By The Way...

Friday, October 20, 2006
10:15:00 AM EDT
Hearing Wintersong -- Sarah McLachlan
Hey guys, two article are talking about you! No, not you personally. Really, that's a little paranoid of you to think so. About guys in general.

The first in the Los Angeles Times makes the momentus discovery that men are happier, physically and mentally, when they have, you know, friends. But (and this is worth noting) men have fewer really close friends than before:

But social networks are shrinking. On average, Americans can name only about two people with whom they can discuss matters of personal importance, according to a survey of nearly 1,500 adults published in June in the journal American Sociological Review. Less than one of these is a friend outside the family. One in four people surveyed said they had no confidant at all.

That is a downshift from 1985, when people typically counted three such relationships, including at least one friend, according to the study, which was led by sociologist Miller McPherson at Duke University. Back then, only one person in 10 had no close relationships.

Two groups of men — high-school educated whites in their 20s and 30s, and blacks aged 60 and older — experienced especially big drops in the size of their inner circles, the study found.

I find it interesting that men in their 20s and 30s are having a harder time with relationships. I can certainly sympathize to an extent: When I moved to Ohio in 2001, I didn't know anyone in the state that my wife was not related to, and even now I don't have huge numbers of friends native to the area. But I was fortunate that a couple of years I started becoming active as a science fiction writer and met a large number of folks in that community, many of whom have become great friends. So maybe the secret for guys in their 20s and 30s is to get a new hobby to meet those new folks.

The other male-oriented article today kind of annoys me: 10 Reasons Young Men Won't Commit. You know, to long-term relationships and all that. I'm not going to suggest that many of these reasons are not true or reasonable, but I am going to suggest that there are lots of young women who won't commit to long-term relationships for the same reasons, or at least, these were the excuses I heard from women when I was younger. This is one of those places where I suspect gender differences are not particularly pronounced.

Thoughts on either of these?




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This entry has 4 comments: (Add your own)

• #4 Comment from psychfun 
  11/15/06 8:05 PM | Permalink

  I found it humorous that men fear women want them to change when that is what they want from us. They say they want a woman who works outside the home that they are more interesting but then later it lists they believe one (usually woman) stay home...make up your mind. That is the problem is that men have a "ideal picture" of what a woman should be physically, mentally, emotionally & socially and then if they do not find that perfect soulmate they try to say you should be it. It is their unrealistic expectations at times that cause the problems. No, I am not saying all men & all women are not good but you can see this just in this study even. If they settle & then later are unhappy is that fair to the woman? You said you loved her & you really didn't then & you should be taken to the cleaners then if you did that.
• #3 Comment from rebuketheworld 
  10/22/06 4:54 AM | Permalink

  I thought the last was right on the mark..and true for women although far fewer...we read romance novels for good reasonse..lol...brain cellular slowed...lol....I think marriage is hard work....that was a no brainer..lol....There is only two marriages of ALL the ones I know that I would want..the rest of them both the men and women are screwed up...When you get a wonderful partner..yah gotta count it as gold...slim pickins with smiley faces have pretenscious nightmares waiting...lol...I think that should be the next horror film...should be a box office smash...lol
  ~Raven
  http://journals.aol.com/rebuketheworld/RebukeTheWorld/
• #2 Comment from sdoscher458 
  10/21/06 1:25 AM | Permalink

  Well, reading what the young men want makes me believe that whole generations are terribly spoiled...."its all about me" generation. Women seem to be accepting of the BS which is really wrong.  Every divorce does not wind up with a wife holding everything and the husband nothing...there are a lot of families Mom & kids who have to worry about whats for dinner that night while the fathers are partying with women half their age.  So I agree with Mon...commit them all. Sandi
• #1 Comment from monponsett 
  10/20/06 11:45 AM | Permalink

  They should ALL be committed.