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Tuesday, September 18, 2007
2:39:31 AM CDT
Feeling Worried
Feeling like a crippled zombie
I don't know when I was last on or when I last posted. I didn't even look. Mailbox is full. I'm in bad shape and can't sleep, so thought I'd try an entry.
 I threw out my back again. I don't know any other way to put it. I am doing everything I can to prevent surgery. Seems like people where I live can't wait to get under the knife just for some relief, but I'm sticking it out.
Seems like I just can't manage to stay on my feet.
I fell on the concrete curb outside the restaurant after dining out with my kids. I don't go out as a general rule but I was already feeling in pretty bad shape, so I though what the hey, I would treat myself and kids to a meal out and not have to stand on my feet to cook supper. Well, that was my last trip outside the house except for Dr's visits and my last moment standing unassisted.
It's not as simple as just a herniated disc (although a herniated disc is anything but simple) I am also dealing with bone spurs and a couple of other minor related back issues. I am back on muscle relaxors 1) Voltaren 3 times a day and 2) Cyclobensaprine (generic Flexeril) Once-at night. I am also loving the cocktail of pain relief that only seems to leave me dry mouthed an a bit loopy. Feels like I'm on street drugs rather than prescription at this point.
I also have my nice little back pain patches: Lidoderm, then I have 800 mg Ibuprophen, then 2 Vicodin: one is 500mg (the generic Hydrocodone) and the other is 1000mg for when I really wanna feel like a basket case.
I'm someone who says no to drugs, any drugs. I don't like taking anything for any reason, but even I will cave on that issue when I am as bad off as I am now. But with my normal thyroid meds and vitamin supplements, then muscle relaxors AND the pain meds (for me) it's like a Pharmacy around here. I can't seem to remember to take what when.
This couldn't have come at a worse time. Our couch fell apart, literally, so I ordered a cheapy set just to have something to sit on for now. When I say cheap I am not kidding! I ordered the cheapest thing I found after searching every single furniture store in the city! Then I bought a used car since I knew that with no will and only dh's names on vehicles, that they would go towards bills and collectors and I would have nothing to get back on forth to work in, let alone transport the kids. So with me borrowing and such for those purchases I am way beyond my means and in debt beyond what I thought I ever would be.
I need to go through storage and get rid of everything there, it's costing me an additional $151.99 a month. May not sound like a lot, but at the end of the year it all adds up. I need to clean out the garage and make a bit of room for the few things from storage that I do want to keep. I can't even fit one small car into my 2+ car garage. How's that for bad! I even scheduled 1 week off work just to deal with some of this stuff and here I am laid up and can't walk without a cane or other assistance.
The IRS is being a pain in the arse right now over my DH's last tax return. Guess who owes them money? IRS seized (on paper) his bank accounts and both vehicles (truck and car) no word on if they want the motorcycle or not. But truck and car are both still here an I was sent certified mail instructing me not to move either vehicle or any of his personal property under penalty of law. WHATEVER! Then one of my Dh's former lawyers hired himself a lawyer and is suing my dh for non-payment of past services. 3 hospitals are suing me/his estate for medical bills. HE'S DEAD FOR CRIPES SAKE... CAN I GET A BREAK OR WHAT!
Now comes this back issue, followed by all the aforementioned IRs, lawyers and such I just wanna scream!
I have no funds for a lawyer to even claim bankruptcy on the estate or whatever it's called, let alone if I did the money would be going for a lawyer to find what happened to my dh is the first place that caused his death. I have been given a final answer of "You may have access to any and all of the patients medical records from his stay at our Medical facility with a legal copy of a court order." I'm paraphrasing, but that is the gist of it.
What a depressing entry! I am also annoyed at the timing of this reoccuring back problem since I had just commited myself to a workout idea. (I was going to start once the garage was finished) My kids agreed to document it from start to finish. Well, I guess that's on the back burner for a while. HARUMPF!
