Saturday's Child

8:43:19 PM EDT
Feeling Thoughtful
Hearing HOMELESS/LADYSMITH BLACK MAMBAZO

Doc and I went to San Francisco for the 4th of July. We wanted to pick a place that was very cool and if you know anything about California/San Fran. ya know that July is the coolest month that San Francisco has.  We indulged ourselves on good food, good wine, a good martini or two, shopping and a good bedtime.  Doc spoiled me with breakfast in bed every morning.  (How could he not know after 40 years that I can't eat anything in the morning?)  The coffee was good and strong...........just like I love my men...........I mean man!   It was fun to explore the new shopping areas around Union Square and to shop a bit. We even learned new ways to navigate the city.  Our hotel was perfect and we were on the 14th floor. It was fun to watch the fog roll in.

I had to make a side trip to Arizona. We have had our retirement house for 14 years and it is time to update. I was told by a friend that the tile that was laid had a mirror finish. I didn't order a mirror finish so I flew to Arizona to inspect it myself. Much to my relief the tile was just fine. My accommodations, however, were a bit over the top. My commode was sitting in my shower. There was another commode down the hall in the main bathroom, however the flooring was bare and covered in concrete dust and bits. Both bathrooms had a film covering everything. I used the bathtub in the master bath, after spending 20 minutes cleaning it. 

Imagine my surprise when my refrigerator was in the family room. The tile that was being laid was marked off in what I could walk on and what I couldn't walk on. In the middle of the night, I hopscotched my way down the hallway to the "gas station" toilet.

I survived it all. Now I am going to stay put for at least a few weeks.  The monsoons were alive and well in Scottsdale. We actually got almost 2" of rain one night. 

Kansas is a midsummer nights dream.  Clicking my ruby reds..............."there's no place like home!" 

NOTE: I HAVE PICKED TIRED, NOT THOUGHTFUL with the mood selection item, BUT IT SEEMS TO THINK I AM THOUGHTFUL INSTEAD...............who knew?

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5:36:26 PM EDT
Feeling Adventurous
Hearing B.B. King

It was a wildly exciting and seductive day spent in the valley.......that would Napa Valley.  On our way to a wedding, we explored some of the wineries along the way.  The vines, the wines, the food, the mystery of "WHO" lives here(?) has a way of seducing you into thinking and feeling you are young at heart.

AND so it was, we found our jeep pulling over at V.Sattui to sample a little of dis and a little of dat. Sitting on a picnic table after rushing through the deli, we decided to linger and enjoy the freshness of the air and each others company.  A few minutes later a sweet girl walked by and asked if her girlfriends could join us at our table.  "Of course" we replied.  Meeting Kristi, Beth, Rebecca and Becky was such a treat. Sometimes it's just easier to talk to strangers than "loved ones."  We talked and laughed the afternoon away, weaving tapestries of lives lived fully and as bright as the midday sun. They took time out of their day to get to know us and share their lives with us, if only for awhile. These YaYa's are not to be messed with..........they've got "shimmy 'n their shake" and after lunch was over, I think I had some shimmy in mine too. We discovered our tie that binds is we are all southern women.  I wrote a poem a couple of years ago, that I would like to repeat. It so reminds me of these beautiful, successful gorgeous women.   Sherron and I raise a glass (or two) to ya'll.

