The Inside Book For The Outside People

3:59:17 PM EST
Hearing Big Time-Peter Gabriel

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."- Oscar Wilde..

The sky is just giving birth to a hole for the sun to peer through and shine down its everloving rays on the people below...It was raining earlier...Nothing like the calm after a rain storm...

Thanksgiving is around the corner and it is another time to give thanks for our lives, our friends, our families..I don't have a close family, when I did it was way too long ago to be able to cherish...I will be spending time with my friends who are a nice substitute for the loneliness one gets on holidays, as well as a welcome embrace that your families are unable to give, if they are completely dysfunctional enough to just bypass the holidays without you..

I could sit here and type out the weirdness and confusion that comes with having hardly any ties to people who are supposed to be relatives and who are still living, but not really enough to be there for you on a national holiday or any holiday for that matter...BUT, it is irrational and beyond the crisp precious warmth that comes with being able to actually comprehend things.

So, I will say how great it is to persevere in times like this...There are always open doors when the familiar ones close, there are always rainstorms after a time of clear blue days filled with sunshine...It is just up to us to notice or stay inside the familiar, fetid environments that are too lived out to scrape up any feeling of novelty.

"Be the change You wish to see in others, if You want things to change."-Mahatma Gandhi.

"Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes, even if lasts for just one day?"- Nik Kershaw

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4:23:47 PM EST

I received some horrible news in email and thought I would post it to let others know how sad and cruel the world can be when people lose their morals and ethics and everything dignified about being a human being...

Gay Rights Activist Murdered in Sierra Leone
Fanny Ann Eddy, the 30-year old founder of the Sierra Leone Lesbian and Gay Association, was murdered in the organization's offices on September 28. She leaves behind a 9-year-old son. She was reportedly raped repeatedly, stabbed, and had her neck was broken. Eddy was part of the delegation Human Rights Watch took to the United Nations Human Rights Commission in Geneva last spring to advocate for the failed Resolution on Sexual Orientation and Human Rights. Donations for her son and the Sierra Leone Lesbian and Gay Association are being collected by the Behind the Mask organization.

Now, a 9 year old boy will have to endure without his mother, another wonderful human being is gone...How pathetic it is that life is not respected in the divine manner it should be.

Peace.

 

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3:31:05 AM EST
Feeling Happy

I went to the beach yesterday with a friend of mine.  We sat on these wooden chairs looking out at the ocean.  He started crying and would not tell me why. 

With my optimistic happy mind I told him 'Hey man, You are really a fortunate person.  Many people never get to live past the time the day they are born.  They will never get to drink a beer at the beach, never get to fall in love, never get to experience happiness beyond being born and living for a minute amount of time'.  He cried some more but it did wonders for me as I was amazed that I came up with such loving thoughts.  I did not pry into his reasons and he stopped crying shortly thereafter.

Life is filled with obstacles that sometimes seem too hard to overcome. Yet we live on, and in the time we have, come to deal with our problems in our own ways.  Still, it is a beautiful life filled with mysteries and memories of past loves, past pains and past triumphs.

John Lennon said 'We are superstars' in the song Instant Karma.  All of us are special, unique wonderful beings and noone can live our lives for us. I just would like to be able to share some of the happiness that I have come to feel in my own life with others so that perhaps they can walk with a little more comfort in their own shoes.

Peace.

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2:40:16 AM EST
Feeling Anxious

Halloween started nicely...I was cleaning my studio apartment and watching horror movies..I decided to take a break and go take a walk..It was going to be rent day tomorrow and I wanted to get some money towards the rent as there is a limit to how much one can get in one day(I'm not a resident yet in the sunny state of florida, and when I moved here back in December of last year I found out the state did have the same bank as I had back in Louisiana, but it is an hour away and I don't drive!)

So, I start my trek down the street where I live(Yep, the nearest bank is a couple of blocks away down my street!) I get down to the atm machine and the place is deserted, not a soul around...I put my card in and was getting my money when out of nowhere, a stranger walks up behind me, he seems to be walking away and when he passes me the money comes out of the slot, I goto grab it and his hand comes out and grabs it too!  Yep, I screamed really loud 'What the F*** are you doin?' He looks at me and takes off with my money..The crazy thing, besides the fact that he left me broke and unable to get anymore money out until what is now at this time today, he asked me how I was doing when he suddenly appeared coming up walking behind me....I was a wreck for quite some time..I went to a friend's house and he calmed me down a little but not too much....