I don't think I can sit up any longer. Soooo back off to bed I go. Hope your day is brighter and merrier than mine. I know this will pass. I know I will heal and I know that life goes on... it's just sucks that I am in this phase right now!
I refuse to give in/give up. I won't throw in the towel! I will get better, stronger and healthier! I will provide for my kids and give them a good home!
I just needed to hear me say those things... for me!
Habbagooday!
Written by loveladylisa1
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Sunday, August 5, 2007
7:19:19 PM CDT
Addicted.....
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I am sooo addicted to Diet Pepsi! I'm sure the negative factors are just as bad as that of any other diet soda, but now I can further kid myself about it not being that bad since they have added PANAX GINSENG EXTRACT, and called it "MAX". I love the fact that one can has 69 mg of caffeine. Too bad the serving size boasted on television, billboards and other forms of media including their own website states there's only 48mg of caffeine per serving, yet the serving size stated is a mere 8oz and NOT the commonly drank 12 oz can nor the 20oz bottle. There's no false advertising, since one the actual cans the serving size is listed as 1 can (69mg/12 fl. oz.). Yum Wah! If you aren't used to the taste of Ginseng, then best to skip this product as you CAN taste it. I buy the liquid ginseng extract (not ginseng flavoring) just for adding to drinks and other things here at home anyway, so I am used to the taste. I use it to give me a boost of sorts.
I am addicted. I know it. People don't get addicted to something they don't like. I am like the lady in the video who states "it's my water, it keeps me going". I consume anywhere from 6-8 12 oz cans per day on average. Yeah, that's a staggering additional 482mg-576mg of caffeine per day. (That is IF I do not have any coffee or chocolate.) I am not diabetic, nor have heart disease... YET.
So with this knowledge of products like these will I stop drinking it? Again I feel myself echoing the sentiment of the lady in the video that I will cut down. I don't think my body nor mind could handle quitting cold turkey right now. Chalk that up to one more fire I need to extinguish.
Here's a little more info on Panex Ginseng:
Panax Ginseng ()
What does Panax Ginseng do?
Ginseng is a medicinal herb used primarily for increased stamina and for boosting the immune system and immune system responses. It is used to help relieve fatigue, declining capacity to work and concentration. It has been considered especially helpful as a supplement to cancer therapies. It is said to be effective as an as an antagonist of morphine analgesia and the analgesic effects of opioids. It can be taken as a capsule, pill, tea, tincture or the whole root chewed.
Should my health care professional be advised before I take Panax Ginseng?
They should be consulted first if you have any of these conditions, as Panax Ginseng usage may be contraindicated: If you have diabetes mellitus (Ginseng may effect blood glucose levels). If you have high blood pressure.or are taking blood pressure medicine. If you have a tendency toward excessive menstrual bleeding. If you are taking phenelzine sulfate. If you are taking estrogens or corticosteroids. If you are taking blood thinning medication s.c. as warfarin.. Traditionally in Chinese medicine it has been advised to avoid Panax Ginseng usage if: The person is taking Rhizoma et Radix Veratri (Li Lu) The person is taking Faeces Trogopterori (Rhizoma Trogopterorum or Wu Ling Zhi ) The person often experiences a hot dry feeling. The person has a yin deficiency with heat signs, heat excess or in the absence of significant qi deficiency. Panax Red ginseng should generally be avoided if: the patient is hot tempered, irritable, nervous, prone to headaches, asthma, acute infectious diseases with fever, insomnia, palpitations, infections, colds, or the flu.
Are there other times my health care professional needs to be advised before I take Panax Ginseng?
They should be consulted first if you are: Pregnant or trying to get pregnant (May be contraindicated if pregnant.) Breast-feeding If you plan to administer this herb to a child.
How should I take this herb?
Take Panax Ginseng capsules or tablets by mouth. Swallow the capsules with a large drink of water. For the best bioavailability and if you have a sensitive stomach, it is often recommended that you take Panex Ginseng as a tincture, infusion, tea or the raw herb. You can take Ginseng with or without food.
