Has Anyone Seen My Bikini?

1:47:59 PM EDT
Feeling Happy
Hearing Beach Boys - Surfin in the U.S.A

The pool is full, the sunshine is out and the bikini (and the bikini mama) made it into the pool this weekend Sunday afternoon. Sweet! I'm signing off until the next project but that can wait until next summer ; )

But wait.

There's still the small issue of taking the pool down for the winter...

Written by kmhistand Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

4:02:35 PM EDT
Feeling Anxious
Hearing BJ Thomas - Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head

Interesting forecast for tonight: Scattered thunderstorms, especially during the evening. Isolated severe weather is possible.

I wonder if "isolated" means a deluge of rain water will fall directly in proportion to the pool's perimeter and dump, say, 1,460 gallons of water in the pool so that I can go swimming tomorrow?

Have to go see about yanking on that bikini strap hanging out of my dresser to show it who's boss and get ready for the big day tomorrow ; ) 

 

Written by kmhistand Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

5:19:00 PM EDT
Feeling Surprised
Hearing George Harrison - Here Comes the Sun

I'm sure you're curious how the pool project is going and where the bikini is. I wish I could tell you that I'm floating around the pool enjoying my margarita in my bikini but the truth is, the bikini is stuffed into the second drawer in my dresser and I swear it's trying to escape because for some reason I can't get the damn drawer closed and the strap is casually hanging out like a drunk tramp at a bar, taunting me....

The pool is mostly level thanks to the boys shoveling, laying ten bags of mulch and twelve bags of peat moss underneath. It's really amazing they were able to do this so quickly, it's only been a few days. It's not easy conquering a mountain you know. 

The pool is half-full (only 1,500 gallons of water to go) and the well seems to be cooperating as long as we don't wash dishes, cars, ourselves... we turn the water on for 15 minutes every two hours in the daytime and we get about 40 gallons in the pool. By my calculations, we should be full by early fall, just in time to take everything down and store it for winter. Gotta love it. I wonder if the neighbors are planning on going on vacation anytime soon. We could get more water in with two hoses...

Did you know that you can truck water in? I just found out that you can pay someone to load a truck full of water and deliver it to your home. Wonder what happens to a truck full of water at a 90 degree plus angle?

It's funny, there must be a few other moms like me around here because all of the local WalMarts are sold out of the cheap pools. I should start a support group.

Written by kmhistand Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

1:17:40 PM EDT
Feeling Loopy
Hearing BB King - Drowning in the Sea of Love

I found a compromise to cool off. A $250 16', 4' deep easy-set 3,500 gallon pool. Soft-side pool sets up in 10 minutes, ready to fill with water and swim in in less than a day says the box, woo-hoo, water here I come!

Yoo-hoo, teenage sons, can you help mom set this up so we can go swimming? Yes? Cool, we're going swimming! 

One problem, actually, two. Three if you don't read the tiny print on the box that says "please install pool on a flat surface you idiot." Well water doesn't come out endlessly like city water does. You have to take it slow. Talk to the well, coax it. Do a rain dance, that sort of thing. And not do dishes, laundry or take a shower for a week because you will run the well dry. Also, you have to put the pool on a flat surface, not the side of a mountain. Imagine putting a water balloon on a stair railing and willing it to stay put - get the picture? ::sigh:: Get the dirt shovels boys, we've got work to do.

The bikini is hanging on the towel rack in the shower mocking me.

Written by kmhistand Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

1:06:36 PM EDT
Feeling Frustrated
Hearing Right Said Fred - Too Sexy for My Shirt

So what's the point of a bikini in any size if there's no water around? I'm not talking about a "pointless posing with perfectly polished pinkies at the pool" bikini, women who wear those are just fishing in an empty gene pool. Real women need an industrial use bikini, one you can get wet, get a tan in, and get away fast in before the mailman sees you. It's so damn hot outside a one piece is really over-dressing. I'm in the market for a pool. A hard working mom of three deserves some pampering, right?

The two-ring blow up kiddie pool on the deck is perfect for my pint-sized daughter, but this bikini mamma needs more water. What to do? Call the Sylvan pool guy! How much can a pool cost? The glossy brochure says "we can put a pool anywhere." They neglected to add "as long as you have deep pockets in that bikini of yours missy."

So Mr. "I'm too sexy for my shirt" pool salesman comes out to schmooze me. He looks like Mafia... no, maybe he was featured on 'America's Most Wanted' last week? Of course I let him in the house, the heat is getting to me. He has a nice smile, for a snake. Why does a pool guy need to come inside the house? Must get water I'm feeling faint.

We head outside to look at the mountain. "I'd like an in-ground pool on the side of my mountain, can you put it there?" I ask. "No problem!" Cool Pool Guy says, "I just need $20,000 for a retaining wall here, $2,000 to clear a few trees, then there's the pool itself. Of course you want the natural stone pool with a waterfall and a spa, a bikini mamma like you deserves only the best. For you I'll charge only $80,000." I'm thinking a bargain at half the price. "Let me go get my purse, I'm sure between that and the sofa cushion I can come up with $100,000 give or take." Then Mr. Rico Suave tells me chemicals are extra. "No sale" I say. Ciao, it was a fun fantasy - the pool I mean.

Plan B: Above ground pool. $10,000.00 next year.

Written by kmhistand Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

12:10:55 PM EDT
Feeling Ecstatic
Hearing ZZ Top - Shes Got Legs

So you're here in my journal because you are either interested in me, my life, or you found this page by accident and were really looking for... let's not go there. Since you're already here you might as well kick back and read. There's one rule: I'll post what I like, but if I don't like your post I may remove it and ban you for life. Clear as mud?

I am a woman who has it all; great house, three kids ranging from toddler to teen, a crazy, fast-paced job, and a husband who tolerates me and only thinks I'm a bitch on days ending in "y." I think about what most women think about, although not in any particular order; sex, romance (not to be confused with sex), men (not to be confused with romance), kids, vacations, work, diets, clothing, marriage, family finances and shopping.

Someday when I grow up I want to be a millionaire and live on the beach spending my days sailing and scuba diving. Just me, my bikini (I will be a size 7 again!) and a little red convertible heading down the coast. For now I live in land-locked Virgina and escape to water as often as I can with a one piece plus size minimizer suit, three kids in tow, and the Jeep loaded up far beyond what you could ever imagine.

Most of my travels involve 4 wheeling around, navigating down my "mountain" driveway and venturing through the trees and over the creeks to buy milk or go to work. I often have to drive through the creek and around the wildlife. Driving to work is not a commute, it's an adventure.

My house is full of kids, fish, cats, deer, squirrels, birds, rabbits, turtles, hermit crabs, toads, frogs and more. You never know what you're going to find at, or in, my house. Often I have to bribe my four-year-old daughter to let a turtle go and swap it for a toad. She has her eye on a white horse she's already named "Pegasus." She's willing to give up the toad for the horse and has almost convinced her dad to build a barn. She's learning the art of manipulation faster than even I did.

Come back soon to read about why you can't put a pool on the side of a mountain and fill it with well water no matter what you're wearing ; )

Written by kmhistand Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 4 comments: Show Recent | Add your own