Ponderings of the Smartest Monkey

Anybody that knows me also knows of my fear of doctors.  It's pretty much legendary.  My motto is "an autopsy will tell you all you need to know about what is wrong with me.".  I really can't remember the last checkup I had and haven't seen the OB/GYN since I was pregnant.  MonkeyBoy will be 14 years old in August.  Don't say a word.  I've heard it all before by just about everyone I know.

A couple of months ago, I started having episodes of blurry vision for 30 seconds or so at totally random times.  I checked it out on WebMD.com, which sternly told me to see my health care provider immediately.  Apparently, sudden changes in vision is a symptom of diabetes.  It runs on mom's side of the family, right along-side the insanity and double chins.  I couldn't say if it ran on dad's side the family-non of his other children will talk to me.  Hmmmf.  Their loss.  <pouting>  I also have gave birth to a child larger than 9 pounds.  That would be MonkeyBoy, who along with being over 9 pounds at birth, had a head the size of a bowling ball.   A joy every mother should experience.  <add sarcasm>

But I digress, again.  I went to the doctor for a checkup, against my thus far well-executed plan of never visiting the doctor's office EVER again.  I could almost hear the little wheels turning in the doctor's head.  Cha-ching.  Cha-ching.  I had become a human cash-cow.  Now, why did I not want to go to the doctor EVER again?

My finger was poked.  Did I mention I don't like the sight of blood.  Bleck.  The sugar level was fine. 

My eyes were tested.  They were REALLY, REALLY bad.  Atrocious, really.  So why had I not done anything about them earlier.  You have a short attention span, don't you?  I hate doctors, including eye-doctors.  The last time I had gone to one he stated "the next time you come in, you will have to get bifocals".  I'M NOT THAT OLD.  Nope.  Not me.  Why would someone say something like that to someone my age?

I had to face the harshness of reality and go see the eye-doctor.  Since I had changed insurance companies, I had to go to another eye-doctor, one who understood the mind of a woman of advancing age who also comes from a long line of crazy women.  I got Progressive Lenses because I am a woman of advancing age...Yada, Yada...

I am still having a time getting used to the bifocals but it's great the world only knows they are bifocals when I tell them they are bifocals.

I also had to have blood and urine testing done to make sure my levels of stuff in my body is what it should be.  Don't ask what stuff.  I don't know, nor do I care.  All I know is that the levels can be measured by blood and/or urine. I live in serious denial.

I went to the doctor today for a followup visit.  New glasses-check.  Blood work back from lab-check.  Urine work back from lab-check.  Everything looks good.  All levels are fine.  Nothing is even borderline.   I'M HEALTHY.  Like I thought I was.

But I couldn't leave the doctor without the annual PAP smear.  To think I left work early for that indignity.  Hmmmph.

I am still having the episodes of blurred vision.  Maybe I need to get used to these darn bifocals.  Maybe there is some undiagnosed problem.  Maybe my family neurosis regarding doctors is taking over my brain.  I just wish my neuroses didn't come with blurred vision.

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