What should the dosage be?
Lengths of administration are usually based on the severity of the symptoms and the type of problem. If Ginsengis being used over a long period of time then short breaks from ginseng usage should be included in the therapy. These breaks in usage are usually 2-3 weeks in length. Low dosages are usually 0.5-1.0 grams/day - and High dosages:3.0-4.5 grams/day with the average dosage for ginseng usage being 1 to 2 grams a day. The following consists of common average recommended dosages for ginseng usage: Tablets, Pills, Capsules: Equivalent to 1-2 grams root/dayor 100 mg, 200 or 400 mg/day of standardized ginseng extract (standardized to Saponin or Ginsenoside content - usually 7%) where 100 mg of the preparation is equivalent to 500 mg P ginseng root. Chewed: 1-2 grams root/day - may be boiled gently and for a short time to soften it up before chewing Tea/Infusion : 1-2 gram root/day or 0.5 tbsp comminuted drug to one cup boiling water up to 4x /day. Or make a tea by simmering 2 ounces of fresh ginseng in four cups of water for 2 hours- drink one cup 2-4x day. Tincture/Liquid Extract: 5 milliliters in one cup after meals - equivalent to 1-2 grams/day
What medicines may interact with Panax Ginseng?
Ginseng is contraindicated in patients taking phenelzine sulfate. Ginseng may be contraindicated if used with estrogens or corticosteroids. Ginseng may interact with the blood thinning medication warfarin, however this is not clinically proven. In Chinese Medicine, traditionally, ginseng is considered contraindicated if the patient is taking Rhizoma et Radix Veratri (Li Lu). Traditionally Ginseng was thought to be incompatible with the intake of Faeces Trogopterori (Rhizoma Trogopterorum or Wu Ling Zhi), however this is under debate. There has been one case reported of interaction with furosemide, however this may have been due to a germanium contaminant.
What side effects may I notice from taking Panax Ginseng?
Side effects from correctly administered Panax Ginseng usage are thought to be relatively rare. If you experience any of these side effects, stop usage immediately and report them to your health care professional. Post menopausal bleeding Breast pain (Mastalgia) Gestational diabetes. Hypertony Headache (in conjunction withphenelzine intake) Tremulousness (in conjunction with phenelzine intake) Manic episodes (in conjunction with phenelzine intake) Cerebral arteritis (one possible case reported) Ginseng Abuse Syndrome - the cases reported on Ginseng abuse syndrome are controversial due to the possibility the ginseng consumed had adulterants, that the ginseng types are unknown including how they were processed, and that the reports may not have been verified. The following are the side effects reported for this Syndrome: Intoxication induced by Ginseng causing: Mild irritability Edema Prutititus Depression Vertigo Palpitations Hyperpyrexia Side effects (considered rare) that usually do not require medical attention (stop usage and report it to your health care professional if they are continuing or bothersome): Diarrhea Headaches Insomnia Irritability Nausea Nervousness Rash Restlessness Vomiting
What do I need to watch out for with Panax Ginseng?
Usage of stimulants may be contraindicated if a patient has cardiovascular disease and is taking Ginseng. Red Ginseng may potentiate the effects of caffeine and other stimulants. Ginseng may be toxic in very large quantities (Ginseng Abuse Syndrome) and/or with intake over a long period of time. Read labels carefully before purchasing . A concern when purchasing Panax Ginseng is the continued practice of substitution. Labels should be checked for clear identification of the plant genus utilized. Still, even if the correct genus is listed, adulterations, absence of the constituent ginsenosides, mixing species, labeling that is either erroneous or lacking in information should be all cause for care when purchasing. Buying the raw herb or a standardized product may reduce the possibility of this occurrence. Look also for products that are clearly labeled with the ingredients contained and amounts.
Where can I keep my herbal product?
