My Sanctuary

Smokey Joe's Cafe

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 17:53:14 GMT

If you are interested in what goes on behind the scenes of a community theater, stayed tuned. I'm planning on blogging my adventures as a cast member of Garfield Heights Smokey Joe's Cafe as we work our way up to opening night and beyond.

Last night was interesting, but typical. The director made his hellos and we went through the techical stuff that is required.

As I looked around at the varied faces, I wondered how I would interact with these people over the next three months. Who would I be singing with, what songs would I be singing, would I get a solo or two?

The cast is very diversified ethnically and age wise. We have singers, dancers, and some people that are both. I know for certain that I am a singer. Two left feet I possess and not much else other than a voice that can blow the roof of the place when I'm not all nerved up.

I'm waiting patiently now for the song list. It's being delivered via email sometime before this evening and I'm on pins and needles. I'm itching to start singing my parts. It's a desire that I've had for so long, and I am overjoyed to have the opportunity to be in this production.

The Simple Pleasures.

Wed, 28 May 2008 18:43:36 GMT

neat!

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 16:00:12 GMT

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 15:13:21 GMT

All I Know

There are things in our lives that are meant to uproot our thoughts, the way we were taught to perceive things, and our general embedded notions of what should happen and what should not happen.

However steady we believe our paths are, however plainly laid out we believe the way in front of us is, something occurs that knock us down and scrap our knees on the concrete that we thought was our life.

Such an event has occurred to me that makes me seriously wonder what God has in store for my life and the lives of my children. It is too soon to tell how this event will shape me, even if it will do anything other than give me momentary pleasure....it has been welcomed into my life for the time that it is permitted to be here.

I do know a few things at my age. I know who I am, who I am deep inside my soul. I know what I want for my life....the picture I want created. My life right now is a canvas with a few colors smeared on it. The whole picture has yet to be revealed, the beauty of the objects on the canvas has yet to shine through. Inwardly, I know what the picture will be of. It will be of a complete family, a family unit strong enough to weather the storms of life. The composition of the paint that makes the portrait is composed of a love strong enough to hold fast against the society that we live in.

Each face in the picture has a story. The children, will someday paint their own picture on their own canvas. Hopefully composing a portrait steadfastly ingrained with morality and respect for the people that enter their lives. Such is a goal that I can wish for, strive for, and take responsibility for as a parent to those children.

Today, recently, another brush stroke has been added to the canvas. It's color undetermined for it is still drying, yet at the same time delighting the artist as she watches her portrait continue to take shape.

Michal

Adventures of a Dating Mom

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 15:11:42 GMT

It's been a while since I was out on the 'scene'. Can I just be honest here? I feel so out of place that it's not humorous in the least sense of the word. To say things have changed is an understatement. The age range of the men that I have had dates with are 40 and above....and things change. I know....I know I keep saying that...but I'm flabbergasted.

Are there any rules anymore? Back when I was younger...20's...there were somethings that I thought would stand the test of time. The gentleman opens the doors, he picks up the tab, picks you up...so on and so forth. Now a days, its more of a two way street. You meet somewhere public, share the tab, and everything is split pretty evenly. I guess the days are gone...the traditional days.

With us...the dating middle agers...there are bound to be issues. Now, those issues can vary from ex's to kids to financial classes.....all sorts of things.

A lot of you know that I'm close to my mom....I talk to her about everything because I value her opinion so much. She laughed with me, has cried with me, and has told me to remember that I am a valuable woman first and foremost. What ever guy that comes along and we click is lucky to have me. I love mom just for that reason...she's one of the best liars I know. *Kidding!!!*

There are so many obstacles to over come in this world of modern dating....especially for us 'seasoned' men and women. However, the quest for love is never ending and the longing to wake up with someone that keeps you warm emotionally and physically is a basic human desire. Keeping your head up is one of the toughest things you will ever have to do. Keep searching...keep looking...for they are out there somewhere...just waiting for you to find them.

Michal

Woah to the rest of my day

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 01:22:17 GMT

I'm a nanny to a wonderful family during the day. Some of you know that. Today was typical, except for this afternoon when the little 18 month old I watch got hurt. I put her in her high chair and the tray was not secure....she pushed the tray fell out of her chair and hit her head on the maple dining table.

The first thing I saw was the cut above her eyebrow. It was deep and not bleeding...signs of 'not good'. I was shocked mentally...how could I let this happen. Well, she must have sensed my mood because she did not cry at all! I was cradling her, holding her and telling her it was alright while calling her parents.

These people...let's just say I've never met any two people so calm. They asked to describe the cut, and I did...and they said it would be fine. They were actually calming me down because I was so upset that something happened to this little angel in my care. Char turned out great, was laughing and playing with me after I let her down...she had to wiggle to get me to get the point.

Only after I hung up the phone from talking to the parents did I realize that I was severely shaking. No more coffee for me today.

Olivia still has her cough, but feeling better. I did get the Vicks and night time medicine and she is fast asleep now.

