Stay-At-Home Mom

4:38:04 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet

                  

Hey everyone!! As you can tell my mood is quite good today. I spent last night with hubby...We were playing Rummy all night, and kept being silly taking turns saying

"Guess what?...I'm pregnant"

"Guees what?...YOU'RE pregnant!!"

Trying to make reality set in more for me. I did let him know when we went to bed last night how much I appreciated him being so great, and how much it was helping me deal with this....He simply said "It's my job", but i knew he was glad I thanked him and let him know I saw all of his hard work to be good. 

Right now Brad is gone to work. Only in Kentucky does a town have "Cow Days"...yep, that's a towns actual annual festival name...I figure he is either controlling traffic or working their big obstacle course thay have at some festivals. Either way, I'm sure it's easy money.

So, I'm sitting here alone since Leslie is running around with friends outside and Ty is napping. I might take them to get some ice cream later, but that's about all the plans I have for the day.

Tomorrow we are supposed to be going to church, together!!...Meaning Brad will be going with me! He promised because the Priesthood is going to give him a blessing for his deployment trip. All of the women are supposed to be singing a song in front of sacrament also, so it's going to be fun.

I hope Brad's heart is in the right place when he receives his blessing...Which I think it will be. Seems like this baby has had quite an impact on the importance of his family to him. - Everything happens for a reason, right?

I like my new class so far....There are a lot of students from my last class in there, so I don't feel ostracized (sp?) this time.... So far so good!!

Well, Ty is waking up, so my break is over...Have a great weekend everyone!!

 

 

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10:16:11 PM EDT
Feeling Worried

I want to thank everyone for their wonderful words in my time of stress...The IM's (even though I was away) and comments are so comforting.....I just can't say enough about you guys....

 

Taurus:
Some rather shocking information, which could affect your current living situation, could cause some upsets among your household today, dear Taurus. This might cause pandemonium and a lot of worry, though the situation probably isn't as dire as it may seem. Try to calm everyone down and view the situation objectively before they all make themselves crazy. It's better to find solutions than to fly off the handle. Hang in there!

 

That's my horoscope!! LOL.. This puts all of my cleaning desires and vivid dreams into perspective huh?...

     Last night after the kids went to bed, hubby and I were able to play cards and talking about our worries...

Mine range from income, to deployment, to double diaper loads..(EEK!!..lol) to everything...You know, basic woman worries....

Brad's worries?...He was just sad that he might not be here for me again like he was 3 months last year when he was mobilized...THIS time maybe not even at delivery....

And no they don't get a leave when children are born...Someone has to die....Let's see, who could I knock off?!?!...His mom maybe?...(insert evil villian laugh)...JUST KIDDING.....

     Yesterday hubby was playing with the kids and I was cleaning my stress away...

Today we had all the kids, and he has been so wonderful...Let me take a nap before the girls got here...I woke up to crisp bacon, eggs and toast...and HE did the dishes....It has been wonderful. I'm sure he sees all the worry in my eyes without me even saying anything, so he has wonderfully stepped up to the plate in helping out.

 He is showering me with love and hugs and kisses.... I knew he wouldn't mind me being pregnant, other than the fact he may be gone the whole time...He is wonderful that way...

I mean, I got pregnant in Dec of 2002..only 2 months after we started living together....He was happy...I had a miscarriage though and he was SO there for me....Then, two months later I was pregnant with Ty...again, nothing but happiness....

He is what is keeping me going...His positive attitude, and abundance of love he is shining out right now...I only hope he knows how much it means to me....

I am taking care of myself with the vitamins and such, but we aren't telling anyone (except you guys...Shhhhhh!!!) until a few weeks before he leaves...That way I'll be almost 3 months and the miscarriage rate will be lower.......I just can't wait to see the look in my moms eyes.....happiness...fear...worry....But she'll be there for me. That I can always count on.....

We were planning a trip to the zoo on Saturday, but Brad was offered a day to work with active duty pay on Saturday, so he took it....

Next Friday we have an appointment with a spiritual guide...He tells things about you, and can sometimes talk to your dead loved ones...I just want Brad to raise his closeness with God, and I think it will be fun, so we're doing it....Something new, you know?....Plus, they record it for you so you can listen to it afterwards when you go home and forget half of what was said...He is really praised around here, so hopefully it will be fun and wonderful....