Keep out of the reach of children in a container that small children cannot open. Store at room temperature between 15 and 30°C (59 and 86°F). The raw herb, tinctures or infusions should be stored in airtight, dry, and light resistant containers. Care should be taken in the storage of the roots, as p.o. storage (needs to be kept cool and dry) and age is thought to degrade the ginsenoside content available. Ifthere is an expiration date listed on the herbal product, throw away the unused portion after the expiration date. Raw herbs, tinctures, ointments, etc all have varying life spans. Generally, an herbal product will have the longest life span when it has been extracted in alcohol.
Can you tell me a little more about Panax Ginseng?
Panax Ginseng is indigenous to Manchuria, Chinese Tartary, and other areas of Eastern Asia. By some it is considered one of the most utilized and highly regarded of the medicinal Chinese herbs. Its usage can be traced back over approximately 5000 years. It is a smooth herbaceous perennial belonging to the ivy family Araliaceae. It has a large, fleshy, and very slow-growing root which usually grows to 2 to 3 inches in length 1/2 to 1 inches in thickness. It is spindle shaped and annulated with a round summit. The color is pale yellow to brown. It's erect stem grows to over 1 foot and usually has three leaves divided by 5 leaflets and a singular terminal umbel. It produces bight red pea sized berries in clusters. Roots are usually harvested in the fall. Red and white ginseng are two forms often referenced. Red ginseng may be the most prevalent variety of Panex sold. Both types originate from the same genus plant but differ in the preparation process. Red Ginseng (also called Ginseng Radix Rubra) is prepared using a streaming process. Peeled roots are steamed before drying giving them a glossy reddish-brown coloring. Steaming the root is thought to change its biochemical composition and also to prevent the breakdown of the active ingredients. Red Ginseng in Chinese medicine is associated with "Yang" energy (and therefor considered stimulating). It has been shown to contain a higher total content of saponins and has outperformed white ginseng in most therapeutic studies. White Ginseng is air dried in the sun and may contain less of the therapeutic constituents. It is thought by some that enzymes contained in the root break down these constituents in the process of drying. Drying in the sun bleaches the root to a yellowish-white color. Ginseng roots can also be candied (processed in sugar) and these are considered to have a much milder effect and are used to treat qi and yin deficiency. When purchasing this herb, price is often determined by the length of time the herb was allowed to grow before harvesting. This effects the cost not only of the root but alsoofany of the processed herbal tonics or capsules. To cultivate good quality ginseng it is thought that maintenance of the soil, shade and other environmental conditions need careful attention and that roots should be allowed to mature for up to 5 years or longer and be harvested at the correct time of year. Roots that have been allowed to mature are thought to have stronger therapeutic qualities: therefore with each year in the ground the price tends to increase. It is maintained by some (with supporting studies) that young roots have not had the time to develop the properties Ginseng is renown for and therefore the benefits of its usage would be significantly less. Today, Ginseng is a very common herb sold around the world. In 1990 it was thought that at least 6 million Americans were using the herb. And in the US for 1997, Ginseng was recorded as generating more than $86 million in sales annually.
What are the actions that have been associated with the herb?
anax Ginseng is considered an adaptogen. This means it is purported to regulate the metabolism to be normalized and balanced. It is also categorized as an. immunostimulator with the ability to stimulate immune responses. Traditionally, in Chinese medicine it is thought to tonify the basal qi, lungs, and stomach.; strengthen the spleen, generate fluids, stop thirst; benefit the heart qi and have a calming effect on the spirit.
Copyright 1999 RxList
Written by loveladylisa1
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7:14:06 PM CDT
Part 1 Fat Wars n' Mud Slingin' ~YEE HAW~
Why Skinny People Don't Like Fat People: It's Evolutionary
OMG this is really a title of an article here on AOL. I'm sure some of you may have seen the link or even read it. (Pg 3 welcome screen). Anyway, I couldn't resist. I HAD to read this. While the article was strange on it's own merit the comments of some were enough to get a heffa fumin!
