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4:34:00 PM EST
Hearing This Could Be Anywhere -- Dead Kennedys
Choices
I'm driving my daughter nuts right about now. She came home with one of those Scholastic book flyers, in which you can get a bunch of books for relatively inexpensive prices, and she started burbling about how she wanted this book and that book and this book and that book and...
"You can pick three," I said.
Here follows a scene of unspeakable eye boggling, in which my daughter tries to conceive of a world in which she has to prioritize and choose a relatively small number of books instead of getting any darn book she wants. Then comes the pleading and bargaining and maneuvering and back to the pleading, but I am firm: Three books, no more. So now she's poring over the flyer trying to make the hard choices about which three books she wants more than any others.
Which is actually what I want her to do, mind you. Not only do I think it's not a good thing to have your six year old think the world is her personal gimme gimme gimme smorgasbord, I also want her to develop some discrimination -- to get the idea that some things are more desirable than other things, based on her personal tastes and inclinations. I think in some sense that you can have anything you think you want, you won't have a very good idea of what you really want, and that's not a good thing.
I mean, this isn't life or death stuff, but that not to say it isn't stuff she should learn how to do. I'll be glad she's learned the ideas of choices and limited a few years down the line when I won't have to hear her pout every single time we go to a mall about how I'm such an awful parent because I won't let have this and that and this and that.... hopefully.
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Choices. And making the best ones. A tough subject to learn. I think it's a wonderful idea to get her started learning this now. I'm a day away from being 35 and I still have much difficulty making choices. Hopefully Athena won't have the same problem! :-)
About the mall -- Well, speaking from a female perspective, she may drive you a bit bonkers with that one! Fashion is sooooo important to a teenage girl. I'll start praying for your state of mind NOW. :)
Love, Anna -
OMGosh, your little girl's a lefty! I just noticed that. You know this explains a lot, like why she likes math so much (I remember that from a previous entry you wrote). Maybe she'd like this site (I don't know how far advanced she is, but this may be of some help... I go here for fun): http://mathforum.org/library/
drmath/drmath.elem.html
Neat site for the beginners and the college math majors (like me). She seems to be developing very well. Math, books, art, .... she's becoming a very well rounded young lady! You're a lucky father and should be very proud of her (I'm sure you already are).
Blessings! -
I think you're doing the right thing. I'm not a parent, but I'm all for teaching kids things like this. Just keep it up with her is all I'd have to say. Maybe even reward her with one more book here and there if you see it needing rewarding, and let her pick out that one special book she earned. Just an idea, but then again I don't have kids so I don't know how much that opinion means to someone who knows more about parenting than I do.
Blessings,
Sara
http://journals.aol.com/glopsblink/ATreasureTroveofGoodies -
I like your approach to teaching your daughter discrimination. It really isn't good to have all the toys IMHO. I am seeing this philosophy starting to pay off with my first born as she is entering the adult world. She still wishes she could have it all but she is developing an understanding that you can't...at least all at once...and she has come to realize the benefit of picking and choosing carefully.
I hope your daughter enjoys the books she has chosen.
Laura
http://journals.aol.com/nicurnmama/adventuresinjuggling/
1/11/05 10:09 AM
When my kids brought home the book club flyers of grade school days, I usually glanced through them after they did and chose a book for me too. I was telling my kids through my action that I valued books and I valued the books from the world they were shopping from. My method was not the number of books but the amount of money alloted to buying books. Not only did they spend time deciding what they really wanted but how to get the most for their money.
Yes, it will make a difference at the Mall a few years down the road. I have three children, one is 24, one is 17 and one 11. Not one of them has ever pressured me or argued with me or rolled their eyes at me if I said, "This is how much money we have to spend on (whatever -- fill in the blank)." All three are good at saving for something 'bigger' they want. Okay two of them are better at saving than all three, but you get the point. All three are good at not being impulsive consumers and do not use acquisition as a feel good life tool. All three children can tell you why they want something, because they have thought it out.
When I look back at parenting, it amazes me how the seemingly small moments shaped my children's abilities to get on in this world, with success. Nothing is worse than raising a child and setting them up for disappointment when they slam into a world who will not give them everything they want simply because they want it. Dalene of AHH
http://journals.aol.com/ahhli