The King is coming. Do you know Him?

"Let not mercy and truth forsake you;  Bind them around your neck,  Write them on the tablet of your heart..." Proverbs 3:3

One of the most important secrets of successful communication is the balance of truth (honesty) and mercy (sensitivity). In the book of Proverbs, Solomon tells us not to forsake them and even to "bind them" around our necks.  That means that every word originating in our vocal cords and coming out of our mouths should reverberate with both truth and mercy.

When our communication honors the standards of truth and mercy, it will achieve the results we desire.  However, when we omit either of the two elements problems are inevitable.  An example is truth without mercy.  It is brutal. Even though many people pride themselves in how they are honest and let everyone know how they feel, they are also some of the most hurtful people to be around.  Truth without mercy is like surgery without anesthesia.  It is hard to appreciate the accuracy of the scalpel or the knowledge of the doctor when they are applied with a disregard to the feelings of the patient.

Just as dangerous as truth without mercy is the opposite.  Mercy without truth is like a cheerleader without a team.  It is meaningless and ends up causing serious problems.  All of us in marriage have perspectives and disagreements that are important for us to share. When we don't, not only does our spouse not get the benefit of our honest opinion, but our negative feelings build up.

 

We need to realize that it is impossible to hide the truth from those close around us.  We may not say it with our mouths, but it comes across in attitudes, withdrawal, lack of passion and often in very harmful passive-aggressive behavior.  Mercy without truth isn't merciful.  It is disloyal and dishonest.  We must be honest in order to have a genuine relationship that achieves true intimacy.

I encourage you to examine your own communication style and to ask yourself these questions: "Am I a balanced communicator?" "Do I speak the truth to my spouse?"  "Am I sensitive and careful about how my communication makes my spouse feel?"  Remember, your marriage will never rise above the level of your mouth.  Truth and mercy bound to your neck will allow you to reach the heights of marital bliss.

 

Blessings,

Jimmy Evans