kbear's heart

last nite!

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 05:18:02 GMT

tonite was the last nite the last nite at the store i sit here chillin with a beer in hand the nite went pretty fast until about 8pm or just before then it died to nothing and no one coming in the store i didn't do much except run the register i let the other woman do most of the duties for once besides payback can be a bitch she didn't do anything but run the register the last time we worked together anyways, it's OVER!!! YEAH!!! i'll wash the smocks and return them didn't get a chance to say goodbye to the boss either, so will do that too i was in a grumpy mood before i got there just didn't want to deal with more bs tonite i had finally had enough of it..so now onto better things and hopefully i wont ever have to return to another convenience store again!!!

now, back to this journal not happy about the move, but it's better than no place at all after they close down these journals the new blog isn't the same, but at least i have a new blog tonite i've been playin with Photobucket in hopes to make a slide show on my new blog will see in a bit here i like the new look of the new blog, but haven't been able to do as much..yet.. on the new blog as here still gotta figure out adding photos other than as they have it Robin figured it out, i'll figure it out she's managed to post more than one photo at a time and have the words wrap around the pics nice display i want to figure that out too we don't have the display options as we do here in aol journal, where we can post as many photos as we want and have them showing via Ken Burns, photo pile, collage, etc. i'll miss that option for sure but maybe if i get the slide show down on the new blog, that may be of help too....anyways, change is good whether we like it or not....well for now, i only have a few more entries here, then i'm permanently over on the new blog i have yet to decide whether to save this journal into the new blogspot i'll decide once i get the info on how to do it this has been a journey in journaling i rarely go back to my journal pages, here on in my hand written journal books i have here at the house, and read them so anyways, i'll decide laterz...until another moment in time...visit me at my new blog (link in previous entry...)

hi again

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 23:39:58 GMT

ok, i've made a new blog thanks to Indigo creating hers first from there i created myself a new journal you can do the same once you reach my page it ain't like AOL but it'll work to stay in touch with all my j-land friends here's the link: http://karebear4x4.blogspot.com/

at the top of the page is a link, Create Blog, from which you can make a new journal i hope all my j-land friends do so here or somewhere and leave me a link to your new journal if you choose to let go of journaling, i honor and understand that i'm still fine tuning my new blog a bit somewhere i can list the new blogs to keep track of, but couldn't find that page a moment ago right now AOL is screwing up again on responding anyways, this weekend after the Balloon Fiesta, i will post all those pics here, then move onto the new blog so far as it appears, i'll be only to post one photo at a time on the new blog well that means a lot of entries to post my photos, but so be it so anyways, my friends hope to see you soon and don't forget to leave me your new blog place link....hugz

p.s. i dont know that the new blog has "alerts" to let me know when you post, but i'll keep up with them daily as much as possible...

closing us down

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 14:23:54 GMT

ok, i JUST read Jeannette Jottings-see sidebar- she let us know they're shutting down aol journals as i got onto my journal, there at the top of the page is the announcement i have yet to learn how to save this or where to go from here, but this pisses me off...anyone else know anything about this? have you heard? ...i'll get back to you with what i learn today...hugz

overtime

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 04:52:59 GMT

ok it's sunday nite after work i worked 2 1/2hrs OT at the store today unexpectedly first i got there a half hour early just so i could run next door to Ruben's Grill for a burrito before beginning at noon well Jim my boss called as i was walking in the door he needed me to run an errand for the store he told me to go ahead and clock in before doing it and so i did well as the scheduled day came to a close, one woman walked out the door 5mins before i was to clock out she was having a very rough day and asked me to stay seeing her visibly shaken and the fact she filled in for me last weekend when i came home, i stayed another two hours just for her i'm worried about her she is the one i enjoy working with despite her foul language all the time and i shouldn't complain about that for i've had my moments of doing the same anyways, i'll check on her tomorrow i hope she is ok....in the meantime, this woman gave me some sad news today just a few days ago an old building down the street from the store, a block away, burned down i saw it burning that night on my way home from work well she told me that 5 homeless people died in that fire we immediately thought about our guys we used to have we wonder whether they were some of the victims we have no way of knowing at this point but it seems likely, or so we think maybe one day we'll know for sure what happened to those 2 homeless guys that used to hang around our store God bless them all.....now, i'm totally exhausted i'm just finishing my milk and heading to bed it's been a good day really i've enjoyed myself today working with my co-worker it was just longer than i thought it wood be It's all good give a little recieve a little....

sunday mornin...

