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7:57:00 PM MST
Laser ....The Electromagnetic Sign of My Future
I think I've got the entire, "For every action there is an equal reaction" ...."For every choice, there is a consequence" ...."For every white, there is an opposite black" yadayadayada concept down. Check. Point taken. I got it for the love of...............
The thing is, I always looked at that piece of reality in the foreboding light of... steal a candy bar and you'll go to jail. The... do bad, you get the direct punishment for such a choice, kind of deal. Slap me, I'll slap you concept. But recently, I'm finally realizing the choices of good things can also come back to bite you in the ass, or in my case, my head.
For example, my first case of fun filled backlash. I have epilepsy. Evidence leans directly on two possibilities of acquiring such a joyous affliction. One, was the many, many head bashing's I suffered during my growing up years. Now, those head bashing's were simple consequences to some glorious fun. Cherry drops off the high bar at school. Bucked off a few horses while galloping across beautiful fields. A few accidental slips down some rocky mountainsides. True fun, that just happened to result in several knocks to the skull. The other evidence actually resembles the first paragraphs conventional wisdom. I did drugs in my late teen years. Lots of them, a huge nasty assortment. Now, believe it or not, the drug time certainly had it's 'fun' points. I can't deny that. But anyway, it certainly could have fried an electrical highway in my brain that loves to short circuit now. Anyway.....I like to lean toward the more respectable means of getting epilepsy, skull bashing's........
Next up, I got skin cancer last year. Not the bad type, just level II, slice and dice, laser, your on your way sort. Of course, as my luck would have it, I got another one this fall, I had that little ummm, squamous a-hole eradicated and now I'm on constant vigil. Skin cancer........the direct result of frolicking in the sun and fun. The completely and totally unjust result of living a life strolling though nature and all her glory. I'm utterly disgusted by that entire situation.
And now, just to add insult to injury, the doctors (or maybe they are simply blaming, but the result is the same) are attacking my fly fishing. For the love of all things outdoors....I simply can't seem to win. Now it's this...in my eye...Pterygium. Which is a benign growth of the conjunctiva. Caused by....big shocker here....Ultraviolet rays. And UV rays bouncing off water is like staring directly in the sun~~damnit~~~It's not an unusual thang' actually, I've discovered from my doctor it's quite typical of a 60 year old farmer who spent his entire life sowing his wild oats in the fields. (That's my point, I'm 35) ....visual bonus and ick factor..in their white and red glory. P.S. the Pterygium isn't actually red, it's a swanky yellowish growth (I couldn't capture in film) that has now enflamed my entire eye into glowing red, just to make sure everyone notices :o) Again, Laser is my new buddy~
Before my entire entry falls into the coastal shores of a tidal wave pity party (to late I know) I shall try swimming. It seems, there is a lot of really good things in life that have a crummy potential result. But the truth is, I can't even fathom giving up any of my activities. The mere thought of protecting my traitorous body by staying locked up indoors seems horrific. At this rate, by the time I make it to a 60 year old non-farming, but outdoor fanatic, I won't have much of a face or eyes left.
Maybe I'm just finally realizing the body I used to take for granted, think was invincible, believed would remain as loyal and devoted as my mind likes to think it should be, indeed has it's weak points. Has a side of fragile and cracks. I've believed for quite some time now that people, ALL people, are warriors, strong and brilliant, able to leap from building to building in a single bound, but now, I think it's our minds that are resistant, and persistent, able to heal and mend despite the things that we encounter........but our vessels, our precious bodies are delicate. I just wish Ihad realized that ages and ages ago................
((If you see a person walking down the street with Hollywood Sunglasses over a full facial veil, complimented by a huge sombrero, long sleeve shirt, fancy gloves and not a speck of skin showing, yet reeking of strong sun block....yes, well, that's probably me <grin>))
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Many years ago a band called the Young Rascals had a hit song "How can I be Sure?" which has the thought provoking opening line
"How can I be sure in a world that is constantly changing?"
Even the things that we love the most become challanged as the world changes.
Rebecca, well, here you are...more changes added to the mix of life and now even challanging the very things you have lived for.
You have never been one, short on confidence! Despite your unenviable circumstance, breathe deeply and reaffirm your clarity for the things the love doing. They have brought you here and helped shape the lovely person you have become!
Leave the praying to us!
and don't forget to wear your sunscreen!
I wish you a speedy and complete recovery!
Peace & Hugs....Marc :) -
Rebecca, how is it that you can take something so serious and make it a-laugh-a-minute read? I really admire you and your writing talent, and I'm really bummed, too, for your "fun issues." Not fair, is it?
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{{{ Rebecca }}} That sucks. I know how much this must just piss you off. Hang in there... I KNOW that you WILL find a way to do all that you love. Just covered up with a burka and old lady glasses, but you will still do it... jst teasing... lol
Love and hugs...
be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/ -
My seizures were definitely caused by my depressed skull fracture initially, since they started within 15 minutes of the injury. But the ones that came later and spontaneously? Yeah, I wonder if those were caused or facilitated by alot of the 'trips' I took in the late 80's. I had the red eyes back then too.....but it wasn't from UV rays ;)
Funny entry, considering the subject material!
1/30/08 2:08 PM
In the end my friend and the vet both decided it would indeed be cruel to do so. It's better to have lived a few short years of wonder and energetic bounty, than live a life too careful and disheartened. I'm happy to say Jake (the dogs name) is happy and content as can be still running free.....
Yes our bodies betray us (I've learned that hard lesson with the loss of my hearing). But life will ultimately present us with new joys if we continue to enjoy it and allow ourselves that small bit of pleasure however it may come. (Hugs) Indigo
http://journals.aol.com/rdaut