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Independence Day
7/3/07
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Subject: Independence Day
Time: 1:38:00 AM EDT
Author: jayveerhapsody
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Subject: Independence Day
Time: 1:38:00 AM EDT
Author: jayveerhapsody
I wonder what I should do to celebrate the Fourth of July? Independence Day is so important - a national holiday to honor all the traditional things that America stands for - freedom, liberty, justice. A day to show unabashed patriotism for our country and to proudly display and honor the Grand Old Flag, the red, white, & blue.
How about fireworks? What a fantastic, time-honored American tradition! Blast off some sky rockets for Lady Liberty and the Declaration of Independence and all those things we hold so dear.
Wait a minute. The City Council banned the use of fireworks in my neck of the woods. In fact, fireworks are illegal in the entire county. Wouldn't want to do anything to break the law - - especially on Independence Day!
Besides, there was something ominous on the news the other night. One of those aggressive NewsAnchorBabes did an entire segment on the dangers of fireworks. It seems that over 150,000 people are seriously injured every year, just by standing near one (fireworks, not NewsAnchorBabes).
Ranger Rick (a hardcore professional outdoorsie guy who knows what he's doing) gave a demonstration right there on TV. He lighted some fireworks near a Styrofoam dummy and it (the dummy, not Ranger Rick) blew up in a ball of fire and burned to a crisp in ten seconds. Imagine.
All fireworks can be lethal. Cherry bombs. Bottle rockets. The only relatively safe thing is the humble, tried & true sparkler. But even sparklers should be used with adult supervision (even if you're an adult), goggles, gloves, a nearby bucket of water, a fire extinguisher, and a safe distance of 500 yards from all trees and shrubs and buildings. Oh, yea, and have a cell phone handy for a quick yell to 911.
I can scrap fireworks from my agenda.
Well, how about a barbecue? Every red-blooded American has a barbecue on the Fourth of July, don't they? Naw, I've heard through the News Network grapevine that BBQ smoke contains toxic pollutants that upset our natural ecosystem and greatly contribute to global warming, which is soon going to kill helpless animals and all the children and eventually wipe out mankind (womankind??) and all traces of earthly habitation.
Besides, hot dogs and hamburgers are usually consumed at barbecues and everybody knows that they are a harmful, perhaps even deadly, food source - with all the fat & cholesterol & heart-attack-inducing stuff. Barbecue grills are also an incredibly toxic source of bacteria, germs, e coli. If they aren't scrubbed and disinfected properly, one innocent barbecue could easily turn into a huge mass grave.
As if this weren't enough, think of the innocent animals who gave their lives just to make the hot dogs - - all those pig snouts and chicken beaks and Orangutan balls.
Strike barbecues from my agenda.
I guess I can always put an American flag out on my front lawn. Display the stars & stripes. Show my pride for Old Glory. Then again, I don't know if I should - - -because - - -it might offend someone!
Genuine Americans are becoming more scarce than honest politicians. With the mass infestation of foreigners - with the enormous influx of illegal aliens & Muslims & heaven-knows-who creeping across the unprotected borders - - - it might be very inappropriate (not to mention dangerous) to fly an American flag. I don't think it's illegal yet, but it soon will be.
Better keep my flag in a safe and unobtrusive place - like the trunk in the attic.
How about the Pledge of Allegiance? I could put my hand over my heart (yes, i do have one) and say the Pledge of Allegiance in honor of our country. Oh, wait a minute! It contains that horrible thing - - the offensive "G" word. One nation, under God! God damn! I wouldn't want to upset the atheists. Or Allah. Or Buddha.
Maybe I can mumble the Pledge of Alllegiance. Under my breath in the privacy of my bathroom. With the water running, of course.
I certainly wouldn't want to risk singing God Bless America. That's as passe as Kate Smith & nylon stockings & Spectator shoes. And then there's that pesky "G" word again........
Could always listen to a good ol' fashioned American baseball game on the radio. If only there was a crisp, clear English-speaking station on the dial! The Spanish-speaking stations in this part of TexMex Country are so powerful and abundant that they drown out the feeble broadcasts of the gringos (anyone who thinks this is an exaggeration should come here and see firsthand. Bring your radios).
Well, I guess I can set up a lawn chair in my back yard, apply a liberal amount of #115 sunscreen to block the toxic rays of Old Sol, and wile away the holiday in benign hours of blissful isolation and soothing meditation.
I'll scan the sky every now & then, in the unlikely hope of seeing an American eagle. They're not extinct yet, are they?
Bitter? Cynical? Disillusioned? Disgusted? Over-reacting? Perhaps.
Maybe all this is crap. It's definitely tongue-in-cheek. I wrote it with the aid of a few swigs of whiskey, within the span of ten minutes.
If I wanted to write something remarkable, I'd be sober and I'd take my time.........
Despite everything, I still love our country and I'm still proud to be an American (a genuine, legal one). . . . .
Despite all the unecessary diversity & discontent & division that is tearing our nation apart.
Despite the people who hate our government and despise our traditions and values, yet take full advantage of our freedoms & liberties.
Despite the greedy non-citizens who are sucking our welfare system dry while attempting to replace our culture & traditions with their own.
Despite a senate & a congress that are completely out of touch, revolving around their own private planet somewhere in the outter regions of the Twilight Zone.
Despite a President who cares more about Iraq and Mexico and foreign affairs than he does about his own country.
Despite the aggressive fight against the War on Terror, which ironically leaves our borders wide open to welcome all terrorists and undesirables everywhere.
Despite a rampant communistic left-wing agenda which is attempting to erradicate all that America stands for: religion & God & holidays & patriotism & free speech & freedom of expression & right from wrong.
America is a great country and can continue to be great ONLY if we twenty-first-century patriots stand firmly for what we believe and what our forefathers stood for when they signed the Declaration of Independence in 1776.
Light a firecracker and have a splendidly patriotic Fourth!!!
Note: I'm still having ENORMOUS TROUBLE trying to edit this thing.
Something is definitely amiss with AOL (so, what else is new????)
Written by jayveerhapsody Blog about this entry |
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This entry has 11 comments: (Add your own)
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I love it, you have hit the nail on the head so to speak. It is a wonder we are still alive, that we haven't died from all these "fun" things huh. LOL My cynical self, I wonder what freedoms we still have to celebrate...I do still love it here...but it seems we are losing freedoms all the time doesnt it.
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Phhfffttt! (I'm spraying the bug spray for the Gremlins). Think they should take a long walk on a very short pier. . . Over here in Vancouver, it is still twenty minutes away from midnight, so I'm wishing you a happy July 4th. If I knew you weren't BBQ'ing, I'd have sent over some Greek salad that I made tonight, along with garlic sausage and tomato fried rice. And, maybe a Canadian beer too. Also had fresh cherries for desert. You must visit this way, some day. Take care, please!
Always, Rose~* -
Jon I guess there won't be too much you can do ~ No Fireworks ~ no BBQ ~ and we must not offend anyone so Old Glory must stay in a box in the Attic ~ Whatever you choose to do ~ have a drink with me and Have a Wonderful Independence day ~ and hope those storms have abated ~ and you stay safe ~ Ally
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That one is to be printed out and carried with me so when I am pee'd off with the state of this country I can read your take on yours and howl with laughter again!!! You brighten my day jon ...especially when you are knocking back the whisky ( no e in Scots stuff) and scribbling away!! Happy 4th to all and God Bless. Eve
7/5/07 9:02 PM
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