MIDNIGHT

1:15:37 AM EDT
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing THE GOOD NIGHT SHOW

In the morning I am going to the emergency room.  My last doctor and I parted ways. I am hoping that they can refer me to someone else.
I think this pain is some kind of neurological thing from where I let my blood sugars get out of whack so many years. I just went along pretending that I did not have type 2 diabetes for years.
I have not had the blurred vision or the dizziness for quite some time.Just this lingering , stabbing pain in my feet and hands . Now it has relocated to my chest.
Some body hijacked my tylenol . I hate pain so  that leaves no choice but to go to the hopital. If they keep me for test that will be a nice vacation.
Autumn was obnoxious all day today. Mean, scarcastic and snide, typical teen. lol
All of you have been so encouraging , and helpful. I was thinking I made the wrong decision so all of the comments really eased my mind.  I have got some SMART friends!   lol

“Then the word of the Lord came to Elijah: Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan. You will drink from the brook, and I have ordered the ravens to feed you there” (I Kings 17:2-4).
{I am headed for the kerith Ravine}    jun

Thank you connie, this is one of the nicest things anyone has ever  given me!  I will treasure it  as long as I live,  and beyond.

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1:00:20 AM EDT
Feeling Adventurous
Hearing THE FLORIDA HEALING REVIVAL
HELLO MY FRIENDS!
I am in for a bumpy ride so this tag by Connie is perfect for this entry. lets just hope it 's not too  scary!
I got my child back.  Her dad broke our agreement so I brought her home.
She is not a happy camper. In fact she cried for an hour when she realized that I meant to stand my ground.
I am not going to even try to compete with the spoiling that she got at her dad's. I am going to make up for the lack of supervision that she enjoyed. Without being overly harsh of course.
I will have a challenge. Of all my seven children she has been the most "active". In my family that's the code word for ...well you fill in the blank! lol
The Lord must feel that I am up to the challenge. With His strength and guidance and a lot of prayer I will obey His will.
I have been an emotional wreck through this ordeal.
My friends have been patient and supportive.
Wow! I never knew a place like J- land existed!
The only marvel of modern technology that has  been a blessing to me.
Just think, a few years ago I did not even know where the power button was on a computer.
Everytime I took the children to the mall they ran up to the computers on display and tried them out.I would ask how, what and why, and they would laugh at me.
They talked me into buying one saying they needed it for homework assignments. True enough, these teachers think that every child has a computer at home. They actual give assignments that must be done by computer.
It was their sole domain for the longest time. It was just a mystery to me. They would show me a little but not enough to be of much use.
Ha! I figured it out for myself ! I am no longer at their mercy. I am still not at the level of some of you, my friends. Probably won't ever be. But I am happy for where I am now.
I am certainly glad that I stumbled into J- Land.
and I am certainly grateful that I found you my friends!

Blessed, fortunate, happy and spiritually prosperous…are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, uprightness and right standing with God, for they shall be completely satisfied” (Matthew 5:6 AMP).
o Lord  correct me, but with judgement, not in thine anger, lest thou bring me to nothing { Jeremiah chapter 10 verse 24}

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2:39:54 AM EDT
Feeling Determined
Hearing James Robinson

