Spoken Like A Queen

12:10:34 AM EDT

The Glue that Binds

 

There is obviously more to life then love and the same goes for relationships as well.  For years I lived under the misconceived notion that being in love was all a person needed and that once you had that you had it made.  After quite a few bad relationships in which all that was going for them was the love, I slowly and painfully began to realize the truth.  Love may just be the last thing that holds a relationship together.  That’s not saying that love is the insignificant part of the relationship.  It’s just that when there are so many underlying factors that are a major component in the glue holding relationships together, saying “But I Love You” may seem like a last stitch effort to mask all of the other problems that can’t be fixed. 

 

One of the number one reasons that a relationship either doesn’t make it to the marriage phase or why the marriage itself doesn’t work is financial.  Here is where saying I love you just doesn’t solve everything.  The person that you select to be your mate has to be evenly yoked with you, if not on any other level, but financially.  You need to be on the same page about what you want your finances to be or things are just not going to work out.  I’ve seen too many people not go to the next step with a person because not only were their finances messed up (which they could’ve dealt with) but they seemed to have no immediate interest in fixing them.  Planning a future means talking about finances and where the two of you stand on them and this card trumps love any day of the week because love can not keep a roof over your head or send your children to good school.    

 

One of the other major things that dissolve a relationship or a marriage is SEX.  Yes you may think that sex and love go hand in hand and often times they do.  But with that love must come some chemistry and passion and compatibility.  If your mate likes to try lots of new and experimental things and you are a straight laced, missionary position only type of person then unless you are willing to be more open minded and uninhibited then the two of you will not last a very long time and vice versa.  The same also goes for if you are a person that likes to have sex several times a week whereas your mate is content and happy with just once a week and doesn’t really like it any more then that then that is going to be a problem as well.  You know what you like and what you don’t so why waste time with someone who isn’t going to or willing to join you in those same likes or dislikes.  But for the people who swear they can make it work they end up learning the hard way that you can not force compatibility.

 

There are a number of general requirements that help hold a relationship or marriage together such as communication, respect, compromise and sacrifice, creativity, compassion, generosity, trust, patience, energy, time, maturity, forgiveness, and the list goes on.  But the thing is that if you don’t have ALL or at least MOST of those things then love doesn’t really do you any good.  What good is loving someone you can’t communicate with, or feel compassion for, or even have respect for?  The divorce rate isn’t nearly50% because the two people don’t love each other.  The divorce rate is that high because that love couldn’t hold them together when everything else is lacking.  Love does not conquer all and I think that the sooner we all realize that then the closer we can get to actually having the type of relationship that we really want.  A relationship where everything works and where the glue holding it together isn’t missing a single ingredient. 

 

 

© Jimmetta Carpenter, 2007

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12:39:06 AM EDT
Feeling Worried

“Damaged Goods”

 

When one person has been hurt by someone so bad after already being hurt by many previous to that one does it really give them cause not to feel like they can ever love again?  I mean how can a person who feels like their heart was just ripped out and crushed by the one they considered to be the great love of their life ever truly recover from that?  How does one go through all of that and not put up a wall to protect themselves?  How are you supposed to ever trust that the next person, if there is going to even be a next person, won’t hurt you like the one before them? 

 

I hate it when people tell someone who has just been through a break-up or separation of some sort that they should be able to move on just fine and that they shouldn’t let that “one” person totally destroy their faith in love or their trust.  It’s a lot easier said then done to just jump back in the deep end of the love pool when you’ve already come so close to drowning in it already.  It’s hard to let go of the person that came before and not necessarily because you still want to be with that person or even that you still love that person.  It’s hard to let go because it means you have to move on and you have to open yourself up again someday (short of being alone for the rest of your life).  It means that at some point you have to put down your wall and let your guard down, at least a little, to let someone else in.  The thought of that is terrifying to some of us who can’t see ourselves ever being that vulnerable again.

 

It makes it even harder for the next man who comes along and is trying to do right by you and to give you everything you feel you’ve never gotten from anyone else.  Here is someone trying their hardest to work their way into your life and essentially into your heart and there you are holding on to all of this baggage and feeling so damaged that you sometimes don’t even see the point anymore.  A person can say they want to try again but it’s so hard.  Putting yourself out there feels almost like you’re waiting for that shoe to drop and you end up half steppin’ it and you give an inch and take back two more inches and the person that’s trying to get into your world just can’t win because the damage has already been done.  So what do you do with all of that baggage?  The answer is simple but the process is not. 

