Shorts

2:31:25 PM EDT
Feeling Pensive

I've learned a lot about life in my 40+ years here on planet earth.  Enough that I could probably write the perfect country song.  Except, thanks to David Allen Coe, it's already been done.

But today I'm thinking about girlfriends and how much of an impact they can have on our lives.  I'm talking about those friends you have had ever since you can't remember not having them. 

I have a few that are my friends, but two who have remained my closest friends even though LIFE has kept us from spending much time together over the past few years.  Well, more than a few, actually, lots of years.

We go through childhood, our teen years, our young-adulthood and we have:

a)  boyfriends

b)  serious boyfriends

c)   husbands (well, plural in my case, but hopefully only one in most cases)

Most of the time our girlfriends are right there with us all the way from (a) through (c) - and beyond if necessary.  We may not see them more than once a year or even more than that, but we know that they are only a phone call or email away and they will be there for us.

We forged these friendships as we learned who we were.  Our girlfriends helped us become who we were to become.  They know the good, the bad and the UGLY, and still care for us anyway.

What has caused me to be on this train of thought is the way I see the younger girls today with their own friends.  It seems the days of unconditional love and understanding just aren't around much anymore.

If you're mad at a friend nowadays, just post it on your MySpace or Facebook stats.  You can say a lot in one little sentence and then the whole world knows just what you're thinking.

I can't imagine hurting any of my friends the way I see some of these girls do today. (and maybe boys too, but my experience is with girls)

They just can't see past the moment of "now" when everything changes with a whim.  Today they may say hurtful things about someone and the whole world is mad at them, and then the next day they are buddy-buddy again. 

It saddens me.

I think our generation, as archaic and out of touch with reality we are deemed to be, had something special going on in the area of friendships.  I know we weren't perfect and made mistakes.  We hurt our girlfriends and they hurt us.  But the difference, I think, is that we weren't so callous, so quick to judge, so eager to hurt others.  I think we were more sensitive and caring of our friends' tender hearts than the generation of today.

I know there are many exceptions to what I'm talking about, so please don't be offended if you're a young person reading this who has known the joy of unchanging friendship.  I know there are young girls today who are kind, caring and would never in a million years be unkind to their girlfriends.  There are tender hearts who care about others' feelings - I know many of these girls/young women personally and for that I have hope.  I have hope that this generation will "grow out" of self-centered thinking and intolerance. 

I have hope that in their tomorrows they will have treasured friendships that will last a lifetime.

It amazes me the way everyone is everyone else's "BFF".  It changes daily, and even hourly in some cases. 

We had BEST friends.  And it wasn't 20 or 30 different people.  It was one or two at the most.  Because we knew what BEST meant. 

Best meant there was nothing better - Webster's defines it as "surpassing all others in excellence."  SURPASSING ALL OTHERS!

Best meant there was no one who loved us more, deep at our core.  No one else who would stand by us when we did something deeply shameful, or highly embarrassing.  Not "fair-weather" friends, but BEST friends.  For LIFE. 

Blessed is she who has friends.  The kind who won't be fickle and throw you to the wolves when it fits them to do so.  The kind who sees your mistakes and instead of pointing them out, they do their best to keep your indiscretions from the world.  The kind who acknowledges you are not perfect, but will defend you if someone else dares to imply that you are flawed.

I dedicate this blog to my BFF's - Neetie & Gretchen.  They've seen it all, been knee-deep in it with me, and still I know they're always gonna be my "go-to" people.

May LIFE bring you friends who last forever

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12:47:57 PM EDT
Hearing Y&R

I was having a pretty bad morning and then I watched this video my hubby sent me.  It made me feel a little bit better and I wanted to share it with all of you.

