Possums! Prepare for Battle!

Coming to a Theatre Near You!

Sat, 19 May 2007 14:16:47 GMT

(NOT PROOF READ)

I was talking to an African friend of mine the other day. Malado is 26 with a Master's Degree in Social Work attained at Indiana University. She came to the United States, legally, following all the rules. She speaks perfect English with a lovely accent. Malado's family, except for a college student brother, remains in Africa. She is working towards American citizenship. Malado works for the same old general city hospital as I. Like myself she works on the streets caring for the indigent population of our crime ridden city.

Okay.

I wanted to point out that Malado followed every law and regulation as she gained access to our country. She is a college educated person providing much needed services to others. Malado, like myself, will never find herself firmly attached to society's teat, causing every free tax dollar to be channeled into welfare benefits.

Okay.

Yesterday several of us in the office were discussing worming new puppies, a topic which caused Malado to laughingly, lovingly recall funny childhood memories in her birth country. She related how all children of Africa have to be wormed regularly. If you've ever raised puppies you know how contagious different internal parasites can be, thus requiring worming at intervals. It was the same for Malado as she grew up. She said she hated when her cousins would come for extended visits, because they were always infected, causing the whole parsel of kids to need worming again. It was a brutal treatment, she said. Can you imagine having to worm your kids? Think about it.

Malado has a positive Mantous screening. The Mantoux is a routine medical test. She always will be positive. This means at some point in her life Malado has been exposed to Tuberculosis and is harboring the Tubercle Bacilli in her body which can break free and become active and contagious at any time. Each time Malado tests positive for TB she requires additional testing to rule out active tuberculosis, which is a highly contagious, airborne, frequently fatal disease. We all but eradicated TB in the US in the 70's. It's making an explosive comeback in America. This is old news.

These are just two examples of diseases rampant in under developed countries, hmmm, such as Mexico. I will not even touch on AIDS and Hepatitis C. Immigrants from these countries are almost 100% positive for diseases most of us have only read about. A small piece of legally gaining access to the US involves screening for communicable, virulent, life threatening diseases and treating if indicated.

Open, unregulated borders? This is our future. Welcome to the New America.

Train Wrecks

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 23:14:47 GMT

Anna Nicole Smith died today. At some level for some unknown reason I found this extremely sad. She and her dysfunctional family unit had a reality show for a while. Even though I don't routinely watch much television I always watched this show.

Once, years ago, I was at the Madison Regatta (hydroplane races) with my young family. Before the race started my then 3-year-old son spotted something of interest in the middle of the immense Ohio river. "Get it for me Daddy," he begged. What had caught his attention appeared to be a red toy sailboat. Daddy explained that if it came close enough to shore he would indeed retrieve it for Bean. Father and son patiently waited.

The red sailboat slowly bobbed and wafted toward shore. When the item came within 10 feet of the river bank it became painfully obvious it was not a toy sailboat. The "sailboat", as it came closer, became a red handkerchief, tucked into the back pocket of a pair of cut-off jeans, on a drowned young man. It was a horrifying sight. The race was delayed; the Coast Guard summoned. Daddy ushered Bean away from all the commotion.

Left alone, I had to look at the drowned man. I just had to. As humans, I think we are predisposed to gawking at car crashes, train wrecks, and of course, dead bodies. Morbid curiosity drives us all whether or not we want to acknowledge it. I think this reasoning was behind my fascination with Anna Nicole Smith's television show and her life in general. And after all is said and done she leaves behind a new born baby. What a shame.

SUPERBOWL BOUND!!!!!!

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 03:22:58 GMT

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS !!!

SUPERBOWL HERE WE COME !!!

Snow Day

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 02:02:21 GMT

I awakened to our first real snow fall of the winter season. Curtie Boy, the black dog, yelped until I got out of bed. How on earth could a human possible sleep in when there's a snowy yard to explore. We invited Niko the Husky, and all the Bumpus hounds with their mommy in tow, to come join the yard party.

Of course, after a party such as this, a respectable amount of time is spent mopping the kitchen and hardwood floors. Oh well. It's all worth it when 235 pounds of canine energy is diffused for one entire day. Happy sleepy time!

#&%@!! Bumpus Hounds!

