's a beautiful portrait of the rhythm our lives bang to. It's like a beating heart. it not only managed to display the courage it takes to make something so simple without even trying to be, this movie can win the hearts of all of us 'normal' Americans that loved every minute of our lives. lol....... I loved this movie and the talent.

While everyone around me may be ruffled by the unexpected, I embrace it. So I wasn't surprised to find myself attractive to others and enjoying the company of new people when ever. I'm embracing my need for the finer things in life. Also I'm trying to begin some projects that will improve my outer appearance. What I mean is that I'm happy with myself in so many ways, but I want to focus on getting my body back in shape and being healthier. Like a regular workout, eating the right foods, and etc. I have this saying when it comes to my budget."Proceed with caution in money matters" LMAO! I delay purchases until I really need it, especially nice things (example a new dvd player, or things for my car) I always research what I plan to spend my money on. I have to be sure to calm my nerves and follow my intuition in terms of finances. My caution in personal expression may be tossed aside sometimes.

Although some expansions and good luck will continue to come my way, now is the time time to slow down and really focus on my efforts. Sometimes I feel off - but after things start moving more smoothly I start to feel on again. I'm a being clear in what I'm saying or just rambling off cause I'm so tired. Sometimes my communication style may rub people the wrong way.

 ~j~ 

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My boss from hell left since the last time that I wrote and the new boss is great. He is easy to get along with, respects everyone, and is one funny bastard. For those of you who don't know I work at a wine and spirits store, at the moment I'm training to be a closing supervisor. Finally! More money hopefully, but to be honest this is just  a time being job. I have finished up my real estate class and all I have to do is take the state exam. Taking and passing it is freaking me out, I know all the info but I draw a blank with my nervous take over. Today was actually one of the first days of my training for my up coming position which made me realize some things. I need to take a less structured approach to my work and be more inventive, more original and more willing to take risks. Whether I get it right or wrong is not important. What does matter, however, is that I learn something new.

Some of my loved ones are acting in ways which are totally out of character, but I figure there is no reason for me to be alarmed. It's only a passing phase, and by the end they'll be back to their predictable and pleasant ways. Someone today said that I posses natural beauty and grace. Who really knows what to say to a compliment?  I sure as hell don't really know what to say when someone says something like that to me.  Especially when it an unexpected compliment from a famously single man-about-town. Sure I like to get compliments, but it might be about time for him to find someone else cause I'm a steady woman who is already settled down as is when it comes to a man. He'd make a fine date but this Bella is already taken so I just set him in the other direction. Oh but it always feels great to feel beautiful, sexy, and wanted.

 ~j~ 

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It's raining, it's pouring, and those damn bitches are whoring! What do I want to talk about tonight work, love, school, my life, family, friends, etc....I really don't have any certain topic to talk about it's been a while since I wrote here in j-land so I need to get back on track. It's pouring like crazy outside and I love listening to the rainfall. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have sex in the rain not that  I have done such a things but my imagination  is at its peak tonight, .inspiration joins forces with my creative thoughts. But it's not just about thinking, it's about doing too. So I'm going to be a bit more dynamic and find ways to make my fantasy a reality.

I wouldn't be human if I didn't feel apprehensive about my future prospects. However, the good news is that my fears have no foundation. Only good things will happen if I don't give into the pressure to just give up and fail. I usually don't act on impulse, but during the past weeks I have acted strictly on impulse. I felt the need to get away from my everyday routine, I just left all my worries behind me. And why not? Life's too short not to take chances. I don't need to adhere to discipline every day of my life. The unplanned unexpected urges me to just let my wild side run free. It's not healthy to always be so conservative.