Yesterday I referred to a teaching of Jentzen Franklin about the worth of a sparrow, the fifth sparrow, the one you get for free.
Have you ever felt like you were that fifth sparrow because it seemed you had no worth? The people in your life did not place a high value on you?
Maybe you were not the favorite child. Maybe you were never the teacher's pet, or the prom queen or the captain of the football team. Maybe you were not voted most likely to suceed. Maybe you were never the employee of the month.
And maybe you did not even place any value on your self because of what others said to you.
"You will never amount to anything"
"You were a mistake"
"You are not smart"
"You aren't handsome"
My children said that the worse thing I could say to them was "you are just like your father"
Thank God they did not believe me. I spoke from disappointment and hurt that was not their fault.I wanted them to be better than him, better than me.
I had grown up hearing  some of these things. They didn't motivate me to  be better. It was all I knew to say at the time.
I have lived my whole life thinking that I owed everybody somehing. I tried to always earn my keep and not be a burden .
Once my dad got angry with me and threatened to hit me with a frying pan. He called me a failure. He said I had messed up my life by not finishing college. That I had married a loser and now I had a child by that loser.
 I called an aunt and she "rescued" me and took me to her house.At he time I had been staying with my dad while my husband was at boot camp. I was so grateful to her for taking me and my baby in . Everyday I went with her to her daycare center and helped her with the children. It seemed a good arrangement for both of us.
I messed it up. I was ironing teruko's little dresses . My aunt got mad at me because I had set up the ironing board in the front parlor.It wasnt long before she said " no wonder your dad got mad at you, you don't have any sense at all".
I should never have asked for her help. I should have made peace with my father until I had made better arrangements. I had acted like a victim and set myself up for more abuse.
Sometimes people will come to your aid out of a sense of responsibilty. But their heart is not in it and they feel resentment. They begin to think that you did something to deserve what happened to you.
They don't see that " there but for the grace of God, go I."
Oh and lets not forget selfishness. They worked hard for what they have and where they are and who they are. Why should they share ?  Why should they risk being taken advantage of?
So when you do something that they can use as an excuse to get themselves free of responsibility and still  see themselves as  a good person and you as not being worthy of their kindness , they will turn against you.
From then on I vowed to never trust anyone, and most importantly to never need anyone. That was a wrong attitude, an unforgiving heart. I was being taught a lesson in humility. I was being taught  to  trust God and depend  on Him  no matter what cirumstances I encountered.
We all know people who try to insulate themselves against calamity by making sure they have enough money in the bank, enough insurance , a contingency plan for everything. Nothing wrong with that. But if  all of that fails,  there is nothing like knowing the faithfullness of God.
When ever I was in a bad situation I stuck it out. The few times I asked family for help I got a lecture
"you shouldnt have had more children than you could afford"
"you should not have married him"
"you need to get a job"
You are supposed to be so smart, why can't you stand on your own two feet:?.
We all are victims of a society that teaches us to judge each other and to judge ourselves. We forget to let God be the judge and to let  Him set the standards by which are approved. When someone says negative things to you they are probaly speaking out of their own broken heart or broken spirit, their own fears and feelings of inadequacy. 
I got my feelings hurt because I was full of pride, trying to be what I was not, trying to be what other's expected me to be.
When you   see yourself as that fifth sparrow you must sing for your supper. Whether that singing is  working harder than anyone  else, or being someone's punching bag or someone's plaything, you feel lucky just to belong somewhere.
you accept meaness and cruelty because you don't know that you deserve anything better.
God came along and showed me that I wasn't a sparrow but a bird of paradise. Who cares what anyone else thinks?
With God we don't have to earn our keep. His goodness and mercy are gifts. When we mess up He is willing to forgive and give us another chance. When He rescues us He doesn't give us a lecture and tell us how stupid we are. like the father of the prodigal son, He rejoices that we have come home.
Today one of my daughters said something that  brought up old insecurities  and I started feeling  like that fifth sparrow. Again.  I am trying to remind myself of who I am in God's  eyes.  I have already forgiven her. I hope that she has forgiven me.

When the  righteous are in authority, the people rejoice, but when the wicked beareth rule, the people mourn  { proverbs capter 29 verse 2}
for I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you { Mathew chapter  verse 44}

 

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1:29:23 AM EDT
Feeling Confident
Hearing MAKING HEALTHY CHOICES