Yes, I am lucky to be alive...Yes, I did not get hurt,  except financially and emotionally, but I have very little empathy for people who can be so cruel....

No, this has never happened to me before...No, I am not going to suffer too badly,as I know the landlord really well and he is wonderful and nice as can be, but I am sooooo upset that something like that happened!!!

I will not take on the victim role for anyone...I will make it out of this unfortunate crisis and get back to my optimistic, positive self....But, I am going to notify the bank when they open in less than 7 hours as I don't plan on getting my money back but I don't want anyone else to have to suffer through this..

I was so shaken up, I couldn't talk really well for awhile and my head was filled with rage...I am doing better now and just wanted to share my feelings as someone can relate to feeling this awful....

Please excuse my grammatical errors in the above paragraphs, I am just not too sharp at writing very well right now....

 

Peace to you all....

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5:12:10 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet

It has been rough watching the news, seeing all the tragedies around the world.  Everyone has problems and sometimes there are just no answers, but to just rock on in spite of the pain.  I was down last week and wanted to lift myself to greater depths of happiness....So, I wrote another poem and thought I would share it in my journal...I hope it does for other people what it did for me...Enjoy and God Bless, Thanks for taking the time to read my journal.

Love On

If the sun won't shine for you, find the rain,

If the rain won't fall for you, find the wind,

If the wind won't blow for you, Love on anyway, Love on.

If he won't talk to you because of last year's demons, Love on,

If she won't sing for you because you can no longer hold her, Love on,

If the world won't notice you because they are too busy, Love on.

Love on, You can find a way,

Love on, just live for today,

Love on, You shall find happiness will finally stay.

 

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3:47:02 AM EDT
Feeling Quiet

Hurricane Jean hit Florida alright but brushed past where I live with just a little rain and heavy winds.  I didn't lose power this time as it never got that bad.  However, many people did according to the news.

I started thinking about the many friends I have met online and how important they were to me.  SO, I decided to share a poem I wrote spontaneously with the people who take the time to read my journal.  Enjoy!

Eloquent Expressions

Let the Artists paint their canvases with wonderful colors established in the depths of history,
I have you as my special friend, who defies colors that have such lovely names like turqoise and gold, for you there is no name to describe the color you evoke with your precious heart filled with sweet fresh embracing love...
 
Let the skies stay blue while clouds fly against their unmarked roads, I have you as my beautiful buddy who goes down roads that are marked with names such as 'Love Street' and 'Compassion Road' and 'Neverending Happiness Drive' not because of the names themselves, for that is only the icing in this luscious cake we call life, but for the reason that You live and while that is happening,then other people are bound to be happy.
 
Let people talk of the problems of the present day world, for I have you as my treasured friend, who doesn't thrive on what is going to bring anyone down, but rather looks to what can bring people up and showers the moments with feelings of comfort.

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2:37:32 PM EDT
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing U2-All I Want Is You

So, I survived Hurricane Frances.  But for awhile there, it just felt like I was surviving Hurricane Frances.  I was one of those people who thought the power would not go out, the weather would not be so bad, and everything would rock on as usual.

I was WRONG!!

It all started Saturday night.  Hurricane Frances decided to hang out for awhile, which means in weather terms stay 'Stationary', right off the southeastern coast of Florida.  The rain came along with the wind.  The wind was very strong.  I could hear it howling like something out of an Edgar Allen Poe Story.  Still, I had faith that it would not get that bad, like I was some meteorologist for the night. 

THEN IT HAPPENED-Poof! The lights went out and they did not come back on for 13 more hours!  I had my walkman with batteries in it that were unused.  Every channel except one or two had ongoing news about the weather.  Apparently, other people, many people in fact!, had to deal with the same situation as I did.

I walked next door to my neighbor's place and he let me have a candle.  I was sure I would not need one, so much for what I thought.  He was not feeling well either, so I came back to my dark abode.  I lit a candle and got on the phone. 

