Shorts

About AOL Journals Ending

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 11:55:07 GMT

(sorry if this is a duplicate, or triplicate, for some readers)

About AOL Journals Ending

Well, like the rest of you, I got the news about the journals yesterday. It is a sad day, and I feel bad especially for those of you who have such a long history of journaling - all the wonderful, picture-filled entries. I really hadn't been journaling much, and I had already saved my entries into a Word document, so this doesn't hit me as hard as it hits all of you.

I will miss getting my alerts, I will miss all of you, but I feel like this is just the push I needed to do what I've been needing to do for a long time. I've needed to leave the journaling community and get serious about my own emotional health - and that includes writing just for me.

There's something about writing and getting feedback, and that's usually a good thing for most people. But for me it had gotten unhealthy because I based my worth on what people said about my entries, about my writing, about my life. That's how I am in real life and I just extended it to this world.

I probably won't be starting another journal on Blogspot, or anywhere else, but I am thankful for those of you who have sent me invites to your new journals. I promise to pop in over there from time to time, but I've decided that the best way for me to face the "real world" is to make myself be a part of it. I spend way too much time hiding behind the computer screen - mainly because it's safe. No one expects anything from you in cyber-space, you can be yourself and no one cares. Real life isn't like that and it's time I learned how to be real in real life.

Please feel free to email me at any time.

I love you all and I thank you so much for sharing your lives with me. I know you will all be able to re-form this community on Blogspot and I hope that you all understand why I'm taking this big step.

Hugs,

Gwynn

The Shack

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 20:34:51 GMT

To my regular readers: This is also in Swinging High & Circus)

First I need to say a big thank you to Bea (Wanderer) who recommended this book, and in doing so confirmed that I was meant to read it because just a few days before she told me about it, my counselor also suggested that I read it. I had never heard of the book before then, although it's been out for awhile and is currently #1 on the NY Times Best Seller List. Yay - a God-firmation!

This book has touched me so deeply that as I sit here and try to figure out how to tell you all about it, it's hard for me to know where to begin. I read "The Shack" in 2 days and now I've started all over again because there are so many areas I want to re-explore with a highlighter in my hand this time. I have highlighted a lot of books in my time, but I can say with certainty that I've never highlighted a work of fiction before!

From the back cover, here is the "synopsis" of The Shack:

Mackenzie Allen Philips' youngest daughter, Missy, has been abducted during a family vacation and evidence that she may have been brutally murdered is found in an abandoned shack deep in the Oregon wilderness. Four years later in the midst of his Great Sadness, Mack receives a suspicious note, apparently from God, inviting him back to that shack for a weekend.

Against his better judgment he arrives as the shack on a wintry afternoon and walk back into his darkest nightmare. What he finds there will change Mack's world forever.

In a world where religion seems to grow increasingly irrelevant The Shack wrestles with the timeless question, Where is God in a world so filled with unspeakable pain? The answers Mack gets will astound you and perhaps transform you as much as it did him. You'll want everyone you know to read this book.

That last statement "you'll want everyone you know to read this book" is so true; however, I understand that not everyone will be affected by it the way I have been. Just like any other book, song, movie or television show that hits me where I live, I have to remember that not everyone is in the same place that I am.

Where I have been for the past few months is trying desperately to heal some very old wounds and in the process I have learned just how little I actully trust God.

There - I've said it out loud and contrary to what I have been taught by "the church" over the years, it's okay to let God know that I'm not actually His happy little child who wholly and wholeheartedly trusts Him and accepts His love.

He knows it anyway. :)

In the process of my healing, I've learned that my trust issues with God stem from some skewed concepts of what a "father" really is. Without going into a long, drawn out replay of my past, I'll just say that even though my Dad was not abusive with me, he was definitely remote and without a lot of emotion - unless you count anger. There were other issues in my childhood that caused me, over the years, to become highly mis-trustful and fearful of ANY man. I didn't realize the depth of that fear and lack of trust until recently, and have been trying to work through a lot of the pain of the past.

And what I hadn't realized was that deep within my being I didn't trust God because I saw Him as a man. I saw Him as a stern taskmaster up in the sky, ready to yell at me for any little thing I might do. Sure, everyone says God loves me, and in my head I believe it. But because I know so little about REAL love, my heart still refuses to totally "get it."

The best way I can sum up The Shack is to say that I finally see a glimmer of hope that I will finally "get" God's love, and that I will finally be able to call Him Father (or Papa, as Nan does in The Shack), and calling Him Father will be a joy and not a drudgery - not bringing to mind a cold, unfeeling man who has an ulterior motive.

I see hope that I will finally be able to receive love, not only from God, but also from other people too. Someday I will be able to live out the life that God has had planned for me since before I was formed in my mother's womb. I am inspired, knowing that every step of this journey I've been on - the terrible times as well as the good ones - He has been there.

