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KMae Today

Public Journal
RAMBLINGS OF A UNIVERSAL VAGABONDESS,
SKYGYPSY, SKYGODDESS, SKYDYKE, SKYSISTER, SKYBIDDY, SKYWENCH...
MINDPATHS OF A WANDERING WONDER WARRIOR...
AN AGING & DEFIANT SOLDIER OF MENOPAUSE
or
WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING NOW???


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Sunday, September 7, 2008
Subject: September Is Here Already???  dang.
Time: 12:49:52 PM EDT
Author:  kmb524
Mood:  Bummed
Music:  TV  HGTV


BoooooHooooHooooHooo! 
I LOVE SUMMER, I don't want it to end. 
snarful, cough!
I KNOW it's hot.  I KNOW I have hot flashes on top of that.  I KNOW our frickin' central air-conditioning broke this year (it was hell) & we made "do" with a window air-conditioner in our upstairs bedroom. (Worked fine, & boy did we save on the electric bill!)  I KNOW the mosquitos could give us west nile virus or worse...  geeze I could go on & on... 

I KNOW the changing of the leaves are spectacular & the most gorgeous time of the year, esp in the Poconos.  I KNOW the crispness in the air is so fresh & revitalizing.  I KNOW the flights get back to 'normal' with all the rugrats back in school, vacations over & just regular business passengers that are 'aware' of the fucked up changes in flying & are already 'over' it, thus easier trips. 

But I LOVE SUMMER.  I love the smell of sunshine, fresh cut lawns, flowers, the ocean waves crashing on the shore, chirping birds & even crickets & croaking frogs!  Summer is so short here in the East.  I should SO live in LA.  But Doris won't go.  sigh.

Yeah, yeah yeah - Fall is the greatest time of the year, BUT it too only last a short minute.  Like summer, the bliss is SO quick.  Then here comes the weather, rainstorms, sleet & snow, & there goes the sun & light.  Here comes my depression from light deprivation, there goes the lazy hazy days outside, here comes the prison of staying indoors from the frickin' 'elements.' 

Waaaaa waaaaa waaaa, oh let me just shut the F up right now.  It is what it is, this is where I live with my frickin' beloved...
snarlll, snort.

I'm lucky I'll have trips to Lax to get to the sunny skies, green grass & palm trees in the winter time.  Hopefully.  The way things are going our airline may take that away from us too, they've already CANCELLED all but ONE Los Angelos trip into & out of Newark Airport.  Driving to JFK is out of the question, esp in bad weather.  So I pray to maintain "status quo."

Okay, I'll stop bitching now.  (For the moment!)
Let me get outside & enjoy the sunny warmth while I still can.  oye.


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Thursday, August 28, 2008
Subject: Nominating Barack
Time: 10:19:47 PM EDT
Author:  kmb524
Mood:  Jubilant
Music:  TV  Democratic Convention


Watching history being made tonight!  Soon Barack will accept the nomination...  I was for Hillary & am dissappointed she was not chosen for VP.  pissed actually.  BUT I shall be happy for Obama & support the democrats.  Why ANYone would vote for 4 more years of Republican bullshit is beyond me.  But if Dumb Butts did it for the last TWO terms, I supposed it is possible.  Hopefully NOT. 

Doris came home from the hospital where she ended up 3 days with a bad UTI, Kidney infection.  She was SICK & now is home trying to build up her stregnth.  I am RELIEVED.  phew!

I am down to 158 lbs now.  Yea!  I am doing well at WW. 

I am flying out to Lax tomorrow & life goes on.

Now, let's get down the nomination of the first Black president!!!  Oh yeah.


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Sunday, July 20, 2008
Subject: 7/17/08
Time: 12:37:26 PM EDT
Author:  kmb524
Mood:  Blissful
Music:  TV   Trading Spaces


On Thur 7/17/08 Doris & I celebrated our 27th Anniversary!  pretty Amazing! 

We went to the shore at Ocean Grove, set our blue, hooded chairs up on the boardwalk & just chilled! 

It was a glorious day- sunny, blue skies, stratus clouds, Quiet, Peaceful, with a cooling breeze in the summer heat!  Seagulls & smaller birdies sailed above, butterflies hopped from flower to flower on the dunes, & that exquisite sound of waves crashing on the shore made a perfect, lazy afternoon into evening. 

