The Long Climb Back Up

9:05:40 PM EDT

 

Hi Everyone,

Sorry that I haven't been able to update for a bit, but I still have no computer. They finally brought mine back from the cleaning process, only to tell me it's too corroded and will have to be replaced! Gee, it only took two weeks to tell us what we already knew the day after the fire.....sorry, I'm just going nuts without it so I'm really grumpy about it! Anyhow, we hope to get it this weekend and it will take a few days to set up, so.....I'm hoping to be back on line late next week. AGHHHHHHH, what did we ever do before the Internet??? :)

We're all settled into our little apartment, and although it's a bit cramped, we're doing okay. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss my house and our life there, but I suppose it will make me appreciate it more when we finally get to go back. Little Abby has had some adjustment problems and I've had her to the Vet for "stress induced gastroenteritis". Poor little thing, she got shuffled around a bit for the first week, and now she is in a noisy apartment...she started vomiting and stuff. But, she seems to be coping better as she gets used to all the sounds, and her food is staying down again.....so keep your fingers crossed for her. She has been such a cuddle bug and stays close to us, we're so lucky we didn't lose her in the fire.....what a blessing!

The cleaning crews are still bringing things out of the house, but are almost done....they are on the top floor now. The builders did a walk through with Marv today and started getting an idea of what we want in the area of change, and showing us everything that will be knocked down and replaced. It's overwhelming.......really, that's all I can say. Once we get used to the fact that we lost our old things and house, I'm sure picking out all new stuff will be exciting....but for now, like I said, it's simply overwhelming. It's depressing when we think of all we lost, so.....I try not to think about it, and stay focused on the fact that we are all together and safe. Sometimes that is easier to do than others, but we're getting there friends, and I really am trying hard to stay positive. 

Last week was extra tough because my Uncle passed away, so we had a week of funeral stuff and extra watching over my Daddy. This was his younger brother, and he was only 68 years old. I think I mentioned before that he had Alzheimers too, but his was much more severe and took the violent route. As much as it hurts, it was actually a blessing that God called him home because he was restrained and didn't know anyone....and he would have felt so badly to know he was hitting people. Before the disease robbed him, he was a gentle, loving man, and we will all miss him......especially my Daddy. I'm not sure he really understands that his brother died, but he knows something bad happened and didn't handle the stress very well.

That's it for now, I just wanted to check in and say hi. Thank you so much for the cards I keep getting, they help to keep me going when I get down.....oh and Betty, I LOVE my picture of Koda, it gave me so much joy! For those who have asked, you can just send mail to my same address, as we didn't take a box at the apartment, Marv is just picking up the mail everyday from the house. I hope to be on line next week....say a prayer that they get me set up fast, okay, because I'm really going nuts. When they do, say another prayer that I didn't lose my music......it's my biggest fear, and hurts my stomach to even think about it.

I miss you all, and I'm hanging in there.....thanks for the prayers.

Love & Pooh Hugs,

Linda

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9:21:26 PM EDT

Hey guys,

Mom sent me another letter for you all.  Here it is...

Thanks,

Mandy

Hi Everyone,
A week ago today, we had the fire and our world felt if it were
collapsing. Things are still very depressing, but they are, at least,
moving forward. We were even able to joke a little last night about how
scary some of the toys look when their faces have melted. The laughter
isn't very often yet, but at least it's a start to recovering a part of
ourselves that we lost last Friday.

To update you, the cleaning crews are in process now of taking every
item we own out of the house, down to the last scrap of paper.
Everything, and I mean everything, is documented, photographed, and
signed by Marv or Myself. Our job is to tell them whether we want to try
to clean it, to just replace it, or to toss it. Every item is also given
a value, and they really like to know when something was purchased,
which is very hard in some cases! Then, the items that they will try to
clean are taken to three separate warehouses, one for clothing, linens,
purses (yes Robin, all my Dooneys, except for the two that were
destroyed) etc, one for collectibles and household items and one for
furniture and appliances. After they are cleaned, we will go and inspect
them, and it will be at our discretion whether we feel satisfied, or
want it replaced. After everything is out of the house, they will start
the gutting and rebuilding process, and then we won't have to be there
all day any more. The bad news is that we will not be back in by
Thanksgiving.....or even Christmas. Because the soot damage was so
extensive, even our wood beamed ceiling will need to be replaced, so we
are looking at a mid January return. We are trying to look at it
positively like it will be a fresh start to 2009.....but it isn't always
easy to stay "up",  although we are trying hard.