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10:35:23 AM EST
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing "the unwinding cable car" by anberlin I've always found it odd that we make such a big deal of January 1 each year.  A new year, a new beginning.  Yet, just exactly what changed except the rolling over of the clock from 11:59 p.m. to 12:00 a.m.?  We hear others speak of resolutions:  lose weight, stop smoking, start exercising.  We might make a resolution or two ourselves - I know I have in the past, and even when I don't vocalize it, I'm thinking in the back of my head:

"This year, I'm gonna......(fill in the blank)"

And yet...none of my resolutions usually stick.  At least not for any great length of time.  I used to really beat myself up about my lack of commitment to my resolutions, but over time as I've gotten older I've given myself permission to abandon them.  Not because I think they aren't important, but because I think resolutions made simply for the sake of making them are not worth beating myself up over.

All of that said, I did have a few rolling around in the back of my head as the end of 2007 approached.  One of the biggies was to start exercising - mainly getting on the treadmill at least 3 times a week.  A very do-able resolution except for the fact that here we are on January 9th, 2008 and I have yet to make the LENGTHY trip to the basement and fire up the beast.  But that's okay, I tell myself, because I can always start...tomorrow.  Maybe....

The point I think I'm trying to make (but seem to be having a hard time making) is that resolutions shouldn't be saved for January 1.  I've decided that, if necessary, I will make a resolution every single morning.  Whether it be to finally get on that treadmill, develop better eating habits, find a new church, stop procrastinating, be kinder to people who irritate me, start fixing better meals for my family, or simply to allow others to see Christ in me, I can make a new resolution each and every day. 

And more importantly, I can stop beating myself up when I fail to follow through, because tomorrow is a brand new day and holds infinite possibilites for resolutions to be fulfilled.

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3:42:08 PM EST
Hearing Toby Mac "I'm For You" Shout out to MELISSA, (aka Mel Del Greco):

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
MY FRIEND!

Visit Melissa's journal My Back Pages, and wish her a happy birthday!  :)


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12:59:15 PM EST
Feeling Anxious
Hearing Young & Restless
another one I love(d) and touched me very personally...

Eagles - Wasted Time
Well baby, there you stand
With your little head, down in your hand
Oh, my God, you can't believe it's happening again
Your baby's gone, and you're all alone
and it looks like the end.

And you're back out on the street.
And you're tryin' to remember.
How will you start it over?
You don't know if you can.
You don't care much for a stranger's touch,
But you can't hold your man.

You never thought you'd be alone
this far down the line
And I know what's been on your mind
You're afraid it's all been wasted time

The autumn leaves have got you thinking
about the first time that you fell
You didn't love the boy too much, no, no
you just loved the boy to well, Farewell
So you live from day to day,
and you dream about tomorrow, oh.
And the hours go by like minutes
and the shadows come to stay
So you take a little something to
make them go away
And I could have done so many things, baby
If I could only stop my mind from wondrin' what
I left behind and from worrying 'bout this wasted time

Ooh, another love has come and gone
Ooh, and the years keep rushing on
I remember what you told me before you went out on your own:
"Sometimes to keep it together, we got to leave it alone."
So you can get on with your search, baby,
and I can get on with mine
And maybe someday we will find ,
that it wasn't really wasted time



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12:12:41 PM EDT
Feeling Hopeful

Of Being Blinded By The Light

 

I cannot imagine being blind.  To be unable to see the morning portrait painted in the eastern sky; to be unable to set my eyes upon a newborn baby’s perfection and marvel at God’s handiwork; to be unable to catch a glimpse of the majesty of the infinite brilliant stars flung against the velvet backdrop of a frozen December night.  These things and thousands upon thousands of other things come to mind when I ponder what I would be missing if my sight were suddenly taken away from me.

 

And yet, how much more do the blind actually see than we sighted folks do?  The blind are not weighed down with snap judgments – that immediate propensity we sometimes have to think, “he’s poor,” “she’s overweight,” “she’s unattractive,” “he’s dirty.”  The blind are at a loss to physically see the beauty in their surroundings, but they have an advantage over those of us with the gift of sight.  They get the chance to judge the heart, not the appearance.

 

I am reminded of the difference between “seeing” and “feeling” when I am in worship.  I almost always keep my eyes closed as we sing together in unison.  Even when I don’t know all the words, I just sing the parts I know and allow the Lord to minister to me through the music.  I used to think it was really important to read the words on the screen and sing along with everyone else, but I found that when I did that I had a tendency to “see” everything going on around me.  I noticed who was doing what, who was “getting it” and who wasn’t, who was present and who was missing.  I focused on the words of the song and not the worship itself, and there is a big difference between words and worship.

