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Two steps forward...
...one step back. We've had so many BFing issues, but finally this week we succeeded in getting Benjamin off the shields and latching directly to me - every time! Yay! It's such a relief to not have to worry about the shields (which the dogs love to eat), pumping, finger feeding, etc. Unfortunately, he has a very shallow latch, a bad habit developed due to use of the shields. As such, the pain is excrutiating! I had the lactation consultant out to the house to work with us on Tuesday, but was calling her in tears a mere seven hours later. I went to a La Leche League meeting this morning, which was very nice, and am more certain than ever that I want to work through this latest obsticle. After all, we worked so hard for five weeks to get off the shield. Anyway, I have chills now, fatigue, and a mild fever, so I think I've developed mastitis on top of the ductal yeast infection I'm already battling. I wonder how many supplements a person can take. Oh well, it's all worth it. My baby is healthy and growing and loves his mama. I found this on my babycenter.com boards today and it almost brought me to tears:
Hi Mom, sorry that I have kept you up all week. I know you are tired and truth be known so am I, but I just felt I needed you. A lot is going on right now with me and I feel so much better when you pick me up, sing to me, rock me, and feed me. I know it doesnt seem like I could be hungry when I cry every 20 minutes and guess what....I'm not, but when you pull me close and try to feed me it feel so nice. I used to be with you all the time in your tummy and sometimes I feel cold and lonely and I just need to feel close to you again.
I am sorry that the book on helping me sleep didnt work but I dont feel ready yet, I promise when I am bigger I'll sleep better, maybe even through the night....then again I've heard about that whole potty thing and I bet that might keep me up too.You really are doing a great job mom. I love you.
Oh, and dont worry about your milk. It's great! I know at times I confuse you by not eating one day and then eating soooo much the next but its just my mood, sorry to confuse things. Im sure you know how I feel though, some days I am more hungry than the next but it only takes a day and your milk becomes exactly what I need. Cool hey? I know sometimes I eat a lot, but I'm growing right now, I know the books dont say I should be having a growth spurt right now, but I am not like all other kids, I am special....isn't that what you always tell me?
So please, please, pretty please dont get too upset with me. everything is just so overwhelming at times and I need you. You know what??? I have ears, I just found them. I know its only 3am but I wanted to tell you, I am so excited. I know I only woke you up 45 minutes ago to tell you my legs hurt but I am a growing kid and I think just seeing you makes me feel better. You are so pretty mom especially at this hour!
I'll make you a deal...if you can be patient with me when I wake up at night ( it'll only last a year or so, and I hear in the big picture a year isn't really that long) and hold me, hug me and feed me my favorite yummy milk, then I'll stop complaining about that stupid mobile you make me stare at for hours at a time.
P.S. I am not the only one waking people up...you keep on waking me up to put on that annoying snow suit. No one asked me if I wanted to go out in that crazy weather.
Your loving child, and again thanks for being so patient with me I love you sooo very much.
In other news, I left the baby alone with Hubble for the first time today. Benjamin slept the entire time - figures. It was my first time away from the baby since December 20, and lemme tell you, as much as I love being a mother and love my son, those two hours were really nice!
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Shields? Shallow latch? (I read the BF issues in your second sentence and immediately thought Bum Fuck. Just thought you'd wanna know. ... but I know it's short for breast feeding, heh, heh.)
I've caught up with your life over the past few weeks now. Wow! What an emotional wringer you've gone through. Lord, I've have gone stark RAVING mad. I find it difficult to imagine the burden and responsibility of a child on my best days. Raising a child certainly isn't for the noodle boned and it looks like you're getting to experience this firsthand, huh?
You haven't updated in a while. How's it going now? -
Hope everything works out with the breastfeeding. Sounds like everyone is doing well. Love the article. Looking at life through their eyes is important and necessary.
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let the heavens bless you,your son,and your family.i just had my first in sept,as much as i liked my single life,i woulndnt change this for the world.as much as i thought i knew about babies,changes the second you have one of your own.sleep comes and goes-but the first time/for first times make it all worthwhile.enjoy!hug them and kiss them as much as you can now>because there only small once.--nicole'
1/24/05 7:51 AM