 

Hearts don’t just mend in a matter of hours, days, weeks, months, or even years.  When hearts get broken sometimes they really do stay that way and you’re only left with little pieces here and there to give away.  So when do you ever move past the one before if you can’t even fully let in the person that comes after?  How do you stop all of the doubt that comes with the next person you want to trust if you can’t get past the person who betrayed your trust before them?  How do you get past feeling like you’re damaged to every person that you even think you might want to let it?  It’s all a part of a process, a very long, hard and thought provoking process.  One that involves moving on trying your best to repair the damage that has already been done. 

 

 

© Jimmetta Carpenter, July 2007

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1:05:18 AM EDT
Feeling Chillin'

Why Does The Chase Have To End?

 

I was talking with a friend the other day about ways of men and the things they do that drive women crazy and annoy us to no end.  One of the things that was discussed was that we didn’t understand why when men do all this chasing to get a woman’s attention and to win her over and then spoil her with the kind of treatment that is foreign to her and then all of a sudden once they’ve gotten what they wanted (and I’m not talking about sex) they just stop.  The attention gets less and less.  The pampering and spoiling dwindle down almost to none.  Sometimes in the case of some people their sex life even begins to suffer.  It’s as if now that they know that they have that particular woman and that she loves them and that in their mind she isn’t going anywhere, they don’t have to continue doing the things that got her to that point.  So I guess it leads me to wonder, can a woman ever really allow herself to be caught?

 

Now I know that there are some men (few and far between) that do continue the things that they started, probably because they realize that what he did to get her the next man can do as well but for a vast majority of men this seems to apply.  I have even gotten the advice from some women that they feel that women can never truly let a man know that they’ve got them because then the chase will be over and the man will lose interest.  I’ve heard from some men that they do like the chase and that it is true that the chase is the most exciting part of the relationship but doesn’t that pose another problem.  If a woman is always running and the man is always chasing doesn’t that mean inevitably we are still playing games and isn’t that the thing that we don’t want in a relationship?

 

It just seems that chasing shouldn’t be the only thing of interest to the man.  They should enjoy that they actually caught the woman that they chased so hard after and the woman should be able to enjoy being caught by the man that flattered her with all the chasing.  Just because the chasing ends shouldn’t mean that the things that a man did while chasing her should end.  It doesn’t mean that a man’s mentality should all of a sudden be “well I got her so now I can ignore her”.  In my opinion that doesn’t show that the man appreciates what it is that he really got.  I kind of feel like if I feel the guy I’m dating is slipping in the areas that drew me to him in the first place then I should say something about it and although the man might consider it nagging it still must be said, “This is the way you got me, so this is the way you have to keep me.”

 

While I know that to some women this is not a big deal.  They expect a change within the relationship when it isn’t so new anymore and feel that it is nothing to nag about.  While I know that a change does come when a relationship turns from new to not so new and then to just routine, I still do not expect a total decline.  I think that men do take us for granted a little bit but I also think that we tend to let them.  Why don’t we deserve to be spoiled and pampered for the entire relationship if that’s the way things started off?  Why can’t we expect the same amount of attention for the entire time when it started off with huge amounts of attention?  I know that for me I am so used to getting the bad treatment that when I got the good treatment it spoiled me and I would like to stay spoiled.  I feel like with all I’ve been through that I deserve to be.  I feel that all women are worth the eternal chase.  To me the chase should never be over.

 

 

by Jimmetta Carpenter

© June 2007

 

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2:54:56 AM EDT
Feeling Worried

“Paranoia Seems To Find Me”

 

What makes a person so insecure that they feel that they have to question every single thing someone says to them and everything they do for them, even the good things?  If I could sum it up in two words, it would be “past relationships”.  I’m not saying that it is right to go into a relationship with a preconceived notion that he’s just like the one before him, or that ever so popular phrase that I have grown accustomed to saying, which is that “all men are the same” but it’s a knee jerk reaction and sometimes it just really can’t be helped.  But in the same breathe it’s those little bouts of insecurity that can hurt a new relationship, especially if the man you’ve found really is “different then all the rest”. 