We are still staying at my parent's house, but have rented an apartment
that we will move into next week. It is very small and kind of old, but
it's all we need. The beauty of living in a small town is that they are
letting us sign a 6 month lease and go month by month from there. They
also lifted their "no pet" policy for us nd are allowing us to bring
Abby. Right now, we have nothing left to move, as what we do have is
being cleaned, so we will be borrowing mismatched things from friends
and family to live with. I told Marv that it will be like taking a bit
of everyone that loves us to our place of temporary rest! The good news
is I will have Internet connection there as of Tuesday, but the bad news
is I have no computer. However, they put a "rush" on it, and if it can't
be salvaged, I will get another one right away ( a promise from Marv &
our insurance agent!) so hopefully I will be back on line in a couple of
weeks. We took a few pictures of the damage and I will post them, then.

Until that time, I will try to keep in touch through Mandy, who has been
so wonderful to us, btw. Calling to check on us constantly, worrying
about our mental health, etc. She sent a gigantic care package filled
with everything you can think of that we might need such as aspirin,
razors, etc, even Abby got toys and bones. She put a sweet little note
on every item, and let me tell you....tears were shed by both Marv & I.
Especially when I saw a brand new "My Little Pony" with this note: "Mom,
I know how sad you were that my toys all burned, especially my ponies.
So here is a brand new one to start a collection for your Grandchildren
someday". How sweet is she? Yep, she's a keeper.

That's it for now, thank you for the love & prayers....Mandy is reading
all of them to me. Thank you also for the snail mail cards I've gotten,
I'm going to tape them on the wall at the apartment to brighten up the
place and remember how much support I have. Bless you all.

Pooh Hugs & Love,
Linda

 

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5:50:39 PM EDT

Hi guys,

Mom sent me a letter to post here for you guys, so here it is...

Thank you for all your love and support!

Mandy

 

Hi,
I'm sending this e-mail to Mandy through my Mom's WebTV. Unfortunately,
the browser is not compatible with AOL to access it and my lap top is
covered in ashes & soot, so, asking her to post these like this will
have to do for now. I will try to update you once a week if I can.

Thank you for the love and prayers, we sure can use them. It has been a
tough year for Marv & I, and this just seemed like a cruel joke that
someone has played on us......only it isn't very funny.
The fire has left us devastated, and although we're trying to have
faith, we're struggling emotionally. We just stood out in the driveway
holding each other and watched our house burn while we waited for the
fire dept, and I had to wonder what more God wants from us. This
morning, Marv was the most dejected and broken that I have ever seen
him, and he told me that he didn't know if he had the strength to get
back up from this after losing Molly, the store, and taking care of both
parents as he watches his Father die. I took his hand and reminded him
that he's not alone, and that together, our strength is doubled, add
Mandy's and it's tripled. I also know that with the support of our
extended families, it is multiplied ten-fold.

When Mandy wrote before, we hadn't been allowed full acess to see what
had been damaged, now I can tell you more.
The entire lower level and all the contents are completely destroyed.
The hardest part of that was the room down there where the fire
started...it contained all the things I had kept from Mandy's childhood,
as well as items from my own. I'm crying now as I think of the little
wood stove my Daddy made me and then Mandy played with it as well. I had
my Daddy write on the back of it, and I had hoped to see my Grandbaby
play with it someday. Also Mandy's American Girls collection, ponies,
books, school work, vacation videos, pictures, and so much more.....now
just a pile of ashes. Also, I lost my wedding dress and all our
christmas ornaments...the things that have no value except in my heart.

The main level of the house was hit hard as well, and we're not sure
what we can salvage, maybe some of the kitchen & dining room items, and
the same for the living room.....just not sure yet. Furniture & drapes
are gone, as well as many of my Disney collectibles. The firemen knocked
out the bathroom walls, and destroyed much of our bedroom as the fire
had come up through the walls in there.....it melted the sides of the TV
next to our bed. At one point, they came out and said it was 900 degrees
downstairs....it even melted our furnace right to the ground. We lost
all plumbing, electric, etc, and of course, everything that is left is
covered in black soot. That crap even got inside my zipped purse and
then through my eye glass case......unreal.

The top level of the house took mainly soot damage, although how much we
can salvage we won't know. Mandy's room was up there, as well as a
bedroom, bathroom, and a loft with a computer, TV, etc. We know the
computer has heat damage, and the couch, too, so those will have to be
replaced.

They were able to save the structure, and besides the windows they broke
out, from the outside.....all looks innocent and well!
We hope to be back in the house by Thanksgiving.....what a blessing that
day will truly be.

So each day from now on, we put one foot in front other and go forward.
The true blessing is that Marv, Abby, & I made it out alive and unharmed
physically....that is more important that any "thing" on Earth. Thank
you for being part of the strength we need to persevere....your love,
prayers and hope for us, mean everything. We love you!