I surprise alot of people with my eagerness to try new methods. However, because of certain turning of events I must be quick.  After that it would be wise for me to just leave things as they are. Hopefully everything will go right for me soon. People have been willing to open doors for me without being asked, and complete strangers will go out of their way to smile and wish me well. I always have gone out of my way to return the compliments. I forget about the facts and rely on my instincts: they don't let me down. Both in my personal life and at work, I'm always prepared to go my own way and do my own thing. Be a leader, not a follower and just make things happen. Not only has there been some signs of new beginnings, but it took place close to home. So I utilize both my intellect and instinct, there was no limit to what I achieved this past month because I was bold in my actions.

It was important for me to overcome my fears that I may of had, because I couldn't picture myself always being afraid of one thing oranother. If it was a prefect world I wouldn't have needed to go through bullshit. But because of the bull shit I tend to magnify my emotions, both good and bad. Thinking of the very worst things that could happen - but then I just try to laugh it off. I got an unexpected but wonderful surprise last week when my mother left on vacation and I took over her apartment. She might come back in 6mts or she just might stay on the island with my grandparents. So I realized that it's not true that life is always against me.  More often then not, the odds are in my favor. I heard something at work today that pissed me off, I was the first pick for a promotion and because I had gotten sick over easter weekend I'm bumped down. WTF I'm not allowed to get sick, I should have went into work and spent every 30 mins running back to the rest room. I can't wait 8 more weeks and the boss from hell will be gone. Catch me lataz

 ~j~ 

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~ I was 13 when I started to keep a journal and at that age most of it was about me being heart broken by crushes or about all the sudden changes in my life, school, friends, and family. A friend had given me the journal as a present for my 13th b-day come to think of it, there was a lock with a key...wait guess it was a dairy. HA! I had a dairy thank god I never told anyone I had one. So I wrote in it from time to time for several months, later I had realized that the gift soon turned out to be far more powerful then it appeared. Soon I started writing poetry and this little diary turned out to be a great way to vent over the years. As I grew up my little dairy turned into a journal that every once in a while I would write the words that would help me find out there is more to life then what I seem to see around me. I just began to write about the deep sorrow that I had over my family and life, no matter how much I wrote I couldn't seem to shake my sorrow. Journaling helped me to see my thoughts, my emotions and it was so therapeutic. So I saw it as expressive writing which turned out to be very beneficial to my poetry. It also helped me find the meaning and come to terms with many stressful events.

When I put my troubles into words I am able to get past it and once I am past it, I don't worry about it or obsess over it. After writing I feel happier and less negative than before. My anxiety and depression are less after writing about my emotions. It's not magic or a substitute for  dealing but writing can cure some of my  daily problems. I need to get back to making it my daily activity of taken some time for myself to just write since it's a mental  activity that doesn't involve too much work. lol The effect of writing has seriously helped me deal with dramamatic experiences that were making me sick and most important helped me cope with stress. Based on my personal experience with writing a journal I find it to be one of the best ways to deal with my stress, sorrow, and other problems. Being able to express my emotions is a great benefit to dealing and coping with drama because sometimes not talking about them and just thinking about them isn't healthy at all.

See what happens with me is that I seem to think I will always fail at the things I want the most. I need to, in some way, allow myself to feel the emotions that I have surrounding the experiences in my life. To me having a journal to write my jumbled up thoughts can help clear up things, for example I can look back and see something for the beginning, middle, all the way to the end, almost like my little book. Reading my own words on the people in my life, events, consequences, and the effects all of them have on me. Being able to express how I really feel is very meaningful to me and it's not just a story; it is just me dealing with one situation at a time and trying to make sense of them. Little by little through the course of writing a journal and my poems I can find the answers to help heal my soul.

5 Tips on Journaling

* Write for at least 30 mins for a day for 4 consecutive weeks. You have to work at it in the beginning.

* Focus on what's been bothering you. Express your deepest thoughts and feelings, both positive and negative. Ask yourself what you have made of your life and is that enough.

*Write without thinking about spelling or grammar and don't edit yourself!

*Write about the same issue several times if you have to in order to gain more understanding and view the situation for different perspectives

* After a week stop writing for a day, take the time to reflect on what you have expressed about your life.

 ~j~     

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