I am Mommy

So Long, Farewell...

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 01:20:34 GMT

Well....by now most of you know that I have a new blog. It has been something I have been wanting to do for a long time now... mostly because I was looking for different features then the AOL journals offered.

But I want you to know.... this place...this 'J-land'... allowed me to be able to go out and have a truly public blog. See, my AOL journal was 'public'... but I didn't tell any of my family about it and almost none of my friends. I was scared to share the real me with them.

None of my family really knows me as a believer. And honestly, they don't really want to either. Same with my DH's family. But I have invited everyone I know.... every email address I had... to my new journal. No more hiding what I really stand for in this life. No more keeping how much I really love Jesus a secret.

I want you to all know how much your comments and input have helped me and allowed me to be at a point where I could do this. You have helped me set up boundaries, you have helped me understand others' boundaries... you have shown me better ways to be me.

And I am so grateful.

I don't really plan on using this journal anymore.... but I do plan on visiting you as often as possible and commenting and keeping in touch. I do hope you will visit me over at my new blog... and be sure to sign up for the email alert-you will be notified when I have made an entry so that you.

I am so, so grateful... so thankful, and so humbled by your kind hearts and compassionate words.

http://iammommy.typepad.com/my_weblog/

Blessings!

Amanda

Dr. Laura

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 13:53:41 GMT

What Makes A Hero?March 11, 2008 on 12:00 am | In Military EMail This Post

Two weeks ago, Sgt. Wayne Leyde won $1 million from a scratch-and-win lotto ticket. ABC News reported that he was driving near his home in Mead, Washington when he stopped at a store by the side of the road and bought a ticket, a Coke, and beef jerky. Using a penny lent to him by the store clerk to scratch his card, he discovered his winnings.

As a 26 year old member of the Washington National Guard who has completed two tours in Iraq, the obvious question was: “Whaddya gonna do now?” His answer was: “It was a commitment I made…and I’m going to stick to it.” He plans to return to Iraq to service with his band of brothers.

“For right now, I’m going to hold off [spending] and let reality sink back to earth. This is a true blessing. I’m going to turn it around and see if I can bless other people with this,” Leyde said.

A parent emailed me just the other day to tell me what her six year old said in response to overhearing her talking to her husband about how little the military is paid for their extraordinary service. The child piped up with, “They don’t get paid, because you can’t pay people to be heroes. They just are.”

Satan is Such a stinker!

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 02:27:49 GMT

I was watching a TV show about faith and about satans deception of us. It was focusing on Revelations... how the Word says that satan is going to try and deceive us in the last days. How he may even try to appear 'Christ like', and how his followers are going to try and appear like pastors. But they will be judged according to their works.

It was all really fascinating until the man brought up an interesting point that I had never thought of.

It has been this way always.

Satan has always tried to deceive us, and turn us away from God and from the Truth.

It happened in the garden of Eden... the serpent tried to make Eve doubt God's words to her... "Did God really say you couldn't eat from that tree?"

And what about when satan talks to Jesus in the desert? Just days before the skies had opened and God had declared Jesus His son... and here was satan saying, "Are you really the son of God?"

And it will happen in the end of days.

And it happens in every moment between now and then.

Spiritual warfare is not a myth, nor a delusional accessory for Christians to ponder. Spiritual warfare is how satan operates. God tells us to behave one way... satan tries to get us to behave another way.

I have always been fascinated by Spiritual Warfare... maybe even to a fault, as I should focus more on the Word then the manipulation of it.

I just want everyone to believe in Jesus and that He died for our sins.

This weekend was wonderful and agony all at the same time. Chad gave me Saturday afternoon to myself, and I went out and met Linnea for lunch. It was great! But at the same time, I had (and still have) the worst sore throat I have ever had. I tried everything. Gargled salt water. Used Chloraspetic, even Tylenol. (I did not try Ibuprofen as Linnea suggested, because of it's de-swelling abilities, but only because I dont have any and didnt feel like going to the store) It still hurts SO bad!

I know Missy and Christy have been dealing with illness in their own households... I am praying for good health and happiness for you ladies and for the rest of you.