 

Thanks you guys again.... I am dealing, and feeling better...:)

 

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9:54:32 AM EDT
Feeling Loopy

"I know God doesn't give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much."

- Mother Theresa

 

I've got more news.....

Just one more thing to add to my list of things to worry myself about.....

 

Sometimes when things happen that you weren't planning for, it can be such a shock that the world becomes some kind of sleepless nightmare...

Permanently feeling dazed and hazy.....

 Knowing that it's real, but not knowing when and how reality is going to set in, and you'll have to deal with what's happened. That's how I have felt for almost 24 hours now.....

 

 

Waiting to wake up........

 

 

Anytime now.......

 

 

NO?

 

 

 

Well, I guess it's real then......

 

 

 

 

I'm 5 weeks pregnant.

 

 

 

 

Going into the health department to get on birth control, this wasn't the answer I was hoping for....

 

I am seriously in shock.

 

Please pray for God to ease my worries, saddness and pain knowing that I will be going through this entire pregnancy without my husband more than likely....That's the worst part of all, not to mention having kids only 18 months apart....

 

Wasn't it just the other day I was pregnant ????

 

 

 

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10:06:28 PM EDT

     I hope everyone is doing well....Dolphinqueen1976, my prayers out to you girl...The final days have come....and soon you will have a brand new baby to add to the family!!

     Yesterday was a day of cleaning and babysitting. I had all the kids here.....So to make time og by, I got hyped up and did a lot of cleaning...like the cabinets and such in the kitchen...Things I never seem to get around to. I think I am becoming a clean freak because if something is out of its place, it is bothering me a lot more these days...I feel miserable and don't want to clean it, but I can't rest until it's clean....so that's what I'll be doing when I get finished writing this.

     Today, we have all had a great day. Besides lack of sleep, I have had a wonderful day. I only babysat for Dominic, and at 1pm today, I FINALLY went and got that massage I have been waiting 3 months for!! It was an aromatherapy stress message...It's was marvelous...I can't say enough about this massage, so if you guys ever get a chance to splurge some money...I would highly recommend this to you.....

     Tonight I went to the church for the monthly Relief Society meeting. We put together 10 bags of infant clothing sets for 10 women who do not have money to afford it...It's such a small gesture, but for only 10 women in the group, I think we did good. I made chocolate chip cookies to take, and leslie went with me. She had a good time running around and eating, so all in all it wasn't bad. Now, I'm back home with my family...watching The Punisher....The kids are in bed and we are fixing to enjoy our alone time...LOL...IF I can make myself not clean...we'll see how it goes...

     I have been having very vivid dreams lately...very real, and remembering a lot of them....Most of them, I am mad...yelling at someone or fighting someone...The last one, I was getting a job at Kroger, and didn't know what the heck I was doing so everyone was making me mad....go figure...LOL

My next class starts Thursday...I have already started a little on my reading...I have 2 chapters printed out so i can highlight and such.....It's another management class, so hopefully what I learned in the last class will help....

 

Have a great night...I'm off to scrub the toilets and finish my date....LOL....

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1:42:01 PM EDT
Feeling Happy

 I find myself thinking about you guys all the time. When I get online, and see that I have mail...I look forward to my updates on you guys' lives. Hoping that you all are doing well. And when you're not, it bothers me. I stop and instantly say a prayer for you.

I found a website that I think is going to help me with the mobilization...It's www.CinChouse.com . It's a website for the wives, mothers, girlfrineds of deployed men and women right now. They have message boards, updated info about insurance, great links to books, articles, and I see a lot of support going on. Mostly right now I am reading because I don't have much to say yet.... They've moved Brad's date to leaving to Nov. 2, election day. It was Oct. 22, so now he's going to be home for Ty's 1st birthday on Oct. 27th. That makes me happy.

     Brad is having his regular drill this weekend, and he's supposed to be bringing home some information for me today. It seems like I am in the dark with all of this. They don't tell the guys much..... just that they will be getting their papers soon, saying they are put on active duty. These papers will probably just be dates when we have to go in to get updated Military ID's and to fill out all of the necessary paperwork.