 Thought I'd share the article and some comments. Here's the key:
In BLACK is the article. The comments in BLUE are people who participated in what I would call FAT BASHING. The comments in PURPLE I couldn't tell if I wanted to call it defending or accusing. and the ones in RED, God love their little twisted heads, I THINK were making an attempt to defend. And last but not least is my comments in BROWN. If you have time to stick around and read it, I'd like to know A) if you are overweight and B) what YOUR opinion is.
Posted: Jul 30th 2007 8:29PM by Martha Edwards
Filed under: Health in the Media
As I sit down to work in the afternoon, I often have the TV blaring away in the background, and while most people would find it impossible to work in such conditions, I don't really like TV (especially daytime TV) so I find it easy to tune out. Over the past few weeks, I've listened with mild amusement to some old episodes of 'The Dr Phil House' where opposites are pitted against one another in a blatant attempt at ratings. If you haven't seen it, it's a reality TV-style house which contains a fat guy who hates skinny people and a skinny girl who hates fat people, plus an array of other colorful combinations.
I do have a point here. A study shows that the skinny girls who hates fat people might not just be prejudiced--it might be an evolved response. According to The Independent in Britain, when a slim person sees an obese person, their immune system is triggered because the brain relates site of the obese person to a fear of infection. Moreover, in a series of questions given to subjects, the people who exhibited disgust toward germs and bad hygiene were more likely to discriminate against someone based on their weight.
But regardless of whether it's a "natural" reaction, discrimination is still wrong, and I think being prejudiced is ultimately a learned behavior. What do you think?
Put em up, Put em up!
2. I have very few overweight friends. If you surround yourself with over weight people it becomes increasingly difficult to stay in shape yourself. The reason very fat people (people who are slightly overweight, or "pudgy" dont bother me at all) bother me is because it is a direct reflection of their self discipline and morals. If this person does not care about his/her own health, I cant expect them to care about mine. A person who cannot even care for them self cannot possibly gain my respect. The fact that ANY slack is given to these people who blatantly make themselves fat is what really disgusts me.
Posted on Jul 31st 2007 by mnugghuhx
17. Why don't someone talk about the attitude obese people have towards people who are not obese? Everyone complains about discimination against fat people but I have been on this earth nearly four decades that obese women in particular, and obese women in groups, are especially obnoxious towards everyone who does not mirror their body side. If someone makes a personal decision to be overweight, average sized, skinny - its a personal choice. People need to learn how to mnind their own business.
Posted on Aug 3rd 2007 by Wil
Written by loveladylisa1
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7:09:06 PM CDT
Part 2 Far Wars n' Mud Slingin' ~YEE HAW~
Let the war continue...
145. To the person who said:
I say this: YOU ARE A FRICKIN' IDIOT!!!!!! I suppose you think the moon is made of cheese and gay people choose their sexual preference. GROW THE F--K UP!! Large people don't choose to be fat anymore than a zebra chooses to have stripes. Stop being such a blatant, moronic bigot!!
This is incorrect. Weight is a choice. I lost 150 lbs myself; gained some back; lost that, and have now been at a normal weight for several years. Truth is, even when I was fat--I disliked spending time with large people--even though I was one myself..for the reasons some have stated:
1) Its difficult for larger people to enjoy moving around, and it affects their outlook on life. Granted--its a Catch 22 situation, but it is contagious.
2) While its true that most large people DON'T eat as much as its assumed--the food choices are inconsistent, and thats where..a little at a time--the weight gain comes from, and yes I CAN talk because..there was a time I tipped the scales at close to 300 lbs..and I'm only 5'5".
I am biased against significantly overweight people, and whats more, I didn't blame the people who were biased against me when I was large. They have REASON. For one..we sweat; we take up too much room in airline seats, and we get all up and arms if you don't want to be squished.
A former fatty--
Posted on Aug 4th 2007 by Charlotte
127. Funny howwe have no trouble saying, "Oh, he's just naturally thin--can eat anything he wants and never gains an ounce." Not so funny how no one ever says indulgently, "Oh, she's just naturally fat." Fat is, of course, a moral failing rather than the luck of the draw in the gene pool.