We ate at our favorite Main Street 'joint' which is an old apothecary drug store/soda fountain turned into a great restaurant.  Love the Salmon Caesar salad there!

We had both gotten balloons & cards for each other, & Doris got us 3 pink roses!  I have to say it was So Great having the RV at the beach so there is always a bathroom handy.  Phew, man!  always gotta pee.

It was a wonderful day, love after 27yrs is a beautiful thing!  Comfortable & still vibrant!  I was so happy.  It was a perfect celebration.

Oh, also I cut my hair!  OFF!  SHORT!  This is the third cut in 2 months.  The first one took off 13 inches & was below the shoulders with hair going over my left eye.  Doris liked it okay but just stared at me the 1st day cause she never saw me without long hair.  She called me Veronica with that cut. 

Next I cut it above my shoulders as it was too hot wearing it down all the time. That took 8 more inches off & was a medium 'bob'.  Doris hated it & I did too.  It was too dull, she said I looked like an old church lady & I had to agree.  It looked like that 'doo' that Star Jones had with the glasses.  It was boring & I needed an edge. 

So a week ago off it all came.  6 more inches (looked like a dead varmint on the floor!)  Surprise of all surprises, after decades of long straight hair, the back is short & curly, the top & front I have to curl & I have a bit of a pomp!  It's so cute & Doris likes it (anything was better than the last) & she is now calling me Shortie.  She definitely liked my long hair the best, tho'.  It can always grow back.  But for now, I love it, it feels so light & cool for the summertime!  I'm happy!!!  I just need to learn how to do it, it will take time.  Sorry I don't know how to do pictures on this blog.  You'll just have to use your imagination!


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Saturday, June 28, 2008
Subject: I Got Nothin' Much to Say
Time: 10:56:19 AM EDT
Author:  kmb524
Mood:  Lazy
Music:  TV  E-Weekend News


Dang.  I can not believe how little I've written in my blog this year, when it used to be all I focused on.  I'm thinking my life just isn't that interesting, however it hasn't been bad!  Mainly, I am flying overtime as usual & resting on my few days off.. ie laying around the house & watching TV.  ha!  I am seriously tired but life goes on.

The rest of my focus is on loosing weight with WW & last time around I was so booring constantly talking about it in this online journal that I swore I wouldn't subject folks to that anymore.  Hence I started the special Elist for WW folks to write into ea day with their progress & problems & it has helped me focus.  And since it IS about loosing weight, I don't feel so self conscious talking about it all the time.  So far I am now down to 165.  Yea!  Getting there!  And I do write in that everyday.

As for turning 61- the body seems to be breaking down wierdly enough...  I had mentioned the back going out, then my neck going out 2 weeks later.  Well the latest is 2 more weeks later my damn right KNEE went out which really scared me because that is new.  I was worried it wouldn't get better, but now it seems to come & go.  I definately don't like this & I have stopped all work outs at the gym until the ole knee hopefully gets better.  Oddly enough I can't believe I am still loosing weight without all the treadmill & machine work outs.  I would still be healthier if I did exercise, tho'.

Doris & I have been doing well & have another anniversary coming up next month.  She has had the grandkids staying over on days I have flown out of town.  That has been great for me. 

Oh, & I have cut my hair again, so that is a huge difference...  First I cut it 11 inches & it was beautiful but grew fast & hung on my shoulders making me so hot for the summer.  So now I cut it 8 more inches & it is above my shoulders.  I don't like this "bob" so much & am thinking about cutting it even shorter, altho' Doris won't like it.   I am trying to figure out how to style it,  it is hard since I've had it long all my life. 

So now you see why I haven't written in a month.  Pure booring drek.  I'll write again when I have something to say.
Adios MF's!


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Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Subject: A Good Day
Time: 11:48:08 PM EDT
Author:  kmb524
Mood:  Happy
Music:  TV   David Letterman


I lost 2.6 lbs at WW today at weigh-in.  I am shocked.  My back & neck have been out so no exercise for so long.  i overate some Chinese food a week ago & had butter popcorn at Sex In the City.  I have drank 2 liters of water a day & I guess that must have really helped!  I finally broke thru 170 lbs & I'm now at 168 !  I'm actually going down.  Wow.  I am grateful.  Going to meetings & the new website I started for WW'ers in our leader Ann's group is what has helped. 