Thank you Connie for this tag. lol
i have had some very nice comments about  my entries lately. i would like to thank those readers for their encouragement.
There are two people that I need to give credit to for being my inspiration, God and my friend Connie.
lately I have thought that I would not do my journal , I just felt all my strength was gone.
Then Connie will send me a tag that is so beautiful I will say to myself" I need to write something worthy of this tag".
At other times I sit at my keyboard and I have no idea what I will write about. And suddenly God will just speak  through me and my two fingers fly across the keyboard. thats right I type with two fingers. I never learned to type proficiently If God could use moses and Moses stuttered , it is not beyond His power to use me, who never learned to type.  lol
 . After I  have done the entry I will browse through  all the work my Connie has contributed and there I will find just the perfect graphic for my entry. The next day Connie may even say that she doesnt know why she sent that particular one and almost changed her mind about sending it.
The scriptures that I chose just come to my mind. I have to go to my Bible and make sure I am recording them correctly though. This is added assurance that no matter how bad I feel or how distracted I am I will open my Bible each day.
Somtimes as I listen to the different teachings that I follow on t.v. a scripture will appeal to me and I will grab a scrap of paper and jot it down. Often it will come in useful for my very next entry as if God sent it to me for that purpose!
My friend Mort is very perceptive. He commented that my writing seems to have gotten better through all the trouble I have just been through with my children. It is at these times that God speaks to me the most. I turn my thoughts to Him and ask for his wisdom , guidance and comfort.I suspend my own will and get in line with His plan for my life.
Later I will go back and read my entries and see what God is trying to say to me and through me.
Joyce Meyer teaches on generational curses. I don't know if my mother was a Christian , if she knew Jesus died for her. Chances are good that my father, being an American , was a Christian. I made sure that my children knew that I claimed my salvation by Christ crucified. Those of you who grew up in Christian homes are so blessed.
Jentzen Franklin said that he did not know what it was like to grow up without a father's love. He was speaking into the lives of those who were fatherless, to point them to the heavenly father, I am in that crowd. Thank heavens I claimed my birthright  as a child of God long ago.
Thank you Mama for bringing me to America and taking me to church where I could learn about Jesus.!
Today Connie sent me the above graphic. Lord only knows what He is trying to tell me today if He sent that to inspire me!  lol
But the Lord said unto me, Say not, I am a child: for thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee, and whatsoever I command thee thou shalt speak. {Jeremiah chapter 1 verse 7}

For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measure themselves by them selves, and comparing them selves among themselves are not wise. { in other words they approve of themselves by their own standards and not God's}
But we will not boast of things without  our measure of the rule which God hath distributed to us, a measure to reach even unto YOU. {II Corinthians chapter 10 verses 12-13}
But he that glorieth , let  him glory in the Lord.
For not he that commendeth himself is approved, but whom the Lord commendeth. { verses 17-18}

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2:13:45 AM EDT
Feeling Determined
Hearing JERRY BERNARD

