Ponderings of the Smartest Monkey

September Bizarre Holidays

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 03:12:58 GMT

SEPTEMBER

September is . . . . Self Improvement Month, Be Kind To Editors and Writers Month, International Square Dance Month, Cable TV Month, National Bed Check Month, National Chicken Month, National Courtesy Month, National Honey Month, National Mind Mapping Month, National Piano Month, National Rice Month, National Papaya Month, and Classical Music Month

September 1 is . . . . . Emma M. Nutt Day
September 2 is . . . . . National Beheading Day
September 3 is . . . . . Skyscraper Day
September 4 is . . . . . Newspaper Carrier Day
September 5 is . . . . . Be Late For Something Day
September 6 is . . . . . Fight Procrastination Day
September 7 is . . . . . Neither Rain Nor Snow Day
September 8 is . . . . . National Date Nut Bread Day and Pardon Day
September 9 is . . . . . Teddy Bear Day
September 10 is . . . . Swap Ideas Day
September 11 is . . . . No News Is Good News Day
September 12 is . . . . National Pet Memorial Day and National Chocolate Milkshake Day
September 13 is . . . . Defy Superstition Day
September 14 is . . . . National Cream-filled Donut Day
September 15 is . . . . Felt Hat Day
September 16 is . . . . Stay Away From Seattle Day and Collect Rocks Day
September 17 is . . . . National Apple Dumpling Day
September 18 is . . . . National Play-doh Day
September 19 is . . . . National Butterscotch Pudding Day
September 20 is . . . . National Punch Day
September 21 is . . . . World Gratitude Day and International Banana Festival
September 22 is . . . . Hobbit Day and Dear Diary Day
September 23 is . . . . Checkers Day and Dogs In Politics Day
September 24 is . . . . Festival Of Latest Novelties
September 25 is . . . . National Comic Book Day
September 26 is . . . . National Good Neighbor Day and National Pancake Day
September 27 is . . . . Crush A Can Day
September 28 is . . . . Ask A Stupid Question Day

September 29 is . . . . Poisoned Blackberries Day

September 30 is . . . . National Mud Pack Day

Bizarre Holidays in July

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 00:24:05 GMT

Bizarre Holidays in July

July 1 is Creative Ice Cream Flavor Day and Build A Scarecrow Day

July 2 is Visitation Of The Virgin Mary Day

July 3 is Stay Out Of The Sun Day and Compliment Your Mirror Day

July 4 is National Country Music Day and Tom Sawyer Fence-Painting Day

July 5 is Workaholics Day

July 6 is National Fried Chicken Day

July 7 is National Strawberry Sundae Day

July 8 is Video Games Day

July 9 is National Sugar Cookie Day

July 10 is Clerihew Day

July 11 is National Cheer Up The Lonely Day

July 12 is National Pecan Pie Day

July 13 is Fool's Paradise Day

July 14 is National Nude Day

July 15 is National Tapioca Pudding Day and Respect Canada Day

July 16 is International Juggling Day

July 17 is National Peach Ice Cream Day

July 18 is National Ice Cream Day and National Caviar Day

July 19 is Flitch Day

July 20 is Ugly Truck Contest Day

July 21 is National Tug-Of-War Tournament Day

July 22 is Ratcatcher's Day

July 23 is National Vanilla Ice Cream Day

July 24 is Amelia Earhart Day

July 25 is Threading The Needle Day

July 26 is All Or Nothing Day

July 27 is Take Your Pants For A Walk Day

July 28 is National Milk Chocolate Day

July 29 is Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day

July 30 is National Cheesecake Day

July 31 is Parent's Day

Dolphin knows fire??

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:22:17 GMT

I saw a sign for a business called "Dolphin Fire Equipment Company". I'm still at a loss as to what a peaceful aquatic animal knows about fire or for that matter, fire equipment.

IHOP must be on the crack-caine

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:17:24 GMT

I drove past IHOP yesterday morning on my way to work. Their sign outside advertised "Carrot Cake Pancakes". Carrot cake pancakes? WTF?

