A peak at my life...

7:22:56 PM CDT
Feeling Frustrated
Hearing Discovery Channel.....something like wolves howling

So, I've now decided that driving on the South or East side is hazardous, regardless of your level of defensive driving.  I'm quite sure, had I never moved to this side of town, I'd have 1 accident on my record, instead of the 3 that I now have.  The first was my fault, I take full responsibility for that. 2 and 3, just plain piss me off. 2 was in March when a guy ran a red light and t-boned me.  He had good insurance, luckily.  3 happened today when a guy decided not to stop at a stop sign. The bad news is, I did actually stop at the stop sign, and was still doing so when he hit the back end of my pretty-until-today, car.  His car was a 1990-something Buick, which I'm quite sure contains a substantial bit more metal than my 2005 car.  Needless to say the damage was greater to my car.....

Now, I have to go get the darn thing fixed, etc. Luckily (and I say luckily because most people on this side of town dont) this guy had insurance.  It was liability insurance, so my car will be fixed, and his won't, but nonetheless, it will be fixed, Lord willing, at no charge to me. 

It bugs me immensely that this happened. I'm ok, he's ok. But damnit.....stop at the stop sign. To add to the frustration of the moment, I was on the way back from the gym, covered in sweat, wearing amazingly hot work out clothes, and didn't have my purse with my driver's license in it. Luckily, my mom brought it to me.  The guy, who had killed his radiator to the point of all the fluid being dripped out on the ground, decided to drive his car back to his house. I hope he made it, although I fear he didnt. Apparently, he doesn't realize the importance of the radiator and/or the antifreeze that it contains.  He was a worker at B-bops on the East side (big suprise), which made a little more sense as to his lack of knowledge about cars.

His only two comments: 1) "I guess I'm not selling my car now,"  and 2) "I'm sorry for causing you an inconvenience."  Yeah, you could call it that, turd.  The officer that responded was the officer that Sandra rear ended a few years back, by the way. He stepped out of his car, and I giggled to myself. How quaint that he now is a traffic cop on the South Side.

I made the day better by buying underwear at Victoria's Secret , a dress and shoes for Mirium's wedding, and their wedding present. Retail therapy, at it's best.  Anyhow, that's all for now. I'm tired.....it's been a busy day and one that I really wish would not have included a car accident. G'night all :)

Thune comes home in 14 days for the wedding.....woo-hoo :)

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1:00:30 PM CDT
Feeling Happy
Hearing "Like we never loved at all," Tim McGraw and Faith Hill

I didn't realize that I had neglected my journal so much. I know that seems like a silly excuse, but it's true. Since school ended in June, I've been being pretty lazy during the week, doing things around the house, laying out, swimming, etc. The weekends have been spent going out with friends, hanging out with friends, etc. I've been having fun, basically.

 I started working out 3 to 4 times per week, for an hour each time.  This has had good results. I'm withing 10 lbs of my goal weight that Weight Watchers has set, and within 5-8 of the goal that I think I should be at. Who knows which will actually work, I will go to my doctor and get a weight that he sees as appropriate, because I don't want to look emaciated, but instead healthy.  Since I've joined Weight Watchers in high school, I've lost 62 lbs, and this go-round I've lost 36.  I'm excited, because I hope to make lifetime (free to continue going as long as you stay within 2 lbs of your goal weight ) by Christmas time.  This MIGHT be a challenge considering I have two sets of vacation, a bachelorette party, and a wedding between now and the time that school starts. We'll see. I feel great though, and proud that I'm now smaller than I remember being since junior high school. That's not a joke.....it's true. :)

Thune is going through the "this sucks" phase of being in Washington. He sees that his job is one that a civilian contractor could have done, not someone with medical background as a combat medic/EMT.  He thought it was all fun and games when he went out there.....now he's learning differently. Everyone in his unit said "Palczewski, you're going on vacation instead of to the sandbox?" Yeah, vacation-without his girlfriend, jackass.  Blah...... He's being put on "fat man detail" which means that he has to work out twice a day until he starts to lose weight.....hilarious in my opinion. He says that dating me is what made him gain wait....I pointed out that his cardio "workouts" improved when I started dating him....so he had no proof of such. He didn't buy that....BTW, it has NOTHING to do with eating Tasty Tacos 3 to 4 times per week. It's all MY fault because when you get a girlfriend "you stop trying to look good." I don't know that Thune has ever really tried to look good-- that's part of his charm. He's just adorable, no matter what. He's very manly, doesn't care if he smells like a man. He is what he is, take it or leave it.

