a new chapter

Sunday, Mother's Day, we went to Cornerstone Community Church, our first time there because of our recent move. It is right off the freeway and we had seen it a few times in driving by so we thought we would check it out. We had another church we were going to check out, but the celebration with my spouse's mother and family the night lasted longer than we thought and prevented us from finding exactly where that church was so we decided to try Cornerstone that Sunday since we knew where it was. The Lord wanted me there to hear the sermon.

Here is the outline of the sermon; it is so much better to hear it in person as the pastor interspersed it with lots of scripture and cute stories. But I think you'll get the idea of his key points; this is his sermon outline.

Title: Moms enjoy the wonder years but also face the scary years

A. The goal of a great mom (or dad) is influence.

1. Your long-term goal isn't control - its to plant the truth seeds of good spiritual, relational and financial decisions from the Bible.

2. Your second goal is to teach good decision-making:

A. you teach decision making by coaching and allowing decision making in all areas where you can limit harm. (as they grow, you adjust what decisions you will allow them to make on their own, fine balance on finding out when they are ready for more decision making on their own)

B. With young adults, you help with decision making by not interfering with consequences. (if they come to you and ask for advice, give it, otherwise, try not to give advice that they probably won't listen to anyway; and allow them to "suffer" the consequences of choices they make - i.e. driving too fast, they get a ticket, don't pay ticket for them, etc

3. If your goal is control or a particular outcome and you succeed, you will have created a Parent-dependent instead of a Christ-dependent adult.

4. Four things you can't teach unless you model them:

1. Faithfulness to God, church, each other

2. Responsibility to others

3. Respect for authority (don't take their sides if they think the teacher is out to get them, etc)

4. Reverence and reliance on God.

B. Great moms know that it will hurt. They just consider it worth the pain. For those with older children:

1. Childbirth is unbelievably painful - don't expect it to stop. Their growth causes your wounds.

2. Its okay to mourn the loss of the early childhood chapter without feeling guilty that you don't want them to move home.

3. No matter what career a woman has, she derives part of her identify from her children and will struggle as they need her less urgently.

4. God is equally good at creation as he is at salvation. You can cling to what must be lost or allow him to create new chapters in your life.

C. Being a mom requires constant change and continual trust.

1. Their change requires your change. Make sure your method of communication and interaction is keeping with their growth.

2. Trust that God is on the job. If your fear makes you write the end of the story, write it this way "Unless God" intervenes (i.e. I fear this child is going to end up in prison, write the story "Unless God intervenes, this child will end up in prison"); this is the key.

This was so relevant to me with my son having moved out just a few days before. I cried through the whole sermon because what the pastor said made total sense and I found that I was clinging to the young days of my son and wanting those days back, but in reality, those days are gone and they won't come back. I miss the days of his needing me and wanting me to play with him for hours at a time, but I don't miss the teen years, the attitude, a lot of things he did, a lot of friends he hung around with, etc. I found that in looking back, he might have moved out a few days prior, but he had already "left" three to four years ago when he started driving, having more independence, putting his friends first before us, etc. His last year of high school he was rarely at home for dinner, would come home on time with curfew, but would usually go straight to his room with just a few words spoken to us. He was already making that break towards independence, I was trying to cling to what had already been lost.

So I have two choices now; I can continue to cling to those days when he was young and needed me or I can allow the Lord to open up new chapters in our lives and new ways to serve him. He has something wonderful in store for me and my husband in this season of our lives. I don't know what it is, but he does. I need to allow him to lead me there to serve him and not get trapped in the past.

A previous friend from Montana, when faced with her own empty nest syndrome and sadness and restlessness, allowed the Lord to lead her to open up the Dress for Success store in Montana which was a vital mission for low-income women going back into the work force. Something like that (hopefully on not that grand of a scale, Lord, but wherever you want me to go) awaits me.

So my prayer is for you, Lord, to lead me where you want me to serve you and how you want me to serve you. Help me to remember that my son does love me, but right now he is trying to find himself in this world and I know, too, you have something wonderful in store for him too. Help me not to be trapped in the past, but to be willing to go forward in service to you and others. In Jesus' name, I pray. amen.

Tags: blogplugs, teens, Lord, church, sermons, Mother's Day, letting go

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a new chapter