      Brad also signed up for more life insurance...for the whole family...Being active duty, the rates are great....But as I told Brad "why would you have $500,000 worth of life insurance, are you planning on dying?"...that's silly, but if I were in his shoes, i guess I would want to make sure my family would ber taken care of if I had to go over there.....just in case. He said "but it's a half a million dollars!"...and I said "I don't want half a million dollars, I want a husband..."...good answer, because he smiled at me. But it's my true answer...and I'm sure he knows that. He even got $25,000 on each of the kids....which in most families would be a waste of money seemingly, but since I lost a sister at the age of 13, I know it can happen, so I was kind of glad he got that...I just don't want to think about it though....

            

     I have been quite lazy today. Lying around, watching tv. I did most of my big cleaning yesterday, so I just have to straighten up a little later.

     I got a B+ in my class!! YAY! An 89, which is good considering two of my papers were done too quickly for me to even remember what I wrote...LOL...It's tough having all of the classes only 5 weeks long...That usually gives me only about 4 days to prepare my papers, and you know I have been quite busy lately. People ask me the best thing about it...?...I must say, the fact that I have had two classes, and not one test. ALL papers and questions and such....AND I found out that when I graduate in 2006, I can go up to the campus in Louisville and have an actual graduation!! Isn't that awesome!!? Figuring it up though, if Brad's gone as long as he thinks he might, he won't even be back by then, BUT it'll be perfect for him to go back to school when he gets back so I'll have a degree to support the family on..... Sounds like a plan to me.

 

     I don't know what's going to happen for the next two months though....they keep putting the mobilize date ahead, so I don't know how long Brad's going to go without a job, if he's still planning on not working until he leaves.... We have been so blessed this last month, with money coming from unexpected places to get things paid. I got my check of my leftover Student loan on the 2nd, so that got the rent paid. We are staying ahead pretty good, using the money for bills and food before we have time to blow it, so it's going ok. I just hope we continue to stay blessed as we have been. I try to put all of my faith in the Lord to provide, but in this day and age, it's seems so hard to do. ....But He has, so I need to realize this and contiue to stay thankful.

Psalm 20- "The Lord hear thee in the day of trouble; the name of the God of Jacob defend thee; Send thee help from the sanctuary, and strengthen thee out of Zion; Remember all thy offerings, and accept thy burnt sacrifice; Selah. Grant thee according to thine own heart, and fulfill all thy counsel. We will rejoice in thy salvation, and in the name of our God we will set up our banners: the Lord fulfill all thy petitions. Now know I that the Lord saveth his annointed; he will hear him from his holy heaven with the saving strength of his right hand. Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the Lord our God. They are brought down and fallen: but we are risen, and stand upright. Save, Lord: let the king hear us when we call.

 

 

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6:37:20 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet

On Septamber 11th, 2001, I was living at my moms. I had been evicted from my apartment because Leslie's dad was paying the rent as his child support, and quit paying without letting me know. I had just started a new job, which I hated..... This will give some of you a chuckle....vacuum saleswoman....yeah, I know.....

That morning I was supposed to be in Louisville at 8am, but knew this job would go nowhere, so I just turned off my alarm. I woke up...walked into the living room where mom was sleeping on the couch. She had the TV on, and I started to watch.....It was about 15 minutes after the first plane hit...

I quickly woke mom up, and we began to watch...Much to our horror, we witnessed the live coverage of the second plane hitting, and the collapse of them...... I remember calling a few people, and exchanging which one's said "have you seen it?" first...

I was so scared.... Never in my life had I been afraid that I was in danger in this beautiful country... but I feared for my life, I feared for all of the hard working Americans in the buildings...I feared for another attack....

Still to this day it goes beyond what I can conceive with the fact that this could happen again, simply because it still seems unreal to me, 3 years later.....

My heart and prayers go to the family and friends of anyone at ground zero during that day. Not just the ones dealing with death, but the ones who had to see this horrific stuff going on....

I actually watched some of the memorials on tv today, but I am too empathetic that I had to turn it.....

This IS a great country...no matter how much crap going on...

 

Imagine having to worry about this stuff every day of your life as other countries do all the time?