 In other army news, a guy in Thune's unit was killed last weekend.  He fell of his balcony in Ames, apparently part of a night of drinking. Ben Peterson was his name, and he always sat up on the balcony. Chances are he'd been warned many times.....but continued to do so. He was a sweet guy, and one that Thune and his close friend Noah worked with at Hickory Park. I called Thune as soon as I heard the news, I felt like crying. It's awful, he was only 22. Turns out our moms know what they're talking about when they say "get down from there," or "your face will stick like that..." (ok, so the 2nd has yet to be proven....hehe)

The countdown has begun....I get to see Thune in 16 days. Excited does not even begin to cover how I feel, I'm thrilled, happy, jumping up and down inside.  I told him I'll probably tackle him in the airport when I go to pick him up.....he just giggled. Wait till he finds out I wasn't kidding...lol.

Anyhow, that's all that has been going on.  I'm enjoying my summer. This week I work a 4 day week, followed by another 4 day week. I then have a bachelorette party and a family vacation the same weekend. The following week is the wedding and Thune will be there, then two weeks of actually working 40 hours a week, and I leave for Seattle the 3rd week of August. The week after that, my senior year of college starts.  I'm excited to be getting ready to graduate.  Real life, here I come.  I think I'll be bored when I don't have craziness all around me. 

Have a g'day everyone. 

 

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12:03:13 AM CDT
Feeling Embarrassed
Hearing Disney Channel music

I'm probably like the most naive person, ever. This probably surprises you all none.  I went to Drink on Saturday night with my girlfriends, thinking that I would not get harassed. We were all up on the dance floor dancing....and a guy comes up behind me and starts dancing. That's fine....whatever. He starts pushing himself into my back and he's like a good 8-10 inches taller than me. That makes his "appendage" fit right into the small of my back. Good God....I could have died....I was WAY passed embarrassed, and sort of pissed off. Now, had it just been a flaccid appendage, I would have been ok. However, it was not.  Needless to say, Thune thinks it's hilarious. I don't even know what to say. I didn't think crap like that happened.....nor do I think it should happen. I was not the one who caused said appendage to be upright and in full glory, I just had to deal with the consequences.

Once the night wore on, it got better. The night contained a friend of Dani's, Danielle, Erin and Mirium.  Actually, it was pretty good to start out with too. We went out for Mexican food at On the Border at Jordan Creek. Then walked around Jordan Creek to shake down the food, making room for alcohol.  We decided to go to Drink, and stayed there from around 9:30 to 2 am. We hit up an after hours bar, though we shouldn't have. We took a cab back to my place, and Dani was puking shortly after we got here. I put a guy in his place-sort of. He was asking who was single of the group, and I replied "Everyone but I....my boyfriend is deployed in the army." He goes "Oh, that means you're single then, don't worry about it." I flipped him off, then got super mad at him. Disrespectful people are almost as bad as the guy who got a little dance crazy.

So.....it was really fun socially, but I've decided that I don't like attention that is unsolicited. Any attention that isn't from my friends or boyfriend, is pretty much unsolicited.  I love the way Thune looks at me with love and affection. I hate the way guys look at me in the bar, because it's the "I want in your pants," look. Icky...

Anyhow, it was a success overall. The pictures are pretty fun....we took some in front of a fan....trying to look like supermodels.  Have a g'night all!

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10:36:18 AM CDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing None...just humming of computers in the lab.

I've sort of realized that I'm more of an introvert than I originally thought. I've learned to actually like time to myself, which is good considering I've been having a lot of it lately. Class got out early today, because you can only do so much art before non-artsy people get pissed off and say screw it. I drew a pretty darn good picture of my brother, which I do believe will be the high point of the four week class I'm taking. Oh well, $1500 to get extra-frustrated is awesome, eh?

