THOUGHTS from The HEADoc

Philosophers categorize two forms of love; Agape love is the love a mother feels for her child or the love God feels for us. It is never ending and unconditional; Eros is the love man feels for woman. It usually starts in a lustful manner and may grow into something wonderful and Agape-like or it can wither and die if not tended adequately. The seed of Eros happens to two individuals but expression of the emotion is what ultimately matters. If you don't feel loved at any time during a relationship then you must accept that your partner does not feel love for you. It should be obvious but denial can be a real SOB. If you give and give and give but never receive, your partner does not love you or is a narcissistic individual incapable of expressing the emotion of love. Broken hearts always heal but one who is trapped in co-dependency will never be content or find true happiness. One who dwells in denial loses the ability for emotional balance.

We come into the world prepared to be nurtured. Unfortunately, we cannot chose our parents or our genes. When a parent is impaired by mental illness or chemical dependence they are not capable of providing this degree of nurturing and if others don't recognize the problem and intervene the child may be emotionally damaged for life. In theory, a personality or character disorder is born. Personality disorders are considered to be due to problems in infant and child development. Since this illness is wired into the brain cells (neurons) it cannot be easily reversed by giving medication or changing the environment later in life. This individual will grow up with a love deficiency, always yearning to be nurtured, but lacking a clear understanding of the proper dynamics of sharing love. The person may have the emotional development of an infant but be trapped in the body of an adult. They will pick an unsuitable mate have children and often perpetuate the cycle of dysfunction.

The human will possesses the power to overcome almost any adversity, given adequate time to do so. That is why I never lose faith in any patient genuinely putting forth an effort. This of course excludes all individuals who have smoked crack in the last seven days. Trust me, that situation is the definition of hopelessness and I am not one who quits anything easily. Crack addiction, as I have said repeatedly, is no different from AIDS or Cancer. It is the terminal stage of self medicating and is infectious in the sense of harming all enablers and innocent bystanders. As usual, I have digressed.

February 14th can be one of the happiest days of the year for the couple who truly love one another or are in the early stages of a relationship. The chocolates re-enforce the endorphin flow from their brains as they enjoy the blissful insanity nature lures and teases us with. This, strangely, is the same euphoria sought by the drug addict. Unfortunately, drugs nor dealers of drugs cannot return love but only deepen the yearnings and cravings for the missing love. For those who have chosen the crack pipe, the vicoden, xanax, or Jack Daniels as their lover, Valentine's Day will likely not be a day of joy or happiness. Those substitutes for nurturing and affection will never suffice. I no longer try to fix such individuals, but try not to contribute to their problems. Often the most I can do is try and understand them and hope that one day they choose to use their God given will power to try and improve their situation and not yield to indifference and self destruction.

My cat has taught me more about love than any woman ever has. Our agreement is that I will keep some food and water in the bowl and clean the litter box once and a while. She will never say anything bad about me or do anything to hurt me. We get along pretty good. I tell her to clean the apartment while I'm away at work. She instead turns over all of the trash cans but I never stay mad at her. If I want to stay in and watch the game, she just curls up on the sofa without a word and watches quietly as I curse and yell at the screen. No matter what time I come in she is glad to see me. In fact, the longer I'm away the happier she is to see me. We have never had a fight about anything. She always treats me the same. Sometimes I'm bad and ventilate and displace the anger and frustrations I may be feeling onto her. She doesn't even see it as abuse. She instead listens to every word with a look of bewilderment then shakes her head with a look of pity and walks away to groom herself. For these reasons I can honestly say that I love my cat.