In our lives there are times of drought, times of sifting{ see Randy's  Life from the Crazy House} times of confusion.
right now I am listening to pastor Bernard . He is telling of a "feeling fix". He speaks of a spiritual drought in our lives, a dry spell where we run about looking for a spring that will fix the dryness.He advises us to stay by  our own spring though it may be dry, and wait it out. God will speak to us and direct us to his will for our lives.
My spring has not always been dry. Sometimes it flowed with sweetness that almost choked me, or bitter water that poisoned me. At those timesIi would have welcomed a dry spring. lol
The pastor before this one , Bill Purvis, spoke on an Emotion Driven Life.  When we let our emotions lead us , we loose our purpose. One thing that he said that spoke directly to me was that when people hurt us or let us down, thank God for this. It's not logical, but it is spiritual. For it brings about change and growth.
All of us are subject to these situations that have a negative impact on our hearts and minds. That is part of the human condition.  How we let these things impact us  is within our own power. How we respond, whether by anger , or sorrow or depression is mostly up to us. We learn patterns for surviving this , we develop strategies , but are they beneficial?.
In my own life , some of the things that I dealt with were not fair, some were due to  my own bad decsisions or unwise actions.i am sure most of us feel this way.
I developed many defensive patterns that  seem to get me through but they left me angry, bitter, hopeless feeling worthless , abandoned and condemed.
I was hooked on self help books, overeating, gambling  and self pity. I am sure i was not a pleasant person to be around. Not that I lashed out or was mean. I just looked and talked like a beat down, defeated person. Some people befriended me to take advantage of me. Some took me on out of pity but soon grew weary of the burden. lol
I have always found comfort in reading the Bible. There were times that I would open the book and right there without me having to search was just what I needed to hear for that particular circumstance or emotion I was dealing with.
There were times that I would not even go to the Bible because I did not want to hear something to makemefeel inadequate. Or worse yet that would lift me up because I wanted to wallow in despair .
Stll I kept being drawn back. The stories of the real people in their real circunstances where the first things that made an impression on me. Later the ministry of Jesus and the message that he lovingly died for my salvation, began to change my thinking.
my thinking about myself!
Jentzen franklin preached on the story of the fith sparrow. In biblical times a sparrow was the least valuable of the birds at market. You could buy 2 sparrows for a penny and 5 sparrows for 2 pennies. The fifth sparrow was thrown in for free. What could be more worthless than that fifth , free sparrow?
yet the Bible tells us that God cares for the sparrow!
This is wonderful news to learn that God cared about me. As Pastor Franklin says, my picture is on God's refridgerator!  lol
The Bible is full of stories of people who were considered the least valuable to their parents , brothers, neighbors and God saw their value and used them to his plan and purpose.
The genealogy of the Saviour , Jesus Christ contains four women. One was a prostitute, another an adulterer. Jesus is called the Lion of Judah. Judah  got his daughter in law Tamar pregnant with twins, as she disquised herself as a prostitute . Judah had promised her that she would wed his youngest son when he came of age. She had previously been married to two of his sons who had died and left her  a widow, one after the other. When she realized he did not intend to follow through on his promise , she thought up this plan to ensnare him. The son she bore as a result was a direct descendent of Jesus!
How could I or anyone else continue to think  like a reject , a failure of no value when God chooses people like me to fulfil His word?
Believe  me , I traded the fear, pain and confusion for hope and joy when I began to seek Gods plan for my life. I began to seek his wisdom in my desicions.I began to experience the freedon of not having to depend solely on myself.
Nothing I had tried before worked, God works!
a final thought:
Have you ever told someone how miserable you felt and they try to outdo you by telling of a worse situation in their life? lol
i have. i try my best  not to be quilty of this.
It is just my nature to want to comfort another person.
All of us have the need to feel worthwhile, to be loved.
Some of us do not have that special someone whose love helps us to feel cherished:whether it be a parent, spouse , child, cat , dog or friend.
Some of us do not have a job to give us a sense of value or achievement,a sense of purpose.
I know that I am not the only one who has survived adverse circumstances. I know that I am not anymore important than anyone else.
Lord knows that if i could I would have chosen to have an ordinary life, full of ordinary people and ordinary events. Yet if it is His will to use me to testify to His love and power in my circumstances, then I give Him the glory and thank Him for the priveledge. 
He made me special, He makes us all special, for He gave His son to die for us.
Any other means by which we attempt to glorify ourselves can only lead to  frustration. It may be good but it will never be enough.
He  that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but  whoso confeseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy. { proverbs chapter 28 verse 18}

As always thank you Connie for the tag, and thank you all for your words of comfort and wisdom , for  you were sent to me from God!

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7:18:12 AM EDT
Feeling Enlightened

