Getting Old Ain't for sissies and other stuff

THE HORMONE HOSTAGE KNOWS THAT THERE ARE DAYS IN THE MONTH WHEN ALL A MAN HAS TO DO IS OPEN HIS MOUTH & HE TAKES HIS LIFE INTO HIS OWN HANDS!  THIS IS A HANDY GUIDE THAT SHOULD BE AS COMMON AS A DRIVER'S LICENSE IN THE WALLET OF EVERY HUSBAND, BOYFRIEND, CO-WORKER, OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER!   DANGEROUS: SAFER: SAFEST: ULTRA SAFE: WHAT'S FOR DINNER? CAN I HELP YOU WITH DINNER? WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO FOR DINNER? HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. ARE YOU WEARING THAT? WOW, YOU SURE LOOK GOOD IN BROWN! WOW! LOOK AT YOU! HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. WHAT ARE YOU SO WORKED UP ABOUT? COULD WE BE OVERREACTING? HERE'S MY PAYCHECK. HERE, HAVE SOME WINE.   SHOULD YOU BE EATING THAT? YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT OF APPLES LEFT. CAN I GET YOU A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE WITH THAT?   HERE, HAVE SOME WINE. WHAT DID YOU DO ALL DAY? I HOPE YOU DIDN'T OVER-DO IT TODAY. I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU IN THAT ROBE! HERE, HAVE SOME MORE WINE. 13 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR: 1. PASS MY SHOTGUN 2. PSYCHOTIC MOOD SWING 3. PERPETUAL MUNCHING SPREE 4. PUFFY MID-SECTION 5. PEOPLE MAKE me SICK 6. PROVIDE ME with SWEETS 7. PARDON MY SOBBING 8.. PIMPLES MAY SURFACE 9. PASS MY SWEATS 10. PISSY MOOD SYNDROME  11. POOR MEN SUCK  12. PACK MY STUFF & MY FAVORITE ONE  13. POTENTIAL MURDER SUSPECT