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Name That Wildcat, the Saga Continues
Well, I promised I’d work on a somewhat decent prize for whoever names the official mascot for the Wildcat’s Lair, and I’ve some news about that. I’ll give you the long and the short versions. The short version first: I’ve figured out a small prize for the person who names my blog’s mascot.
Now, for the long version… When I first created my blue-striped wildcat, I was assured he would talk, but has he said anything? No, nada, zip, zilch. I’ve seen mimes more talkative. So I called my dog’s veterinarian. The vet comes to the phone, and he gets all snooty on me, some business about insisting on his patients being three-dimensional. Nit pick. When I didn’t let up, he tossed out some flimsy excuse about not being a licensed “pet psychiatrist.” Lazy jerk just gives me the number to Mental Health and hangs up. So I call Mental Health. The counselor on the phone tells me, “Sorry, but we only cater to human patients.” More excuses! The counselor starts asking me questions! An hour later, I manage to hang up. On the downside, I now have a competency hearing scheduled for next Thursday. What does one wear to a competency hearing anyway?
Well, that’s next Thursday, so I continue with my cat’s problems. The psychiatric route a dead end, I opt for a technical solution. The perfect answer! I call Bill Gates. Heck, the man and I share the same first name. As good as being in a fraternity. Wrong! Finally get the nimrod on the phone only to find out “Paint Shop Pro isn’t a Microsoft product,” so he can’t do anything to help me. Well, excuse me! Bloody thing still runs on one’s and zero’s, don’t it? At least he gave me the number for Paint Shop Pro’s tech support. Of course, he also gave me the phone number for Mental Health again. From there I get some guy on the phone with about thirty consonants and just two vowels to his first name (I gave up on deciphering the last name). He assures me my Paint Shop Pro is working fine and that my cat should be spouting off text left and right. At least, I think that’s what he said. It was that or “Eat at Joes” in some language spoken by less than ten people in the known world, but never fear! Yes, Mr. “Consonant Green Card” comes through. He can’t fix the problem, but he offers me a link to a chat room where some Tibetan, cat-whispering monk hangs out from two to three in the morning. After I change my religion to Buddhism, the monk agrees to converse with my cat’s “kef.”
Turns out my cat is suffering from Acute Androgynous-Induced Anxiety Disorder. In other words, my cat can’t hack not knowing if it’s a he or a she. On the sly, the monk informs me this is a common problem among computer and cartoon-generated characters. In fact, Kyle Katarn of the “Star Wars: Dark Forces” series and Boots from “Dora the Explorer” have long-struggled with this crippling mental illness. That’s why Kyle had his brief descent to the dark side of the Force in that “Mysteries of the Sith” game, and why Boots has secretly struggled with conflicting emotions regarding his gal-pal Dora (let me tell ya… Boots is one sick lil’ monkey). I fully expect we’ll see a write-up on this disease by the AIM Gamer Girl in her “Beyond the Games” blog.
My cat’s problems are apparently compounded because he’s a jpeg and stuck on a non-flash blog. If I had Flash 6.0 or higher, this lousy little clump of kitty litter would be rambling on like that guy in the 80’s FedEx commercials. Tibetan Monk Man says I just gotta give the cat something “worth saying,” and he’ll be cured. I’ve tried everything else. Hell, I even offered him half of the hard drive (my wife’s half, of course... Oh, Sheri, don’t read that part.), but nothing doing. He’s lost faith in yours truly. So I figure whoever is clever enough to think up a name for my blog’s pet cat will get to pick its first words, too.
So there you have it folks. The ball is in your court. So post your suggestions, make a donation (just make it out to me, not the cat) and give... give until it hurts! Save the Wildcat and all that drivel! Win the chance to give my cat its first words.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta find an outfit for my competency hearing.
knightbek at 5:45:00 PM EST Blog about this entry |
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How about..."Aegean." :) His blue stripes remind me of the Agean Sea.
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Bill...I'm shocked...I mean...you can't hear him? Yes, it's a him. How do I know? Because I heard him speak...just now. He's pretty pissed because you won't share your mochas with him. That's right--his silence isn't that he's sexually confused--it's all about the coffee, man. Give him a Grande Cafe Mocha with a hint of catnip and, well, let's just say he'll love you forever.
He also says to be nice to Sheri, or he'll use your part of the hard drive as his new kitty box.
I don't know why he's speaking to me, but--hey! Get back in that computer, you crazy cat. Aw man! He just got my cranberry bliss bar!
He wants you to know that your mocha is next.
Jess
http://journals.aol.com/aurielalata/CIWTheOtherInvisible -
No, I don't think so... but stranger things have happened. Just judging by the 'tude it's displayed so far (note the dirty look it's giving me in the pic!), I suspect this cat's well-versed in some other four-letter words, too.
Bill, the Wildcat -
So... ummm, taking a "wild" guess here... you don't think his first word will be Meow huh? ... lol
11/11/05 8:32 PM