SOUTHERN WOMEN

ARE NOTEWORTHY
SPEAK VOLUMES WITH THEIR EYES
USUALLYCRY WHEN NOBODY IS LOOKIN
HAVE PASSION IN THEIR VOICES
ARE QUICK WITTED AND WILD SPIRITED
CAN NOT BE CONTAINED, CONFINED OR CENSORED
ARE NOTORIOUS FLIRTS
LOVE THEIR FRONT PORCHES, FANS AND ICED TEA
CAREFULLY TEND THEIR GARDENS, BOTH SPIRITUAL AND FAMILY...........
LOVE THEIR HATS
CAN BE COUNTED ON FOR TENDERNESS IN ALL THE RIGHT PRIVATE MOMENTS
STILL USE HANDKERCHIEFS AND SCARVES
LOVE TO LAUGH
WILL LOVE SO DEEPLY THAT IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM TO MAKE SENSE TO THE AVERAGE PERSON
CAN SPEAK SO SOFTLY THAT YOU HAVE TO LEAN IN TO HEAR
AND YELL SO LOUDLY THAT YOU HAVE TO COVER YOUR EARS, SOMETIMES IN THE SAME SENTENCE AND USUALLY ABOUT THEIR FAMILY
THEIR PEARLS ARE REAL ALONG WITH THEIR SILVER
GROW UP KNOWING THEY CAN DO ANYTHING THEY SET THEIR MIND TO
WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU IF YOU ARE NICE AND MILD MANNERED
WILL POINT OUT INJUSTICE AND STAND ON PRINCIPLE
CAN GET BY WITH SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT PEOPLE AS LONG AS WE ADD, "GOD LOVE 'EM" AT THE END OF THE SENTENCE
KNOW ALL TOO WELL WHEN NOT TO CROSS THE LINE, BUT SOMETIMES DO IT ANYWAY
ARE OFTEN CALLED BY THEIR FIRST AND MIDDLE NAMES BY FAMILY
COUNT ON THEIR GIRLFRIENDS FOR THEIR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT
WILL COME OVER AT THE DROP OF A HAT IF YOU NEED THEM
LOVE TO MAKE UP SONGS
CAN MAKE PIES AND CAKES FROM SCRATCH,
LOVE TO BAT THEIR EYES FOR EFFECT
CAN BE COUNTED ON FOR TELLING YOU THE TRUTH,UNLESS OF COURSE IT WOULD HURT YOUR FEELINS
KNOW WHEN TO CUT THEIR LOSSES
AND HOW TO RUN A FAMILY ON A BUDGET
LOVE THEIR JEWELRY
MAY FUSS ABOUT THEIR FAMILIES BUT DEFEND THEM TO DEATH
KNOW THAT MEN LOVE THEIR TOYS AND CAN GIVE THEM THEIR "SPACE"
KNOW HOW IMPORTANT A KISS CAN BE
AND BASK IN THE AFTERGLOW

ALL IN ALL WE ARE A SELECT GROUP, AN ACQUIRED TASTE,  A TALL ORDER, A SMILE OF DESIRE...AND A COOL DRINK OF WATER ON A HOT SULTRY SUMMERS AFTERNOON.

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12:50:39 AM EDT
Feeling Anxious
Hearing the voices inside my head coaching me on.

Tomorrow is a lunch day. I use to be a lady who lunched. We've all seen them. They are in groups, known each other for years and watched their families grow up and prosper.  I use to be a card carrying member of that club. I could order a salad nicoise with the best of them, but now, I prefer more intimate lunches that are long and lingering and if there is a bottle of wine to be shared, even better. Who was it who said, "I still have bouts of being a lady, but they pass."

Let me say that I am not ashamed of my family, but the truth is that both of my sons are struggling now. One has a mental illness and is manic. He was severely depressed before Christmas. He will not take his medication and I can't force it down his throat.  The other is going through the divorce from hell.  His soon-to- be X-wife reads this blog and refers to me as the Anti-Christ, so I'll be sure to do a shout out to her. I  hope she is enjoying all of the jewelry she was given by my son and myself. Here's an insider tip: if she decides to pawn or Ebay her wedding rings, which are beautiful and in a platinum setting, knock yourself out.............the center stone is a fake. 

But I digress.  Lunch?  yes......lunch, tomorrow.....4 of us, sharing our lives, as the stomach churns.  They have lovely families and that isn't my beef.  It's my response to it all. When it's my turn, I am not able to tell them how it really is, because they don't come with the ability or tools to really understand. It's like when somebody say's "How are you?" and you really tell them............ain't gonna happen at this lunch. "FINE, FINE, FINE as frog fur" will be my answer.  I am a master of changing the subject.  One lady is good at going back to the original question. 

So asI ponder. I think of my dearest friend Vivian. I almost killed her with my home made cranberry sauce once. I blamed it on the damned french canning jar with the chipped glass on the top.  She was eating it and spit glass on the table and yelled, "Are you trying to kill me?"  "Not unless it was a quick death, I responded. After all I am merciful!" Vivian has taught me so much about life. She also found herself in this dilemma once. They all went around the table and told about their blessed lives, outstanding universities their kids attented on scholarships and with honors. They lingered over the salad and how intelligent and gifted they all were. It was her turn as all eyes were cast in her direction. She paused and after awhile she smiled and said, "My kids always eat everything on their plates!"  

