Ponderings of the Smartest Monkey

I saw a sign for a business called "Dolphin Fire Equipment Company".  I'm still at a loss as to what a peaceful aquatic animal knows about fire or for that matter, fire equipment.

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I drove past IHOP yesterday morning on my way to work.  Their sign outside advertised "Carrot Cake Pancakes".  Carrot cake pancakes?  WTF?

Carrot cake sounds tasty-licious.  Carrot cake pancakes-not so much.  In fact, the thought of eating carrot cake pancakes make me sick to my stomache.  Were the people at IHOP even thinking? 

BTW, does anyone else wonder what IHOP REALLY stands for?  We have several ideas, none of which can be written here.

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I arrived home from work to find that George Carlin had passed away.  I remember being shocked (as was the rest of America) upon hearing the Seven Words You Can't Say on Television.  Shocked, yes, but even then I knew he was making history.  He was a believer in freedoms-our freedoms, and for that I thank him.   I loved his stand-up routines and I loved him in the movie Dogma.  I loved the irony in that role.

Now he is gone, and life is a little less funny today.

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I saw on the news that after 20 years of "sobriety", Steven Tyler has entered rehab.  Why would a man who is sober enter rehab? Hmmmm...

All I know is the that when we saw Aerosmith a few years ago, he looked stoned.  Very stoned.

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June is . . . . Adopt-A-Shelter-Cat Month, American Rivers Month, Cancer In The Sun Month, Dairy Month, Turkey Lover's Month, National Accordian Awareness Month, National Fresh Fruit and Vegetable Month, National Ice Tea Month, National Papaya Month, National Pest Control Month, National Rose Month, Fight The Filthy Fly Month, and Zoo and Aquarium Month

Holidays are listed in chronological order. At the bottom are explanations and tips on how to celebrate certain holidays or sites you can link to containing more information on certain holidays. Remember this site is dedicated to bizarre American holidays, so naturally the links are of that nature. Also, you can link to the home page, previous month, or next month.

June 1 is . . . . . Dare Day

June 2 is . . . . . National Rocky Road Day

June 3 is . . . . . Repeat Day

June 4 is . . . . . Old Maid's Day

June 5 is . . . . . Festival Of Popular Delusions Day

June 6 is . . . . . Teacher's Day and National Applesauce Cake Day

June 7 is . . . . . National Chocolate Ice Cream Day

June 8 is . . . . . Name Your Poison Day

June 9 is . . . . . Donald Duck Day

June 10 is . . . . National Yo-Yo Day

June 11 is . . . . National Hug Holiday and King Kamehameha Day

June 12 is . . . . Machine Day

June 13 is . . . . National Juggling Day and Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day

June 14 is . . . . Pop Goes The Weasel Day

June 15 is . . . . Smile Power Day

June 16 is . . . . National Hollerin' Contest Day

June 17 is . . . . Watergate Day and Eat Your Vegetables Day

June 18 is . . . . International Panic Day

June 19 is . . . . World Sauntering Day

June 20 is . . . . Ice Cream Soda Day

June 21 is . . . .Cuckoo Warning Day More Info on Cuckoo Warning Day

June 22 is . . . . National Chocolate Eclair Day

June 23 is . . . . National Pink Day

June 24 is . . . . Museum Comes To Life Day

June 25 is . . . . Log Cabin Day

June 26 is . . . . National Chocolate Pudding Day

June 27 is . . . . National Columnists Day

June 28 is . . . . Paul Bunyan Day

June 29 is . . . . Camera Day

June 30 is . . . . Meteor Day

More Info on Cuckoo Warning Day

BEWARE! It will be a wet summer if the sound of the cuckoo is heard today, June 21.

GO TO JUNE 21

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Anybody that knows me also knows of my fear of doctors.  It's pretty much legendary.  My motto is "an autopsy will tell you all you need to know about what is wrong with me.".  I really can't remember the last checkup I had and haven't seen the OB/GYN since I was pregnant.  MonkeyBoy will be 14 years old in August.  Don't say a word.  I've heard it all before by just about everyone I know.

A couple of months ago, I started having episodes of blurry vision for 30 seconds or so at totally random times.  I checked it out on WebMD.com, which sternly told me to see my health care provider immediately.  Apparently, sudden changes in vision is a symptom of diabetes.  It runs on mom's side of the family, right along-side the insanity and double chins.  I couldn't say if it ran on dad's side the family-non of his other children will talk to me.  Hmmmf.  Their loss.  <pouting>  I also have gave birth to a child larger than 9 pounds.  That would be MonkeyBoy, who along with being over 9 pounds at birth, had a head the size of a bowling ball.   A joy every mother should experience.  <add sarcasm>

But I digress, again.  I went to the doctor for a checkup, against my thus far well-executed plan of never visiting the doctor's office EVER again.  I could almost hear the little wheels turning in the doctor's head.  Cha-ching.  Cha-ching.  I had become a human cash-cow.  Now, why did I not want to go to the doctor EVER again?

My finger was poked.  Did I mention I don't like the sight of blood.  Bleck.  The sugar level was fine. 

My eyes were tested.  They were REALLY, REALLY bad.  Atrocious, really.  So why had I not done anything about them earlier.  You have a short attention span, don't you?  I hate doctors, including eye-doctors.  The last time I had gone to one he stated "the next time you come in, you will have to get bifocals".  I'M NOT THAT OLD.  Nope.  Not me.  Why would someone say something like that to someone my age?

I had to face the harshness of reality and go see the eye-doctor.  Since I had changed insurance companies, I had to go to another eye-doctor, one who understood the mind of a woman of advancing age who also comes from a long line of crazy women.  I got Progressive Lenses because I am a woman of advancing age...Yada, Yada...

I am still having a time getting used to the bifocals but it's great the world only knows they are bifocals when I tell them they are bifocals.

I also had to have blood and urine testing done to make sure my levels of stuff in my body is what it should be.  Don't ask what stuff.  I don't know, nor do I care.  All I know is that the levels can be measured by blood and/or urine. I live in serious denial.

I went to the doctor today for a followup visit.  New glasses-check.  Blood work back from lab-check.  Urine work back from lab-check.  Everything looks good.  All levels are fine.  Nothing is even borderline.   I'M HEALTHY.  Like I thought I was.

But I couldn't leave the doctor without the annual PAP smear.  To think I left work early for that indignity.  Hmmmph.

I am still having the episodes of blurred vision.  Maybe I need to get used to these darn bifocals.  Maybe there is some undiagnosed problem.  Maybe my family neurosis regarding doctors is taking over my brain.  I just wish my neuroses didn't come with blurred vision.

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This morning's news was talking about shark attacks off the coast of Florida.  Gee, what a surprise.  Sharks in the water.  Discovery Channel runs a week of programming appropriately yet lamely named "Shark Week".   Welcome to Florida.

Odds are that I will not be a victim of a shark attack even though I do live mere miles from the coastline.  Possessing fair complexion means the sun hates me, and salt water accelerates the burning process.  I stay out of the sun and ocean as much as possible.  I don't swim in the shark's home.  I guess in order for me to be bitten, a shark would have to knock on my front door and bite me.  I suspect that ain't happenin'. 

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I know I am a day late.  Thanks, AOH*LL for eating my entry from yesterday.

Anyway, it's that time of year...

Happy Birthday Tim Curry!!  Thanks for making crazzzzzy look sexy.

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