Love,
Linda

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3:02:08 AM EDT

Hello all.

This is Mandy, and I am writing a post for my Mom.  She wanted me to inform you all that she is not going to be around her journal for quite some time now.  Tonight, my parents house caught fire, and they are going to be staying with my Grandparents for awhile.

My parents, as well as Abby are okay, but the house wasn't as lucky.  The last time I talked to my Dad this evening, he informed me that they had to knock down two of the walls of the house.  While the cause of the fire is still uncertain at this time, the fire marshall thinks it was something to do with electrical wires in the basement wall.  Everything in the basement is lost, and what remains of the upstairs will be determined in the morning. 

Please feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions or have a message you would like me to pass on to my Mom, as I don't know when she will check her journal next.  My e-mail is: TBEponine@aol.com.  You can try to e-mail her as she can check her e-mail on her phone, but I can't guarantee that she will write back.

Thank you all for being so supportive and caring friends to my Mom, I really appreciate it.  Please keep her and our family in your thoughts and prayers as we need them now more than ever.

Mandy

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10:14:18 PM EDT
Feeling Hopeful

 

 

Happy Birthday tomorrow, July 2, Abby Cakes!! I'm so glad that God had it in His plan for me to find you late one night on the Internet, during a very sad moment of missing Molly. The joy you have brought back into our lives can never be measured....it is endless. You have grown from a mischievous little puppy, to a sweet, playful, handful of love. Our prayer is for many years ahead with you by our side. Thank you God, for our year in the life of Abby :)

My parent's 60th Anniversary party went so well on Saturday, and having Mandy home for the week was simply wonderful....it was so hard to let her go back to Orlando yesterday. The family drama was kept to a minimum, although having the missing  members was extremely hurtful for my parents. They had such a good turn out though, and it was so heart warming to see how much they are loved by everyone. My Daddy did extremely well, and seemed to know many of his old friends....it brought me to tears seeing him animated, and so happy, even if his memory regressed again on Sunday. Thank you God for precious moments.

The day was hard on Marv though, because besides helping me, he was also busy with his parents. I have posted before that his 90 year old Mother had a stroke, and while rehabbing from that, she fell and broke her hip, so she is in a nursing home now trying to heal. Well, about a week ago, his 92 year old Dad was found unconscious, and he was rushed to the hospital with extremely shallow breathing. He has had by-pass surgery three different times over the years, so they did a lot of tests. They found him to have a leaky aorta and an enlarged heart, neither of which can be fixed. They have given him about 8 months to live, since he also has some congestive heart problems. We are moving him from the hospital to an assisted living home this week, which is just up the road from his Mom's nursing home. At least the driving will be cut down now because drive is only about 15 minutes, and the places are about 5 minutes from each other. Please keep my hubby in your prayers....he is so very tired and his heart is weary as well.

As for me....I've called a local therapist, and I'm not ashamed to say it. I start my sessions on Tuesday, and I am very hopeful. I have fallen into another rut that I just can't seem to get out of, and I need a push back up. I have been trying to take care of too many people, and fix too many problems for others....and in the middle of it all, Linda got lost. It's time to say that "I matter" and fix what keeps holding me down. I am planning to revamp this journal some time next week and taking it in a new direction, one of hope and looking ahead, and not so much a weight loss journal. I thank you for staying with me as I figure this all out.

That's it for now.....I wish you all a safe & happy 4th! Tomorrow, if you're by a cake, or brownies, or even a cookie.....take a bite in honor of Abby. My baby puppy is now one year old!!!

Hugs, Prayers, and love to you.....

 

                  

 

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9:44:49 PM EDT
Feeling Thankful
Hearing Ingrid Michaelson.....My Hero!

 

 

                  

 

I made these a few weeks ago when I made the other ones....sorry it took so long to share them. Like I said before, nothing fancy, but enjoy them if you wish :)

Happy Father's Day tomorrow to my wonderful Daddy, whom I love so very much....he was just too cute for words today. I am making him my famous baked spaghetti, home made apple sauce, and a strawberry Jello cake tomorrow....all his favorites! Also to the love of my life, Marv, who has been, and continues to be, the perfect example to Mandy of how she should be treated by a man....what a fabulous Father & role model he is! These two men are a bright spot in my life, and constantly make me smile.

Here are the tags....snag away if you want any of them.

 

 

 

 

                   

                                                                          Donna made this awesome tag!