Carrot cake sounds tasty-licious. Carrot cake pancakes-not so much. In fact, the thought of eating carrot cake pancakes make me sick to my stomache. Were the people at IHOP even thinking?

BTW, does anyone else wonder what IHOP REALLY stands for? We have several ideas, none of which can be written here.

Life is a little less funny today...

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 01:26:08 GMT

I arrived home from work to find that George Carlin had passed away. I remember being shocked (as was the rest of America) upon hearing the Seven Words You Can't Say on Television. Shocked, yes, but even then I knew he was making history. He was a believer in freedoms-our freedoms, and for that I thank him. I loved his stand-up routines and I loved him in the movie Dogma. I loved the irony in that role.

Now he is gone, and life is a little less funny today.

Japanese Woman Caught Living in Closet...

Sat, 31 May 2008 02:07:57 GMT

Japanese Woman Caught Living in Closet

By MARI YAMAGUCHI,

Posted: 2008-05-30 14:02:06

Filed Under: Weird News, World News

TOKYO (May 30) - A homeless woman who sneaked into a man's house and lived undetected in his closet for a year was arrested in Japan after he became suspicious when food mysteriously began disappearing.

Police found the 58-year-old woman Thursday hiding in the top compartment of the man's closet and arrested her for trespassing, police spokesman Hiroki Itakura from southern Kasuya town said Friday.

The resident of the home installed security cameras that transmitted images to his mobile phone after becoming puzzled by food disappearing from his kitchen over the past several months.

One of the cameras captured someone moving inside his home Thursday after he had left, and he called police believing it was a burglar. However, when they arrived they found the door locked and all windows closed.

"We searched the house ... checking everywhere someone could possibly hide," Itakura said. "When we slid open the shelf closet, there she was, nervously curled up on her side."

The woman told police she had no place to live and first sneaked into the man's house about a year ago when he left it unlocked.

She had moved a mattress into the small closet space and even took showers, Itakura said, calling the woman "neat and clean."

Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL.

2008-05-30 14:02:06

Sober, yet in rehab?

Sat, 31 May 2008 01:33:14 GMT

I saw on the news that after 20 years of "sobriety", Steven Tyler has entered rehab. Why would a man who is sober enter rehab? Hmmmm...

All I know is the that when we saw Aerosmith a few years ago, he looked stoned. Very stoned.

June Bizarre Holidays

Wed, 28 May 2008 01:22:44 GMT

It has been ages since I have posted Bizarre Holidays. Enjoy. JUNE

June is . . . . Adopt-A-Shelter-Cat Month, American Rivers Month, Cancer In The Sun Month, Dairy Month, Turkey Lover's Month, National Accordian Awareness Month, National Fresh Fruit and Vegetable Month, National Ice Tea Month, National Papaya Month, National Pest Control Month, National Rose Month, Fight The Filthy Fly Month, and Zoo and Aquarium Month

Holidays are listed in chronological order. At the bottom are explanations and tips on how to celebrate certain holidays or sites you can link to containing more information on certain holidays. Remember this site is dedicated to bizarre American holidays, so naturally the links are of that nature. Also, you can link to the home page, previous month, or next month.

June 1 is . . . . . Dare Day

June 2 is . . . . . National Rocky Road Day

June 3 is . . . . . Repeat Day

June 4 is . . . . . Old Maid's Day

June 5 is . . . . . Festival Of Popular Delusions Day

June 6 is . . . . . Teacher's Day and National Applesauce Cake Day

June 7 is . . . . . National Chocolate Ice Cream Day

June 8 is . . . . . Name Your Poison Day

June 9 is . . . . . Donald Duck Day

June 10 is . . . . National Yo-Yo Day

June 11 is . . . . National Hug Holiday and King Kamehameha Day

June 12 is . . . . Machine Day

June 13 is . . . . National Juggling Day and Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day