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 01:13:33 GMT

Official puppy update:

The hound dog puppies are 2 and 1/2 months old. The vet says they will grow up to be about 70 pounds, even though Mama is a tiny 13 inch Beagle. Sweet, funny, rotten. So ingenious they are! The Porky has figured out that if you randomly pull a loop of yarn on the Berber carpet, the string will keep coming and coming....lol.....leaving a gaping hole behind. Another funny thing is when you manage to pry loose one corner of the kitchen flooring, all the rest will keep on coming! It's all good!

In the first picture, Emma Louise is in the very front. L-O-L-A Lola is in the middle of the pack; she's brown and white with the tiny dark face. Winston Lee has his beautiful head resting on Lola's back. The most beautiful, and the biggest of all is The Porky; he's black, white, brown, and very speckled, directly next to Lola; you can see his outstretched legs. Speck is the other black, white and brown baby behind The Porky.

Speck may be the smartest, and Winston, well, not exactly the brightest bulb in the pack. Aren't they a bunch of hound dogs? Bean, just as I knew would happen, is unable to part with any of them.

Now, just a little humor.

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US 95
south, just outside of  Washington .

   Nothing is moving north or south.
   Suddenly a man knocks on his window.

   The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What
happened?" What's the hold up?"

   "Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted
Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and John Kerry.
   They are asking for a $100 million ransom.
   Otherwise, they are going to douse them with
gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car,
   taking up a collection."

   The driver asks, "On average how much is everyone
giving?"

   "About a gallon"

Christmas Christmas Time is Here

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 02:02:39 GMT

I am absolutely exhausted. The weather in Indiana has been a balmy 60 degrees all week. Tomorrow is supposed to rain so I made hay today while the sun was shining. Literally. Don't you just hate the way people pepper their conversation improperly with the word ''literally''? So anyway, I literally worked myself to death today.

I bought a new toy. It's a leaf blower/vacuum/mulcher. Extremely fun. I cleaned up my whole property today since I was too lazy to do it last fall. The yard is so clean it's practically sterile. Curtie Boy, the goofy black dog, bounded behind me every step of the way wondering if I had lost my mind as I eliminated all his leafy hiding places for his toys.

This is a crazy Christmas for me. My son and I decided we would not exchange gifts this year. Neither of us need or want anything and there are so many other ways to spend money. I don't have a gentleman friend right now, so no gift buying there. My immediate family is so large we stopped exchanging gifts years ago. I have never really bought gifts for my friends. My office is not doing a gift exchange. So, I find myself having symptoms of Christmas shopping withdrawal. It's a very strange, yet very light and free, feeling. I think I like it. It's amazing how much extra time I have this year.

Because I have had so much free (a relative term) time this season I have discovered a wealth of other Christmas related projects. I have become involved at our church's toy drive. We will supply bicycles and toys to 600 children in my county. I am helping with a gift drive for destitute residents at a boarding home. I'm in the process of cleaning out my closets to donate to AmVets. So far I'm having a productive Christmas.

What I would have liked better is eliminating the mandatory Christmas parties. I hate them. I'm sure it's a character flaw on my part, but I find them painfully hard to endure. I look around at these parties and I know that some people are truly enjoying themselves. They have to be, or else Christmas parties would cease to exist. Am I right? Friends and co-workers drink too much and say or do things that embarrass themselves, which in turn embarrasses me for them. I still go to most of the events simply because it's easier than making up excuses as to why I cannot. I did, however, ditch a party tonight, and I'm preplanning a last minute illness for next Wednesday's office party. Other than these two parties, I swear, I'll make all the mandatory appearances.

Cabbage or Kale

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 23:46:03 GMT

Thanks to Julie and Jimmy for telling me about Ornamental Kale. Isn't it beautiful? Now do you see why I always have a craving for ranch dressing when I see these delicious plants?

Cabbages and Kings

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 22:40:11 GMT

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

- The Walrus and the Carpenter - Lewis Carroll

I really must pay more attention to my journal. I read yours everyday, even if I don't comment. Laziness.

I have been unsuccessfully googling for days now. Perhaps you all can help. Daily during my neverending drives, I see professionally landscaped areas around business parks, that have rows of these delicious looking plants. I mean that literally. They look like heads of cabbage or butter lettuce, purple or green, low to the ground, with no other foliage or blooms. They're usually planted in rows. When I see them I always think how good one would be smothered in ranch dressing. Isn't that a bizarre thought? What are they?

They must be perennials. I think. Even though we have had a month of freezing weather and a couple of snows I still see them holding on for dear life. I want to plant them in my yard next year. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? I cannot find pictures anywhere because I don't know what they're called.