God bless-

Amanda

P.S. Why does spell check want me to Capitolize satan? I don't want to! :)

Do You Believe?

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 14:34:12 GMT

Whats so great about being a Christian?

Why do you believe in God?

Do you really think Jesus died for your sins? Wasn't he just a man who did some nice things?

How do you answer these questions? Are you even willing to answer these questions if someone posed them to you? I have often heard, "I am not going to get into a religious debate with you." or "I never discuss politics or religion."

Well, my question to you is, why not? We, as Christians, are entirely capable of having a prepared defense... as long as we do not get defensive. We, as Christians, should have a prepared defense. We should have total faith and confidence in what we believe.

One simple way to respond to naysayers is through your testimony. A personal testimony catches the attention of the person you are speaking to and holds their interest.

What should your testimony consist of?

-It should describe your life before receiving Christ

-How you realized your need for Christ

-What steps you took to become a Christian

-How Christ helps you make a difference in your daily life

-Any unique ways Christ has dealt with you in drawing you to Himself

(This is just a suggested guideline)

Do you have a prepared testimony? Would you be willing to share it if the opportunity ever presented itself?

Preparing a thoughtful and logical defense of the faith enables you to present Scripture in a persuasive manner, and allows you to answer with clear and precise hope as to why you believe in Christ.

1Pe 3:15

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear;

God bless dear friend-

Amanda

Stir Crazy

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 15:44:25 GMT

ok, I am 31 years old, and I can honestly tell you that this is the first time in my life I have felt this way. I love winter. I love cold weather. But I am going stir crazy. If I can't get my kids outside and playing in green grass soon, I don't know if I am gonna make it.

We are going nuts. The kids are still coughing and have fevers and I am still recovering from this cold so we can't (in good conscience) go to any indoor play parks or playlands...and we are all just plain sick of being in this house. Seriously.

If I wasn't watching Hannah tomorrow I would have thrown my kids in the car and started driving south. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO not kidding either.

Has anyone else ever felt this way, and if so, what do you do about it???

God bless-

Amanda

Morning Ladies

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:38:41 GMT

Morning...for some of you really prompt alert followers you got to read an entry from me yesterday about an incident from another journal. I just want to say that I am sorry that I involved anyone else in that and that I hope you can forgive me.

I believe that my actions were not right. I believe that I should not have 'defended' myself in my journal. People can, and will, say many things about me in this life, and I need to learn to let them.

I want to say a big thank you to Christy, (my3gifts), for her support. She didnt comment to me directly, she went and got all the information for herself and developed her own opinion on the matter. I respect that and appreciate that she is so willing to take the time to look further into a situation. This is exactly what I love so much about my readers! You are honest and intelligent and decisive and kind. I am blessed by you all ladies. (And a another thank you to Katie for telling me to let to go! lol Sometimes I just need a slap accross the head!)

The kids are still sick...but I did bring Parker to the doctor. They wanted to check his ears and test him for the flu. They ran a bunch of tests and came back and said, "His ears look great, his lungs are good, he doesn't have the flu, and his oxygen and temp. are good, so just go ahead and treat his symptoms."

Well, thats what I have been doing. They are eating REALLY good foods and taking supplements and drinking lots of water and fresh all natural juices, but they are just not better yet! I am starting to get a little miffed! I know the best thing would be a 24 hour fast, but there is no way I am going to make a 3 year old fast, so I am not even sure what to do anymore.

Anyway... I pray you all have a wonderful day.

God bless-

Amanda

Jesus is the ONLY WAY TO HEAVEN

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 16:40:49 GMT

This is pretty controversial, but absolutely necessary if you enjoy watching Oprah.

She is NOT for Christ... and we all know.... if you are not for Him....

http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Wolves/oprah-fool.htm

watch the video clip...it just takes a moment...