June 14 is . . . . Pop Goes The Weasel Day

June 15 is . . . . Smile Power Day

June 16 is . . . . National Hollerin' Contest Day

June 17 is . . . . Watergate Day and Eat Your Vegetables Day

June 18 is . . . . International Panic Day

June 19 is . . . . World Sauntering Day

June 20 is . . . . Ice Cream Soda Day

June 21 is . . . .Cuckoo Warning Day More Info on Cuckoo Warning Day

June 22 is . . . . National Chocolate Eclair Day

June 23 is . . . . National Pink Day

June 24 is . . . . Museum Comes To Life Day

June 25 is . . . . Log Cabin Day

June 26 is . . . . National Chocolate Pudding Day

June 27 is . . . . National Columnists Day

June 28 is . . . . Paul Bunyan Day

June 29 is . . . . Camera Day

June 30 is . . . . Meteor Day

More Info on Cuckoo Warning Day

BEWARE! It will be a wet summer if the sound of the cuckoo is heard today, June 21.

GO TO JUNE 21

R.I.P. Homer Chia

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 02:16:02 GMT

Well, Homer's hair finally fell off in a nasty clump. He's back to the bald, boobie-eyed terra-cotta dude.

In a weird note, I went to a friend's house over the past weekend. I happened to look in her flower bed, and there was not only a bald, boobie-eyed Homer, but there was also a bald, boobie-eyed Bart Simpson.

I'm just fine, thank you very much

Sat, 24 May 2008 02:42:27 GMT

Anybody that knows me also knows of my fear of doctors. It's pretty much legendary. My motto is "an autopsy will tell you all you need to know about what is wrong with me.". I really can't remember the last checkup I had and haven't seen the OB/GYN since I was pregnant. MonkeyBoy will be 14 years old in August. Don't say a word. I've heard it all before by just about everyone I know.

A couple of months ago, I started having episodes of blurry vision for 30 seconds or so at totally random times. I checked it out on WebMD.com, which sternly told me to see my health care provider immediately. Apparently, sudden changes in vision is a symptom of diabetes. It runs on mom's side of the family, right along-side the insanity and double chins. I couldn't say if it ran on dad's side the family-non of his other children will talk to me. Hmmmf. Their loss. <pouting> I also have gave birth to a child larger than 9 pounds. That would be MonkeyBoy, who along with being over 9 pounds at birth, had a head the size of a bowling ball. A joy every mother should experience. <add sarcasm>

But I digress, again. I went to the doctor for a checkup, against my thus far well-executed plan of never visiting the doctor's office EVER again. I could almost hear the little wheels turning in the doctor's head. Cha-ching. Cha-ching. I had become a human cash-cow. Now, why did I not want to go to the doctor EVER again?

My finger was poked. Did I mention I don't like the sight of blood. Bleck. The sugar level was fine.

My eyes were tested. They were REALLY, REALLY bad. Atrocious, really. So why had I not done anything about them earlier. You have a short attention span, don't you? I hate doctors, including eye-doctors. The last time I had gone to one he stated "the next time you come in, you will have to get bifocals". I'M NOT THAT OLD. Nope. Not me. Why would someone say something like that to someone my age?

I had to face the harshness of reality and go see the eye-doctor. Since I had changed insurance companies, I had to go to another eye-doctor, one who understood the mind of a woman of advancing age who also comes from a long line of crazy women. I got Progressive Lenses because I am a woman of advancing age...Yada, Yada...

I am still having a time getting used to the bifocals but it's great the world only knows they are bifocals when I tell them they are bifocals.

I also had to have blood and urine testing done to make sure my levels of stuff in my body is what it should be. Don't ask what stuff. I don't know, nor do I care. All I know is that the levels can be measured by blood and/or urine. I live in serious denial.

I went to the doctor today for a followup visit. New glasses-check. Blood work back from lab-check. Urine work back from lab-check. Everything looks good. All levels are fine. Nothing is even borderline. I'M HEALTHY. Like I thought I was.

But I couldn't leave the doctor without the annual PAP smear. To think I left work early for that indignity. Hmmmph.

I am still having the episodes of blurred vision. Maybe I need to get used to these darn bifocals. Maybe there is some undiagnosed problem. Maybe my family neurosis regarding doctors is taking over my brain. I just wish my neuroses didn't come with blurred vision.