Of course, the church has always had "pat" answers for suffering. But none of them ever touched my heart in a place that sparked hope before I read this book.

If you or anyone you know is struggling in their relationship with God, especially if their question is "Where were you God, when this horrible thing happened?", then I implore you to give this book a chance. I will say that reading the first part was very difficult, but I am glad I persevered - it was worth the pain.

It brought me closer to the kind of relationship God has been wanting with me all along. I have miles and miles to go, but I am wanting it so badly that I'm willing to be okay with trying to trust just a little bit more each day.

A word of warning - The Shack will shake the foundations of what many of us have been taught by "religion."

But in my opinion, that's a GOOD thing!

I hope you'll read it and see for yourself.

Here's a link to the official website: The Shack Book

Tags: The shack book

Girlfriends for LIFE

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 18:31:25 GMT

I've learned a lot about life in my 40+ years here on planet earth. Enough that I could probably write the perfect country song. Except, thanks to David Allen Coe, it's already been done.

But today I'm thinking about girlfriends and how much of an impact they can have on our lives. I'm talking about those friends you have had ever since you can't remember not having them.

I have a few that are my friends, but two who have remained my closest friends even though LIFE has kept us from spending much time together over the past few years. Well, more than a few, actually, lots of years.

We go through childhood, our teen years, our young-adulthood and we have:

a) boyfriends

b) serious boyfriends

c) husbands (well, plural in my case, but hopefully only one in most cases)

Most of the time our girlfriends are right there with us all the way from (a) through (c) - and beyond if necessary. We may not see them more than once a year or even more than that, but we know that they are only a phone call or email away and they will be there for us.

We forged these friendships as we learned who we were. Our girlfriends helped us become who we were to become. They know the good, the bad and the UGLY, and still care for us anyway.

What has caused me to be on this train of thought is the way I see the younger girls today with their own friends. It seems the days of unconditional love and understanding just aren't around much anymore.

If you're mad at a friend nowadays, just post it on your MySpace or Facebook stats. You can say a lot in one little sentence and then the whole world knows just what you're thinking.

I can't imagine hurting any of my friends the way I see some of these girls do today. (and maybe boys too, but my experience is with girls)

They just can't see past the moment of "now" when everything changes with a whim. Today they may say hurtful things about someone and the whole world is mad at them, and then the next day they are buddy-buddy again.

It saddens me.

I think our generation, as archaic and out of touch with reality we are deemed to be, had something special going on in the area of friendships. I know we weren't perfect and made mistakes. We hurt our girlfriends and they hurt us. But the difference, I think, is that we weren't so callous, so quick to judge, so eager to hurt others. I think we were more sensitive and caring of our friends' tender hearts than the generation of today.

I know there are many exceptions to what I'm talking about, so please don't be offended if you're a young person reading this who has known the joy of unchanging friendship. I know there are young girls today who are kind, caring and would never in a million years be unkind to their girlfriends. There are tender hearts who care about others' feelings - I know many of these girls/young women personally and for that I have hope. I have hope that this generation will "grow out" of self-centered thinking and intolerance.

I have hope that in their tomorrows they will have treasured friendships that will last a lifetime.

It amazes me the way everyone is everyone else's "BFF". It changes daily, and even hourly in some cases.

We had BEST friends. And it wasn't 20 or 30 different people. It was one or two at the most. Because we knew what BEST meant.

Best meant there was nothing better - Webster's defines it as "surpassing all others in excellence." SURPASSING ALL OTHERS!

Best meant there was no one who loved us more, deep at our core. No one else who would stand by us when we did something deeply shameful, or highly embarrassing. Not "fair-weather" friends, but BEST friends. For LIFE.

Blessed is she who has friends. The kind who won't be fickle and throw you to the wolves when it fits them to do so. The kind who sees your mistakes and instead of pointing them out, they do their best to keep your indiscretions from the world. The kind who acknowledges you are not perfect, but will defend you if someone else dares to imply that you are flawed.

I dedicate this blog to my BFF's - Neetie & Gretchen. They've seen it all, been knee-deep in it with me, and still I know they're always gonna be my "go-to" people.

May LIFE bring you friends who last forever

Tags: Friends, BFF's, Girlfriends,

Elderly woman witnesses to man who tried to rob her

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 16:47:57 GMT

I was having a pretty bad morning and then I watched this video my hubby sent me. It made me feel a little bit better and I wanted to share it with all of you.

Today I resolve to...

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 15:35:23 GMT

I've always found it odd that we make such a big deal of January 1 each year. A new year, a new beginning. Yet, just exactly what changed except the rolling over of the clock from 11:59 p.m. to 12:00 a.m.? We hear others speak of resolutions: lose weight, stop smoking, start exercising. We might make a resolution or two ourselves - I know I have in the past, and even when I don't vocalize it, I'm thinking in the back of my head:

"This year, I'm gonna......(fill in the blank)"

And yet...none of my resolutions usually stick. At least not for any great length of time. I used to really beat myself up about my lack of commitment to my resolutions, but over time as I've gotten older I've given myself permission to abandon them. Not because I think they aren't important, but because I think resolutions made simply for the sake of making them are not worth beating myself up over.

