Strummin Along To The Tune Of Life

I am completely addicted to XM radios 70's channel ! ! When I become financially stable enough to buy a smoochin fab present for myself, you know what it will be? XM radio Duh! Then as a lil booster I am going to get whole house stereo, so I can have my past ALL AROUND ME! lol Funny thing is I get all giddy listening the tunes, and start thinking back to my teen years and I feel younger at heart, get the urge to walk through the daisies, wear my bell bottoms, get .... , never mind that, Mom might read this (ha ha)  ... then I stand up and I remember, I'm not 16 anymore, Dammit! I don't remember alot from that time period, but I DO remember my freakin body did not hurt like this! Where the hell did that pain my arse and hips come from! Geeshus! I was actually 16 in 1979, I almost missed the 70's my teen years, well, my prime years anyhow!

Back to 2007. Rain, my dear lil darling child, and her fiancee, yes, I said fiancee, she has gotten engaged, calls me the other night to ask how to make meatloaf. I give her the directions and she hangs up. A few hours later, she calls back and ask... "Mom, do you brown the meat first before you make it into the loaf??". Ohhh dear Lord, where was she when I was cooking! I couldn't stop laughing after we hung up, didn't dare laugh to her on the phone! God love her, she fully admits if her and the boy relied on her to cook , they'd starve! But she's learning quickly!

Mother Nature is being a total cranky butt this month. we've had 70 degrees, we've had snow, sleet, rain, wind, sun, flooding, you name it, we've had it! Man, is she menopausal or WHAT! Has she never heard of a happy medium! Be glad when it's over and she mellows out!

My job once again is hanging out there. The Hospital contracted our department out to a corporation who specializes in outsorcing the revenue departments. It's already looking sour, they lied about how many nationwide employees they have. It was stated they had 5,500, they actually have 550 and 80 of them is us! They said our benefits would be untouched, lie again, the cost went up by about 60 bucks a month. So we willl see, just how long will I have ajob. Well, I am out looking, just as a safety net. I am trying to think positive, but you have to worry when in a matter of 24 hours you find out they are already lying.

Well, off to bed! Have a happy Friday, or whatever day it is on your side of the world!

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Hello world! Hope you are are well and warm! Speaking of Mother Nature, she has doused us with more snow, thank you ! Driving home from work was about nerve racking. I wanted to smoke, so nervous, can't take hands off the wheel, ugh! What a drive. I tried to call CT to tell him I was driving slower then usual and would be getting home a bit later, he didn't answer the house phone or his cell. Normally he calls to ask where I am, not tonight. He didn't even know I called, he was sleeping. Grr, I told him good thing I wasn't stranded! Men!

Speaking of CT, he is still fighting the infection in his arm. It is so frustrating. He feels tired so much and our marriage has lacked much of the liveliness it once had, which has put a grand strain on us. I finally had to speak out and tell him how crazy and depressed it was making me. We used to talk alot, I mean we would lay in bed and talk all night on occasion, I loved that! We were to the point of basically, hello, what do you want to eat, do you need clean clothes, and goodnight. He was extremely grumpy and mean, so I basically shut down. I hated it. So I finally spoke out. What did I have to lose? Things are getting better. It took us a couple of years to get to this point, it won't heal overnight, but as long as he is willing to try so am I. He and I have been through just about everything together. It is so crazy how quick you get caught up in that routine of just existing with another person in the house. I told him I felt like I was living with a friend, and not a very good one at that. I think that made him think. I mean at one time we laughed, joked, and were passionately in love with each other. I think his health and the finances, or lack of have just really been too much. I told him I am not about to be widowed before I am 50 and am really getting too old to be a divorcee and do the dating thing over again, so he better get his head out of his ass!

One of the things I told CT we have to work on is our health! I have become so overweight that I am ashamed of myself. I actually had a woman make a comment about my weight when she thought I was out of hearing range to another woman and it really hurt my feelings. I gained 40 pounds in the past 4 years. Ridiculous! It isn't that I eat alot, it is what I eat. Breads, pasta, chips, cookies, candy and mountain dew. NO more! I have been doing great, I lost 17 pounds in the past month. As the weather gets nicer I am going to start outdoor walking. I have decided that my body is like anything else, if you don't take care of it, it is going to fall apart! So I have been concentrating on taking care of myself. I bought nice lotion for my skin, facial products, a little of new make up, and everyday when I am showering, I keep saying over and over outloud so I hear myself, DO IT FOR YOURSELF! I feel so much better about myself! I have actually gotten several comments at work that I have been looking very fresh and spring like! lol I have never ever went a day without showering, but I think taking a few extra minutes for me is paying off! Plus I have not allowed myself to stay in bed for hours extra because I was too depressed to deal with life. Oh, the bill collectors are still there, and we are still struggling, but I am not going to let it kill me! I have kids, grandkids, nieces and nephews I want to see grow up! I want to be able to run with them at the park and play and ride bicycles!