 

What I have found is that when I allow myself to get wrapped up in the worship and adoration of my Father instead of simply singing a song to get from point A to point B in the church service, I can actually feel His touch.  With sight out of the way, my other senses kick into high gear and I can drink Him in.  It is a totally different experience than simply attending church and singing songs and walking out saying, “the music was good today.” 

 

Do not think for a minute that I am saying that the blind are better off without having physical sight.  My heart aches for those who cannot see with their eyes the wonderful things that God has created out of His extravagant love for His children.  I am simply saying that sometimes those of us with sight need to take the time to see with our hearts instead of our eyes.  This isn’t just in our time of seeking God’s face, but in all of our times of BEING.  Not striving to do, but allowing ourselves to be the embodiment of Christ within us. 

 

My Jesus didn’t scrutinize me before He loved me.  He didn’t size me up and determine if I was worthy to be loved, or how much I was to be loved based on my performance or appearance.  He saw me blindly – blind with a love for me that overshadowed all of His earthly sight.  All of His senses come alive when He sees me.

 

That’s really huge if you can get your mind around it – if you can stop yourself from reasoning and what-if-ing and logic and just wrap yourself around the fact that His love is without limits.  His love sees you with His heart and He desperately wants you to see and know this love with a certainty that no amount of science can ever explain.

 

Love is a verb, to borrow from d.c.Talk.  It’s an action word.  And it’s what we as a people of God are commanded to do.  It’s not a suggestion, not a whim, not a “maybe you might think about loving so and so, but not so and so.”  I know I’m a long way in perfecting my love-walk with others, but I have asked God to help me be blind in seeing the faults of others and to help me “see” with His heart and not my own.

 

Blindness can be beautiful.

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2:24:04 PM EDT
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing Air One Radio - Check it out for yourself

I drank…

 

It made me feel happy

It made me feel pretty

It made me feel outgoing

It made me feel smarter

It made me feel witty

It made me feel popular

It made me feel accepted

It made me feel fresh

It made me feel free

It made me feel alive

 

I did not have to be me

 

I did not know who me was anyway,

  but it was nice not to have to be her for

  a little while

 

I could be the happy

                        pretty

                        outgoing

                        smart

                        witty

                        popular

                        accepted

                        fresh

                        free

                        alive

 

………….girl that I longed to be

 

It worked for awhile

It was fun

I was fun

I was alive

 

Twenty-two years passed and then:

 

I still drank…

 

It made me feel sad

It made me feel ugly

It made me feel introverted

It made me feel stupid

It made me feel dull

It made me feel ostracized

It made me feel rejected

It made me feel grubby

It made me feel imprisoned

It succeeded in killing me

 

And then I began to take back ME!

 

That was then   …..  1999

This is now       >>> 2007

 

Through Jesus, my Father brought me here:

 

Joyous

Beautiful

Friendly

Smart

Bright

Accepted

Washed Clean

Bright

Free

 

and

 

ALIVE!


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2:03:23 PM EDT
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing "Suddenly" tobmac

I have always been amazed at the story of Abraham and Isaac and the depth of Abraham’s faith as he took his son up that mountain in obedience to the Father.  In Sunday school circles we have discussed over and over again our own doubts that we could ever make such a leap of faith to walk out the sacrifice that God asked of Abraham – the sacrifice of his own son.  Generally speaking, in the flesh, we could not.  But with the power of the Holy Spirit, just what CAN we do?

I was thinking last night of Abraham’s willingness to lay down his son and give him totally – 100 percent – to the Lord.  I can’t begin to count the number of times I have “given” my own children to God.  “Oh Lord, they are yours, I give them to you because I cannot do this in my own strength.”  Time and again, however, I have chosen to take them back from God – remove them from His altar and begin to try and “fix” the problems in their lives.  It seems I have always had one hand on my children and one hand raised in willingness and submission.  In my heart, I know that God wants me to raise BOTH hands, thereby removing my hand from HIS children.  Oh, the wonderful things He can do with their lives if only I will leave them at His altar.

