The Blue Oyster

Top 10

Sat, 10 Jul 2004 21:23:27 GMT

Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From A Fat Spider-Man

10. "Got any talc? I'm chafing like a son-of-a-bitch in this thing"

9. "My spider-sense is tingling - - no, wait, I think it's a stroke"

8. "If I climb that wall, do you promise not to stare at my gigantic ass?"

7. "Thank god the Superhero League dropped the physical fitness requirements"

6. "I'm part spider, but I'm all man where it counts"

5. "Some bug bites me, next thing I know I'm a fat piece of crap"

4. "If you're in trouble, come find me at Pizza Hut"

3. "Hey, you see a fat Wonder Woman around here?"

2. "I'd gladly trade my superpowers for some self-control at the buffet"

1. "You didn't hear it from me, but Aquaman's gay"

Top 10 -NYC

Thu, 01 Jul 2004 11:02:02 GMT

Top Ten Things Every New York City Tourist Needs To Know

10. "If your car is towed, it's cheaper to buy a brand-new one than to pay the fines"

9. "Leave one relative back home to carry on the family name"

8. "You wouldn't believe how friendly some of the men are in Greenwich Village"

7. "A cab from JFK to midtown should run you about $600"

6. "You can economize on hookers by purchasing the weekly pass"

5. "Apparently the new "Spider-Man 2" movie is out on video already"

4. "Learn these four words: "I didn't see nuthin'""

3. "The police get very angry when they catch you having sex in their squad car"

2. "Don't put Ben-Gay on gunshot wounds"

1. "If you smoke in a bar Mayor Bloomberg will kick you in the nuts"

Top 10

Wed, 30 Jun 2004 11:17:12 GMT

Top Ten George W. Bush Complaints About "Fahrenheit 9/11"

10. That actor who played the President was totally unconvincing

9. It oversimplified the way I stole the election

8. Too many of them fancy college-boy words

7. If Michael Moore had waited a few months, he could have included the part where I get him deported

6. Didn't have one of them hilarious monkeys who smoke cigarettes and gives people the finger

5. Of all Michael Moore's accusations, only 97% are true

4. Not sure - - I passed out after a piece of popcorn lodged in my windpipe

3. Where the hell was Spider-man?

2. Couldn't hear most of the movie over Cheney's foul mouth

1. I thought this was supposed to be about Dodgeball

Funny pics

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 00:28:54 GMT

Redneck Doorbell

Anatomy of a Crack Ho

Hello again Vol. 3

Sun, 27 Jun 2004 02:26:35 GMT

Hello again everyone....

After some time away I've decided to start back up the joke journal. I've missed everyone in Journal Land and hope to share some laughs like I use to. Everything is going great here in the land of Elvis. I have been keeping myself busy with work and a great girl I have been seeing for a while. Life could not be more grand.

I hope everyone is well and look forward to chatting with you all soon. Take care.

chris

Top Ten Things Overheard In Line At The Clinton Book Signing

10. I've never been to a book signing at hooters before

9. Hey Gore, bring up some more books from the basement

8. Mr. President, do you know that woman under the table?

7. Could you make it out to Gennifer with a 'G'?

6. Look, Ken Starr...nah, I'm just messin' with you

5. This long line is the result of a vast right-wing conspiracy

4. Those aren't secret service agents - - those are Hillary's people keeping an eye on him

3. He's a lot more bubbaish in person

2. How come they're moving all the good-looking women to the front of the line?

1. I just pray he signs it with a pen