I was bad last weekend! I ate bacon and eggs cooked in the bacon grease. I was miserable afterwards though! Which was good, because I don't think I will have that desire for along time now. I found a delicious veggie dip and have been eating alot of cut up veggies. Which I love anyhow so that part was easy! I have to quite drinking mountain dew though! I have cut back alot, limiting myself to one 20 oz bottle a day. So I will be writing alot about my trying to get down in a few sizes! I have set my goals in 25 lb sets. When I lost 10 lbs, I took a 5lb bag of sugar and a 5lb bag of flour from the cupboard. Then I carried them around the house for about an hour. I set them down, then I got hungry, I picked them up and carried them and decied I wasn't really hungry, so I drank a glass of water with ice, and I wasn't hungry, I was thirsty! It is amazing how heavy 10lbs is!

Well, sorry this was so long! Just feeling a lil better about life today. I need to vent I think and not hold so much in. Have a very Happy Sunday! XX

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Well mother nature is surely showing her ass this week. We've had it all! Snow, sleet, rain, ice, sunshine! What the hell! I bet the mailman is fullfilling his dedication to the community this week, and wishing he would have chosen the alternate career that paid 20,000 less a year, not a bad trade for feet that were permantely frozen to your socks!

The little asses down the road have targeted our garbage bin with the nice big door and fresh fallen snow to write their BIG words in, like, your gay, F***(how original) ect. I have already decided the next time I am going to make a big sign that says, "courtesy of the johnsons" on it and hang it out there so their mother can be so proud.

Not much happening here. Get up, drive to work in the ice and snow, come home in the ice and snow, hibernate in the house till the alarm goes off again. Once I'm in, I'm in. I haven't even been venturing next door to Ma & Pa's. How sad, I am too dam lazy and cold to walk next door. But it's cold, and I can't stand it! I go to bed, turn the electric heater on, courtesy of sons friend, put the fuzzy blanket in the dryer, take it out, run in the bedroom, jump in bed, put the warm blanket on then the comforter on top of it. AHhhh ! I could stay there all day! If I ever get rich I am hiring a blanket warmer to do this for me all day! lol When the kids were little I would do that with their PJ's. Get them warm, take the kids out of the tub and put them in their warm PJ's. They'd be out in moments after that!

My online classes have me wanting to pull my hair out. But I am passing, so far. Although I am attempting to drop accounting. I have never had an accounting class , ever, so it is like basically teaching yourself. Not a good idea when you can't even balance a check book right!

Well, I better go to bed. CT is snoring away and it's making me sleepy. Well, really annoyed, but if I go to sleep I won't hear him! lol

Happy Saturday!

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Well after being terribly spoiled with srping like weather, we are getting hammered with ice and snow. Not much accumalation, just icey stuff. I hate driving the 21 miles each way to work in it everyday. Particulary since the main highway I drive is along the river. River = wind = icey road. Not a fun ride. Not to mention they closed the tunnel down I have to go thru to get to my work, now I have to detour. Oh yay! Do I go the counrty road way and worry about non treated roads and those dreaded deer, go up the icey hill down the other side of the icey hill or thru town which gives me road rage? I already have had a collision with a deer, so I opt out of the country road! The deer actually hit me! I'm not so fond of them now that I see how much damage they cause.

Things have been extra hectic here. So much happening with the family with health issues. I feel like I am on pins and needles each day. It takes me back to when Brother passed away, I am starting to question God's prescence. Or the lack of. It just seems like those who are good get punished with illness and so forth and the evil keep going on. Doesn't seem fair. Hubby says it's because death isn't a punishment, it's a reward getting to go to heaven. I'm sorry but if I can't see it and know it's real, I'm not moving there. I asked him, so who knows for sure it's real? He said because the Bible says so. How do we know the Bible isn't like a fable book written for amusement way back when and some crazy person decided it was fact! I am not so sure about all this. I try but then I get a bit nervous trusting someone who I cant see or touch. I don't see God in that light anyhow. An actual person. My views are a bit odd to some. Ok ok off the religion thing, I will be disowned if the wrong family memeber reads this!

