Pull Up A Chair

Today is the day that Wayne does taxes.  Today is also the day that I stay far away from him.

I've already located all the exits in the house and instructed both boys on how to use a chair to break a window, if neccessary, in case Daddy flips his lid and becomes delusional.

Keeping a man happy during tax time is not an easy task. Ply them with coffee and donuts I say!  But, the fact remains, we wouldn't be rushing to do the taxes today if we could afford coffee and donuts at the end of the month. So the man is sitting there, cussing a blue streak and drinking coffee from a can.

In light of his yearly rant, I am posting a small list of the words and phrases I've heard this morning:

Hornswaggle!
Aahh, Screw THIS!
Rat Bastards!
Middle Class my @ss! Try working Freaking POOR!
It's MY money and I WANT IT BACK!
All this wanna-be-namby-pamby-crap makes me want to vomit.
Make me some breakfast WOMAN!
Income Tax form A...WHOA!  Why the hell is this showing 2002?
Oh I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner...
Uh OH! I may have to use something other than a 140A...If I had hair, I'd pull it out!
Where is the next page?  Come on! Where is the NEXT PAGE?
^&&**#%^@$!^  <---(Disclaimer: Shows up as a link and I don't know why.)
That's it! I'm done. This whole experience makes a colonoscopy look like a Carribean cruise. 

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• #8 Comment from rbushu 
  2/9/04 6:34 PM | Permalink

  Don't get mad, get even. I'm not being paid to say this, but Turbox Tax is the best 50 bucks you'll ever spend. No hair-pulling, and that satisfying "cha-ching" when the program calculates a new total, not unlike the tote board of the Jerry Lewis telethon. Of course, it would curtail the profanity and giggling from the kitchen.
• #7 Comment from snkwarren 
  1/31/04 8:48 PM | Permalink

  One weekend out of tax season, I do my entire family's tax returns. Let me know if he runs out of original material to blow off steam, I have a file full...
• #6 Comment from metski715 
  1/31/04 8:37 PM | Permalink

  LOL!!! Can your hubby do my taxes?? I want audio of it all. lol!!
  :)
  chris
• #5 Comment from noirtec 
  1/31/04 2:43 PM | Permalink

  Now that we have a new house (oddly enough, about a mile away from you :-) ), and newly wedded...I'm scared to do the taxes this year. hehe. I think I'm having a pro do them. Is your husband available to do them? hahaha
  Oh..by the way...it showed up as a link because of the "@". It thought it was an email address. Go figure.
• #4 Comment from bridgetteleigh75 
  1/31/04 2:33 PM | Permalink

  I was nodding my head at all the various expressions being used until I came to the 'oscar meyer weiner' part. Then I got this vision of your ticked off husband...sitting at the table viciously doing his taxes....when out of the blue...he starts singing..."Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner...."
  
  That just made me giggle...
  
  Love,
  bridgett