Also, Unless It's Actually His Name, Don't Call Him "Officer Bacon"

As I'm known to have a lead foot, I find this handy: How to Avoid the Costly Consequences of Getting Pulled Over. There are ten tips, all designed to get you off the cost of a ticket (and the attendant increase in your insurance rates).

These are all probably smarter than my way to avoid getting a ticket, which is to admit everything. "Yes, I was speeding. Yup, I shouldn't have. Yes, you got me. do what you will." The officer is usually so shocked that I'm not trying to weasel that I usually get off with a warning. I swear this is true. I don't know if it will work for you, though. I don't know why it works for me.

Tags: Cops, Tickets, Also don't sniffle and rub your nose and act all paranoid

Written by johnmscalzi Blog about this entry

This entry has 3 comments: (Add your own)

#3 Comment from monponsett
3/8/07 12:46 PM | Permalink

I never, ever get tickets...even when I'm totally guilty. Cops usually end up apologizing to me for pulling me over. Here's the trick.. and keep in mind, I'm cute:

- I can act really, really French when I have to. The key to this is not giving them your driver's license when they ask for it, and talking very rapidly. On Cape Cod, the cop will think you're an imported trophy wife.

- If you have a map in the car, thrust it in his face and point at something right around the corner...before he can get around to whatever he pulled you over for. Being French helps here, as well.

- I can cry on cue, and, like wolves, my daughters will join in with me. Your average state trooper can stand about 30 seconds of this, and will ALWAYS let you go. Whatever problems cops have, they usually get into the game to PROTECT women and children... and will feel so badly about scaring you, they'll let you go even if you ran a road-detail cop off the road once, as I did.

- I have a finely tuned sense- honed through years of teaching and counseling- of looking at a cop and knowing instantly whether he should be handled by crying, acting French, or flirting.

If you're really guilty, or if you have drugs in the car... the only thing to do is get out of the car as he's walking up to you. Cops absolutely HATE this, and will reach for their gun when you do it.... but, when played well, the cop will be so mad at you for getting out of the car, he'll forget what he originally pulled you over for.

You can get your wig split doing this, though... so I'd only recommend it in an absolute emergency, and if you're too small for a cop to hit with his truncheon.
#2 Comment from mountianwoman67
3/8/07 9:50 AM | Permalink

I been with you in one of these pull over incidents & it's true, all you did was tell the cop yep you were speeding & yep he caught you. Then the cop let yo roll away with a warning...it was AMAZING!!!! Gonn save that tip for future use.

Love you Brother, Heather
#1 Comment from ajandersonnotary
3/7/07 3:40 PM | Permalink

I got pulled over a few weekends ago for doing the famous "California stop." The cop (who was plain clothes and driving an unmarked car) couldn't have been any nicer to me, but he chose to harass my passenger, who had had quite a few beers. He wanted to know if my friend might have been under the influence of "crack, or methamphetamine." (Yeah, right--and me an intern pharmacist!! I don't think so!!) After he harassed him a little while, he let us go on our merry way. Of course it helped that I was stone cold sober and my registration was paid 2 months early--he said he didn't need to see my proof of insurance, he was "sure everything was fine" as far as that was concerned. Cops are a weird breed, as far as I can tell.

AJ in SF

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Also, Unless It's Actually His Name, Don't Call Him "Officer Bacon"