All of that said, I did have a few rolling around in the back of my head as the end of 2007 approached. One of the biggies was to start exercising - mainly getting on the treadmill at least 3 times a week. A very do-able resolution except for the fact that here we are on January 9th, 2008 and I have yet to make the LENGTHY trip to the basement and fire up the beast. But that's okay, I tell myself, because I can always start...tomorrow. Maybe....

The point I think I'm trying to make (but seem to be having a hard time making) is that resolutions shouldn't be saved for January 1. I've decided that, if necessary, I will make a resolution every single morning. Whether it be to finally get on that treadmill, develop better eating habits, find a new church, stop procrastinating, be kinder to people who irritate me, start fixing better meals for my family, or simply to allow others to see Christ in me, I can make a new resolution each and every day.

And more importantly, I can stop beating myself up when I fail to follow through, because tomorrow is a brand new day and holds infinite possibilites for resolutions to be fulfilled.

Tags: resolutions, Christ, New Year, 2008

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEL!

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 20:42:08 GMT

Shout out to MELISSA, (aka Mel Del Greco):

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
MY FRIEND!

Visit Melissa's journal My Back Pages, and wish her a happy birthday! :)

Tags: Melissa, Happy Birthday, Duluth

Wasted Time

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 17:59:15 GMT

another one I love(d) and touched me very personally...

Eagles - Wasted Time
Well baby, there you stand
With your little head, down in your hand
Oh, my God, you can't believe it's happening again
Your baby's gone, and you're all alone
and it looks like the end.

And you're back out on the street.
And you're tryin' to remember.
How will you start it over?
You don't know if you can.
You don't care much for a stranger's touch,
But you can't hold your man.

You never thought you'd be alone
this far down the line
And I know what's been on your mind
You're afraid it's all been wasted time

The autumn leaves have got you thinking
about the first time that you fell
You didn't love the boy too much, no, no
you just loved the boy to well, Farewell
So you live from day to day,
and you dream about tomorrow, oh.
And the hours go by like minutes
and the shadows come to stay
So you take a little something to
make them go away
And I could have done so many things, baby
If I could only stop my mind from wondrin' what
I left behind and from worrying 'bout this wasted time

Ooh, another love has come and gone
Ooh, and the years keep rushing on
I remember what you told me before you went out on your own:
"Sometimes to keep it together, we got to leave it alone."
So you can get on with your search, baby,
and I can get on with mine
And maybe someday we will find ,
that it wasn't really wasted time

Of Being Blinded By The Light

Sat, 27 Oct 2007 16:12:41 GMT

Of Being Blinded By The Light

I cannot imagine being blind. To be unable to see the morning portrait painted in the eastern sky; to be unable to set my eyes upon a newborn baby’s perfection and marvel at God’s handiwork; to be unable to catch a glimpse of the majesty of the infinite brilliant stars flung against the velvet backdrop of a frozen December night. These things and thousands upon thousands of other things come to mind when I ponder what I would be missing if my sight were suddenly taken away from me.

And yet, how much more do the blind actually see than we sighted folks do? The blind are not weighed down with snap judgments – that immediate propensity we sometimes have to think, “he’s poor,” “she’s overweight,” “she’s unattractive,” “he’s dirty.” The blind are at a loss to physically see the beauty in their surroundings, but they have an advantage over those of us with the gift of sight. They get the chance to judge the heart, not the appearance.

I am reminded of the difference between “seeing” and “feeling” when I am in worship. I almost always keep my eyes closed as we sing together in unison. Even when I don’t know all the words, I just sing the parts I know and allow the Lord to minister to me through the music. I used to think it was really important to read the words on the screen and sing along with everyone else, but I found that when I did that I had a tendency to “see” everything going on around me. I noticed who was doing what, who was “getting it” and who wasn’t, who was present and who was missing. I focused on the words of the song and not the worship itself, and there is a big difference between words and worship.

What I have found is that when I allow myself to get wrapped up in the worship and adoration of my Father instead of simply singing a song to get from point A to point B in the church service, I can actually feel His touch. With sight out of the way, my other senses kick into high gear and I can drink Him in. It is a totally different experience than simply attending church and singing songs and walking out saying, “the music was good today.”

Do not think for a minute that I am saying that the blind are better off without having physical sight. My heart aches for those who cannot see with their eyes the wonderful things that God has created out of His extravagant love for His children. I am simply saying that sometimes those of us with sight need to take the time to see with our hearts instead of our eyes. This isn’t just in our time of seeking God’s face, but in all of our times of BEING. Not striving to do, but allowing ourselves to be the embodiment of Christ within us.