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 13:19:13 GMT

a short note i only have 3 workin days at the store YEAH!!! today, tomorrow and wednesday i couldn't be happier it was another sad workin day yesterday another day of where i was the only one doing the duties it's OLD!!! anyways today will be a bit better for i work with the other woman that actually works she's a lot of fun aside from her foul mouth it'll go by quickly:-)

now on for some better news next weekend is the beginning of the Balloon Fiesta i'm going probably on sunday friday nite i start work at the church and will be there til 10pm or after so it'll be too early to rise i think for the Fiesta on saturday morn anyways, i'm anxious for the Fiesta to take photos i'll post them asap....

in the meantime, i began reading The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch yesterday my mentor Rev Jennie (or just Jennie) recommended it to me so i'll let you know about the book soon too has anyone else read it yet?

have a wonderful sunday!

i sat down..

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 03:21:06 GMT

well i came over to the computer and sat down i sat too long now i don't want to do anything except maybe go to bed i was tidying up around here still may clean the bathroom before hittin the sack anyways, i noticed as i was cleaning that i'm sure bored with it no wonder i don't do it as often as i "should" i've been cleaning house since i was 10yrs old think 40yrs of it is enough...lol once i win the lottery i'll get a maid...

so, today was a good day i've been off from the store for 2days in a row YAY!!! i stopped by the church to see Marsha first thing this morn and asked her to lunch for like the 4th time this week she reminded me about the potluck on fridays i had totally forgotten about it since i haven't been able to be there for like over a month now well off i went and got chicken the price of it was up a whole dollar goodness everything has gotten to be soooo expensive $7 for a roasted chicken i could buy a meal almost with that at least i'd have veggies to go with that anyways, the economy sucks right now and i'm not crazy about the bailout the govt wants to do with these companys and banks when do they bail us out of such situations we always got to pay the penalty, why not these people and so is my thinking at the moment...anyways, on with my day after the potluck with cake, i headed over to Jen's office to work a couple hours i drag ass there sometimes just because i want to be elsewhere, but it only takes 2-3hrs to do the work i think it's because i've done office work before really dont want to do it again and this stuff is tedious and menial i know it plays an important role in her scheme of things, but just don't want to do it however i'm honoring my word to assist her and i get to chat with her more often nowadays because of it she's a great friend and mentor so i really have no complaints....so after that i headed home and took a nap while waiting on Marsha to call we were going to a movie, but she had an important date with her daughter so, anyways, home i came and i started tidying up as i said put the football game on-muted turned the radio on and started jamming i got a couple things done before teetering out so here i sit, chattin with Jorje while writing this but i'll need to get off here soon i'm ready for the sack it's been a day tomorrow it's back to work...

fall is officially here...