Well I am going to bed on that nite!

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Well, I took the first Macroeconomics test, as did Son. He went to Nana's to use her computer while I used ours. So we did the test. He rushed in and asked what my score was. I asked, what his was first! He got a 76.4 and I got a 85.7!!! Ah ha ha ha!

That made me feel good! Not that I think I am smarter, I don't. I was afraid I would be really lost and not able to pull a decent grade, and even though it was just the first test, it felt good knowing I did it!

SO I hope I calm down a bit. I was so stressed tonight studying for the test I was close to tears! I kept saying to myself, what was I thinking! Why am I doing to myself!

Well off to bed, work at 6:45 am yukkkkkkkkkkkkk!

Happy Sunday!

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Winter has definitely caught up with the valley. I suppose we can't complain much, we have had extremely nice weather. But we've had a lil snow, some cold, enough is enough! Onward to Spring!

I am taking some online classes. I yi yi! What was I thinking! Not enough stress in my life?? Maybe I need a bit more! I am happy about taking them, but it is hard to find calm time here in the house of drama to study.

I am very serious when I take a class. Son took the same classes I did. I am not sure of his tactics quite yet but I am getting alot of questions about what is due and when. I think he thinks it's gonna be easy. He said, " Oh I am so glad we got the same classes!" Rain came home for this semester to take some core classes, yes on line, and most of them are the same as mine! My kids think I am so silly! But while they are watching "beerfest" and "Jack ass II" and hanging out, I am in my bedroom studying! I can't wait for the final grades! I should have made some bets! ;p

I  am a business major, but there are so many jobs I want to do! I can't decide what I want to be! I am already grown up, time is running out! ~Stress~ ~Stress~ sigh...

I really want to be a stay at home mom(ok the kids are grown, but they still live here ,well 2 do!) I want to garden, and cook, and make crafts, and do projects around the house! Hmm , doesn't pay much though. ~pout~

Ohhhhh I have discovered 2 new Irish artist that sing just awesomely! Niamh Parsons and Deanta! Wow if you ever get a chance to hear them, do it! If that is, you are interested in the Irish, Scottish sounds. Someday I am going to visit Scotland and Ireland! Gawd I hope it is before I am too old to remember it! lol I would definitely be looking up some of these great musical artist to hear them in person! Heck, I might like it enough there to not come back ! lol

Of course, the female group "Celtic Woman" have voices straight from Heaven! They sweep you straight away to the fields of green that tickles your nose with Mother earth and the whispering winds sweeping your hair across your face.

I have been thinking of doing a my space so I can post all of my Celtic stuff. I tried it alone, what a disaster, so I have to ask the kids to help me! lol So so sad!

Well goodnite! Morning comes quick!

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It's hard to believe we are about at the end of another year. This one's been a toughy. Financially, emotionally, physically, mentally! I have been really bad about keeping my journal up mostly because I didn't want to sound so hum drum, because that is pretty much how this years been. Oh it had some high points. Most of the time I was just too dam tired to even think, not alone write.

I still have a job. That's a high point! By the time the hospital was done "cleaning house" they nixed 200 people, so I feel pretty dam lucky to have a job still! I actually got trained to do another dept, the insurance verifier position, I fill in there when needed. Then they had a job open in the financial clearance dept, I interviewed, I was given a start date, hell I even had pictures picked that I was hanging up in my cubicle, then I went back to work after a day off and found out that my boss thru such a bitch fit about me being transferred they nixed that idea and told me that they had to do what was best for the dept. That sucks, you go to work you bust your ass, and that is how you get rewarded, by being held back from promotions! Needless to say I was pretty well peed off at the whole situation. Bad thing was, they didn't even have the nerve to tell me to my face, I over heard people talking about what a shame I wasn't getting the job! That made it even uglier. So I go in, do what I am required and that is it. I don't do anymore free favors.

I have a new grandson. He was born Nov 3rd. He's a lil bruiser, he just looks so boy! His sister will be 2 on Jan 7th. She is a doll, and just talks up a storm. We went to see them Dec 23. We took their Christmas presents to them and what fun that was. My granddaughter kept saying"Santa presents"! She was having a blast! They live about 4 hours from here in Ohio, so we don't get to see them nearly enough. I miss them terribly.