So, Thune has been gone a month today.  I'm realizing how incredibly strong I am, (not bragging, I just realize it now). I'm further starting to see why God gives me the tough things to deal with in life-because I can handle it, and not spaz out about it like the rest of my family. My life is a product of hard work, dedication, and not being a spaz, because lets face it-it just makes you look like a complete nut if you're a spaz.  Now, I realize I'm a very excitable person-meaning I talk with my hands and get very excited when I'm with people, talking and laughing, etc. But, I've learned that in hard situations, I deal.  I think Thune rubbed off on me, because I've noticed a constant mellowing of myself over the last year and a few months....which just happens to coincide with the beginning of us dating. Coincidence,?, me-thinks not.

I got a card from Thune yesterday, which was interesting. Most won't want to hear what was it in (trust me, because it was Thune being Thune). It was literally a sympathy card from him, mourning the loss of our sex life. Creative, no?  I giggled...then went about my business. Every day is a surprise with him, so I've learned to just laugh it all off, well most of it anyhow. He was telling me last night about some hippies in Seattle who thought that they could stand in front of a shipment of about a 100 'strikers' which are military armored vehicles, sort of like tanks-apparently more stealthy.  They were going to port to be shipped God knows where, and these individuals thought that they could protest the war by standing in front of the strikers. Brilliant idea, eh?  Well....needless to say there were said number of people arrested yesterday in Seattle. Duh...I realize that protest is how change comes about sometimes, but perhaps protesting while not standing in front of how-ever-many ton vehicles would be a better idea, because lets face it-they can run you over....and reduce you to dust. I realize that'd never happen, but sometimes I wonder whether people think about that before they do crazy protests like that. 

I booked my flight a week ago to go see my honey in Seattle. It was bittersweet, because it's in August, but it was refreshing in that I now have something to look forward to.  It was fairly expensive at $475, but that is flying out of Des Moines. I asked Thune's opinion regarding where to fly out of, and he seemed to think that it'd just be easier to fly out of Des Moines so I wouldn't have to drive elsewhere.  I agreed, but $150 more for a flight is a bit much. His re I went to a graduation party with Ari (Thune's brother) and we walked in the door to be greeted to "Um...something's missing..." to which I replied "A Thune..." and Ari replied "An Angie (his girlfriend..." We are now each others obligatory dates, because his girlfriend is in law school in Minnesota.  We are going to a wedding together in August, because in my opinion-can't get much safer than his brother as far as a date goes. 

For the last few weekends, I've gone out with my girlfriends, which has been nice. I haven't really talked to, or hung out with them for a long time because college life has been pretty rough for a while. I've decided that I don't like attention from guys at the bars though, and I told Thune I figured out why. When Thune gives me attention, and looks at me-there is love behind the way that he looks at me. I can see his intentions and that he loves and cares about me. When other, random guys look at me or give me attention (unwanted and unsolicited) they are just doing it because it's the run-of-the-mill "I wanna get some" look. That disgusts me in general. So, I've been trying to make sure that there is a boyfriend or a guy friend of whoever I'm going with when I go out, because most guys leave me alone then.

I'm trying to get a part time job for the summer, for the weekdays to try and fill some time that I have-and because I'd like to save up some money. I applied at Panera Bread because they have way early shifts, like 5 am so I can get in a good number of hours before I go to my other job. We'll see if that works out for me.

Anyhow, this post is fairly long, so I suppose that I should go.  Have agreat day, and don't hesitate to give me a call if any of ya'll are bored on a given weekend. Chances are, I have no plans. It's sort of a "fly by the seat of my pants" plan on the weekends. G'day all.

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10:55:54 AM CDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing Nothing, I'm in the computer lab.

Good news: every day is getting easier. Bad news: it's harder than I imagined to continue a relationship when the phone is the only thing connecting you (besides our hearts, of course).  It's hard to gauge emotions, tiredness level, etc from only the tone of his voice. I know him well enough to tell when he's annoyed, goofy, tired, pissed off, and sad. If there are other emotions-I'm a goner.  Luckily we talk on the phone at least once a day.  It's still just so hard only having the phone, I'd say that's the hardest part about it. It's also challenging when he talks about going out with the guys (because there is nothing to do on the Army base), because it's difficult not to get jealous over them being with him and me not. I'm not upset that he goes out, because life goes on, but it hurts that I can't be with him like I want to be.