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 03:15:43 GMT

alas, fall is here!!! and boy does it feel good i'm lovin the fresh cool air right now i even bought me a flannel shirt at the VA Hospital store light weight, but i'm ready for my flannels anyways, this entry is about my appointment today for my cataract surgery is set for Nov 3rd is that the day before the election? hmmm, i wonder i'll find out soon i have no clue at the moment when exactly the election date is...anyways, the appointment went well another female doctor i don't know if they set it up that way, but it's kewl by me all my doctors and my therapist are women i love supporting women in their careers so, Dr. Bogga (i think this is how she spelled it) told me that i don't have any options but surgery my percentage of complications increased by 5% due to she really believes this is from the black eye i got when i was a teenager because normally it's both eyes that have cataracts, not just one like mine and this is the eye the guy hit so many years ago makes sense to me she did say i'll need bifocals permanently from here on out well i sorta knew that already just because i can't read a damn thing without glasses they'll also fit me for prescriptions for the slight far-sightedness i have too so i wonder, should i just go back to wearing my glasses all day again as i did delivering mail time will tell i do know i like to take a break from wearing glasses all day so anyways, it's all good i'm anxious to get this done and over with and nervous about it too either Marsha or Maggie will be accompanying me for the surgery we may have to be there as early as 5:30am i may just volunteer for that time to get it done and over with besides maybe i can just sleep thru the surgery since it'll be so early in the morn...anyways, that's the latest for me i'll keep you posted on this when pre-op gets here and the other appointments for it those will be next month in the meantime, i'm relaxing with a beer i see Rev Jennie tomorrow, my friend and mentor, for a practitioners session so i can discuss a few things then she'll do a prayer treatment for me i have tons to discuss and if i didn't have to work tomorrow, i'd take all afternoon but we only have an hour and will squeeze in everything we can...one topic for discussion is Jesse's departure after yesterday, Sandy thinks he may have a collapsed lung i told her today that he's going to be busy doing something and make his transition standing or sitting up she said that would make him happy i can't blame him there he keeps goin despite the pain, which i admire he's got to do this his way and we are honoring that God bless him he's a pretty wonderful character!

1 down..5 to go

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 04:38:18 GMT

ok i just wanna bitch a little first it's 10:30pm and i just took my meds for the night that means i'm up til 1 or 2 in the morn again dammit and so what is my bitch work but 1 nite down, 5 more workin nites to go it'll go by fast, but i'm not sure fast enough tonite i worked with another woman i heard rumor she was not of the workin kind well she lived up to the rumor for sure then on top of that, bitchy customers n the store i realized recently this is like an abusive relationship this was the final reason for deciding to get the job at church i mean customers come in with the bitchiest mood and just dump on you and i gotta stand there and take it? NO THANK YOU!!! i swear i get bitchier every time i work there nowadays and if it's not the customers using foul language quite often, it's my fellow co-workers cursin' up a storm themselves ok, i didn't even have this at the p.o. we didnt' allow it not only did management not allow it, but we co-workers would not allow our peers to get out of hand we'd hush it out before the person got carried away i've noticed for a month now how my own attitudes have deteriorated how i've been cursin more than usual..and i don't curse but once in a blue moon...i also want to drink beer more often myself smoke more i'm easily irritated and on and on and so forth you get the picture so for my well being, i'm headed to the church thank goodness!!!....so enough is enough of abusive customers and fellow co-workers it's the pits!!! ok, first thing in the morn i'm goin hikin' it's been a few weeks and i pray the fresh air cleans out my head from all this drama at the store they don't pay me enough to stay there and i doubt there'd be enough money to keep me, except maybe a million dollars annually...lol so anyways, thank j-land friends for lettin me get this crap off my chest!

sunday nite

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 03:42:22 GMT

Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!
Look to this Day!
For it is Life, the very Life of Life.
In its brief course lie all the
Verities and Realities of your Existence.
The Bliss of Growth,
The Glory of Action,
The Splendor of Beauty;
For Yesterday is but a Dream,
And To-morrow is only a Vision;
But To-day well lived makes
Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,
And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.
Look well therefore to this Day!
Such is the Salutation of the Dawn! -Kalidasa

well i sit eatin' my ice cream chocolate always does the body good:-) it's been a busy short day, although i would have liked to lounge around as i did yesterday yesterday just before i went to work, i got nauseated-ugh thought sure i was goin' 2 lose my lunch i got 2 work stayed 15-20mins and left too much stress for the week just couldn't hang being there so i came home laid down on the couch and was out like a light once i woke, i just vegged in front of the tv i felt better, but not that much better..then i slept for 12hrs last nite, waking at 10:30 this morn goodness hadn't done that in a very long time, or so it seems just too busy this week need to chill out again and take it easy

anyways, so once awake this morn and after the mornin brew, i hooked up with Marsha we had lunch then off we went to Wally World to shop for things like toilettries and dog food we also found Halloween t-shirts for Madison i bought the shirt, she bought pants to match we're both missing Madison badly right now needless to say, Diana moved out of Marsha's house and of course taking Madison with her I know it's harder on Marsha right now, but i sure do miss Madison....anyways, it was a fun time shoppin...