Posted onAug 4th 2007 by Woodwose
136.People who are overweight and cry that no one loves them, or they can't get a date,STOP and start figuring out how to look and feel better, it is alot of work, but the benefits are great, I lost 70 lbs, and it wasn;t easy, but most of the time I just went one day at a time, therereally is no reason to be out of shape unless you just don't care, medical reasons aside. Quit whining, get off your ass and get started.
Posted on Aug 4th 2007 by bluedog
25. "mnugghuhx" says he/she doesn't have fat friends and equates excess weight with a lack of morals. I've only seen two fat serial killers; I don't recall photos of any fat pedophile priests. Is Paris Hilton fat? Lindsay Lohan? OJ wasn't fat. And the Melendez brothers? No. The Green River Killer and Ted Bundy--both slender, as was Charles Manson and his entire band of murderers. But apparently, that's okay. They all looked good in 501s.
(OMG I can't believe I even read that, LOL.)
If there ever was a reason to be fat, it is to avoid the danger of accidentally getting close to a-holes like "mnugghuhx."
Please don't breed; was risk inflicting the dredge of the genetic pool on another generation....
Posted on Aug 3rd 2007 by lita
30. Regarding the obesity epidemic.....it is DIRECTLY related to the following: The overwhelming amount of CORN SYRUP in almost EVERYTHING, Hydrogenated Oils (also found in WAY too many things, also known as Trans Fats, Bovine Growth Hormone, and Aspartame. Sittingon your butt for too long in front of the telly or your p.c. doesnt help, either. There's the TRUTH for ya!
Posted on Aug 3rd 2007 by Tunsis
45. I am a licensed psychologist who specializes in treating those who are morbidly obese. Like everyone who is actively addicted to a substance (yes, food addiction is real, and "sobriety" impossible because we must eat to survive), initial self-reporting of daily caloric intake is unreliable. I have yet to treat a morbidly obese individual who honestly stays under 1500 calories daily (and gets even modest body movement) who does not lose weight. It's simple science. Rare exceptions include those with thyroid disease. For so many hurting souls, food is a substitute for love. Real selflove includes good self care with the goal of health, not excessive thinness.
Posted on Aug 4th 2007 by Ann
122. Fat people are fat mainly because they choose to be that way. Only about 10% of obese people are that way due to biological reasons. It's harsh, but it's true.
I CHOSE to lose 100 pounds, by getting off of my fat arse and exercising, as well as eating less. It's terribly hard work, but it's do-able, if you really want to do it.
Too many fat people want to lay around watching tv all day, complaining about how they cannot lose weight. It's simply NOT TRUE!!
Posted on Aug 4th 2007 by Fallaya
I'm not sure whether to laugh, cry, be pissed or what! One thing is for sure, people never cease to amaze me with the things that come outta their.... head.
Written by loveladylisa1
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Saturday, August 4, 2007
2:05:16 PM CDT
Memories may fade but an essence captured lasts forever
Two of my kids had B-days this week. My son on the 30th and one of my daughters on the 31st. We just had our family get together last night and it was wonderful. We all met at my favorite park. Terrific landscaping, beautiful gardens, mini-water play park for kids and a very nice fountain. And I can't share any of it here on my J.
I am so tired of not being able to use my digital camera! I still have pics on it from when my cat had kittens... LAST YEAR!
I made a special road trip WITH Mary Poppins from Hell just to pick up my son's B-day gift. A six hour ride just to get him a puppy! and I can't even post one darn pic!
I am so pathetic. I got down there to look at the pups and caved. I got one for myself too. Now what on earth and I gonna do with this dog. I love animals but I don't really have the time right now that a new puppy needs. All 3 of my girls went on the road trip too and all 3 swore that they'd help with the puppy.
SUCKER!