***MOST PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN THE SHELTER OF THE FOUR WALLS OF THEIR CHURCHES
HAVE NO CLUE HOW BAD IT IS IN THE MARKETPLACE. SADLY, I HAVE FOUND TOO MANY
PEOPLE ARE SO WRAPPED UP IN THEIR OWN LIVES THEY DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT THE
MASSES GOING TO HELL EACH DAY. EVEN WORSE ARE MEN AND WOMEN OF GOD WHO
SHOULD CARE, BUT OBVIOUSLY DON'T SINCE THEY SPEND THEIR TIME PREACHING TO
THE CHOIR SO THEY CAN SELL THEIR BOOKS, FILL UP THEIR EVENTS, AND GENERATE
MORE MONEY. WHERE YOUR TREASURE IS, THERE WILL BE YOUR HEART. I CAN'T TELL
YOU HOW MUCH HEAT I HAVE TAKEN OVER THE YEARS FOR GOING IN THE NATIONAL
MEDIA TO EXPOSE OPRAH FOR WHAT SHE IS , A GREEDY WOMAN MAKING MILLIONS
SELLING PEOPLE THE "SPIRITUAL CRACK" OF THE DAY. READ A TYPICAL EMAIL I
HAVE BEEN RECEIVING AND MAYBE YOU WILL UNDERSTAND MY PASSION!

"Dear Mr. Keller,

I am responding to your recent comments on the Fox News Network
regarding your opinion that Oprah is the "most dangerous woman in the
world." I am a "Course in Miracles" student for some time now, a student of
the "We a re All One" philosophy. I was born and raised a Christian, but
have in the past several years found much strength and faith in the belief
that we are all from the same God. I am puzzled regarding your comments,
since I am of the belief that one need not be a Christian to get to heaven.
It appears that your strong public opinions create more divisiveness on this
troubled planet at a time when we need to become more united...that is all
humanity, everywhere, united in LOVE withthe same God. I have found in my
exploration of spirituality that I have gained much more peace than I ever
found in my Christian based religion."

(How scary is this???)

Oprah is selling "spiritual crack" and leading millions of souls to hell!
After finding great success pushing the New Age agenda over the years on her
TV program, New Age witch Oprah Winfrey is now clearly committing her vast
resources to lead millions of unsuspecting souls to hell selling them the
"spiritual c rack" of the day, New Age teachings. Just like crack, these
false teachings make people feel good for a moment but lead them on a path
of destruction.

Earlier this year, Oprah began teaching a year-long course on her XM
Satellite radio channel, "A Course in Miracles." A Course in Miracles is
allegedly "new revelation" from "Jesus" to help humanity work through these
troubled times. This "Jesus"-who bears no doctrinal resemblance to the Bible
's Jesus Christ-began delivering his channeled teachings in 1965 to a
Columbia University Professor of Medical Psychology by the name of Helen
Schucman.

Her latest venture in New Age teachings will be a 10 week seminar over the
Internet beginning tonight when Oprah and best selling New Age author
Eckhart Tolle will be teaching from his new book, "A New Earth, Awakening
Your Life's Purpose." Over 1 million people have already signed up for this
10 week web cast that will lead them a way from Biblical Truth and faith in
Jesus Christ through Tolle's perverted spiritual teachings. I have told you
for years this is the most dangerous woman on earth, and she is clearly now
being used as a tool of satan to lead millions of souls to hell with these
false teachings she is promoting, while making millions of dollars doing it!

For the nearly 9 years Liveprayer has been around, I have continually
exposed this New Age false-hope merchant and warned people of how dangerous
she is. If Oprah Winfrey was simply another Hollywood entertainer I could
care less about her. What makes her so dangerous is that while her program
normally deals with the same subject matter the raunchy Jerry Springer
program does, Oprah also deals with the very real day-to-day issues of life
and uses her nationally-syndicated television program to tell people how to
live. The authority she speaks from? Herself, OPRAH WINFREY!

We are living in a time where the better percentage of two full generations
don't go to church. People still hit those difficult places in life and at
those moments they are looking forhelp and for hope. Sadly, the Christian
leaders of our day have abandoned the marketplace and secular television for
the safety and prosperity of the "Christian trough." In so doing, they have
left the lost and hurting masses looking for a savior, someone to come along
and help them through the difficult moments of life, tell them how to live,
and give them hope. To fill this void in people's spiritual lives, along
comes Oprah!

