noonmom  

Well go ahead and pass the cheese because I have enough whine for everyone.

See the definition of detest? That is how I feel right now. I totally detest everyone and everything in my life.

Rusty called me today and asked me if I would like to work in his warehouse. Hell yes I would. I can run a warehouse like no one’s business. Then it hit me I better really think about this before I say yes. So I told Rusty that we would talk about it.

I made a list of questions and when Rusty got home we talked about three out of the five questions. Of the three questions I asked the answer was no or I am not sure.

I guess there goes the idea of me working.

I would have to work around Ambers schedule. If Amber is working then I can’t work because no one will be here with Ryan. Can I take weeks at a time off while the girls are gone on their trips? Can I leave work at any time when the children are sick?

I detest Amber for moving on with her life and leaving me in her dust.

I detest Nikki for chasing all of her dreams and changing the world because I am stuck here.

I detest Ryan for making me stuck here.

I detest Rusty because while he is at work he gets to talk to other adults.

I detest George because all she does is call me with her problems and bitches.

I detest my sewing machine that has not been used in way over a month. I once loved to sew and now I do not even want to hear the hum of it.

I detest the 20 pounds I put on this year because I am now seeking comfort in food instead of exercise.

I detest my animals because they have no cares in the world and I have way to many cares.

I detest all of the other mom’s of the children going on the mission trip. Why is it that I can show up at every yard sale and run my ass off and then there are other mom’s do nothing.

I detest the fact I am sitting here in a house full of people and no one knows how I feel.

Well all of that was written last night. I struggled with weather or not to post it. However I decided to post it for two reason.

1. this is life.

2. maybe another mom is going through what I am going through and she won't feel so alone.

I can't spend any more energy on this negative stuff. This is the hand that was dealt to me.

I called regional center yesterday to see if they would help with child care cost, but they don't do that. Today I am going to call down to social services and see if they have any programs that would help for special day care for Ryan. I am going to keep looking until I have looked everywhere.

I need to call the distric nurse. The school has a program where they help children get glasses, so I am going to try to get Ryan on that program.

I have a quilt cut out and I actually got one lined done. Then I realized that it will not be enough to make a big quilt for a marine. I guess that is perfect since Nikki's best friend asked me when I was going to make her a quilt. She wants a little quilt, so I will use all the strips for that quilt.

I actually bought a book earlier this week that is really good. It is called the driven child, understanding the over achiever. I thought this might help me to understand Nikki. So far the book is very good.

I have a lot to get done today and I should get moving.