The Blue Oyster

9. "My spider-sense is tingling - - no, wait, I think it's a stroke"

8. "If I climb that wall, do you promise not to stare at my gigantic ass?"

7. "Thank god the Superhero League dropped the physical fitness requirements"

6. "I'm part spider, but I'm all man where it counts"

5. "Some bug bites me, next thing I know I'm a fat piece of crap"

4. "If you're in trouble, come find me at Pizza Hut"

3. "Hey, you see a fat Wonder Woman around here?"

2. "I'd gladly trade my superpowers for some self-control at the buffet"

1. "You didn't hear it from me, but Aquaman's gay"

10. "If your car is towed, it's cheaper to buy a brand-new one than to pay the fines"

9. "Leave one relative back home to carry on the family name"

8. "You wouldn't believe how friendly some of the men are in Greenwich Village"

7. "A cab from JFK to midtown should run you about $600"

6. "You can economize on hookers by purchasing the weekly pass"

5. "Apparently the new "Spider-Man 2" movie is out on video already"

4. "Learn these four words: "I didn't see nuthin'""

3. "The police get very angry when they catch you having sex in their squad car"

2. "Don't put Ben-Gay on gunshot wounds"

1. "If you smoke in a bar Mayor Bloomberg will kick you in the nuts"

10. That actor who played the President was totally unconvincing

9. It oversimplified the way I stole the election

8. Too many of them fancy college-boy words

7. If Michael Moore had waited a few months, he could have included the part where I get him deported

6. Didn't have one of them hilarious monkeys who smoke cigarettes and gives people the finger

5. Of all Michael Moore's accusations, only 97% are true

4. Not sure - - I passed out after a piece of popcorn lodged in my windpipe

3. Where the hell was Spider-man?

2. Couldn't hear most of the movie over Cheney's foul mouth

1. I thought this was supposed to be about Dodgeball

9. Hey Gore, bring up some more books from the basement

8. Mr. President, do you know that woman under the table?

7. Could you make it out to Gennifer with a 'G'?

6. Look, Ken Starr...nah, I'm just messin' with you

5. This long line is the result of a vast right-wing conspiracy

4. Those aren't secret service agents - - those are Hillary's people keeping an eye on him

3. He's a lot more bubbaish in person

2. How come they're moving all the good-looking women to the front of the line?

1. I just pray he signs it with a pen