People defend her by saying she is not a theologian or a preacher, she is a
talk-show host and entertainer. I agree. However, that is not how she
portrays herself or positions herself. She has eagerly cashed in to the tune
of over $1 BILLION DOLLARS on being the spiritual guru to over 49 million
people a week! The authority she speaks f rom is what she has determined
truth to be, her views on right and wrong, her values and morals, as opposed
to the only Truth and authority there is...God's Word!

Lest you think I have overstated my case and have been wrong all these
years, please take a moment to read some quotes from a recent article in the
USA Today on "the Divine Miss Winfrey."

"Over the past year, Winfrey, 52, has emerged as a spiritual leader for the
new millennium, a moral voice of authority for the nation."

"With her television pulpit and the sheer power of her persona, she has
encouraged and steered audiences (mostly women) in all matters, from
genocide in Rwanda to suburban spouse swapping to finding the absolute best
T-shirt and oatmeal cookie."

" 'She's a really hip and materialistic Mother Teresa,' says Kathryn Lofton,
a professor at Reed College in Portland, Ore., who has written two papers
analyzing the religious aspects of Winfr ey. 'Oprah has emerged as a symbolic
figurehead of spirituality.' "

" 'She's a moral monitor, using herself as the template against which she
measures the decency of a nation,' Lofton says."

"With 49 million viewers each week in the USA and more in the 122 other
countries to which the show is distributed, Winfrey reaches more people in a
TV day than most preachers can hope to reach in a lifetime of sermons."

"In a November poll conducted at Beliefnet.com, a site that looks at how
religions and spirituality intersect with popular culture, 33% of 6,600
respondents said Winfrey has had "a more profound impact" on their spiritual
lives than their clergypersons."

"Winfrey called her talk show her 'ministry.' "

"Marcia Nelson says that it's not going too far to call her a spiritual
leader. 'I've said to a number of people - she's today's Billy Graham.' "

" 'Our culture is changing,' he says, 'as churches are in decline and the
bulk of a new generation is growing up outside of religion.' Instead,
they're turning to the Church of Oprah."

" 'People who have no religion relate to her,' Nelson says."

It is clearly established that Oprah Wiinfrey views herself as some sort of
spiritual leader, and based on the 49 million viewers of her TV program, you
can laugh at that notion but can't ignore the fact she has an incredible
amount of influence over tens of millions of lives. Let me be clear. The
danger of Oprah Winfrey is that like any cult leader, her version of the
truth and her final authority are not from God but from herself! It has been
clearly documented from transcripts that Oprah Winfrey may use the name of
"God," and very rarely "Jesus," and use many "Christian" expressions, but so
does the Mormon cult! While she was raised in the Baptist church, she has
been a long-time member (though rarely attends) of a very liberal chur ch in
Chicago that mixes Christian faith with New Age spirituality, that also
happens to be the church of B. Hussein Obama.

Because she has never been married, choosing instead of live for decades
outside the bonds of God's Holy Institution with a man who is not her
husband, Oprah has a jaundiced view on this most sacred bond between a man
and woman. Oprah embraces the New Age philosophy that there are "many roads
that lead to God," a lie from the pits of hell itself. On her program she
promotes and endorses cults like Scientology, Kaballah, those who speak to
the dead, psychics, and people of ANY "spirituality." There is only ONE GOD,
the God of the Bible, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and to promote
the false gods of this world makes Oprah an enemy of God!

As for the social issues, Oprah condones and supports those who choose to
engage in the sin of homosexuality. Oprah is on the record supporting a
"woman's right to choose," code for slaughtering innocent babies. While she
gives lip service to being pro-family, Oprah's definition of the family is
whatever men want it to be, not what God says it is! Again, the truth Oprah
espouses comes from her own imagination, not from the only authority and
source of Truth there is, the Bible. By going against God's Word on the key
social issues of our day makes Oprah an enemy of God.

I could go on, but there is no reason to. Simply denying the Bible as the
only Truth there is, God as the one and only God there is, and faith in
Jesus Chris as the one and ONLY WAY to be saved, makes this woman dangerous
and a false prophet in every sense of the word. What makes a person a false
prophet is that they lead you AWAY from God, Biblical Truth and Jesus
Christ. Sadly, those who follow this false prophet, this merchant of false
hope, put their eternal souls in peril. That is why I have warned people for
years about her and will continue to.

