Write Away

8:41:55 PM PDT

iso: passion, connection, fellowship, belonging...

Recomendations?

Written by micheleandres Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

2:18:32 PM PDT
Feeling Quiet
Great place to write!

Written by micheleandres Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

5:27:21 PM PST
I weigh myself every day and I range from 160 - 165.  I never reached my goal of 150.  Instead, I've maintained this weight for a year.  I haven't been low carb for a long time.  I just understand and follow the rules of simple math.  I don't need to work too hard to maintain this weight which, for me, is a perfect trade off for not weighing 150.  I'm comfortable and like myself enough.

Written by micheleandres Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

12:14:16 AM PST
Feeling Surprised
The week before Thanksgiving I decided to not let the holidays stick with me and I went on a low/no-carb diet.  Since then I've lost 28 lbs!  It hasn't been that rough.  I know that the stats say I'll never keep it off, but I'm sure I can if I do what it takes.  It's just that so few do.  I've simply decided that being thin feels better than anything tastes.  My goal is to weigh 150 lbs. or less by Valentines Day, that's 12 more to go.  As soon as I do, I'm rewarding myself by throwing out all my current cloths and buying a great new wardrobe.  I can't wait.

Written by micheleandres Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

12:02:39 AM PDT

I’ve been feeling depressed the past several days.  Partly because I feel like I have no friends and my past friendships have been shams.  Then I start thinking all my problems are because I’m over weight.  If I were thin and beautiful I would have so much more respect and admiration.  Even though it’s probably true, it’s totally messed up.  Why should people love me for what I look like?  Even I am prejudiced against fat people.  It’s society, media, drug companies, and the diet industry who are keeping blind people like me believing that thin is the only way to be.  The truth is that less than 20% of women look like the media’s standard and way less look like cover girls.  80% of women my age look like me.  The truth is that no matter how hard we try we will bounce back to look like we really are, except the constant yo-yo may be the culprit behind making us heavier every time we gain it all back.  Who do you know that has lost the weight and kept it off permanently, for more than ten years say?  No one I know personally.  We all gain it back.

So what am I going to make this mean to me?  I’m going to stop feeling bad about it.  I’m going to quit obsessing about my weight.  It’s like wishing I were petite.  I never will be 5’2” no matter how hard I try and I'll never wear a size 5.  I’m going to quit having negative perceptions about fat people.  It’s a societal, genetic thing more than anything else, more than anything we are in control of.  I’m going to get over myself and focus, when it comes to my body, on heath first.  I’m going to exercise by moving my body in ways that I enjoy.  I’m going to eat foods that I love. And I’m going to just be who I am.  I hope I end up liking me.  That’s my goal – to like myself.

Written by micheleandres Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

1:24:51 AM PDT

While my husband was hanging out half bored to death in his hospital bed in the middle of our living room while I was fast asleep upstairs alone in our bedroom he decided to read my private journals.  He was so hurt by some of my private thoughts and experienced so much emotional pain on top of all his physical pain he could hardly bare it.  I felt sorry for him and at the same time embarassed, ashamed, and violated.

It's been hard for me to write since then.  Everything I write now has this additional critical editor that wonders if what I'm trying to say on paper will ever hurt someone I love someday, who keeps warning me, "say it softer... say it in code... it's best to keep that one to yourself!'

I've taken several drastic measures to make sure all my writing is better protected from now on.  What did I learn so far?  Be more careful!  No sane person leaves a loaded gun laying around.

I hope somehow this too brings us closer.

Written by micheleandres Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

12:59:53 AM PDT
Feeling Hopeful

On May 29th my husband was in a motorcycle accident.  A car turned in front of him without a blinker.  He broke 14 bones and collapsed a lung, all on the right side of his beautiful, strong body.  He was helocoptered to a hospital an hour away from our home and spent 10 days in ICU and 3 weeks total in the hospital.  Since he's come home he's doing great in his wheel chair and will be able to teach middle school in 3 weeks.  He'll be as good as ever by Christmas!  He's healing amazingly!

Thank God for all our blessings.  Everything does happen for a reason.  This accident has brought our family closer, we all appreaciate each other so much more and it feels like there's more love between the two of us.

Written by micheleandres Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

8:50:48 PM PST
Feeling Happy

As I left the grocery store this morning I was totally unfocused, overly consumed with female problems and I was crampy and headachey.  When I returned to work I realized I had left my purse in the shopping cart in the Ralph's parking lot.  My heart flooded with dread.  My purse's contents would be valued at over $700 with my Pocket PC and keyboard, makeup, plus over $80 bucks - not to mention the time and hassle involved in canceling credit cards and getting new driver's license, etc.

Well, to my shock and joy, some kind and honest person turned my purse in to the store, completely untouched and without a penny missing.  I feel totally blessed!  Again, I am reafirmed and reminded that people are mainly good.  The reputation of the area I was in is that it is, at the least, high crime and yet my purse was returned to me full.  Thank God and thank-you to the good person who has made my day, made my month.

Written by micheleandres Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 6 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

7:20:39 PM PST

My brother and I flew to PA on Wednesday but my grandfather died before we arrived.  Maybe we weren't supposed to see him suffer so.  I was sad that we missed him and even more that we'll never see him again for the rest of our lives but I'm glad and relieved he's not in pain anymore.  It must have been unbearable.

I like to imagine that my grandfather is hanging out with my mom (his daughter) and that they are so happy to finally be together again as they sit across from each other at a kitchen table, talking half the night long like they used to.

Written by micheleandres Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 4 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

10:48:21 PM PST

My poor old grandfather is on his death bed.  Death is the thing I hate most about life.  I can't stand that I'll never be able to call on that person again and how much I'll miss him.  I hate the pain and suffering that he is experiencing and that I am completely helpless to being able to do anything to make him feel better, less that he knows that I love him.  I'm flying to PA on Wednesday and I pray it won't be too late.  Yet, I'm pulled to wishing that his pain would end now, no matter what.

In most of life's challenges that I can think of, I'm always able to see a variety of valuable lessons learned.  What lesson is there in the extreme pain one sometimes experineces for extended amounts of time before death?

Written by micheleandres Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 6 comments: Show Recent | Add your own