WATCHING MY SISTER....DISAPPEAR

RUNNING THROUGH THE RAIN

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 02:44:56 GMT

RUNNING THROUGH THE RAIN

(author unknown)

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.

We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in 'Mom let's run through the rain,' she said .
'What?' Mom asked.

'Lets run through the rain!' She repeated

'No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit,' Mom replied.

This young child waited about another minute and repeated: 'Mom, let's run through the rain,'

'We'll get soaked if we do,' Mom said.

'No, we won't, Mom.. That's not what you said this morning,' the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.

This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?

'Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes.
Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

'Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let's us get wet, wellmaybe we just needed washing,' Mom said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.
I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

I LOVE YOU TODAY, PEGGY.......

AND I AM STILL RUNNING IN THE RAIN!

MARY LOUISE

OUR ROOTS

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 04:23:58 GMT

Peggy is losing weight and she seems to be getting worse.

She is falling and can't remember how to get up.

I miss my sister. I miss talking with her.

She is continuing to disappear and there is nothing

that I can do to slow it down.

Nothing that I can do to stop the progression of her disappearance.

I only can pray for her comfort. I can only pray that somewhere in her being...

She remembers that I love her.

( author unknown)

WE ARE LIKE THE LIMBS OF A TREE.

WE GROW IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS YET.......

OUR ROOTS REMAIN AS ONE.

EACH OF OUR LIVES WILL ALWAYS BE.....

A SPECIAL PART OF THE OTHER.

I miss you, P.J!

How I wish that I could talk with you and tell you all

that has been going on in my life.

How I wish that you could tell me what has been going on in your life.

I wish we could talk like we used to and figure out things.

I miss your humor.

I miss your wit.

I miss your laughter.

I miss your counsel.

I miss you, Peggy because our roots are one and we will

always be a special part of the other.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

LIFE FORCE

Thu, 22 May 2008 20:09:16 GMT

My Mother was a life force. A wonderful mother and friend as

I grew into adulthood.

When she died, I was devastated but she taught all of us to go

on and live life.

I remember seeing her after she had died. I stood there and looked

at the woman who birthed me, taught and guided me. Sometimes, with

a very stern hand.

She never had to hit. All she needed to do

was give the "ugly mother look".

I looked at Mother as she lay dead and realized her life force was gone.

There was nothing there but the body of my mother.

Death had taken her spark, her light, her life force.

I thought about Peggy.

Her body is also still there and she has only.... forgotten.

Her spark, her light and her life force.

That's what having Alzheimer's disease does.

It STEALS..............

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

HEART CATH'S AND BIRTHDAYS

Thu, 01 May 2008 02:29:16 GMT

Hey Peggy,

The heart cath was last Tuesday and I got very good news.......

Everything is clear and I am fine. I sure was scared!!!!!

I knew that you were with me. Thanks!

Today was my birthday. I thought about you today and the birthday calls we shared over the years.

What a birthday gift it would have been to pick up the phone and hear you singing Happy Birthday to You........Happy Birthday to You....

What a gift it would have been to hear your voice again.

Those gifts of birthdays past are gone but my memory is a gift that you do not possess any longer.

It may sound a little strange but I did hear your birthday wishes to me today.

They rushed over me like a wave on the ocean.

Memory is a beautiful, cherished gift.

You taught me that, Peggy. Thank you for the beautiful gift!

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

MEMORY AND THE HEART

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 20:02:27 GMT

Dear Peggy,

I am going into the hospital on Tuesday morning. How I wish that

I could talk with you.

The sound of your voice and the way you reassured me in times of

uncertainty is something that cannot be replaced.

I will have a Cardiac catheterization. It is a test to see if my heart is functioning properly

and if all my arteries are open. I am scared, Peggy.

Years ago, I could have called you and you would have come to be here with me.

I will miss having you here but I am thankful for my husband and family who

will be here.

I will miss knowing you are here. I will miss knowing that you care.

I will miss knowing that your prayers are mine but most of all..........

I miss knowing that you remember who I am.

I know that time, space, disease or anything can erase our sister-hood and the depth of care that we have always felt for one another.