   One night before my April graduated from high school, I gathered up the teenagers who where in the house, loaded them into the  rickety pooh van, and took them to the movies.
April was working at a fast food restaurant at the time. This night she had come home exhausted. She warned me that she would probaly fall asleep  during the movie. David and the young man who was "hanging out" with my kids said that the movie I had selected was a chick flick and they would be bored.
I was paying for them all so they reluctantly agreed to go anyway.
One Night with the King was the movie that I had chosen.This movie is a retelling of the story of Queen Esther from the Bible.
Esther was a jewish maiden who was being raised by her uncle since her parents had been killed. This was the time after the babylonian captivity. The Jewish people had been captured in war and taken to the persian lands. They served their captivity in fear, for at any time they could be annihilated.
The reigning queen Vashti defied her husband and did not appear before him when called to a feast. He  followed the advice of his wise men and decreed that she was to be queen no more. An order went out to his people that young, marriageble virgins would be brought to the palace for him to choose a new queen. Mordecai , Esthers uncle ,told her to not revaeal that she was jewish if she were captured and taken to the palace , which  did happen.
Because of her beauty , courage and humility, the king fell in love with her and chose her to be the new queen.During this time , one of the king's highest princes of the court set out to destroy the jewish people of the kingdom. His hatred and vengence was strong and if not for the intervention of Esther he would have succeeded.
I had seen the previews of this movie and become enthralled by the music and gorgeous costumes. the fact that she went from orphan girl to queen and saved her people was also appealing to me.
The children found that they were pleasantly surprised by how wonderful this movie turned out to be. There was exciting battle and swordfighting and also romance. Nobody went to sleep and nobody was bored. lol
The movie was everything I had imagined it to be and the best part for me was that  I  had the satisfaction of showing the young people that the bible could be interesting to them. It was money well spent. We had all enjoyed ourselves.
Now the pooh house is silent. There are no more teenagers gathered around the television playing video games and watching the players. There are no more noisy feet jumping up and down on the d.d.r pads.No more spur of the moment runs to bring back pizza to eat while watching" Rent"  or anime cartoons.
I enjoyed all of this as much as they did.  I didn't participate, it went on around me.  It was good clean
fun. Nobody was getting drunk or doing drugs yet they were having so much fun. The laughter and singing brought joy to my heart. Best of all I knew where my children were, they were home.
With Autumn being here there was hope that the house would once more be filled with singing and
laughter. I was still useful, I was still vital. I never dreamed that this was the end to this season of  my life, so soon.
I can only hope that as  our Jack is   so fond of saying" things are subject to change".

To every  thing there is a season, and a time, and a time to every purpose under  heaven.
A time to be born: and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted
A time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break down and a time to build up;
A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together
A time to embrace and a time to refrain  from embracing
A time to get and a time to loose, a time to keep and a time to cast away
a time to rend and a time to sew; a time to keep silent and a time to speak
A time to love and a time to hate;
a time of war and a time of peace {Ecclesiastes chapter 3 verse 1-8}

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4:44:22 AM EDT
Feeling Adventurous
Hearing GULAH GULAH ISLAND
Madison left. The note said she was going to try with the baby's dad again. My April is really disappointed.
I called them and said I would pray for them and hope they pray for themselves. April says it's a big mistake and she thinks her friend cares more about the dad than the baby.
I did have a long talk with her { madison}. Only time will tell if she heard any of what I said. She told me how confused she was and said she felt like a failure.I told her I feel confused even at my age. But I learned that God loved me so I was not a failure. I assured her that I have made many mistakes. probably will make some more if I keep living.
I suggested she start asking God for wisdom in her decisions. He doesnt make mistakes. And I told her to listen for his guidance and wait on Him ! That was hard for me to do but I finally learned.
last night she asked if she could go hang out with a guy that I know is a bad influence . He does drugs. Of course I said it was not a good idea. She said she understood. But it could be why she was in such a hurry to leave the pooh house. Even April said she should be getting some rest so she could go job hunting  , rather than trying to hang out with friends.
Poor thing. That's the only life she knows. It's probably hard for her  to think there is any other way to live. I have done all I can , now I will just keep praying for her. This thing is generational. She suffers from lack of good parenting and now she is " running around like a chicken with it's head cut off ". My dad used to say that about me, lol o.k    back then they did not know about adh and the other alphabet diseases{ got that from our Jack} lol
I sent terri and connie the link to myspace page. I have some japanese music on there. Connie's mom enjoyed listening to it. Wow she is eighty and so cool!
I would have to tie mama to a chair to listen to any of the music I like. She likes Mahalia jackson and Nat King Cole. So do I.
Pastor on t.v. was telling the beneficial health effects of music. He says classical music works best and rock music is not beneficial. Classical is great but it puts me to sleep. My junie does her housework to it. lol
He said worship music relieives stress. It makes me dance and sing.  Oh no, I probably scared madison last night.i was enjoying some Mercy Me.  They said the grandmother called and when they said they were trying to think of a name for their band she replied" mercy me why dont you get a real job"  ! lol
 a lady told me tonight " At my age I dont watch my weight' I told her At my weight I dont watch my age"
The friend said I was so funny.. I was being serious.
You all are probaly thinking " I thought she said she was speechless" by now so I will call it a night.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28).