I bought a Bible this evening. It's a Life Application Bible and supposed to be very good. I had one, but I believe my soon to be ex gave it away. There's an urge that I'm feeling to read the book. I believe in that 'inner' voice being the Holy Spirit....so...I'm going to listen this time.

Things in my life are dramatic, but normal. I believe that God is attempting to tell me to listen to that still, small voice that is in me. My goal for this week is to find a Women's Bible Study online or get a book that will help me.

Michal

Shaking Head

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 14:22:13 GMT

Hi there! It's been an interesting morning to say the least. Olivia and Brandon spent the night at their father's house and I picked up Olivia today before I came to work. The poor little thing is sick, so it's time to pull out the sick kid game plan which includes tylenol and vicks.

They were staples in my house until I remembered I moved and he had everything! LOL. So, I went out and bought the tylenol, but the Vicks will have to wait until tonight. She's doing okay, but not great with a bad head cold and cough. She's clingy when she's sick something that I actually love because normally she's like a cat...very independent.

I'm wanting to get a cool mist humidifier, the Vicks type so I can put it in her room at night. I've heard that the cool mist is better than the warm as far as spreading germs, so we will give it a go. Anything that makes her feel better.....will help everyone in the house. If you've had the pleasure of a sick two year old, you know they can get a little cranky so to speak.

I'm looking forward to going through Boo's bookbag after work. It might sound strange, but I do enjoy seeing what he is doing and viewing what the school is trying to get me to sell or trying to get me to buy. *rolls eyes* Even if I vote for the upcoming school levy, I doubt the sell me buy me flyers will cease to exist. There is no more free public education...that is obvious.

Tonight's dinner is chicken. What to do with it, I have no idea. I do know that it's going to have to be easy because I'm usually whipped by the time dinner comes around. Fortunately, the men in my life are not picky as long as it's hot and tastes like something that's edible.....they are content.

I'm out of here now....remind me to tell you the story of a game that my oldest children play. 'Safety' and 'Doorknob'...and yes....it deals with passing gas. :/

Michal

Thanks

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 23:42:16 GMT

Thanks for all your advice concerning my feet and hands. I'll attempt to slather myself with Vaseline and report my findings. lol

I'm so tired tonight...emotionally more than physically. It comes on all of a sudden, wiping me of all emotion except anger towards 'him'. The most irritating thing about being a victim of emotional abuse for me is wanting to put him through what he put me through....the breaking of my soul....the re wiring of my thoughts.....loosing who I was. God, I wish I could vindicate somehow for that. But, why honestly?

I'm away from him, that should be good enough. However, at times such as these where I burst into angry tears, I just want to yell and bitch and make him hurt. Hurt like I hurt. He had no right to do what he did...call me those names....make me shiver in fear in the corner of the bathroom....make me fear. No one human should have that power over another. I know it happens all too much. Women accept the circumstance and never get out before it's too late. It took all I had to tell him I wanted out. Night after night of throwing up getting physically ill waiting for him to come home was the final straw.

I lost so much. To get out...I did something I would never thought I would do. And, afterwards I sit here upset at myself as well as him. I've been a religious woman, having a relationship with God. Now I wonder if I can get that back without feeling like I've committed a sin that can not be forgiven. I broke my vows...but my own pastor told me that he broke his vows the night he shoved me into a television set. He broke his vows when he belittled me, tore me down, and crushed my spirit. I put up with it for five years...which to many may not seem like much....but to me felt like an utter eternity.

At times I wonder when that day will come when I will be truly free. I know it's coming, I can feel it...the time does approach....but will only occur when I complete my 'steps' to help get me back to me. The dissolution...the paperwork will be filed next week. He wanted a dissolution instead of a divorce because his history would come to light. I just want out with what I deserve. The kids and child support to help with their expenses. It seems so cut and dry....so easy with a dissolution that what is the point of getting married? My next step that's developing is searching to gain my relationship back with God. I know it can happen, it's just looking up admitting to my sin and deep down know that He forgives me for what I've done. I left. To save me and my children, I left a marriage that was supposed to work DAMN IT! He promised to me he would protect me and my children, love us, cherish us. He did none of that. How dare he do that? We deserve at least that from him. Demand it if he wanted so badly to be part of our lives. It's so unfair....

*Sigh* I really just need to bury the past...and move on. Perhaps the last mementos of our life together should be buried with my broken heart. It's time to let the past blur and realize what I have now...........I think it's time, don't you?

Dry Feet and Hands

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 20:32:49 GMT

Now that Fall is officially here, my ritualistic problem as arrived as well. Dry and cracked feet and hands. I have searched over and over for a product that will help and is strong. Here's where I'm looking for help. If any of you can recomend something that I can try....please do!

Tired

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 10:43:30 GMT

I have been around the past few days, just busy switching colleges for my law degree and it's been a pain in the butt! However, the advisor has been great, leading me through the process step by step.

My ADD makes it difficult to complete one task at a time, but I have to focus really hard and just relax. I have a way of getting all balled up with frustration when I can't really concentrate.

Other than that, everything is cool. I apologize for the short entry. But, it is a weekday and I'm scrambling to get everything done in a timely manner.

TTFN!