I think as parents, mothers especially, we feel guilty if we think in terms of giving our children to the Father as a sacrifice on His altar.  It feels as if we are being stripped of our parental instinct to protect them at all costs.  After all, leaving them on the altar says “I trust you, God, to take charge of their lives, to bring Your will into place, to allow injustices to shape their lives.  I trust You enough to believe that no matter what dark valley they walk through You will bring them through it and back into Your loving arms.”  It is a scary, powerless feeling to trust the Almighty to orchestrate their destiny when if feels as if you, the parent, should be the conductor in this symphony that is their life.

I have been speaking entirely in terms of giving our children to the Lord, but that is really only because it is my personal issue at the moment.  This surrender upon God’s altar truly applies to any situation, problem, issue or burden in your life at any given moment.  Whether you are struggling with a relationship issue, a job situation, a financial burden or simply wondering what your next step should be, the only sure way to find true peace is to remove BOTH hands from the matter and let God be God.

Remember that you may not like what you see on the surface.  It may look ugly, messy, or dirty upon the altar.  You may be tempted to snatch it back and hold onto it again, preferring your own handling of the situation rather than trusting the Lord to fulfill His promises.  God’s altar is not necessarily a place of instantaneous beauty, but rather one of building, sculpting, and refining – all of which can be untidy and even downright filthy at times. Sometimes it looks worse than when you gave it over.  But you must trust that God is a God of His word and He will fulfill His promise.  In His time.

It’s scary to let go.  But I’m learning that it can be even scarier to hold on.  Because we only THINK we know how to conduct our own orchestra, when in reality it is Father God who holds the baton.

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9:33:20 AM EDT When they send you home from the hospital with your child you are excited and nervous and happy and scared.

You marvel at each new milestone - the first time they turn over, the first tooth, the first step, the first word. You excitedly report these events at each visit to the pediatrician, just to be sure your little one is growing as they should. They tell you your little one is doing just fine.

You worry about every little ailment - the first sniffle, the first fever, the first bump and bruise. You anxiously report these things to the pediatrician, just to be sure your child doesn't have some terrible disease. They tell you your child is doing just fine.

You watch them quickly grow from infants to toddlers to pre-schoolers. Everyone tells you, "enjoy these years, because they go by so fast." You smile and nod, but can't imagine your child any older than they are right at that moment.

The elementary years fly by. Then middle school. How did that happen so quickly? There were ball games and slumber parties and dances. There was adolesence with all of its' highs and lows. Everyone tells you, "you'll get through it." You grimace and nod, but can't imagine ever having your sweet, innocent child back.

High school. Boys and girls finding each other, pairing up, some for several years. You see relationships forming and you worry about your child and all that teenage relationships imply. Everyone tells you, "it's inevitable. They'll be okay." You simply nod, but cannot imagine your teenager navigating a serious relationship in this day and age.

Pediatricians are helpful. "Everyone" is helpful. They tell you a lot of things about raising children based on their own experiences with other children. It's good to have others giving us parents help and advice, telling us the ins and outs of raising children into adults.

But what they don't tell you is how that child becomes a piece of your heart. How each hurt, each tear, every inch of sadness your baby feels is felt within your own heart.

They don't tell you that you will never feel so helpless as you do when your child is hurting and it's a hurt that Mom can't fix. When your child's heart is breaking and you are powerless to put the pieces together again.

They don't tell you that you would go to the ends of the earth to make it better, or that you would feel so much anger toward those who hurt your child. That you truly understand the term MAMA BEAR when it comes to your baby.

Mother's Day is a day to reflect on Mothers. Whether you are a mom, have a mom, or will someday be a mom, I pray that this day will bring to mind the deep and abiding love that God placed within a Mother's heart when He formed her to be who she is.

She loves ferociously.

She loves tenderly.

She loves because she is a Mother.

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10:45:25 AM EDT

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