Doris & I are perfectly good today.  Wierd.  But I'm not going to complain, I am definately grateful for that too.




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Subject: Intense
Time: 12:41:07 AM EDT
Author:  kmb524
Mood:  Depressed
Music:  TV  craig ferguson


Doris & I had a big fight this afternoon.  Huge fight.
It was about money.
She doesn't ever seem to have much, certainly not enough to pay her part of the bills.  She says she 'pays them', but she only partially pays & so the rest is added on to the next bill & the next, etc.  It's very difficult dealing with someone like this. I really want to eat over it.  Stuff down all those negative feelings.

She claims to have paid "everything.  I paid it all" before she retired.  She did not as I always paid the mortgage & she paid the other stuff.  Anyway, I don't know how I'm supposed to pay all the rest as well as the mortgage, I just simply don't make enough money.  I can't do real estate anymore, it's not for me. 

My back went out a few weeks ago, & my neck had just gotten better from going out.  But it now has gone out again, so I can't work out at the gym.  I'm not looking fwd to weigh in at WW tomorrow. 

Doris informed me she would be moving out to a senior citizen apt building & I can just keep the damn house.  That everything was fine when she worked & had money, but now I am just driving her crazy.  Ah, yeah back at ya.

We really scream at each other now.  I'm sure the damn neighbors can hear us.  But after that, things seem to be back to normal. 

I later asked, so when do you think you'll be moving to the Sr Citizen building?  She laughed & said I ain't going anywhere babe.  But I just wonder....


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Sunday, May 25, 2008
Subject: CRAP!  I TURNED 61 YESTERDAY!
Time: 12:31:23 PM EDT
Author:  kmb524
Mood:  Hopeful
Music:  HGTV  


WOW!  I am old!  Holy crap I'm 61!  My brain doesn't feel that way as I still don't know what the hell I'm doing in life from day to day.  BUT my freakin' back went out on my flight 2 days ago so my body is feeling decrepit.  Therefore this birthday is a bit of a downer, altho' I KNOW this pain isn't permanent as it is getting less each day. 

I used it as an excuse Not to go to church today & just lay around & rest.  Also I shall be missing a bbq after church that as much as I LOVE that food, I really need to stay away since I'm back to loosing weight.  (Oh gee, 3 big lbs in 3 weeks -woo!) 

I've totally neglected my blog since I started my cool, new website for our WW group.  It has helped keep me focused & working hard.  In fact I'm thinking maybe all that time I've spent on the treadmill & machines (6 out of 7 days ea week) is what jostled my back so much that it went out more easily when we hit turbulence in flight.  (probably nOt!)  I just really don't understand why this happened since I thought my body'd be stronger with all this working out at the gym.  Guess it will just take time to actually get stronger.  Hopefully.

So when I got home from the airport Doris had beautiful pink roses, 3 great balloons & 2 mushy, fabulous cards waiting for me on the kitchen table!  The next morning she called me from her car place where they told her she needed a new tire (socked it to her in the tune of $200.)  We met for brunch at  Perkins then went to a few stores, then home, then back out to Charlie Brown's for my birthday dinner (which she couldn't even afford to pay for since she had to put out all that money for the stupid tire.)  She really had wanted to go into the City to see fleet week & all the sailors & ships.  Hey, wait a minute, this is MY birthday damn it. 

Afterwards we just came home & eventually crawled into bed.  Jeese I was SO tired that I couldn't even stay awake to midnight & went to sleep at 1130pm.  Huh???  I'm always up 'till 0300am.
Good GRIEF!

On turning 61, I am grateful I'm still alive & basically have good health, the bad back isn't permanent, at least not at 61 yet!  I have a job I don't hate & I'm not depressed today.  It has been really hard trying to deal with all the Debt Doris has accrued, actuallymaybe I should say trying NOT to deal with it. 

My fear is possibly loosing the house eventually, but probably that wont happen as I can still pay the mortgage ea month.  Good thing I still have a job, but internally I feel it's not fair.  I have broken out with itchy hives here & there, & I know it's my rage at all this popping out thru my skin.  On the surface, I still love & adore Doris, but underneath I do have obvious (Seething!) resentments. 

