Culture Clash, With Kids

Here's one to get the conversation going on a Monday morning: And article about coffeeshops and other places where the owners are attempting to enforce rules about kid behavior in the store by posting signs -- and the pushback they're getting from parents:

The owner of A Taste of Heaven, Dan McCauley, said he posted the sign -- at child level, with playful handprints -- in the hope of quieting his tin-ceilinged cafe, where toddlers have been known to sprawl between tables and hurl themselves at display cases for sport.

But many neighborhood mothers took umbrage at the implied criticism of how they handle their children. Soon, whispers of a boycott passed among the playgroups in this North Side hamlet, once an outpost of edgy artists and hip gay couples but now a hot real estate market for young professional families shunning the suburbs.

"I love people who don't have children who tell you how to parent," said Alison Miller, 35, a psychologist, corporate coach and mother of two. "I'd love for him to be responsible for three children for the next year and see if he can control the volume of their voices every minute of the day."

McCauley, 44, said the protesting parents are "former cheerleaders and beauty queens" who "have a very strong sense of entitlement." In an open letter to the community, he warned of an "epidemic" of anti-social behavior.

I'm in the middle here, personally. People who don't have kids do forget that kids don't have a remote control mute button, and they have little minds of their own. Even the best-behaved kid -- particularly at toddler age -- is going to freak out. Kids are inherently chaotic, and you have to factor that in. However, I certainly do think there are quite a few parents who use the "kids are chaotic" excuse not to actually reel their kids when they get out of control. The story talks about kids lying down in the middle of a store's traffic pattern or smacking themselves full bore into the display counters, and my thought on that is: That's a cause for parental intervention.

We were fortunate that Athena was a pretty good toddler and is currently a good kid, but in the situations where we were in public and she threatened to become a public nuisance, one or the other of us would deal with her before she became everyone else's problem, and that sometimes meant taking her outside andletting her calm down for a few minutes before getting back into wherever we were. It was disruptive of our experience, to be sure, but it kept everyone else's experience from getting disruptive.

Your thoughts: Are these stores expecting too much of the kids? Or are the parents expecting too little of the kids in public?

Written by johnmscalzi Blog about this entry

This entry has 20 comments: (Add your own)

#20 Comment from sgmesser
6/25/06 2:33 AM | Permalink

Oh my gosh, this is one issue that has me foaming at the mouth. I am so tempted to walk up to people and tell them to take their kids home. No wonder the kids are noisy and disruptive. Ex. It's 9pm in a crowded restaurant , service is slow, parents are talking to each other & ignoring the whining , banging or whatever. Why are these kids not at home in bed?
#19 Comment from randlprysock
11/22/05 1:46 AM | Permalink

My opinion, as mother of three, kids will be kids, but all in all I have noticed a trend that wasn't there when I was a child: parents are definitely tolerating an awful lot from their kids these days. A general lack of discipline overall. It happens to the best of those. There are those days when so much is going on that even the best behaved children will get by with something or start something before we can get a handle on it. Children are human and as such, they do make mistakes. A good parent allows a child room to make some mistakes, chooses battles carefully and teaches the consequences of mistakes whenever possible. Great topic.

Lisa

http://journals.aol.com/randlprysock/AdventuresFromFlorida/
#18 Comment from lurkynat
11/22/05 1:19 AM | Permalink

Dear John,
Why do people have to generalize? And of course, the "parents in absentia" make it so hard for the rest of us! Ugh!!! Parents have a very hard, non paying job that lasts for years, but I don't think it includes not allowing your child to voice the fact that he or she is exhasted when they are! That is just not right! People forget that theyare little people with less tolerance for constant movement, or travel, etc.
natalie
#17 Comment from hewasolddog299
11/22/05 12:24 AM | Permalink

The problem IS with the parents and their seeming lack of willingness or ability to control their little dears. I've even had a parent look on in bemusement as their child threw a temper tantrum after one of my clerks removed the little monster from an RC car display after they'd damaged one "just looking." Little Monster's mama attempted to refuse payment for over $200 in damage to our goods - I had her arrested. The downside was waiting the 15 minutes listening to said monster and mother compete as to who could scream the loudest...

By the way, retailers like me won't accept credit cards to pay for damages -- cash only. Too easy to "cancel payment" via the card.

So my vote goes out to the long-suffering cafe owner. I say it's about time...

wil
#16 Comment from glopsey
11/21/05 7:10 PM | Permalink

People expect too little of their kids in public. Look, I realize kids get noisy, I live in an apartment and sometimes I hear them, and it doesn't bother me. But, in public, if my kid is doing that I'll either tell them to stop (with punishment in my voice), take them out to calm down, or say something like, "since you're being such a naughty little child, we are leaving and you're not coming with me here until you can behave." The owner is right, especially since it is a coffee shop where you generally expect quiet. If you're going to let your child run amuke (which I think, no matter where, is not disciplining your child), go to a family restaurant or something, a coffee shop isn't a place for a little kid anyway. It's so, you know, "boring" for them. It's an adult/teenage place to hang out.

I agree with the owner, and not his stupid neighbors.

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Culture Clash, With Kids