Am I totally tarded or what???? Ok they have been amazing ... since last night, with the pottying thing and all. They even gave her a bath today. So cute! But... as any parent knows the promises of a child, although well intended, are not set in stone. So I will let them take over doggy duty for now. They have hereby been notified that they are the official
PUPPY PATROL
I know it won't last, but I'm gonna enjoy every minute I can squeeze out of it!
I had to take a disposable camera to the park, for gosh sakes!
I very upset that I can't upload the kitty photos to my computer from my old camera so that I could be taking new ones now. I have uninstalled and reinstalled the software, purchased a new cable and all to no avail. I can't take anymore pics cause the memory is full. (it doesn't have an additional slot for memory, just what is in the camera) So it's basically useless and I refuse to throw it away cause I keep kidding myself and think that one day I can save the pics and video of the kitty giving birth. Good Lord, I hang on to some strange ideas sometimes! But it's a memory I want to hang on to.
This isn't our new puppy but it's close to what she looks like.
So did something I know better than to do. Lord knows I am up to my ears in debt with funeral bills, house bills, you name it! I don't ever make purchases for myself, but on the rarest of occasions. Like my undies have holes and I have no choice but to go buy more. But last night I ordered a camera. OK, as far as cameras go it's probably a pretty cheap one, but I am tired of having lost memories.
My husbands death makes it all the more prominent for me. I can't count how many photo opportunities of him I missed in the last year by not having a functional camera (only disposable here and there) and now he's gone. There will be no more pics of him... ever.
It's not that B-days or puppies are sooooo important, but rather the sentiment of love or good times (or bad) can be an essence captured. Although the memory fades with time the picture is still as accurate as the second it was taken.
This is the one I ordered. It's supposed to come with all this:
| • |
HP Photosmart R967 Digital Camera |
| • |
HP Photosmart R07 Lithium battery |
| • |
HP Photosmart 6220 Digital Camera Dock |
| • |
USB cable |
| • |
HP Photosmart 5V AC adapter |
| • |
Quick Start guide |
| • |
User guide on CD |
| • |
Warranty/regulatory brochure |
| • |
CD with HP Photosmart software for Windows and Macintosh |
| • |
Wrist strap
Plus I added on a 1GB secure digital memory card to go with it. It's supposed to be here in 5-7 days. (I didn't spend more money on faster shipping!)
I feel guilty for the puppy purchase and the camera but at the same time it felt really good to get the puppy. The girls are so happy. Daddy and I were going to get a puppy later this year. (We figured in fall.) I just wish he had been there when we picked her out, just like we planned. I just hope he's up there looking down and thinks I made a good choice for the girls.
| • |
Well, I have tons of laundry as usual so I'd better run. Hope everyone has a great weekend! | |
Written by loveladylisa1
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Wednesday, August 1, 2007
12:24:20 AM CDT
TY Re: 7-29-07 Comments and a Birthday
I wanted to thank people who commented on the entry with the video I made on July 29th. I think for anyone who hasn't seen the video before it probably just looks like a couple arguing then this lady gets in a wreck and dies, so my statement of wishing I was like the woman in the truck would seem pretty weird, huh?
In the video her husband is already dead (but you don't find that out til the end when the camera zooms in on the newspaper stand showing the article where he had already died) and she is not crying because they are arguing, she's an emotional wreck over the death of her husband. She just can't take it anymore, so she packs her case and takes off. She doesn't even see his ghost. For her he is TOTALLY GONE. His spirit is there, watching her and also distraught since he can't reach out to her.
There's little clues throughout the video that he is a ghost like when she walks through the spilled milk and it shows her footprints, yet when he walks through it there are no tracks and also when he is chasing the truck, she looks in the review mirror and no one is there. They show the newspaper a few times, but you don't really see the entire title of the article until the end of the video.
