Lessons Learned (Reply)

Ubermom111 Writes: So, many animals end up discarded - like old toys.
Except animals are not toys. They are living beings.
If only the people who bring the Fluffies and Fido's into their home would teach their children and themselves that this is a 12 year or more committment, that animals, like children, require constant care - both emotional and physical.
However, somehow even parenting of children seems to have fallen by the wayside. How can we expect current society to care for the animals, when it falls so short of caring for its children?

Reply: First of all, I hope people take the time to read your entire comment (not just the snippet here) as everything you said was insightful and totally on target.

Regarding your question, yes, it is indeed a very hard one to answer.

Every animal who gets dropped off to a shelter by a family for whatever the reasons ("Moving," "No Time For" "Owned 2 years," etc.etc.) represents not only a failing in the human/animal bond, but perhaps even more so, (as noted the other day) a "wrong lesson" to the children in the home.

I personally believe MOST such children grow up with a shaky sense of security -- particularly if the family cat or dog is given up for reasons of misbehaving. The child might, for example, have cause to wonder: Will I be rejected, like Fluffy or Max if failing to live up to my parents expectations and demands? Will they will me away or turn away from me?

If the pet is given up because of the child's so-called, "failure" to assume all responsibilities for the cat or dog, then the child grows up with a sense of guilt: It's my fault that Fluffy or Max was brought to the pound! -- Its my fault my animal died.

If the pet is given up because the parents demean the animal's value or intrinsic worth (i.e. "Don't worry, Johnny. We'll get you another cat or dog when we move to Florida. It's just an animal!") the child might grow up questioning his/her own worth to the parents or doubting that his/her feelings matter to the parents. Or, contrastly, s/he might grow up assimilating the same (non) values as the parents and believe that animals don't matter for anything and are easily replaceable.

As an teenager or adult, such child might adapt bullying behaviors (as empathy has not been taught and instilled) or tend to go through many relationships, activities or drugs/alcohol searching for some kind of "meaning" in life.

Neither guilt nor insecurity, nor insensitivity/callousness are positives for any child's healthy emotional development.

It is, as you point out, totally unrealistic to expect young children to take on full responsibilities for a pet, such as cleaning out cat litter boxes or even walking a dog as much as a dog needs to be walked. As you point out correctly, they live what they learn. They learn responsibility by observing and experiencing it in and by the parents.

Moreover, the same child playing with the puppy or kitten today is worrying about exams, making the cheerleading or basketball squad, attracting members of the opposite sex, or going to college tomorrow.

What then happens to "Amy's or Billy's" adult dog or cat?

I personally believe all those older, "family" dogs (or cats) dumped in shelters with the excuse, "No Time For" (see "Shana" in previous blog entry) are victims of their child "owners" moving on to the normal teenage challenges in life or going on to college.

If the parents have no bond to the family cat or dog, the animal, in many cases, does not stay --or, worse, is relegated to the back yard at the end of a chain.

"No time for" generally means no attachment or sense of commitment to the animal. It's particularly easy to feel that if one feels the animal really belongs to someone else --such as the child (or spouse/partner) who's moved on. "It was really Jimmy's dog, not mine! I have no time for it!"

Most Americans grow up with the concept of the loving spouse, the house in the country, the two kids and the "family" dog or cat.

But, unless the "family pet" is really perceived, treated and experienced to be the PARENTS responsibility and commitment, the future outlook for all (humans and animal) is questionable and in many cases, headed towards some type of failure and distress.

Personally speaking, I am not a great fan of adopting animals into busy family homes. Not unless I feel the parents are 100% up to the task and commitment of having that dog or cat as THEIR pet for the next 10 or 12 years. --PCA

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#1 Comment from jmuhjacat
5/9/08 6:53 PM | Permalink

In my family, our cats were always beloved family members, not "pets", things, or throwaways. We would no more think of our loved ones like that than we would our human family members. And when I grew up and rescued/adopted a cat and had to move into a place where she could not be with me, my parents gladly adopted her into their home, where she was loved and I visited her at every opportunity. Also, when a landlord suddenly turned on a cat who had been abandoned by a neighbor (whom he had been feeding for years, and called "his") and threatened to "drive her out and dump her", I immediately called my parents (having 3 indoor cats in a 332 sq. foot rental myself) and they did not hesitate to come and rescue this sweet cat, whom they doted upon.

Yeah, you both said it -- how someone is raised and the values (or lack of same) they are instilled with makes them the adults they become. We all have the choice to be compassionate and kind, and to "choose life" in a real, CARING, LOVING way (as opposed to those who use this cliched phrase in quite another way). Even in the Christian religion to which most people here profess to adhere, their holy book is full of admonishments to be kind to ALL living beings. What has happened to people's sense of caring?

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Lessons Learned (Reply)