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Hearing Come to My Senses -- TVfordogs
A Tall Moment
From the AOL Welcome Screen: Tall people make more money than short people -- an average of $789 a year for each inch, even when you toss pro basketball players out of the sample. Being five foot seven and change, you'd think I'd be outraged by this development (as it were). But, you see, my wife is five foot ten, and all her female coworkers are, like, really short. On balance, we're just fine. This also makes her one of the only one half of one percent of American women who marry men shorter than they. I have other qualities aside tallness, I assure you. And considering that our daughter is taller than most other kids her age, I'm also accepting of the fact that ultimately I'll be the shortest person in the family. Thank God for the cats. I tower over them. Tower, I tell you. Look at them tremble!
Well, fine. They're loafing. But they're loafing in abject terror. At my tallness!
Related (to tallness, not loafing cats): FDA approves the human growth hormone for kids who are merely short -- which means they'd grow up to be 5'3" for a guy. Which only means that today's average height (hi there!) will be the new "short" in about 20 years. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to that: short and bald and middle-aged. Good thing I'm already married off.
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10/29/03 11:38 AM
But there's hope that you won't be the shortest one in the family, though. I was a tall kid, all legs. Everyone thought I'd be a towering presence to reckon with.
Until the 7th grade, that is. That's when I stopped growing upwards. Now, I'm only 5'1 and people joke all the time that I'm going to shrink with age.
Curse-ith them.