 

 

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12:05:36 AM EDT
Feeling Disappointed

 

 

                                                          

 

Just checking in to say hi, and to let you know things are moving in a better direction for me. Your support of my  journal sabbatical to deal with things in my life has meant a lot to me....you'll never know how much. I'm still very tired from dealing with them, and not always staying on track food wise, but I'm making an effort at least! I'm working towards trying to find time for my own needs, which is hard for me to do.....but it is in the works. On a positive note, Mandy will be home on June 20 for an entire week.....it's just the medicine the Doctor ordered for me, and I can't wait.

Here is a song that you may or may not know. It's another by Kim Richey again, as she is one of my music champions! It is called "Something To Say" and I sing this one a lot, because for me, it represents my battle with weight & depression....it's kind of like she was inside my head when she wrote it! LOL! I hope you like it....remember if the video won't play, just try refreshing the journal page.

My apoligies to Indigo, and others, for the missing lyrics....I could not find them on line anywhere! When things settle down though, I will come back and make sure I type them out .

 

My hopes & prayers remain with you all.....

 

 

 

                                          

 

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1:51:07 PM EDT
Feeling Anxious

 

 

                  

 

 

Happy Memorial Day weekend! I'm still hanging in there and working at getting life back in order, and things are getting better. Late at night when I'm too keyed up to think about things anymore, I've been working on graphics to keep my hands busy and out of food. I decided that when I get back to my journal routine, I'm going to add the occasional "Saturday Snags" along with "Wednesday Wisdom" & "Music Monday" :) Now, granted, I'm not talented & creative as Donna, or Robyn, Chris, Shelly, or Sugar, and all the other talented PSPer's in J-land, plus.....don't ever look for mine to even move!!! LOLOL! But, I'll put a few out here for anyone who wants them. They are all basic & simple, but it's mindless work when my brain just needs to zone out for a while.

I'm on my way to my parent's house, I'll be there quite a bit this weekend, and Marv will be with his Mom who is still in the nursing home recovering from her broken hip. Can't go too many other places as Gas is $4.20 a gallon today here for regular unleaded.....what a sad day in America. :( 

In the midst of the sadness in my family, I have two things to celebrate and be thankful for. On Monday, Marv & I will celebrate 29 years of marriage together.....I love him so much! The other is that, yes, that ground shaking you felt on Thursday night was not another earth quake.....it was me, jumping up and down, squealing with delight at this:

(If the video won't play or says it's not available, just refresh the journal page, that usually fixes it.)

It's About Time!!!!!! 

 

Here are my snag offerings......

 

 

 

Hope you enjoy them. I'm sending you all love & many hugs.....please continue to keep my family in prayer.

 

 

 

 

                          

 

 

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8:56:24 PM EDT
Feeling Sad

 

 

                                               

 

 

 

Things have not settled down as I had hoped.....please bear with me a while longer! Thanks, as always, for your support...I miss everyone.

 

 

 

                                

 

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7:05:06 PM EDT
Feeling Hopeful

 

 

                                                     

                                                                 Things Are Settling Down

 

 

Hi everyone....I'm getting back into the swing of things around here. I'm going to turn my alerts back on over the weekend, and will start playing catch up the best I can with e-mails and such.....my mail box is full!!!! :)

I'd like to say that things are all better within my family, but they are not....far from it. But, I've finally gotten my Mom to the point where her life and emotions aren't being consumed by it 24/7, and my Daddy isn't all confused as to why everyone is so upset. I'm not going to share what happened other than, one of my siblings made a very poor choice in his life, and it had a trickle down effect on everyone, some much worse than others. When you are the age of my parents, you don't handle those kind of things well, and of course, you tend to worry about the one who made the error in judgement because it is, after all, still your child. So I spent a lot of time over there, late into the evenings.....first talking about it, and then trying to keep their minds diverted so they would stop worrying, get some sleep, and just live their lives. When I got home, I didn't really want to read or write, so I spent time sorting through 1500 pages of graphics someone sent me,it was mindless....yet time consuming and just what I needed.

Thank you all for your prayers, they really helped hold me up. I'd appreciate it if you would still keep them coming for my family. They have a long way to go and there is still a lot of hurt and lost faith there......life is just not always pretty is it?

So, that's it for me, just a short note to let you know I've stuck one foot back in the ring and the other foot is on the way! LOL! I did okay on my eating through all of the stress too, not great, but I was happy with it......considering it is me we're talking about! I did lose a battle with KFC one day, and had more ice cream than a "normal portion" during another particularly bad day, but other than that, I did very well considering the things I could have eaten that were available to me and I passed. Wow....could it be I've actually learned something? :)

Thanks for giving me the time I needed without any judgement.

 

 

 

                                 

 

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