This video resounds home with a cacophonous roar. I do not "feel" him here. No wonderful "I can tell he's still with me" thoughts. It's empty, void. Nothing. I wonder if he is there and I just can't see/sense him. Sometimes the pain of loosing the love of my life is nearly unbearable and I too just want to pack up and take off. Those moments are the very times that I KNOW I have no business behind the wheel of a vehicle.
It's times like these that I know I need to vent. I am great with sharing laughter, love, and many other light emotions. Pain is not one I readily share since I rarely acknowledge it, even to myself. So, thus the outlet in the blog. I often forget that others read this stuff too occasionally. I think we all get like that from time to time. My J is a place for ME to come. It's so nice to have a visitor, but never is it expected and often not even considered.
So I want to extend the most heart-felt THANK YOU I can give to those who commented on the July 29th post. It really means more than words can convey. Even though J-Land has seen it's fair share of drama and I start to lose my ability to think others can PLAY NICE here in J-Land that I am grateful to be reminded
how WONDERFUL people here are! Again Thank you!
~BIRTHDAY~
July 31st was my daughters 11th B-day. It went pretty good considering I had nothing planned. The birthday kid gets to pick the movie and she picked The Simpson's Movie. I'm all for stupid humor occasionally, but I wasn't feeling' it today. She had a great time though, so I didn't mind sitting through it.
My eldest daughter stayed home while I took the two younger ones to the movies. While we were gone she made a 20 foot Happy Birthday banner and had it up on the living room wall when we walked in.It looked fantastic! The coffee table was all set with presents and boy was she surprised!
She definitely wasn't expecting much today. Since I had to work last weekend we will be having the family B-day this next weekend. We always do dinner and/or movie on the persons actual B-day even if the family gathering will be another day.
I have got to either get my camera fixed or buy a new one. I am missing capturing so much on film. I'll pick up a disposeable one for this weekend though, just to have something. I saved back a few little gifts for the weekend celebration. Today she got her Nintendo DS and 5 games. On the weekend I will give her her new watch (dolphins with mother of pearl face), a new board game called "In a Pickle". She's a big fan of Apples To Apples, so I thought she'd like this one too. And then I picked her up some craft projects.
We had lo fat frozen yogurt instead of ice cream and will do the same this weekend. But I still have to decide on what kind of cake to make her. I think I will go for my triple layer cherry delight. I haven't made that in year's. If I can manage to get a pic of it to post online I will. It's so sinfully delicious!
Well, that's all for now. I need to check laundry again.
Written by loveladylisa1
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Sunday, July 29, 2007
10:06:30 PM CDT
I just wish I was like the woman in the truck. Just so I could be with him again. God! I miss him and I just can't stop the tears. It just doesn't feel right without him! I just want to feel his arms around me one more time. I want to feel his hair blanketing the side of my face. I want to smell him again. His jacket doesn't even smell like him anymore. I need him so bad.
Written by loveladylisa1
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6:45:46 PM CDT
The visit with my neices went exceptionally well. Our family had a nice time to all visit. I'm just sorry that it's already over. 2 days just doesn't seem long enough. I will make sure that I keep in touch better this time. Even though we will be separated my the miles doesn't mean that there will have to be a "distance" between us. Today was a kickin day! I got so much done around the house. I managed to squeeze in time online to catch up reading a few J's. I'm off to get more done, I'm on a roll!
Written by loveladylisa1
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Saturday, July 28, 2007
5:10:15 PM CDT
This is a "MUST SEE" 22 second video!
Sorry to anyone who has this J on alerts and followed the link here, I just deleted that entry. I embedded the wrong video code, lol. You wouldn't have wanted to "fold" what the other one was of... and NO don't ask, lol.
I HAD to pass this along. So how many times did you have to watch this video before you got it? I watched twice before even trying cause I figured I'd mess it up, but nope PERFECT the first time!
I just think this is amazing. We actually hang most of our families shirts, but there are some we still fold. Make me feel like a putz for all the years I folded shirts any other way!
OK , now go get a T-shirt and try it. How did ya do? Will you continue to use this method now that you know it?
Written by loveladylisa1
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