 

So how do you stop it?  How do you stop finding those little tiny insignificant things that make you think, “Oh no he’s just like the others” and “here I go again”?  Well I haven’t exactly figured out the answer to that question just yet.  I keep getting these moments of paranoia and little tiny seconds of doubt and they make me want to think twice about the man that I’m involved with now.  There actually have been moments where it would just appear that he’s going to do something that has already been done to me before and I do think that thought of “he’s going to do the same thing” and just automatically assume that he will hurt me.  Of course I am usually proven wrong andend up feeling stupid for thinking that but the insecurity is always there and I really wish that I could stop it.

 

When I talked about this with one of my friends she made the comment, “boy the men you’ve dealt with in the past have really messed you up”.  It’s funny because before she said that I hadn’t even realized just how bad my insecurities had become.  And the thing is that it only gets worse with the end of each relationship.  But I think that the end of the relationship with my child’s father heightened my insecurity level to probably the highest it has ever been.  I want to be able to trust someone again and fully let them into my heart but every time I think I get close to being able to do that I can almost feel the wall go right back up and it only makes me frustrated with myself more.  It makes me ask myself will I ever be able to not have those insecure moments. 

 

I’m trying to have faith in love and faith that all men really aren’t the same because if they are then I am in trouble.  I keep hearing people say that they know some men who aren’t out there cheating on women and disrespecting them but I haven’t come across any thus far.  That is until now.  I am trying to enjoy this new relationship and I am trying to not to ruin it with my own paranoia and my own misgivings about men.  I am trying not to let my preconceived notions interfere with a relationship with a man that actually makes me happy and who for all intensive purposes has not given me a reason to doubt him.  I think I can trust him but there’s still that doubt there.  I guess once you’ve had your heart broken, especially several times by the same person who was the love of your life, it’s kind of hard to get past that.  I’m just going to try to relax and enjoy the ride and try to leave the past behind me and hopefully the insecurities will be left behind as well.  

 

 

by Jimmetta Carpenter

© June 2007       

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3:46:34 AM EDT
Feeling Quiet

End of Chapter

 

I’ve been trying to figure out why haven’t I cried?  I mean I cry at pretty much anything and yet here I am, recently emotionally removed from my ex, the father of my child, the love of my life, and not to mention my best friend and yet I have not shed a single tear.  Yes I have moved on and am with someone else who truly makes me happy and who treats me with every single ounce of respect that I know I deserve but still I wonder.  It’s not that I want to cry over him yet again but I’ve done it for so long over the course of six years and now that things are finally over and done still no tears.  I keep thinking maybe there hasn’t been a proper moment of closure but no that can’t be the reason because we just had that moment of closure the other day and still no tears.  This is strange for me and I expected to cry.  Maybe it was because this time I decided that it would be over and I decided that I wouldn’t take anymore of his bull shit instead of him being the one to call the shots.  I don’t really know why but I feel like it isn’t a true moment of closure unless I cry.

 

I mean I’m starting to truly question myself and my heart.  If I really loved him and was in love with him like I’ve always said I was then I would’ve cried right?  If I don’t cry does it mean that I haven’t truly let go?  I don’t really know what to think because in the past every relationship that has come to an end, be it in a good way or bad way, I have cried.  Maybe it is because this time when it ended I wasn’t sad.  I was fed up with him anyway and I had moved on to someone who not only makes me happy but who feels it is his job to make me happy.  Maybe that’s it.  It was an ending but it wasn’t a sad one because it was time for it to be over.  I must say that I didn’t expect for the friendship to be over along with the relationship but seriously for me he was one of those “we can’t be friends if we can’t be lovers” type situations.  I don’t want to hear about his personal relationship any more then I think he would want to hear about mine.

 

So is it sad that I still want to cry.  I mean what exactly is the proper protocol for closure.  Is it a goodbye kiss, goodbye sex, or just a simple goodbye?  How do you truly say goodbye to someone in one way knowing that you will still be bonded to them for the rest of your lives, or at least until the child turns 18.  I don’t know how to really end or put closure on something and someone who was so dear and precious to me.  Someone who I loved with every bit of my heart and from way deep down in my soul.  It’s not like I want to go back.  No I like where I am at now and I like who I am with.  No correction, I love who I am with now.  But still it is hard.  Six years is hard to let go of.  I still feel I need my moment of tears but they just won’t come.  Maybe that means that it really is goodbye.  Maybe goodbye’s, I mean true goodbye’s, the final one’s, aren’t supposed to be sad and full of tears.  Maybe true goodbye’s that mean that there was once something really there are supposed to be happy and set you free.