I got a very nice surprise 10 days before Christmas. I was very stressed out and couldn't seem to find the time to get the decorations up and the tree up. I came home from work and Rain was in the kitchen, cleaning (shocker!), and Son and his GF were standing there smiling. When I closed the door behind me, in the living room was the biggest live Christmas tree decorated and twinkling ! I was so thrilled! Son and GF went and bought the tree and did it all up! It was beautiful! I usually don't have a real tree because of the cost so it was nice to have a real one. I love the pine scent! I was pretty handy with the outside decorations too! I went to the neighbors and trimmed some pine from his trees, and to the other neighbors and cut some berry bunches and made pine and berry swags for the windows and added pine cones and a ribbon. They look pretty darn good too! My hubby and Dad thought I bought them already made! I was happy they turned out so nice. I like the simple, country look.

I got a nice car in July. A 2002 Impala. It's white, I love white! My last 3 cars were white! But anyways, I finally get a nice car that runs, and looks decent, and what happens!? A stupid deer runs right into the side!!!!!!! I got a big dent in the front fender and a bunch of lil dents on the door. I was pretty lucky because he hit me on the driver side and his face was right in my windshield, I thought he was coming through it! Scared the bejeebers out of me to say the least! And, the nice deer left me a big huge smear of crap right on my door, thanks Mr deer! He ran off, I probably would've kicked him if he'd had fell over! I am usually like, ahh look at the deer, how pretty, now I am like you SOB deer, don't you dare hit me! lol But Rains BF is going to fix it for me next week! Isn't is funny how you can drive a junker for years, never hit anything and you get a nice car and it has a magnet on it! I've run over I couldn't even count how many small wild animals! I am definitely keeping the road kill cafe in business! lol

Well, enough babble. I hope you all had a nice Christmas. Have a terrific New year!

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When Jason Tharp died, I ranted like a mad woman on several message boards across the state of WV and the country. I was pissed that this young man had his life ended so shortly. I'm still pissed, and I still don't support this dam crazy war, although, I DO support our great troops. And Yes I am thankful to be able to go to sleep everynight while these soldiers try and fight the crazy terrorist. But anyways, before I go off on a rant, which I am! I recieved a letter from a young Marine just in boot camp pleading his feelings from a Marines point of view. I think the fella felt slighted by myself for insulting the Marines who were involved in Jasons death. What I had to say was not against every Marine I explained to him. I was blaming those responsible, they know who they are, they have to close their eyes everynight and see Jasons face. We emailed back and forth a few times and came to the conclusion that I indeed did I have my opinion and he had a job to do and I respected that. We also came to the conclusion that my letters were from a Mothers point of view. Particulary being a mother of a son Jasons age. I mean dammit, if we don't defend our kids and stand up for them , who the hell will?

Well I got another letter from this boy, he's 19 now he tells me, just had a birthday. He ships out soon for Iraq. My heart sank. He also tells me that he's just another number as far as the Marines are concerned. That saddened me. He just sounds like he has no one that cares. Then I thought, how many men & women are in Iraq that have no one who cares? I am sure alot. Are people even still keeping up with the war? Are those coming home still being honored? My son's friend came home from Iraq a few weeks ago, and aside from the "gang" having a camping out party for him, I heard no news of his return. Although, he had to go back for a few weeks, which I thought was totally ass as far as the military goes. They get the kid home safe, to send him back out there.

So I have this young boy, Lance Corporal A in my thoughts. I asked him to write me and let me know he's ok. He actually apologized for bothering me! He was not and never has bothered me. I respect this young man for standing up for what he believes in and not being afraid to voice his opinion.

So if you have a minute, say a prayer for a soldier, maybe more if you have time. If you know of a local organization that is sending treats to the soldiers, pitch in a dollar or 2, maybe instead of that second donut, you don't need anyhow every morning, donate that money to a soldier who has come home and has medical problems and can't work. And don't forget to say thank you when they come home. I know there are alot of organizations out there to help these guys and gals. Mostly, just don't forget them.

God Bless the US.

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Only 3 more days before I get to see Rain march with the WVU band! Woo hoo! I am so excited! I called her tonight. Gawd she is pissy sometimes! I asked what's wrong. Nothing! snarl growl! Ok ok. Sorry I bother you! Geesh! If she'd answer her email I wouldn't have to call and ask her questions! But the child DOES NOT answer them! Man that irritates me!

