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9:54:00 AM EDT
Feeling Happy
WHAT IS IT WITH BOYS?
What is it with boys? I found out some things early on that showed me
that they are indeed different animals from their female counterparts. Do we
subscribe to the theory put forth in the book, "Women Are From Venus, Men
Are From Mars"? Well, maybe not, but even now that my only son has reached
adulthood, and has a successful career, he continues to be an enigma to his
mother. I know for a fact that he loves me dearly, and has devoted the last seven
years of his life to filling his departed father's shoes. I am secure in his love BUT.........
he feels the need to be his own man, independent and free to make his own choices.
That is how it should be and often Mom has to back off to allow him his space.
This trait became apparent when he started elementary school. This is when
he started untying the apron strings. He had been unduly influenced by females up
to this time. Mother, older sister, and even next-door neighbors were four girls to
one lone boy. But those masculine, macho genes were ever very much present. His
father saw to it that we did not make a sissy out of him, and we couldn't even if we
had tried. Anyway, he went through kindergarten, delighted to be in a class that
was mainly boys. He had a wonderful year, socially. The teacher made it such fun.
So he entered first grade with all the confidence in the world. He did not even
want his mother to go with him the first day of school. I can remember him saying,
"I want to do it by my BIG self", so I relented and his father took him to school and
dropped him off for the first week or so. I now regret that I did not firmly insist in
order to ascertain the situation and find out all the things I needed to know. But
at the time, I was proud of his independence and he had been so secure and confident
in kindergarten, I did not want to rock the boat and perhaps change his positive
attitude about school. So for two weeks, he went in by himself. I asked him
questions, of course, which he answered with monosyllables, "It's okay, I'm fine, etc."
I thought he was getting quieter and avoiding comments about school but I attributed
it to the fact that it was a little different from kindergarten and he was adjusting. Still
no complaints, even though he had to be prodded to get ready, acting tired. I still
was not concerned.
Imagine my surprise, when I talked to a friend (actually an acquaintance) who
had a little girl in his classroom, and she said, "My little girl isn't wanting to go to school.
She feels so sorry for your little boy. She said she even cried about him yesterday.
I thought she was exaggerating until I went in later to check on her and sure enough, I
saw your son standing on tiptoe with his nose in a ring drawed on the blackboard."
I asked the teacher what he had done, and she said, "He talks." She acted as if
I knew he was being punished daily this way. Well, I went bananas.
My DS avoided my questions when he got home soon after that. (My
neighbor had picked him up that afternoon ). When my husband got home from
work and saw that I had been crying, was as shocked as I and he said, "Don't
worry, I'll take care of it." My son acted embarrassed and said, "No, don't go."
The next morning , he could tell Dad was determined. When he got home I found
out that he had talked to several parents and the teacher and found out the facts.
Apparently, she had been making an example of him to control her classroom.
He was the biggest boy (and continued to be the tallest in his class through high
school) and he loved to talk. He had been able to do this in kindergarten. The
teacher had a new boyfriend who had visited her in class while my little boy
stood in a miserable position with his nose in a circle.
Well, the principal got a visit from an irate parent who DEMANDED that
his son be immediately changed to another class. Seeing his determination,
she gladly complied. Son hated to leave the friends he had made and I
wonder if he would have continued to endure excessive punishment for
that fact. I also wonder what it soon could have done to dampen his
enthusiastic enthusiasm for attending school. I feel much damage could have
been done.
He loved school and always excelled. He did have a problem keeping quiet.
When I began working at his school, as an instructional assistant, it was mainly
to keep informed and involved in his education which I wanted to be the best
possible. Even when he went on to junior high and left my campus, I still could
not count on getting notes from school about anything. Unless I found them in
his pockets doing laundry, I never got information. Unless, I made an effort
to find out things, he continued to be the type to not volunteer information. He
had this thing about school being his realm of independence that was exasperating
for parent who wanted to be involved. Although we were very supportive in
the sports he played, basketball and tennis, it seemed that he had a little fear
that we might embarrass him in front of his friends, or that we might be critical.
He denies this now, but I saw this same attitude in many of his friends, also
When he became a success professionally, he laughingly told me, "Mom,
tell all those teachers at your school who kept me from talking that I am
making a good living doing the very thing they tried to keep me from doing.'
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