I'm not going anywhere tho', sticking here with her to the end.  I finally figured out what the hell...  if we do loose our home (small & humble as it is) we can always move back into an apartment or rent a house, or go to a senior citizen's building.  Life will still go on. 

The important thing is LOVE & good health.  Seriously.  Everything else is just ICING on the cake of life!  An when you thing of it, every new day is a birthday of sorts.


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Friday, May 9, 2008
Subject: I Only lost 1 Dang Lb Again This Week
Time: 12:49:16 AM EDT
Author:  kmb524
Mood:  Angry
Music:  TV     Craig ferguson


I am SO discouraged.  I only lost 1.4 frickin' lbs on WW weigh in.  WTF???
 

Let me tell you; 
I have done the damn treadmill 45min almost everyday (not 20 min, not 30min but FOURTYFIVE M.F. MINUTES everyday, even on my stupid layover in lax. 
I have counted the damn points everyday.
I have hardly eaten anything sinful & delicious & have just stayed in the 'healthy choices' perimeter.
I stopped drinking diet coke again finally (VERY hard). (Man, I miss caffeine!)
I'm drinking WATER all the time.  snore.

How could I have worked SO hard, esp on the treadmill (45min is LONG & boring, I have to read a magazine or book to get thru it) & have only lost a smidge over 1 lb???  I just don't get it. 

I'm exhausted & I have to fly out again tomorrow.  This layover I think I'll just STAY IN BED an extra hour instead of getting up early to go down to the hotel gym (altho' they DO have great cybex equip.)  But screw it, I'm taking the sleep instead of the exercise - one dippy pound???

The first time around loosing the 50lbs was hard & all, but I never did the exercise other than hitting Curves about once or twice a week for 30 min.  This time I'm working out in a real healthclub/gym for long periods of time, should I not expect to loose more weight faster than the last time around???
Seriously, what the hell???

Okay, rant over (for now!)


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Thursday, May 8, 2008
Subject: That First Trip After Vacation...
Time: 2:51:02 AM EDT
Author:  kmb524
Mood:  Quiet
Music:  TV   Oprah


GooOOOoOOOd LORD!!
Have MERcy.
About 1 hour before landing a female psgr attacked a male Flight Attendant in the aft galley because they wouldn't serve her any more vodka. 

She had been told to sit down & fasten her seat belt because the seat belt sign was on.  She wouldn't move & kept asking for vodka.  (Earlier she could barely stay on her feet going to the lav & needed help getting back to her seat.)  She kept asking for vodka all night (5 1/2 hr flight) & did not like that she had been cut off. 

When she wouldn't sit down when the seat belt sign went on, she lunged into the galley & grabbed the intercom phone out of a FA'S hand & started bashing him in the head with it repeatedly, she started hitting & scratching him with her other hand.  3 FA's were sitting on the aft jumpseat (myself included) & we jumped up & tried to stop her.  Her adrenalin was SO powerful we couldn't pull her off, he was bleeding from his temple & long sabre scratchmarks on his arm, & she knocked out a cap on his tooth.  He was backed up against the ovens trying to cover his face & protect himself.  Another male FA finally got her off him & escorted her back to her seat, where she became docile then fell asleep. (passed out!)  Police & paramedics met the flight on landing in NJ.  I can't say much else as it's now turned over to the FBI. 

The thing is it was so scarey.  It happened SO fast, she just snapped.  Also she was so small (about 5'7") & slim & waifish, I would have never thought she would have any kind of power.  OMG.   It was really terrible. My friend was taken to a hospital in an ambulance & had a tetnus shot.  He isn't back to work yet. 

I just flew another trip with the other 2 FA's involved & we are all achey & exhausted & rather lethargic...  I personally just couldn't get any speed up tonight, I just didn't care.  I mean I cared about the psgrs, but not about how fabulous I worked the flight.  And of course you all must realize by now I am an awesome, fast & efficient Flight Attendant.  Or I was.  ha!

I have one day off, I am going to the gym & WW. 


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Thursday, May 1, 2008
Subject: Last Day Of Vacation
Time: 12:05:33 PM EDT
Author:  kmb524
Mood:  Sad
Music:  TV   News


I'm sad.  This is the last day of my 2 week vacation.  While I'm grateful to have had time off, it just wasn't enough.  Never is. 
boo hoo.

Oh shut up Kathy & be satisfied  for what you've got & happy you have a job to go to.  shish. 


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