 

By Jimmetta Carpenter

© May 2007

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5:00:57 PM EDT
Feeling Worried

Letting Myself Fall

 

After being involved with someone who seems to take pleasure in hurting me over and over again I did what most people do after a relationship ends in a heartbreaking way.  I swore to myself and everyone else that I was never ever going to fall in love with anyone ever again.  Not saying that I would never be in a relationship ever again, I just promised myself that I would never be that vulnerable to anyone, well any man ever again.  But now I find myself involved with someone else and here I find myself starting to fall.  Initially I, of course, tried to ignore what I was feeling, and then I tried to deny as much as possible.  But the more I denied what I was starting to feel the stronger the feelings got.  So what do you do when you are falling in love again after you swore that you wouldn’t?  Do you try to fight off the way you feel or just let yourself fall?

 

Well eventually I admitted to what I was feeling with the notation that I didn’t want to feel that way.  When asked the obvious question of why I wouldn’t want to fall for someone who was so into me and who treated me the way I deserved to be treated my only answer was that I just don’t want to be hurt again.  When reminded that being hurt is a part of life and definitely a part of being in a relationship I still respond by saying I don’t want to be hurt again.  I feel as though I have been hurt enough, especially in the aspect of relationships, for a lifetime.  But in that same statement I realize that with love there does come a certain degree of pain.

 

In relationships there are arguments and fights, even break-ups and make-ups.  So to a certain degree there is pain and hurt in all relationships and friendships as well.  It’s not as if I expect everything in a relationship to go smoothly and without incident.  All I want is a guarantee that my heart isn’t going to get so broken that it can’t mend and so that it won’t be able to let anyone else inside.  I suppose that that is a bit much to ask for considering that there are no guarantees in life let alone relationships with people who aren’t anything near perfect.  I guess if I am waiting for that kind of a guarantee then I could very well find myself waiting for a very long time if not forever.  And then that leaves the only other question being am I willing to wait forever to find someone to love and who loves me back.  I think that we all know the answer to that question.

 

Whether I want to let my guard down long enough to become vulnerable to yet another man who could potentially hurt me and leave even more emotional scars is the question that I am still working on answering.  I want to believe that there is that one man out there that won’t hurt me and that will always respect me and show me that respect but it is hard for me to actually let myself believe that.  It is hard to believe that every man won’t hurt me and leave me.  I guess it’s a risk that I really will just have to bare down and take if I ever want to find that special person that loves me and if I ever want to get married.  So I guess I am submitting myself to trying this love thing again.  I’m letting myself fall and hopefully this time he will be the right one and he won’t let me hit the ground.  Or at least he won’t let me hit the ground alone.

 

by Jimmetta Carpenter

© May 2007

 

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12:21:13 AM EDT
Feeling Frustrated

Waiting For the Other Shoe

 

Okay so since I’ve been out of the loop of dating for the last six years and I’ve never really needed to concern myself with such questions like “do I call him or do I let him call me first?” or “is it okay for me to call him everyday or not?” I’m not really sure how to do this.  I’m a little rusty in the dating world and I’m getting frustrated with things that I’m not even sure that I should be frustrated with.  I keep asking my friends “how do I do this” and the response is usually “I can’t believe you’ve forgotten.”  To be honest I never wanted to have to be in the dating world again but things don’t always necessarily work out as I plan for them to.  That could be why I’m spending so much time being frustrated about this new guy that I’m seeing.  I just don’t want to mess anything up and I don’t want to be the cause for anything going wrong.  And the major thing is that I just don’t want to be hurt again.

 

Yes sure I do realize that hurt is essentially unavoidable and generally a part of life but I guess I’m just trying to ward it off for a little while.  And I do know that no one really likes to get hurt, I mean who does, but it just seems as though when I open myself up to someone or develop real feelings for someone that I get hurt.  It hasn’t dawned on me that one day I’m going to open up and the other person is going to feel the same way and I won’t get hurt.  I guess it is just in my nature, after being put through the ringer by so many people, to always find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

 

It seems as if every other day since me and the new man in my life officially said that we were seeing each other that I have had so many doubts that I’m beginning to drive myself crazy and what I fear is that I could drive him crazy as well and maybe even drive him away which is what I don’t want.  I mean sure he does understand the situation I just got out of and why I am left doubting almost everything any man ever says to me but there’s only so much a guy can take right.  I seem to find the tiniest things to blow out of proportion and I have to keep reminding myself that he is not every guy that came before him and I can not make everything that they did his fault.  But old habits die hard and when you get so used to everyone treating you the same way you start to truly doubt that there will ever be anyone to treat you different. 