I'm baffled.

Changing Times

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 22:54:29 GMT

Winter is pounding its way across the midwest. Truly, I cannot complain. No snow in central Indiana, but we do have raging bitter cold winds with power outages due to downed trees and electric lines. Winter is always a surprise. The VW Bug handles the gusty winds and slick roads just fine. It's squat, sturdy, and low to the ground. Just like me.

I received the following in the mail today. Enjoy!

CHANGING TIMES

Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.
1973 -- Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes
to his car and gets his to show Jack.
2006 -- School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail
and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for
traumatized students and teachers.

++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1973 -- Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end
up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.
2006 -- Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark.
Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1973 -- Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal.
Sits still in class.
2006 -- Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School
gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives
him a whipping.
1973 -- Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to
college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2006 -- Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to
foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist
that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison.
Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to
school.
1973 -- Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking
dock.
2006 -- Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations.
Car searched for drugs and weapons.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant.
1973 -- Five High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at
a special school for expectant mothers.
2006 -- Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who notifies
the ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an abortion
without her parent's consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and told
to be more careful next time.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1973 -- Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2006 -- Pedro's cause is taken up by state Democratic party. Newspaper
articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a
requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit
against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned
from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing
lawns for a living because he can't speak English.

+++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of
July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant
bed.
1973 -- Ants die.
2006 -- BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with
domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from
home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is
never allowed to fly again.

+++++++++++++++++++++

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his
knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him.
1973 -- In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2006 --Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job.
She faces three years in State Prison.

Frank Hauss is Not a Happy Man

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 16:47:17 GMT

Ah, the Thanksgiving holiday is officially over. Food, family, fun....Thanksgiving is all about creating memories; memories to cherish forever. It almost brings a tear to my eye.

This year dinner was at the parent's house. Mom and Dad's big, majestic, turn of the century, home was made for family gatherings. This year was special in that the parent's are selling the old home and building a new low maintenance home on one level. It's an old people thing. We'll all face it someday. So this was our last Thanksgiving in the family home.

Yesterday morning, preparation for the huge family dinner had just begun. Mom was at the sink peeling potatoes, I was deboning turkey #1, Donna was walking through the door bringing an assortment of gooey desserts (she's a gourmet cook), and Anita the psychiatrist was carefully assessing the entire situation. Then the phone rang.

Having never upgraded to caller ID, every call is a surprise at Mom and Dad's. Mom answers the phone to hear a prerecorded message: "This is an incoming call from Cumberland County Jail. Press zero to accept the charges." Not knowing where on earth Cumberland County is, Mom decides to accept the call. Obviously someone is in dire distress. However, before Mom has time to press zero, she hears a gruff voice saying, "You better pick up the f*cking phone you stupid c*nt or I'll come there and burn your f*cking house down."

Okay. It's on. Mom, who has never once been at a loss for words, HAS to press zero now. Who is this?

Upon accepting the charges, the non-stop verbal assault from the caller is on. "About time you took my call.....I've been stuck in here for 8 days you f*cking bitch......I bet you're all getting ready for your big fancy dinner.......well I'm gonna get outa here and when I do I'm busting in and turning your tables upside down......how do you like that you f*cking bitch......and tell that bitch Lana that I'm coming for her too....." ...and so on and so on. Do you get the drift of the conversation?

When the caller takes a breath Mom makes a key inquiry. "Who are you?"

"Oh, so you wanna know my name?......<chuckles>........I'll give you my name.....Frank Hauss.....F-R-A-N-K-H-A-U-S-S.........happy?.......now you know who I am?......thought so........."......and the threats of arson and bodily harm continue. Mr. Hauss is an unhappy gentleman and it appears he wants to be released from his current incarceration. I think it is painfully clear that this upstanding member of society was falsely imprisoned. It's quite obvious.

Mother takes this opportunity to explain to Mr Hauss he has the wrong number (and properly dresses him down for his inexcusable holiday behavior). The caller sheepishly, but crudely apologizes for his behavior and hangs up. Mom said she just could not drum up one iota of compassion for this hostile man. Coincidentally it turns out Anita is the lead psychiatrist for the state prison system. Hmmm. Researching her database she immediately locates Mr Hauss as an inmate of the Cumberland County Jail in Tennessee. The Sheriff is promptly notified of Frankie's Thanksgiving Day antics. I doubt he is released from the pokey today.......or tomorrow.

Yes, it's all about the memories.