 

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1:48:16 AM EDT
Feeling Confused
Hearing DR.WHO

Connie made this for me quite a while ago. I never thought that I would use it. madison disappeared from our lives at about that same time.
About a month ago I got an alarming update from my April concerning Madison. Her  aunt had talked her into signing over custody of tammy in the guise of claiming it was for health insurance purposes. I was very sad for madison that her own family had done this to her.
Today , Madison came to the pooh house while April was doing some paperwork for Sascha's boss. She filled me in on all that has been happening in her life. The aunt still has Tammy but Madison is fighting for her baby in court. Tammy is almost 5 months old. I am so anxious for her to be reunited with her mother.
If anybody is sensitive to the effects of a child being separated from it's mother, I certainly am.
One of the requirements for her getting Tammy back is that she have a place to stay and a job. . I decided to allow her to stay here at pooh house to get on the right track and make some steps in the right direction. I just happen to have a free bedroom.
I am hoping that by doing this , Madison can stop going  from pillar to post. She has already gone back to the baby's father with disastrous results.
She has a car. When she finds a job she will be able to rent an apartment and get her baby back.
I have told her the rules: no drugs or alcohol, and  no
boys running in and out.  I did not let my own precious child go stay with her father to regain my health and sanity, just to let someone else stress me out.
There is no quarantee that she will keep her word, sad to say. Young people have different priorities on these things. I have been burned before by opening my home to lost children. God keeps sending them to me. lol
A Rabbi said just today that there are no coincidences with God. Everything has a purpose in His plans.
I have no idea what God has in mind but I made a vow this morning in my prayer, that I would accept God's will for my life. I had no idea that my peace and serenity would be disturbed once more by a visitor at my front door.
This morning I checked the prayer I had entered on the prayer journal and found that Connie had said a beautiful and powerful prayer for me. I wasn't surprised when I received an email from the very busy Teruko saying "Hi" which warmed my heart . I wasn't surprised when the errant son of mine David called pitifully whining about his dad and he and Autumn having caught the mange from a puppy Deedee had abandoned to their care. But when my Junie returned my message on her answering machine warning them to stay away from the mange victims, you could have knocked me over with a feather.
Prayer works miracles! Thank you to all of my friends who have been praying for me. I don'tknow what the outcome of any of this will be. I will just keep trusting God .
And  thou shalt do that which is right and good in the sight of the Lord: that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest go in and possess the good  land which the Lord sware unto thy fathers [Deuteronomy 6 verse 18 ]
If a brother or sister be naked and destitute of daily food,
And one of you say unto them, depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; not withstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit?{ James chapter 2 verses 15 and 16}

