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1:52:00 PM EST
Hearing Given to Fly -- Pearl Jam
Revenge of the Science Fiction Writers!
Here's a quick rule of thumb: Don't annoy science fiction writers. These are people who destroy entire planets before lunch. Think of what they'll do to you.
Thus learned PublishAmerica recently. PublishAmerica is a somewhat controversial book publisher that many authors believe is a thinly-disguised "vanity publisher," and whose book deals take advantage of people who want to be "published" authors more than they want to read the fine print of a contract (PublishAmerica -- and for that matter many authors published by the house -- rather vehemently deny this charge).
A number of notable science fiction authors, including James MacDonald, have warned aspiring authors away from the house, which apparently didn't please PublishAmerica, which noted on one of its online sites that "As a rule of thumb, the quality bar for sci-fi and fantasy is a lot lower than for all other fiction... [Science fiction authors] have no clue about what it is to write real-life stories, and how to find them a home."
Well, naturally, MacDonald and others sensed a challenge, so what a group of them did was get together to intentionally write an utterly professionally unsaleable book ("Plot, characterization, theme: none of them are to be found... Grammar and spelling take a drubbing"), and then submitted it to PublishAmerica to see if it met the publisher's quality standards.
And what do you know? It did -- Atlanta Nights, as the book was called, was accepted.
Here's a sample of text:
“I’m glad you could give me a ride,” Bruce Lucent muttered, his pain-worn face reddened by the yellow sunlight. “What with my new car all smashed and all.”
His old friend, Isadore, shook his massive head at him. “We know how it must be to have a lot of money but no working car,” he said, the harsh Macon County drawl of his voice softened by his years in Atlanta high society. “It’s my pleasure to bring you back to your fancy apartment, and we’re all so happy that y’all is still alive. Y’all could have been killed in that dreadful wreck.” Isadore paused to put on the turn signal before making a safe turn across rush-hour traffic into the parking lot of Bruce Lucent’s luxury apartment building. “Y’all’ll gets a new car on Monday.”
“I don’t know how I’ll be able to drive it with my arm in a cast,” Bruce Lucent shoots back. “It’s lucky I wasn’t killed outright like so many people are when they have horrid automobile wrecks.”
“Fortunately, fast and efficient Emergency Medical Services, based on a program founded by Lyndon Baines Johnson the 36th President of the United States helped y’all survive an otherwise, deadly crash,” Isadore chuckled. He nodded his head toward the towering apartment building, in the very shadow of Peachtree Avenue, where Bruce lived his luxurious life.
And that's one of the better passages. There are also two chapters with the same number, and two chapters with the same text (though, I understand, not the same two chapters as have the same numbers) and various other violations of common and grammatical sense. It's not for nothing that the authorial pseudonym for this book is "Travis Tea."
(No, I didn't contribute. But I kind of wish I had!)
Naturally, when the book was accepted, the science fiction writers couldn't help mentioning it on various Web sites, and when PublishAmerica found out it had been hoaxed, it quickly recinded its offer. But by then it was too late -- the SF authors, aside from placing the "novel" up for sale elsewhere as an example of PA's quality standards, have also issued a press release recounting the entire tale that went out on the newswires today.
Lessons from this story?
1. If you're an aspiring author considering PublishAmerica (or any other similar operation), make sure you do due diligence before you sign any contracts;
2. Don't make science fiction authors angry. You wouldn't like them when they're angry.
(Want a download of the whole novel? Here you go. Gird your loins, friends.)
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This is wonderful. *rolls on the floor laughing*
-Rob
http://www.bluecrashkit.com
"No armadillo hockey-bowling in the house!"
-Crash, from Blue Crash Kit -
YES! Ah, this is going to be a classic.
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Too funny. I'm hoping the book started with the classic, "It was a dark and stormy night..." (snicker). http://journals.aol.com/siebl
onde/Pfft/ -
*snicker* That first sentence was a little too good, but it got worse. I especially love the LBJ infodump. However, I've seen prose that's SO much worse than this, for example every time I've had to compile a team paper for school.
Karen
4/8/07 1:06 PM
Like High School, I literally wrote this material right off the top of my head as I went along! I had no real story- I just started with Microsoft Word with a blank page and starting writing, making corrections as I went along. 50 chapters later the book is finished and if printed out as a hardcover would run 562 pages!
However, I never got my material properly proofed to correct all the grammatical mistakes, typos, misspellings, etc...
Even worse, I can't mail the huge file to my host so I have to chop it up into chapters and send them piece-by-piece. In the e-mail process somehow the texts get messed up and we both have to sort through to find even more errors, which is frustrating.
I have just created a new blo for an intended Star Trek novel aimed at a new tv series or movie (but I'm not about to attempt a screenplay)!
My blog is http://journals.aol.com/teuto
I need some sci-fi readers and the geek community to help me with input on the new project and perhaps review the first 10 chapters of the SW book (URL posted on the blog page).
Writing sci-fi isn't so easy for me. Writing non-fiction is much easier IMO as I have 3 other books already finished and awaiting publication. I have free online abridged versions for these that are very popular at my host site Black Sun (URLs are all on blog page).
Well thanks for hearing me out. I 'm new at all this but love your blog!
Rob Arndt