Hopefully this week or next he'll get his permanent address, and I can start sending him pictures, letters, and cards. Yes, I will be that annoying girlfriend. Why? Because I can be. I always gave him an "I love you" card on a regular basis, just for the heck of it, when he was here. I might as well continue that tradition while he's there.  If I could think of a creative way to ship Tasty Tacos to him, he'd probably bow down and kiss my feet. That's his favorite restaurant of all, I'm sure he'll eat it a ton when he comes back.

I mentioned the other night about my moving out of my parents house when he gets back (because won't move out until I graduate- I don't want to live alone, I've never been the loner type). I said to him "When you get back it'll be time to shit or get off the perverbial pot (I was somewhat kidding)," to which he replied, "Whatever."  He says I can propose to him, which will not happen.  Also, he mentioned how it will be like "starting to date all over again," when he gets back. This idea does not excite me, and really almost hurt my feelings. I'll be as close and as much his best friend throughout all this as I was before he left. I will continue to be the same person, and he the same person even though we had some time apart. There must be a reason that marriages work out throughout deployment, and I like to think that our relationship is strong enough to withstand this as well, if not making us stronger and more independent (well, me anyway). 

I hate the fact that he'll have two more years of college after he gets back as well. That means that my dreams of being a young mom will most likely be put on hold-because I don't think he wants to balance being a dad, school, and working all at one time. Nor would I want him to try and do so. I can wait, whether I want to or not I suppose. I've always cherished the relationship that my mom and I have because we're so close in age. We've fought but when it comes down to it-we stick together through the crappiest of things.  I want that for my children as well.

I get more cynical of the war as the days past. Thune is deployed in what's called "Operation Enduring Freedom," to which I reply "We're already free-dumbshits." I realize that it has to with the Iraqi freedom, but if I'm not mistaken, they should be about prepared to uphold their own f reedom. Throw in the new conflicts with Iran, and I just roll my eyes. It will never end, we WILL always be hated by someone. America ALWAYS has been. We as a nation, and perhaps mostly our leaders, think we're great, and try to push our wealthiness and power on other people, of course it's going to make people angry.  I'm cynical of the fact that I don't believe in this war, and the fact that I think our president 1) mislead us as to the pretenses for this war and 2) continues to deny that this war is about oil.  There MUST  be a reason that all 4-star Generals deployed into "Operation Iraqi Freedom" want Donald Rumsfeld out. I don't get involved with politics until it becomes personal. Then, I get pissed. If this stupid war were not going on, there would be no need to deploy those soldiers from the army base hospital to Iraq, thus leaving no reason for Thune to be in Washington right now.  He sees it as his duty, because thats why he signed up for the Army. I see it as something far more crappy.I love that he's willing and able to be there, but I don't love that he has to be there.

I know this is a rant, and I apologize. It's hard to deal with seeing all of this stuff on T.V. and not get a little heated. Men keep dying, and families torn apart. It's awful, no matter what your political beliefs are. I voted for the darn man. If I could go back and re-vote, I know I'd not pick him again.  Approval rating at an alltime low for almost any President? Duh- "W", keep on having a war, it will go down even further. 

G'day all.

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11:25:20 AM CDT
Feeling Sad
Hearing None

Well, I thought my life was interesting up until now. Now, it's plunged way past interesting, through difficult and straight into "sucks the big one." I was told a week ago today that Thune would be deployed to Washington State for 18 months. I found out yesterday, right before a final that he's leaving first thing Friday morning.  I haven't quit crying since. It feels like my eyeballs should just fall out of my head, because they are so dry-yet they are still quite capable of producing more tears.

So, for the next 18 months I'll be going it solo.  He has to miss his best friends wedding (he was supposed to be a groomsman), my graduation, my taking RN liscensure exams, and God knows what else.  I just feel like I don't know what to feel. I can't feel anger, because it's not his fault. It kills me to think about being that long without him, though I know I"ll see him before the 18 months is up. I've barely been a few weeks without him, and now it'll be months before I get to see him again. And when he does come back, I won't want him to leave.