 

It’s my own personal paranoia and I am trying so hard not to overreact to every little thing and to make problems where there aren’t any but it’s hard because I have no idea how to do this.  This dating thing is so foreign to me and it’s a world I am not used to.  But yet here I am thrown into the center of it and looking around lost and trying to get someone to throw me a life preserver and tell me what to do and what not to do.  Unfortunately there is no one that can do that because as many books and guides that there are to dating and people around to tell you what it is that you’re doing wrong and what you’re doing right, they don’t have all of the answers.  They do not know who it is that you’ll be dating and can’t speak for that person and say that they’re techniques work on that person.  There is only so much that people can tell you and guide you on.  The rest is solely up to you and the person that you’re dating.  It’s up to what works for the two of you.  Maybe instead of waiting for that other shoe to drop I’m going to try and catch it in mid-air and keep it from landing in the wrong place.

 

By Jimmetta Carpenter

© April 2007

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3:40:03 PM EDT

From Peasant to Queen

 

My sister asked me last night what made me finally decide to move on from my child’s father and onto something new.  I really didn’t have a good answer.  Well not at first anyway.  But after mulling over the question for what felt like a few minutes (but really it was just a few seconds) I realized that I knew the answer all along.  I didn’t I deserved any better then what I was being given.  I guess by being told by my own mother so many negative things that made me feel that I was never really good enough to be loved (and I mean really loved) and then having them enforced by others growing up (other people which I realize now whose opinion didn’t really matter) that at some point I started to believe it myself.  I guess I believed that I should just be thankful for any kind of attention I got even if it wasn’t good for me.

 

Now I haven’t had a whole lot of time with the person I just started seeing to say that he’s Mr. Right but I do see clearly that he definitely knows how to treat a woman and he’s definitely showing me what a woman deserves to be treated like.  I wish I had realized a long time ago that I deserved better but maybe that’s because I had no clue what better was.   I thought that just because each ma that I dealt with was a little better then the one before that I was getting it right.  Although I guess it is better to get better with each relationship then to get worse.  I just thought since it was better that I was getting treated the way I should.  I took that “Love is Pain” saying a little too literal.  I guess you really can’t recognize better if you’ve never had better.

 

Now that’s not to say that there aren’t some things that I would like to change with the new guy in my life.  There’s probably something you would change in every relationship, even if it is THE ONE.  But I certainly do acknowledge that maybe the changes that I would make could probably head me back in the old direction going from better to worse.  Maybe the things that I preferred in the past relationships weren’t necessarily what was best for me which would be the reason they didn’t work out.  Maybe something different, something other then what I’m used to is exactly what is right for me.

 

Now I’m not going to lie and say that I just totally don’t love my child’s father anymore and don’t sometimes still feel that he was the one for me.  I mean it’s only been about a month and a half since I decided to move on from him so the feelings are still very much there.  But I know better then to go back now that I’ve had a taste of what it really feels like to be treated the way a woman should be treated and being respected the way that I deserve to be respected.  My sister asked if me if my child’s father all of a sudden decided that he was wrong for treating me the way he did and wanted me to be with him would I.  About a month ago I probably would’ve answered that question with a yes but now I would have to say no.  He could never make me believe that he would treat me any better then the way he did before much less guarantee that I would be treated the way I deserve to be.  I guess it just boils down to the fact that once you get treated like a Queen there’s no going back to being treated like a peasant.

 

by Jimmetta Carpenter

© April 2007

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2:41:57 PM EDT
Feeling Worried

Exposing Myself?

 

My biggest problem with relationships is the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve.  It’s my biggest problem in life really because if everyone can see what it is you’re feeling it’s very easy for someone to take advantage of that.  For me it’s always been very hard to disguise how I’m feeling or to even mask it a little.  I’m an extremely emotional person who believes in showing how I feel but I’m starting to wonder if maybe I have exposed too much of my heart to others and if maybe that isn’t the reason why I’ve never been able to get love right.