Mind do too!   Thank God!  Did I hear somebody from the back pew yell, "Good answer"?

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5:18:35 PM EDT
Feeling Giddy
Hearing JUDGE JUDY

YESTERDAY my friend Jill called to see if an appointment would work out for me. Our conversation went like this:

"So has he come yet?"

(me) NO..........who knows when the poor sap will come" The way I look at it is, if he is YOUNG, he will come early and leave happy. If he's OLD, he'll take forever, piddle along the way, be apologetic and I'll have to kick him out of the bedroom."

I was of course speaking about the cable guy and the modem in my bedroom.

He came early and I was happy.   'Nuff said!

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10:50:42 AM EDT
Feeling Surprised
Hearing AS TIME GOES BY

 

AFTER arriving back to Kansas last week, reality set in. I MUST simplify my life. I was looking for some face cream under my bathroom cabinet and found my bread maker. Doesn't everybody keep their bread maker there?  Then I discovered a journal that I made a few entries in 1998.  Seems like that year my 2 friends and I had taken off to Albuquerque, Santa Fe and Sedona, before heading back to Kansas. I had vowed to "simplify" my life back then.  Perhaps that was the year that I had my one and only garage sale.

It's always interesting when I get back to Kansas and see how Doc has managed while I was gone. Oh, he flies back and forth all winter and spring for visits, so he is never gone long, but I am.  First of all, I have discovered that I can't find many things in my kitchen. I'm sure they are in here somewhere, but I haven't discovered many of them yet. I did discover that all of my Teflon (is that when they still call it now?) spatulas have the tips burned off of them, so in the garbage they went.  "WHERE is MY?".................is a common phrase I ask him. 

After grocery shopping and getting basic provisions in the kitchen, I decided to make a pot roast. I even bought some fresh veggies to go along with it and also some extra to make soup.  So yesterday, while it was pouring rain and storming, I decided to make soup. I've had a bad sinus headache and infection since arriving back to the land of GREEN, from the land of BROWN. Mold abounds and my nose and head would welcome the soup.

I got out my cuisinart food processor. Yes, I can chop veggies, but this is so quick and nice. I've owned the same one since 1980 and it has served me well. I got it down from the shelf but could find the little plastic part that you use to push the veggies down, while it is slicing them. This is where my "HAVE YOU SEEN MY?" comes in, but alas Doc was not there to ask. So, I had to improvise and I found a similar plastic "thingie" that belonged to my egg poacher.  I used it to push the carrots down into the processor and it worked well.........too well. The plastic hit the blade and little shards of plastic were dispersed into the carrots. SIGH! After washing the carrots in a colander and then placing them on paper towels to dry, I was still finding flecks of plastic, as sharp as glass. So, I pick each slice up and wiped it dry, while inspecting it before I placed it in the pot. The last few carrot slices, I said to heck with it and threw them in the pot, casting fate to the wind.

Organic tomatoes were in a can waiting to be opened. After finding my can opener, I placed the can under it and it wouldn't cut the top off properly. Several minutes later, the can was open but tiny shards of metal were dispersed among the organic tomatoes. I figure between the flecks of plastic and the shards of metal, what the hell. All other ingredients were added without complications. It simmered for hours and the smell permeated the air.

Doc got home, tired from a busy Monday. It had poured rain all day and now the sun was out with humidity that you could cut with a knife. As I ladled  the soup in the bowl, I wanted to ask him, "One shard or two?" but upon discovering the top part of my middle fingernail was missing I decided not to mention it. After all, it was Tropicana Pink and blended in beautifully with the organic tomatoes. 

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11:46:30 PM EDT
Feeling Surprised
Hearing SEAL/LOVE'S DIVINE

I went out to the mailbox this afternoon and it was so hot, that even with sunglasses on, I felt my eyeballs burning. 

HOW hot was it, you ask?  It is 8:30 at night and it is 102 out. The official temperature is recorded at Phoenix, Sky Harbor airport and it was 110 degrees.  At MY house it was officially 115 degrees.

My brand new, state of the art air conditioner, was installed just in the neck of time. It was installed on Friday and it started heating up on Sunday. I have to learn the programmable thermostat, but so far, I'm good with it.  (Yes Suzy, I knew you said I could do it.)

I'm happy to report it is and has been a quiet, comfortable 75 degrees all day, inside my abode.