Somewhere, inside of your mind is a little place that remembers...Mary Louise and how frightened she can get at times.

Somewhere inside of your mind is a small place that will be thinking of me on Tuesday morning. I just know it.................

In my heart!

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

NUMBNESS

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 05:22:42 GMT

My silence has not meant that I don't still have a lot to say.

It means that sometimes there are just no words left to

describe what it is like to watch someone you

love disappear.

Alzheimer's disease not only numbs the mind of

the person who is afflicted with the disease......

It numbs the minds of those who watch.

For years, I thought that a cure or break through was just months or years away.

There have been bright spots in research and I still have hope for Peggy. But that hope is starting to feel some numbness.

I don't visit the early stage of the disease as it took over her mind as often as I did before.

If I go there, I visit for a short while......I remember her frustration, her fear,

her questioning.

I will never forget the morning that she called, hesitated and finally asked the name of the white stuff that you put on cereal.

I thought she was joking but realized that she was serious and was to embarrassed to ask her husband.

We shared many calls like that one as she began to forget.

She finally did forget but I have all of those painful calls stored in my memory.

We talked several times a day for years and then

one day, the phone didn't ring and there were no more

calls from my sister.....ever again.

She had forgotten how to use the telephone.

Sometimes, numbness would be welcomed as I think of Peggy and her decent into this disease of the mind.

As long as I continue to remember, I will remember my athletic, active and intelligent sister.

I will remember the way she was before she began to disappear, before her mind was frozen into numbness.

Some people make the world special just by being in it.....

Peggy is one of those people who remain special... Even in numbness.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

10 YEARS OF WATCHING

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:40:58 GMT

Peggy is about the same. A little worse in mood swings but eating and walking.

Her husband called while he was visiting with her last week and I heard her whisper something in the phone to me. I wish I could have understood what she was saying.

But at least, I got to hear her voice. That is a rare occurrence now.

I kept telling her that I loved her today and he said she got a huge smile on her face.

Amy Li said; Having a sister is like having a best friend that you can't get rid of. You always know whatever you do, they'll still be there.

There was a time when I thought that was a true statement....Until.......................

I started Watching My Sister Disappear.

PEGGY, MARY LOUISE, BETTY JEAN, BARBARA ANN

OUR DADDY

I love you today, Peggy!

Mary Louise

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PEGGY

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 06:26:52 GMT

Peggy had a birthday on February 13th.

Mother always said she was her Valentine baby. She was our whole families Valentine.

I thought of her on her day and remembered all of the past birthdays that she was privileged to have and remember.

This one was a special birthday. A milestone birthday. Her husband took her a cake and had her blow out a candle.......

But to Peggy..........

It was just another day.

Another day of living with people in a nursing facility that she doesn't know.

Another year of having someone that she doesn't remember say........

Happy birthday, Peggy!

Another day of trying to figure out what a birthday is......what a cake is...what a candle is.....and.....

Who these people are!

I Love you Today, Peggy!

Happy Birthday

Mary Louise

GRIEF OVER PEGGY

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 01:44:33 GMT

Grief is an on going process. You never get finished as I have realized.

I find myself back at the door of anger.

Peggy is gone but still here. Missing but present.

I hate what this disease has done to my beautiful sister.

I hate what this disease has done to me.

Sometimes, I feel numb when I think of Peggy and other times....

I'd like to shake her and say...Wake up, stop it!

Life keeps moving forward and I find myself right back at

another of the revolving stages of grief.....Anger.

It is like living in the movie "Ground Hog Day".

I am glad you cannot know or feel how angry I am at you tonight, Peggy.

I am just tired, tonight.

Tired of knowing you are there but you are not.

I love you today anyway, Sister.

Mary Louise

Missing Peggy

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 06:09:20 GMT

There is a lot going on in my world, Peggy.

How I wish that I could talk with you!

I wonder what is going on in the world you live in and

if you wish you could talk with me.

I miss you tonight.

I miss being able to talk life over with you.

I am very thankful for the old times but.....

We should have had "right now" too!

I send my prayers to surround you tonight.

I feel your prayers around me as I write.

I Love You Today, Peggy!

I miss you and your wisdom.

Mary Louise