so then it was off to a bbq with Jesse....the original plan today was to shampoo my carpet and spend time with Jesse needless to say, the carpet got put on hold for a couple more days.....so off Jesse and i went to my brother Stephen's bbq he invited me last nite it was an opportunity for me to get out and return his bicycle to him at the same time i figured i needed to relax among people for awhile well we get there and i soon remembered that if i don't know people in a social setting, i don't talk much even Jesse asked if i had fell asleep i knew a few people, but just wasn't into striking up a conversation much it's been awhile since i've been out meeting new people i'm fine among my own friends, but strangers are a different story except at church i know, go figure guess it wasn't in my comfort zone we only stayed a couple hours the cool desert air was coming in and i started to get the sniffles again i forgot to take a light jacket or sweatshirt Stephen loaned me his, but it was too small anyways, so i took Jesse home...now a note i did take my camera to take Jesse's pic, but forgot about it until it was dark outside Stephen didn't have enough lighting and Jesse is Creole with the appearance of a black man he would not have shown up in the photos so another day i'll get his photo and post here....hmmm, maybe i'm just into hanging with my close friends nowadays, in lieu of meeting a lot of new people i heard that's what we do as we grow older could be time will tell it was a good day anyways i'm just feelin tired from workin' so much that too will becoming to a close just another week, maybe a half too, then i'm off to the church but' the extra hours is paying off to make the transition in jobs much easier financially It's all good just really learning what i can and can't do anymore.....

cool nite

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 04:20:35 GMT

thursday nite just got home from class it's prac preview 3 classes of it, then we actually start the class it's a good class interesting to say the least it challenges my thinking regarding "spiritual knowledge" but this is Science of Mind, our philosophy at our church the class will be a challenge for me and i like challenges before i go to bed i need to dig out some old notes from a previous class just to refresh myself on spiritual mind treatment (our affirmative prayer technique) as i sat in class, i asked myself do i really want to do this whether i want to or not, i'm doin' it it's 36weeks long minus 3 holidays and i'm in it for the long haul anyways, interestin'...right now i'm questioning but that's the norm for me i question until i know the truth for me it's all good

in the meantime, before too long i will no longer have to deal with beer runs at the store i've got the job at the church beginning the first of October i do training for it next week sometime it'll be good or at least i hope so i am anxious to leave the store although one small improvement has been made lately well maybe i shouldn't call it an improvement considering the boss put the order out to stop selling alcohol to the homeless man that only comes in to buy his Importers Vodka daily it's in hope he'll move on the boss also called the cops on the other homeless guy and he's no longer allowed near the store he's gone he was really no problem to me but for some unknown reason to me the boss got tired of him too i pray one day these two guys, and all homeless people, find their way to a better life...

now an update on Jesse he appears to be gettin weaker he keeps pushing himself to get up and get goin he doesn't want to be bound to the bed for he knows once he does that, it's all over he's fightin it in my perception which is understandable i just don't know how much of a fight he has left he did see a kineasology (sp?) doctor today and got some other herbal medication to help let's see what happens from there gotta see him soon i was hopin to see him today, but it just didn't come together he didn't sound too good when i first spoke with him, but as the day progress his spirit was up he's got one hell of a strong will who knows how much longer he'll will himself to live he's last much longer than anyone expect who knows he could pull out a miracle i've been strugglin with the fact he'll be gone sometime soon i know only his body dies and he moves on to another of God's mansions but it doesn't make it any easier sayin good-bye he's been a blessing to me these past few months he's done me a lot of good just hanging out with him a little healing of my soul and helpin me face my own fear of death my views of life arent' the same as they used to be, but i haven't totally gotten to the greener pastures Bless Jesse for the gift he is to me...