I get so aggravated at these people who sit around and wish their kids lives away! "I can't wait till they walk, I can't wait till they are 4. I can't wait..." Good Lord people! Let them have a childhood! I would give anything to have my kids be back to toddlers! It is the convenience thing. You know, they are more self sufficient, you don't have to change them, hold them,tend to their every need, you can park them in front of the TV and there ya go, instant babysitter! Why the hell do people bother having kids if they don't want to hold them, play with them, be with them? A child is a gift from God that should be nurtured and loved! They learn something new everyday. How many things you miss if you aren't paying attention to them? Did you see the look on their lil face when they realized their toes wiggle when they want them too? How about the giggle when the wind blew the curtain out from the window? Did you see the excitement when they looked out the door and seen the leaves on the tree fall and they reached out trying to catch them? This world is messed up. Kids grow up too fast and their parents are rushing them. Have you seen kids fashions?? Good Lord I was walking around Walmart the other day the baby fashions look like teenager fashions! How ridiculous! I mean I am sure people want their kids to be in style, but they are BABIES! My first thought was, the problem with baby fashions is that there are so many teens having baby's, they appeal to them by making the baby clothes look like what the teens want. You know, they can dress them like themselves! I don't want my baby look like they are 15 at 1 yr! I guess maybe I am just old fashion! Gasp....... Crap that is what is wrong! I have slid into that Grandma thinking! ugh.

Nothing else exciting. I get up, go to work, come home, do the Mom thing, and go to bed, do it all over again! Not alot we can do with CT either not feeling good or depressed all the time. It is hard being around someone who is depressed all the time. You feel like they are sucking all your energy out of you. No matter how much you try, it happens. I will come home in a great mood, and sit down to chat with him and before I know it, I feel my shoulders sag down, my head gets heavy, and I feel like I have no air. Sometimes I will go to bed to get away from it. If it's nice I will go outside. I just feel like we are slowly dying. I don't want that! But you feel like every step you take a huge weight is draggin you down. How do you get out of this? I mean I try, I try make him laugh, lift the mood, but he just stares at me like I am a freak. Then I feel stupid. Am I wrong to not want this?? How do you change it? How do you go thru this everyday and not feel crazy? I am at my wits end. I find myself wanting to be alone more and more. Not because I don't care about him, but because I need to get some fresh air!

Well nothing like airing the ol dirty laundry in public. Ha! Oh well. I need to do something with my frustrations.

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I now know what "Empty Nest" means. Rain has moved on to college. Only an hour and a half away, but far enough to make me know the emptiness. Although, Son has been remodeling his room. I tell CT that is a tell tale sign that he's not planning on moving anytime soon! He's realized the comfort of living at home. Why waste his money on living out on his own, struggling, not having any fun, you know, being an adult. This way he can have fun on the small salary he's earning working while he's going to college. He's a smart cookie, I say. And so what if he doesn't move out until he's 30 ? He works, he goes to college, he helps me when I ask him. He's a good kid. No trouble at all from him. So why encourage him to move out? I don't see him much between working, school, friends and the GF. Unlike Rain, who consumed my every waking moment, he is self sufficient. That is why I am feeling the empty nest.

SO what have I been doing with my time? Well... I have taken computer paper boxes and covered them with contact paper, for storage containers, my next venture is to try fabric covered boxes with pretty trim for the living room. Um, I bought scrapbooking things, when the weather turns cold and I can't tinker around in my yard. I've been cleaning! Now I am desperate! Rain says I am sad! LOL I found that funny! Thing is it is things I have always wanted to do, but couldn't seem to get too. Not that I am complaining, I would never change the way that I gave up those things that I liked to do in exchange for spending time with my child. They grow up so quick. One day they are infants, and then before you know it, your waving goodbye to them at the door of the college dorm.

Rain marched her first football game with the WVU Band! Of course, I couldn't get tickets, because they were sold out. But Rains friends mom taped it for me! SO Since the media is ignorant and they do not show the band at half time, at least I will have that. I feel horrible for these people who dedicate their time in the summer, grueling hours of practice in the hot summer sun, in the rain, trying to fit in practice, jobs, homework, families, don't get the recognition they deserve. SO sad. I could go on for many pages on that topic!

Ct is getting better since his last surgery in July. He's got a PICC line again. It's tiring. But he has learned to give himself his meds at times to allow me to get some sleep. But he's bored, and depressed. I try to make the mood lighter,but most times it is useless. So he sleeps.

Well, now that I have realized it is 3 am! I am going to bed. Goodnite world.

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