I realize such is the life of a military man. I didn't just fall in love with him, I fell in love with all that he's dedicated to. But it doesn't take away the pain of deployment. I'd bet that military wives who've lived through deployment time and time again feel the same thing each time the one they love leaves.

So, I'll have a ton more free time this summer, in case anyone would want to hang out. I'd like to stay busy, because my thoughts alone will drive me insane.  I guess I can say this: this will teach me to be more independent. That's probably the only positive statement I can come up with at this point.  I'm semi-numb and hurting all at the same time. Yuck. G'day all.

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10:21:21 PM CST
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing Various Country (Hey, I get bored easily)

This is my new car!! How exciting, eh? It's a 2005 Dodge Stratus.....and it's cute as can be. I was soooo excited because I got approved for the $13,000 loan on my own. This time around I didn't need a co-signer, and I knew the guy so I got a bit of a deal. With $1300 down, my payments are around $239, and the only part that kills me is insurance. It's $202 dollars a month to ensure myself, which is insane. I've been in two accidents (one NOT my fault, I must add) and it is crazy that because I'm under the age of 24 that I have to bend over and take it. Yucky...my age will ALWAYS hold me back in one way or another.

In other news, I'm planning on spending time with Robbie tomorrow night, so I'm super excited. I haven't seen him since Lillie's party, and I'm missing time with him.  Word is that other friends will come, so I'm excited to meet new people, or just see Dana because I've barely spent any time with her. Either way, it'll be a great night. Never been to the bars in Ames, so that out to be fun as well. Glad I don't have to stay home and be DD for the guys whenever they call (usually after 2 am). I'll be in Ames, so they won't be able to get a ride anyhow :)

Also, Thune and I had the all important "future" talk the other day. It was the second go round of the same conversation. This time, I asked for a general timeline, and general affirmation of intentions (which sounds impressive, but is just a fancy way of saying "What's up with us, what's the future going to hold?") We agree that engagement can wait (because I've been engaged before and I'm a little scared and shy), and that our hearts are in the same arena of a marriage (though I say a beach and that makes him think a beach in Iowa is ok-NOT, NOT OK). So, we agreed that sometime within the next few years, we plan on starting a life together. It's great to hear it, talk about it-but not too much because then I get nervous. I say he's the phobic one when it comes to complete committment, but I'm afraid I suffer from it a bit.

I disclosed to him that above all in life-I'm scared to death of failure. I'm scared, beyond all belief to fail at being a girlfriend, wife, mother, daughter, friend, etc. I'm sure this is no surprise to you all-I'm a perfectionist because of it. I hold myself to high standards, and sometimes my standards for others are outlandish because I'm scared of failing myself. Whether or not it makes any sense, I'm not sure. But I've finally come tothis understanding, and new knowledge of myself. I've also discovered that I'm anal-retentive when it comes to schedules (and that if you want to piss me off, that's how to do it).  I cannot stand when schedules get changed or when people are late. Think-worst thing in the whole world, drive me crazy for days. That's how schedule oriented I am. I think it's because I have to schedule my time down to the last minute, so it makes me that way by default. Who knows.

I had a dream last night, that scared me-and almost made me wake up crying.  Women out there know what I mean when I say that this dream was so real, it hurt my heart.  I had a dream that I went through a prenancy, had a home birth-with a doctor present and had a little boy named Isaac Nicholas that had problems (which I don't remember for the most part), but I'm fairly certain were severe.  Now, I know I'm not currently pregnant for 100% certain-but it was one of those dreams that makes you wonder. I'm not sure what the dream means-but when I was getting my sugar glow treatment, the girl told me about someone giving birth in a toilet (her friend is an OB nurse). Maybe it's some weird dream guided by her discussing that. I'm not sure, it just freaked me out. I made a big deal about it with Thune, and he thought I was nuts for making a big deal out of it. Go figure :)

So, not a lot else. I spent most of my spring break not doing a whole lot.  I should have done at least a couple things. I did get some eating, and drinking accomplished though-so perhaps not a complete failure.  Weight Watchers: down 25 lbs total, but not weighing in tomorrow (mid week drinks and eating didn't work out so hot for me, I believe).