A girlfriend came over yesterday with her brand new mini cooper and I let her drive my smart car. Her car looks huge next to mine.  We had a great time.

In the meantime, take it away Frankie Laine...............Cool Water

All day I've faced a barren waste
Without the taste of water, cool water
Old Dan and I with throats burned dry
And souls that cry for water
Cool, clear, water 

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10:19:42 PM EDT
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing Lifetime movie

I am slowly coming out of a "death" fog.  I don't want to talk about it in this journal. It's far too personal and much too painful.  The older I get the more questions I have. I have very few answers now.

ANYWAY.................I took possession of my SMART car last Sunday. So far, I have a little over a 100 miles on it.  I have had a lot of cars in my lifetime. I have had SUV's when they were called 4X4's and little Mercedes and BIG Mercedes and Toyotas, VW bugs, etc.  This car is so much to drive.  You can be 6'6" and fit in it comfortably.  The only thing I have realized is that I need to wear make up when driving as so many people wave or inquire about it.  I took my 90 yr old neighbor out to lunch and I pulled up in her driveway in this car. I told her if she didn't feel comfortable in it, I would go get the big minivan.  She said, "ARE you kidding me.........let me IN!"   She had to drop her window down several times to speak to people about the car.   All in all, we had a GREAT time.    Oh, did I mention that her family founded Flagstaff?  

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9:36:48 AM EDT
Feeling Sad
Hearing morning birds outside
Just a quick note and update.  There has been an awful tragedy in Doc's family.  His brother is no longer with us.  Flying to Kentucky to go to funeral. I will post when I get back.  Keep his family in your prayers.    Anne

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3:40:51 AM EST
Feeling Quiet
Hearing CLASSICAL

I don't want to be morose. I wish I was able to celebrate his life, but the feeling of loss is so great. In my car I have my radio tuned to the classical station and it relaxes me while I drive in this town of too many cars. I found myself at a stop light and I just started to cry.  Even as I look as his pictures, it is so very painful. When my own Father died, I didn't feel this loss.  Of course my Father spent 15 years dying, so it was just a relief to our family.

The above pictures are of my back gate to the horse path...........Luke had wonderful walks back there. When he was younger, he would chase big-eared rabbits, lizards and birds.  His last morning on earth he had a most wonderful walk on the trail; going further than he had gone since we arrived. He had a smile on his face until the very end.

My Vet here called when he got the news. Luke died on a Sunday and we ended up taking him to the Vet ER hospital.  My gratitude is to Danielle Vasta (house and pet sitter) who within a few minutes was at my door to help me make an accessment. She was calm, made all the right calls, was reassuring and helped us every step of the way.  She drove the car while I held Luke in the back. I got to be with him when he passed.  My hands were on him and although I was so scared, he knew I was there with him.

 I wanted the people who knew Luke, here in Arizona to know of his passing so I put a little memorial out back at the gate.  Many people have placed cards in my gate or stopped to speak to me about what a wonderful spirit he is.  (Still using present tense)

Calling my neighbor in Kansas was rough. She and Luke loved each other.  She is in her 80's and has walked Luke at night for around 8 years.  She told me that Luke told her that he wouldn't be coming back to Kansas. He wanted her to take him out back at nightfall. He would look around and survey the hillside, she said, with contentment.  Everybody in Kansas within a 5 mile radius knew Luke.  He was well loved.........more than some people.

So many people I know have sent emails and cards and called.  I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I really know how much animals are a part of peoples family. 

You will also notice a sunflower in this group of pictures.  If I need to feel peace and warmth and comfort and joy, I go into the front bedroom here and look at my painting.  It's a Judith HEARTSONG original painting ..........above the bed where Luke would lay and wait for me to come home from my errands.  That makes me smile.

I'm sorry this has become a sad entry............but my heart.............will never be the same.

"And if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord, my soul to take." 

 

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7:55:50 PM EST
Feeling Sad

 

 

 

 

 

HE was a warrior and yet graceful until the very end.  We had a wonderful walk last night and this morning.  He kept collapsing this afternoon and I knew something was wrong. He would try to get up and walk sideways, then collapse  and stuck his head up into the air to breathe.  He had to use the bathroom one last time and walked over to the tile from the carpet, fell down and lost bladder control.  He died in my arms on the way to the ER. I left lipstick kisses on his face and tears upon mine.

LUKE, THE WONDER DOG..............2/17/08.  R.I.P.

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