My Simple Everyday Life

3:33:35 PM EDT

So I feel I have already conquered the no smoking! It has been about 9 days I think since we quit and it doesn't even cross my mind. Even when Taylor comes over and goes outside for her smoke breaks I am not tempted to go with her. Ben has been doing well, with the exception of the cigarette he had at work yesterday. He still feels guilty about it. He doesn't have as much practice at quitting as I do.. with the whole pregnancy thing. He has been smoking since he was 18ish I think and he is 29 now, so it is definitely much more challenging for him. I think one slip up is expected and forgivable! He was right back on the wagon today, so things are looking good. I don't know if I mentioned this in the last entry but we were spending about 300 bucks a month on cigarettes! that is insane!!!

I feel very confident that I am done for good so on to my next goal: get into a nursing program. I already have an appointment at the admissions office the day after tomorrow. I am so pumped about this!

I have realized we can not go on both being servers the rest of our lives. I have to go to school. Besides graphic design, which is a very over saturated field right now, nursing sounds just about right for me. I have the drive now more than I ever have in my life. The babies inspire me every day to try and be the best person possible. I want them to have every opportunity in life, and that won't happen if we are trying to barely scrape by every month on the minimal amount of money we make. Not only that, but with the way the economy is right now... no one has cash to spare. The entire hospitality industry depends on peoples' extra money. If people don't have "fun" money to go outwith then we are screwed. The worst part is the people who are still trying to go out and enjoy their dinners and scimping on the tip. If you can't afford to eat dinner and leave 20% DO NOT GO OUT! Go to freakin Long john Silver's if you can't afford to tip. I think what a lot of people do not understand is when you don't tip a server the government still takes a percentage of what they assume you are getting tipped out of your paycheck. So as if our paychecks aren't sad enough ( yea since we are tipped employees we don't even get minimum wage, we get THREE DOLLARS an hour)  when you don't tip your server an adequate amount you are actually taking money away from them. Stealing is one way to put it. I give you a service and you don't pay me for it, and then the government punishes ME for your cheap, selfish way of life. Can you tell I am a little bitter, lol? Believe me I know the " you chose to work in a restaurant" or my personal favorite " just get another job" argument. Well guess what f*ck heads......you got it. Enjoy your crappy service from servers who give less than a shit about other people than you do, because I want to be around people who care.

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1:47:13 PM EDT No cigs for 5 days! Go me! Same goes for Ben! We are kicking ass!

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1:22:37 PM EDT

We have completely had this whole parenting of twins thing down for a while now and I can't help but be proud. After a few months of having all the " How do you do it??!!!" questions stop... thank God. Not that I don't appreciate the awe in which people perceive taking care of twin infants...because believe me it's no cake walk, but it's just our life. I mean do people really expect you to just cave or I suppose what I mean is um, how could we NOT do it? Ben and I used to watch those bringing home baby shows when I was pregnant and it scared the living shit out of us. I mean these people have huge houses, the right job, the right nursery, the right training... and they come home from the hospital with tons of family members and a lot of them have their own home doulas, maids, nannies, you name it they have it. Despite ALL of that they would usually have a break down of some sort. Which I know is mostly for the t.v drama aspect...but puulease. Ben and I came home from the hospital alone, to our one bedroom crap hole ( we have moved to a place a million times nicer now but that's neither here nor there) with the bare baby essentials, with twins no less.... and guess what?! Things went smoothly! I have to admit we were blessed with some awesome kids with some of the best temperment I have ever seen in infants, but we were just shocked that anyone ever stressed over the small stuff and didn't just focus on loving the kids. Life is pretty simple when you think about it, or don't think about it because I think those spoiled rich asshole over-thought everything and maybe that was their problem.

Anywho that was on my mind and I have decided that instead of going out to smoke I am going to start writing in my blog. And yes I started smoking again after the pregnancy and breast feeding. I didn't even have a last ciggarette or the slightest puff after I found out I was pregnant. It was so easy to give it up for my children. So why when I got the first oppurtunity did I fling my health out the window??! Who knows, but I am quitting and so is Ben. This is the first day and it's going well so far. Wish us luck. I do not want the kids to have memories of mommy and daddy with their cancer sticks.Ugh. I was having some down days and Ben sat down with me and I told him the reason I had been feeling down is I was dissapointed in myself. I was smoking, eating poorly, still working a nightmare job, and generally not going for what I wanted. My genius of a man said I need to start with just one thing and focus on that. instead of trying to juggle everything and then failing miserably. So this is the start of my betterment ( is that a word?) journey. I am going to defeat the smoking. End of story, and then I can begin to think about the other crap.

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