My Jesus didn’t scrutinize me before He loved me. He didn’t size me up and determine if I was worthy to be loved, or how much I was to be loved based on my performance or appearance. He saw me blindly – blind with a love for me that overshadowed all of His earthly sight. All of His senses come alive when He sees me.

That’s really huge if you can get your mind around it – if you can stop yourself from reasoning and what-if-ing and logic and just wrap yourself around the fact that His love is without limits. His love sees you with His heart and He desperately wants you to see and know this love with a certainty that no amount of science can ever explain.

Love is a verb, to borrow from d.c.Talk. It’s an action word. And it’s what we as a people of God are commanded to do. It’s not a suggestion, not a whim, not a “maybe you might think about loving so and so, but not so and so.” I know I’m a long way in perfecting my love-walk with others, but I have asked God to help me be blind in seeing the faults of others and to help me “see” with His heart and not my own.

Blindness can be beautiful.

Tags: Jesus, Christian Love

I drank...

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 18:24:04 GMT

I drank…

It made me feel happy

It made me feel pretty

It made me feel outgoing

It made me feel smarter

It made me feel witty

It made me feel popular

It made me feel accepted

It made me feel fresh

It made me feel free

It made me feel alive

I did not have to be me

I did not know who me was anyway,

but it was nice not to have to be her for

a little while

I could be the happy

pretty

outgoing

smart

witty

popular

accepted

fresh

free

alive

………….girl that I longed to be

It worked for awhile

It was fun

I was fun

I was alive

Twenty-two years passed and then:

I still drank…

It made me feel sad

It made me feel ugly

It made me feel introverted

It made me feel stupid

It made me feel dull

It made me feel ostracized

It made me feel rejected

It made me feel grubby

It made me feel imprisoned

It succeeded in killing me

And then I began to take back ME!

That was then ….. 1999

This is now >>> 2007

Through Jesus, my Father brought me here:

Joyous

Beautiful

Friendly

Smart

Bright

Accepted

Washed Clean

Bright

Free

and

ALIVE!

Tags: alcoholism, Jesus, freedom in Christ

The Altar of Love

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 18:03:23 GMT

I have always been amazed at the story of Abraham and Isaac and the depth of Abraham’s faith as he took his son up that mountain in obedience to the Father. In Sunday school circles we have discussed over and over again our own doubts that we could ever make such a leap of faith to walk out the sacrifice that God asked of Abraham – the sacrifice of his own son. Generally speaking, in the flesh, we could not. But with the power of the Holy Spirit, just what CAN we do?

I was thinking last night of Abraham’s willingness to lay down his son and give him totally – 100 percent – to the Lord. I can’t begin to count the number of times I have “given” my own children to God. “Oh Lord, they are yours, I give them to you because I cannot do this in my own strength.” Time and again, however, I have chosen to take them back from God – remove them from His altar and begin to try and “fix” the problems in their lives. It seems I have always had one hand on my children and one hand raised in willingness and submission. In my heart, I know that God wants me to raise BOTH hands, thereby removing my hand from HIS children. Oh, the wonderful things He can do with their lives if only I will leave them at His altar.

I think as parents, mothers especially, we feel guilty if we think in terms of giving our children to the Father as a sacrifice on His altar. It feels as if we are being stripped of our parental instinct to protect them at all costs. After all, leaving them on the altar says “I trust you, God, to take charge of their lives, to bring Your will into place, to allow injustices to shape their lives. I trust You enough to believe that no matter what dark valley they walk through You will bring them through it and back into Your loving arms.” It is a scary, powerless feeling to trust the Almighty to orchestrate their destiny when if feels as if you, the parent, should be the conductor in this symphony that is their life.

I have been speaking entirely in terms of giving our children to the Lord, but that is really only because it is my personal issue at the moment. This surrender upon God’s altar truly applies to any situation, problem, issue or burden in your life at any given moment. Whether you are struggling with a relationship issue, a job situation, a financial burden or simply wondering what your next step should be, the only sure way to find true peace is to remove BOTH hands from the matter and let God be God.

Remember that you may not like what you see on the surface. It may look ugly, messy, or dirty upon the altar. You may be tempted to snatch it back and hold onto it again, preferring your own handling of the situation rather than trusting the Lord to fulfill His promises. God’s altar is not necessarily a place of instantaneous beauty, but rather one of building, sculpting, and refining – all of which can be untidy and even downright filthy at times. Sometimes it looks worse than when you gave it over. But you must trust that God is a God of His word and He will fulfill His promise. In His time.

It’s scary to let go. But I’m learning that it can be even scarier to hold on. Because we only THINK we know how to conduct our own orchestra, when in reality it is Father God who holds the baton.