I'll try to update when I have this much to say again. It was refreshing to have a lot to discuss. G'day all :)

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7:21:13 PM CST
Feeling Happy
Hearing Country music-various

You Are Emerald Green

 Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you.
Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show.
People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate.
But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you.

 

Also, I went to the spa today. It was awesome, I had a facial, sugar scrub with body butter, pedicure, manicure and makeup application. It was fantastic...and relaxing.... :)

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3:04:24 PM CST
Feeling Happy
Hearing Star Wars music

Absouletly a hilarious adventure. First, we went out to dinner at Rock Bottom Brewery/Restaurant. Then we made our way to Royal Mile to celebrate. We took my parent's van because then only one person (Thune's brother Ari), had to be DD. So, in the van was Lacie, Tom, Mirium, Thune, Kevin, Ari and I. Shortly after we got there, Danielle walked in and surprised me. She had told me that she wouldn't be able to be there, so I was really excited. She brought me  a "morning after" present and it was great.

So, then half of Grand View comes (mostly nursing majors)-see pictures.  There were a ton of friends there, so I was very excited. The pictures show my level of drunken-ness.  I puked once at the bar before we left, and then after we got home. It was the stupid shots that friends from school were buying me that killed me. I got made fun of from it, believe me.

But, it was awesome. I got to see a ton of people from school, and a few from high school. I didn't get ID'd once, which is crazy. I haven't gotten ID'd once since I've turned 21....I'm actually WANTING to get ID'd....but ah well.

I was home at 2, and in bed by a few minutes after that. Apparently everyone else (Lacie, Ari, Kevin, Dani and Tom and Mirium) were up till 4:30 this morning drinking. I am glad I wasn't in that group, because I feel pretty darn good today. Just a bit tired....

Anyhow, nothing else exciting. 24.8 lbs down for Weight Watchers. About 15 or so lbs from lifetime. I'll get there eventually :) G'day!

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12:25:18 PM CST
Hearing chitter chatter in the student center
Well.....my life is officially a soap opera.

Today is my birthday, of course.  I got woke up at 8:30 by mom teling me to wake her up at 9:45 to take my car in (because someone ran a red light and t-boned me last Thursday). I'm ok, the car is not. he had full insurance so it's covered, but getting the car looked at it is the tricky part. I have NO time, and my mom's been sick. So, she calls back at 9:30 (I'm still sleeping mind you) telling me that she won't make it today, but will schedule for tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully she makes that one, because this is the 2nd time she's cancelled it in two days.

Then....(as if the fact that it's pouring and I did my hair nicely today) I get a call from the County Attorney. Apparently, Dad was arrested last night for asault and domestic abuse, of his girlfriend who is only 21. So, he had me verify a bunch of information regarding my dad. I told him that I've only really known him for 6 months and that I'd try to answer his qustions, because he can only contact who Dad tells him to contact, and Mom wasn't one of those people. So, he's in jail and who knows when he'll get ouf of there. I told the guy that I would prefer Dad goes into a program that provides stability and rigidity, because he doesn't know how to manage his own free time, which is what causes his problems. At least I don't have to worry about him coming to my birthday party on Friday :)

Then, I go to the DOT to get my new liscense (sans the under 21 statment-yes I'm anal). They say to me "well, you've had a lot of duplicates in the last 4 years." I said "well, i've moved a lot in the last few years." I think they think I'm running an ID scam or some sort. I'm not, I swear. 

Anyhow, so I hope that the rest of the day goes a little bit better. I'm tired, but in a decent mood. Thune gave me a $250 gift certificate to the spa, so I think that's awesome. He said to me "I was checking out the engagement ring situation, and I decided to give up on that, because $1000 doesn't buy much anymore." Which is exciting, intriguing and scary. I'm actually scared about being engaged again some day,who knew? I hope that means something good.

Anyhow, hope everyone has a good day!  I'll update after my birthday party for sure :)


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