Hardly anyone I called was home.  For awhile, it was just me and my walkman and the candle.  Then, I got my brother on the phone.  He lives in Louisiana, where I am originally from.  We talked quite awhile.  I called my sister who lives about 20 minutes from me, she was experiencing the same conditions and assured me to sit tight until morning and then she would come get me if the electricity was not restored.

It began to get HOT! No air condition, No fan twirling around in its fantastic way.  I opened the door and got some air from the blowing wind.  I knew I couldn't goto sleep with the door open as I had no idea who would be walking the streets during the night.  Believe me, people do walk the streets even in horrible weather. 

I crawled back in my bed, put the candle out, and drifted off to sleep.  

The next day I woke up.  It was still HOT! I laid in bed for awhile thinking of all those who had it way worse than me.  I thought about those whose places were flooded and had no insurance.  I thought about those who had no place left to come back to and nothing to do but start again.

Then, Poof! The electricity came back on, like it had never gone off.  

I was very LUCKY.  

Now, Ivan is on its way.  I won't stay long enough the next time to go through that again. I learned my lesson.

4 people died in the hurricane on its trek through Florida.

Now, each day that comes is another day to be happy that I am alive.  

 

 

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4:47:01 AM EDT
Feeling Quiet

"Oh Yeah Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone."-Jack And Diane, John Mellencamp.

Life is full of Adventure.  At every corner, there is a new scene.  Every day is a new day to live and dream.  Each  breath we take is an invitation to step on into the mystery called Life that awaits us.

So, why do people get bored with life? why do people lose the thrill that is offered with every breath we breathe?

Well, perhaps they forget the opportunities that are available, perhaps they listened to too many people tell them what life isn't instead of what life is, or perhaps they have become resigned after witnessing too much pain.

Whatever the reason, the thrill is never gone for long if we truly look for it.

It was Henry David Thoreau who said "Things don't change, We change."  So, we can look forward to the depths of happiness that await us with each second of the waking day.  It is all there for us to embrace, to cherish, and to adopt as ours.

It was Socrates who said "The unexamined life is not worth living." So, do not spend your precious time in fear of what You don't know about yourself.  Dig deep into your mind, that wonderful frontier that seems to go on forever.  Embrace your talents as well as your flaws.  They are what make up the beautiful life that only You can live.  Truly, we have nothing to lose but only to gain by being proud of who we are today, and the fantastic people we can become by developing our character.

Sure, the thrill can disappear at times.  Being happy all the time is not only unreasonable, it is irrational.  One does not need to be happy to feel the thrill of life.  You can watch a sad movie and cry like you haven't cried in a long time, now that is a thrill like no other.  We can go through a rainbow of feelings, there are many to encounter if we are to only look.  Now, isn't that a thrill? Just to know a wide range of feelings are available for each one of us.

We don't have to live our lives looking back to the days when the thrill was still there.  We have a better reason than that.  We are living our lives because we are alive and what can be more thrilling than that?

 

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1:31:43 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing The Who-Love Ain't For Keepin

A poem by me!

Into The Dark

Your father beat you,

Your mother made you blue,

And now you're alive with all those memories and feelings,

What are You to Do?

From the present Your roam into the dark,

Longevity your handy spark,

From the end until a new beginning,

You run the race just to see if you're winning.

Nature to guide you,

Time to soothe you,

A chance to have someone love you,

If only a sweet dream breaking through.

People can adore you,

If You would give them a try,

The world can embrace you,

If you could only hear their cry.

The End.

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8:30:26 PM EDT
Feeling Happy
Hearing The Rolling Stones-Only Rock N Roll

Sunday Brunch

School Days

1.  Did you like or dislike high school? High School was not the best time of my life, but it had its moments like when I ran for vice-president of my senior class and won!

2. Walk to school, ride the bus or catch a ride with someone? I rode the bus

   

What was your favorite subject? English was my favorite subject

4.  When it came to doing homework, did you do it right away, wait 'til
the last minute or just do it whenever you felt like it? It all depended on the subject, for example if it was math then I would do it at the last minute as I never got into math very much..

5.  Would you go to your high school reunion?  No, I wasn't that fond of high school really to want to goto a reunion.

 

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