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11:25:22 AM EDT
Feeling Bummed
My house is almost empty now.
It's nice  to not have the constant arguing , screaming and yelling that had become an everyday occurence. Autumn and David were always yelling at each other and running to me to break up fights or to "tell " on the other.  I hear they get along like two peas in a pod at Dad's.
My April and I are so much alike. I hardly noticed that before now. We both hate conflict and prefer things to be peaceful.
When she gets up each morning she has her coffee then she finds a book to read or plays a video.
Sometimes she watches t.v. with me if I am listening to Joyce meyers or one of the other speakers that she likes. Yesterday she was on a Law and Order kick.  She likes to solve the crimes as she is watching and analyze the characters. April has said she wanted to be a doctor, now she wants to work in the field of psychology. That was my major in college. My mariko also  majored in it and works for a psychologist at U.A.B.. She administers cognitive test to the elderly. The test help determine things like memory loss or alzheimers syptoms at an early level.  She really enjoys her job and I am sure that I would have too if I had not got sidetracked by having seven children  . lol
I am glad that my April is mostly peaceable. She is very intelligent and when she argues it is deadly. She only argues if she believes she wants something so badly and I say no. She would make a good lawyer, lol
Although my memory is better than hers. My family hates my good memory. lol
My memory is not photographic like it used to be when I was in school , but it's still pretty good. I often wish I would forget  the memories that are hurtful. I would like to remember where I put my keys and things like that but forget most of the rest.
With my children and their dad , remembering what happened and what was said is useless. The children deny it and he hates me for being right. He has always said that he married me so that his children would be smart. But he hated me for being smarter than he is. He would argue all the time then if I said anything he would accuse me of using psychology on him. I think that the children inherited this love of drama and contention from him. Funny thing is they always saved it for me!
So even though I am lonely, I can feel my health improving.I  have even begun thinking of my future .
When I get better , I would like to get a job or maybe even go back to school. I really want to be a missionary but I might have to put those dreams on hold. There is nothing to keep me here , except my health problems. When I was a girl I  wanted to join the peace corps. Never got to do that either.
Motherhood can be a joy but it can also be a sacrifice.

While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen.: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.  { II Corinthians chapter 4 verse 18}

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12:16:59 AM EDT
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing BIOGRAPHY EARTH
I just got an e-mail from a pit bull named Nala, whose mommy is Connie! Wow, that is absolutely a first for me. Nala has her own journal and it is delightful! She is very lively and I enjoyed her sharing her adventures with me. Maybe Lucy will let Spunky visit Nala's journal so that he will have sweet dreams at night. She is a real cutie!  lol
You just never know what interesting things you might learn in J-Land.
When I showed Mama my journal , I also took her on a tour of J-Land. I have already mentioned how she enjoyed Lucy' flowers. We took a little trip to the U.K so that she could also see Mort's hanging plants and other beautiful out door scenery.
Mama  has a stack of photo albums filled with pictures of her house plants and the garden she started at the center where she lives. I teased her that she could be putting her pictures online to share with everybody, if she got a computer. She just laughed.
I also showed her Jack's journal and explained to her how he and wife Sherry are traveling america in their R.V. She found that fascinating and enjoyed the pictures.
Next I showed her the fireworks display on Connie's journal. She could not believe that fireworks could be photographed and look so realistic. And she got to see still more pictures of plants and flowers there too.
I had never been able to capture Mama's interest in the computer before. Even when I showed the family pictures on my sidebar all she said was " tha'ts nice". So thats what you like to do". lol
I have been helped a great deal by Mort's advice with my flowers. One pot of begonias managed to survive once I stopped over watering it, hee hee.
The tomato plant still has the yellow blossoms but the heat is causing the leaves to wither. There are no bugs on it . I have been keeping the topsoil moist as Mort suggested. He mentioned something about high  levels of nitrogen in miracle grow. I am wondering if that may  be contributing to the leaves withering. I bought a potting soil that was enriched with it but have not added any additional plant food . It was so beautiful just two days ago.
jason's mom has sent over two bags of various vegetables  from her garden. They have requested that I make fried green tomatoes. She also sent cherry tomatoes . I popped one in my mouth and it was tangy and sweet at the same time. Since we had so many' my April used them to make a big pot of chili. And Jack , we had freshly made cornbread with it! Of course I thought of you and Sherry and the chili that you feasted on the other day and wrote of in your journal. i am so grateful to his mom for sharing her bounty with us. Looks like I dont have a green thumb like Shirl {  Jack's sister} and will not be harvesting my own tomatoes , short of a miracle.  lol

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them   beauty for ashes, the oil  of  joy    for mourning, the garment of praise  for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that  he might be glorified.  Isaiah chapter 61 verse 3
For I know the thoughts that i think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end { jermiah chapter 29 verse 11}

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