 

(BTW, I am feeling better, andhubby and I are doing good......)

 

 

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11:07:09 PM EDT

<~*WHATEVER YOUR POLITICS SUPPORT OUR TROOPS*~>
Dear Lord,

Give me the greatness of heart to see,
the difference between duty and his love for me.

Give me the understanding so that I may know,
when duty calls him he must go.

Give me a task each day,
to fill the time when he's away.

And Lord, when he's in a foreign land,
keep him safe in your loving hand.

And Lord, when deployment is so long,
please stay with me and keep me strong.

AMEN. -

     Thanks to kdwsunshine for this forward...:)       

This is going to be short. I haven't been in the greatest mood that past two days. I am babysitting, completely running the house and cleaning, taking care of the kids by myself, and hubby has been quite a jerk up until this afternoon. And yes, he has been here...and not helping me.

   It's so hard.  

 I used to think I was so independant, but when I look back, I was never without a boyfriend...seriously. In high school, when I knew a relationship was ending, I would unknowingly at the time start looking for the "new guy".....It's so sad to remember this, but I did at about 3am this morning. I got about 2 hours of sleep. I have been putting on such a front that I am so strong and soindestructable.....but I am only one person!!!  

    I can even honestly say that I have never been broken up with...It was always me doing it first. I mean, I AM a good catch...I'm smart, trustworthy, and I treat others as I wouls want to be treated...But, when it comes down to it, it's So hard for me to ask for some help. To let hubby know that I NEED his help, and that I am struggling to hold my crap together right now...All of this on TOP of dealing with deployment.... But, I let a little out earlier and I think that's what got him out of his "I don't care...I'm on vacation" sort of mood.   I went today and filed a harassment complaint against hubby's mom....I should hear if I can go through with it in a day or two. Hopefully this will end her "nice" messages on my cell phone.    

  Tomorrow night I am going out to eat with about 6 other girls..I am only close to a few of them, but it's my friend Kendra's birthday, so I will go happily since I don't get to see her much anymore. We are going to eat at Applebee's, then I'm back home to get some sleep.....  

        Saturday morning I am getting up early to help make breakfast for the guys having drill this weekend. They have to pay for it, but 100% is going towards care packages, so it should be ok. I haven't really bonded too well with any of the other "military moms and wives", but a few I am beginning to. I know they will be a part of my life line soon, so I am being very open. THEN, I am supposed to be at the Family Awareness Meeting at 2pm, so who knows what I'll do with my time in between...I don't see me going an hour all the way home and back again, but I have no money to shop or anything, so who knows.....   Sorry, I THOUGHT this wasn't going to be long......LOL

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10:56:53 AM EDT

 Just hanging around today. I got up late, therefor Leslie was late for school. I am still doing better because I did get my butt up and take her. Normally I would have said "forget it" and she would have stayed home.

     We aren't going to Columbia today. Outside right now we are getting the southern push of the Hurricane, so it's crappy looking out there. I don't want to even try to deal with the babies in the rain, so we are planning for tomorrow. Hurricane weather in Ky?...silly stuff...I haven't seen one go this far inland for a while, but thankfully the worst is over for everyone in FL and GA.

     I know I have mentioned my best friend and cousin Kim before. We are the same age and went to every year of school together. I was in her wedding and if I had a big one, she would have been in mine. Anyways, she had been taking ohrmones for a year because the doctors told her she couldn't have kids. WELL, she pregnant!! I got the phone call last week, and it shocked me to death!! I just have never imagined her with a kids. Thankfully, her and her hubby are in a good position to have him/her. She works for her dad in the cabinet company, and her hubby owns a barber shop (or salon, but I didn't want it to sound like he was sissy..LOL) She's 8 weeks already, and everything is going good! She hasn't even been too sick, so that's awesome....I'll keep you guys updated!

     I'm off to finish up my school work for class.