I love you and care about you so much. I know all the Oprah disciples who
spend hundreds of dollars to go hear her preach the "gospel of Oprah" at her
seminars, buy her books and magazine, watch her faithfully every day, hang
on her every word, will run to her defense by pointing out all the good she
does. I don't doubt for a second that Oprah uses some of her billions to
help others. That is not the issue. The Mormon cult feeds the hungry,
clothes the naked, and visits the prisoners, yet they are still lost and
going to hell for rejecting Jesus Christ. The Mafia gives millions to
worthwhile causes that help those in need, but that doesn't make them good
people. God's Word teaches you can't buy your way into heaven!

So what is the answer to Rev. Oprah? She is locked in. One of the most
powerful women in the entertainment business. She is not going away and now
that she is at least bei ng honest about her "spiritual guru" status, will
become even bolder in trying to position herself as the spiritual leader of
the nation. By the way, this is EXACTLY how the anti-Christ will rise to
power and the one-world religion will come to be. A charismatic figure who
can control the masses and fill their spiritual needs by feedingthem a
perverse theology that makes them feel good for the moment.

The answer is to take on Oprah just like Elijah took on the prophets of
Baal, head-on! In the end, the TRUTH will always win out over the lie. False
hope will always give way to true hope. The false prophet will always be
exposed when confronted by a true prophet of God. I have told you many times
that what we are dealing with is a battle for the souls of men. This is why
I am so passionate about the Liveprayer television program being on
worldwide. It will be a beacon of light in the darkness of this world for
Biblical Truth an d lead people to the only answer there is..Jesus Christ!

The reality is, for nearly 5 years now, night after night I have done on the
Liveprayer television program what Oprah does on her program. Deal with the
pressing issues of the day, reach out to people who are hurting, and give
them answers for their life. The difference? I let them know that I can't
help them and I am not their answer, Jesus is! I deal with the issues of the
day not from a worldly perspective but a Biblical one! The answers for the
hurting I share are not from my imagination but from God's Word! The truth I
share is not my truth, it is God's Truth! The hope I give people is not a
false hope, but the ONLY hope there is...JESUS CHRIST!

(Sadly, many high profile Christians will go on Oprah's program and rather
than confront her and challenge the false theology she espouses, say nothing
so they can sell whatever book they are pushing. David had no fear in ta king
on Goliath on his own turf. David was a shepherd, not a great man of war
like Goliath. I have no fear in taking on Oprah on her own turf. I am an
evangelist, not a great television and entertainment celebrity like Oprah.
David didn't need the fancy armor of Saul, only a few pebbles. I don't need
fancy buildings and studios, only a few pebbles and that is why I am asking
you at this time to help me. Supply me with the pebbles I need and our God
will do the rest!)

The world has always had false prophets, merchants of false hope. Oprah, her
creation "Dr. Phil," Montel, and B. HUssein Obama, are simply some of the
more notable ones of our day. I expose them for who they are, talk about
them, because they are leading people AWAY from the only Truth there is and
AWAY from the only hope there is. Pray for Oprah today. The fact is, Oprah
could become a powerful woman of God if she would humble herself before the
Almighty, get on her knees and confess Jesus Christ as Lord, and stop
preaching the gospel of Oprah but the Gospel of Jesus Christ, stop selling
people "spiritual crack," but give them the Truth of God's Word!!!

In His love and service,
Your friend and brother in Christ,
Bill Keller

I Need a Carrot Juice IV...STAT!

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 20:54:53 GMT

So please feel free to stop reading here if the thought of me rambling on and on and on about my life at all strikes you as boring. But its my journal and I'll cry if I want to.

OK, so as you all know I planned Chad's surprise b-day party on Friday at Chammps Restaurant. About 20 showed up which was wonderful. Some family and some long time friends. I think he was really surprised. I am glad that he got to spend some good quality time with his family and friends.

I left approximately 15-20 minutes after he got there. I am sick. I have a fever. I have head congestion. My whole body aches. Well, my precious little babies spent the night at grandma and grandpa's on Thursday. That was awesome for me because I was so sick I needed to get some sleep. When I see them again Friday (grandparents just brought kids to party) they are both cranky and have fevers! They both have swollen eyes with lots of mucus around them. So, my executive decision was to get myself and my sick children home ASAP.