 

I take the head first approach when it comes to love and I am the kind of person that will wear their heart on their sleeve but I think that it has been working against me rather then for me.  I thought the open and honest approach was something that people would appreciate but apparently people like for you to hide your feelings and to hold back.  It seems that in love and relationships when you keep your heart covered up and your feelings to yourself and act as if you’re not interested you get more results that way.  But the minute you let your feelings out of the bag and give a little bit of yourself then all of a sudden the interest is gone.  Kind of the “they want what they can’t have but when they can have it they don’t want it” approach. 

I feel like I can’t win either way when it comes to love.  Like if I let myself go and show my feelings and bear my heart to someone then I’m taken for granted but when I hold back andkeep my feelings to myself then I’m accused of not opening up and I risk loosing what it is that I want.  I just can’t seem to get it right no matter how hard I try.  I guess the question in all of this is can you get what you want out of a relationship by wearing your heart on your sleeve or holding back.  Is there a middle ground in there somewhere?  Can you hold back and still give a piece of yourself?

 

I haven’t figured out what the answer to that question is.  I do know that neither one seem to be working for me.  I guess maybe you have to be able to read the person that you’re getting involved with.  Are they the type that is receptive to you bearing all of yourself and showing your heart or are you involved with the type of person that would just rather not know what it is that you’re feeling?  I guess in certain situations some things are better left unsaid or not shown.  I’m still going to continue to look for that middle ground because there has to be a way to achieve a little bit of both sides.  If there was only a guidebook that came with men and that told us what to do with which men everything would be much simpler.  Unfortunately for my and my poor worn out heart there isn’t and I am left to figure it all out on my own.  Just hope that my heart is worn out by the time I finally figure this love stuff out.

 

 

by Jimmetta Carpenter

© April 2007

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12:56:48 AM EDT

My Past is not my Present

 

It isn’t easy to close a door on feelings that you have had for someone for many years of your life but at some point you have to say to yourself “am I getting these same feelings back because I deserve that.”  Well I have recently been asking myself that same question about my child’s father and the answer unfortunately is NO.  I haven’t gotten the feelings that I give out to him reciprocated in a very long time and I have come to realize that enough is enough.  I am just tired, to say the least, of putting my heart on the line and I get nothing.  Especially when I have stumbled upon someone who is very willing and very ready to give me those feelings back.  As much as I thought that I would never every say this, I am ready to move past my past.  I want what is right here in my present.

 

I can’t really say what took me so long to see what everyone else around me saw or what I should’ve seen for myself but I guess it really just boils down to one word, Scared.  After putting yourself and your heart out there for one particular person and being hurt in such a way that you literally think that you can’t recover from it you tend to get scared.  Scared of repeating the same mistakes as you did in the past.  Scared that you’ll be hurt all over again.  Scared that if you get hurt this time that you won’t recover from it.  Even scared of finally being happy and realizing that you could’ve had happiness sooner if you had just opened your eyes a little earlier.  In love and relationships there is definitely a lot to be scared of and the biggest problem is figuring out if the risk is really worth it.

 

With moving on you are discovering something new, someone new and you don’t really have a way of reading the situation and knowing how it will end up.  The fear of not knowing an outcome can turn you away from the actual experience but I am learning that every experience, even the bad ones, is a lesson that you can carry with you to the next one.  I guess I figured that if I don’t take the risk of something new and of finding love again, someone that will love me with the same passion that I love them in, that I may end up alone and worst of all lonely.  I think that that is a fate that I could not bare.

 

In the end I guess I would have to say that taking those little risks are worth it.  They may not always seem like it but the little surprises that pop up along the way while taking those risks can be so worth it that you may even forget what you were scared of in the first place.  I think that I may have stumbled upon somebody that can show me the emotion that I need to feel and who won’t essentially leave me out on this limb by myself.  Now it is not going to be easy to get over my child’s father.  It’s not like there’s just a switch somewhere inside me where I can turn those feelings for him off but I certainly feel like it is about time that I tried.  Life is just too short to pass up a good thing that is right here in front of me and is waiting for me to stop living in my past and to live right here in the present.

 

by Jimmetta Carpenter

© April 2007

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