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12:24:15 AM EDT

Hey everyone!! This is going to be short and sweet because I am bushed!! I can't believe I haven't even written for 6 days..wowee..BUT, I'm still here, and kicking!!
This past weekend was full of outings. Saturday night Brad and I actually went to a party!! Can you believe that! His platoon sargeant was having a cookout, and somehow we got babysitters. Mom watched leslie and Ms. Goeghegan watched Ty. We had a great time and even played a game of horse shoe! (My first game ever, and I wasn't half bad!) Sunday was spent over seeing Brad's family. Leslie wanted to stay at moms so she didn't go. As soon as we got to his grandma's they were leaving to go to one of his cousin's baby shower, so we went too. I stopped off at Kroger and picked her up some diapers, wipes, bottles, and pacifiers.... even though I don't like her too much. Her mother raises her 5 year old girl as it is, so why did she get pregnant again?..Sheesh...Anyways, it went ok although I didn't know many people there, and they don't try to include me too much. At least they are civil.
Monday both kids were home and we didn't do much. I had to write a paper for school. Tomorrow is my last day of this class!! AND, I found out that all of my credits and years of management going in, I will be graduating in only a year and a half!! WOW...That means if Brad goes overseas (I know, I'm still saying IF) that I will have graduated before he gets home! Oh, how wonderful that would be to be able to provide for the family so he can go to school!!
Today all the kids were here to watch. The kids parents paid me for the day I wasn't here, apparently because they know it wasn't my fault, and I haven't felt any weirdness from them, so it's all going ok this week.
Tomorrow's plans consist of going to Columbia with the two babies to file the small claims court case against his mom. AND to get a EPO...Mainly because I know as soon as she gets the knock on her door from the sherriff, we're going to get one evil phone call.....She had the nerve to call me Saturday on my cell (the only number she knows) and tell us that WE are being immature...What a joke!! Anyways, I have to find out if I can continue the case without Brad after he leaves since I have his Power of Attorney, because I know it will drag on forever, so hopefully I can.....Wish us luck!! I have been trying to keep up with the reading, and I should do good this week because I don't have class after tomorrow until next Thursday........Wish me luck on this class grade and my next class!! I'm off to bed now......Prayers for a wonderful day to everyone!!

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1:23:07 PM EDT
Feeling Frustrated

 First off, my prayers are out to anyone who might get in front of Hurricane Frances. This is so aweful to have to worry about this again...after only 6 weeks since the last one hit...Please take all of the precautions everyone.... One thing I have learned trough dealing with my fear of tornados is that Mother Nature is something no on can control... and she doesn't "go around" anyone in particular either....

    Last night, while Brad was having visitors from the church trying to get him back into being active again before he gets deployed, the girls' mother came over. I thought she was just going to ask me what was going on or something, but she was looking for her kids!!

     Apparently while we were gone earlier to take yard sale stuff to my moms, the dad had brought them over thinking I would be waiting like I had every other week they didn't call.....THEN, he apparently took them elsewhere to go to work, and didn't call her to let her know. I could tell she was upset, but I explained that I tried to call all day Monday, and dealing with Brad's grandma and a yard sale Saturday, I've been busy....simple as that. She told me she tried to call me sometime, but asked if it was disconnected. I said no, they aren't......we have our cell phones on at all times, so she didn't say much after that. I told her I was sorry she had to worry like this, but I hadn't even been home long. She called his mom and they were over there.

     She asked if I would be here today and tomorrow to watch them and I said yes. SO, either they'll get really peed because I'm sure he was late for work since he brings them late every day as it is and find someone else to watch them soon.....or they'll realize how much they were just expecting me to sit here every day not knowing which days they were coming, and change their ways....So, either way, something good will come out of it.

     Brad is working over at his armory today and tomorrow. He also has his regular drill next weekend for the month, so I think he's actually planning on not finding a temp job until after that. I don't know why he thinks that will work because we are already behind a little from him being off last week! BUT, I'm not going to push him because he knows all this, and I really don't want to hear him fuss.

(you know the old saying.."if you can't say nothing nice...")

      So, I'm off to clean up before the girls come and wreck it up again....Sadly though, I'm wishing they DID get mad enough at me to find someone else.....To top it all off, these kids, ages 2,4,and 9 get NO punishments....no nothing when they do something wrong at their house....So, when I try to get them to stop something, you think they listen??....It's just stressful is all, I guess...

Have a great day everyone!! I'll try to keep my spirits up too!!

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