Well, a few of the party goers were from far distances, so I invited them to stay at our house. So after they got done drinking at around 8:00, they got home around 9:00.

I am exhausted and achy and sore and vomiting. Parker is feverish and proceeds to cry from 9:00 to 12:00am. At which time I finally go downstairs and tell my husband to get his butt upstairs and take care of the baby. My ears still hurt from holding him and having him scream in my ear for 3 hours. Seriously. I think he broke and ear drum or something.

Well, waking up Saturday morning, I am no better. Kids are no better. And I find out that our guests are spending the weekend. Not just Friday night. Saturday night too. Ok. So maybe this was a miscommunication on my part. So maybe they thought they could stay the weekend. Normally, it wouldn't be a problem. But when 75% of a family is sick, its REALLY HARD to entertain guests!

I cannot stress enough how annoyed I am that it never even occurred to our guests to leave me in peace to puke and not worry about my screaming kids waking them up.

Ok. So hubby and friends are having fun hanging out and relaxing and whatnot, another buddy wants to come over and decides to invite his wife and 2 kids.

What?!?!?!

I call said buddy and let him know that myself and my children are sick with who knows what. He says he doesn't care and comes over.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Now I have 4 more people to feed and entertain.

When they get there I remind them again that we are all sick, and that I hope they don't get sick themselves. The wife is pretty nervous but says her hubby made her come so, oh well?!

Then, this same inconsiderate fellow calls his brother and invites him over. Yes. You read correctly. He knows the current situation, but still took it upon himself to invite someone else to MY home! UGH!

Oh. And to top it all off, I am watching Hannah. So, that makes it 7 adults and 5 children under the age of 3. And I'm still sick. And my kids are still sick.

So all night long I am trying to watch them, trying to be somewhat social, trying to catch small naps here and there and trying to not vomit directly on anyone's face. It is agony.

Today is Sunday.

Our last guest left after noon. So even though I was up with the baby during the night (who was screaming again, oh my poor ears) but I was up with myself as I was so unbelievable uncomfortable in our bed that I had to go lay on the equally uncomfortable couch in the living room and also get up with Colton who was dry heaving and have night sweats. My head was pounding at 3:00 am. Its pounding now.

I feel like poo. I think my children feel like poo.

I just want to crawl into the fetal position and put a warm washcloth over my throbbing eyes and drift off into a peaceful sleep.

Unfortunately, hubby is sleeping right now. So I have to watch kids.

Maybe tomorrow.

So, please forgive me if I selfishly do not comment on any journals today. I am making a big pot of self pity stew with extra whining and a splash of 'ticked off'.

God bless-

Amanda

P.S. Some pics of the party. Everyone that was there seemed to enjoy themselves, and I am so glad! Chad deserved to feel special and loved. :)

And poor Parkers swollen little face. Coltons was worse.

Want Kids?

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 20:08:22 GMT

Linnea sent me this email and I just HAD to post it. Ha! And I want 8 more!!!

Thinking of Having Kids?

Do this 11 step program first!

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already
are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding,
sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all
the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living
room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12
pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound)
playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go
to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag,
until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and
watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard
and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful
and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all
summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How
does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang
out. Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van And don't think that you can leave it
out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like
that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the
back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with
your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can
find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice).
If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more
than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out
of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you
can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the
swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney,
the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the
Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're
thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important:
no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional
crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape
in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready
to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually
tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy'
tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation
with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 21:37:42 GMT

I have been wanting to share pics of the boys forever, but it seems to take forever and never work properly. I am going to try again...

I have been thinking lots about my fellow J-landers... praying for you and then praying for you some more.

So, I am planning a surprise birthday party for Chad at a Chammps restaurant in the Twin Cities. About 20 people will be there. One is driving from about 2 hours away... one is driving from Kansas City!!!

I didnt really plan anything but the get together itself, and now I am thinking I should do something more. Balloons? Cake? A sign? A funny t-shirt or something? Ugh. Any ideas??????

God bless-

Amanda