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Wednesday, September 13, 2006
3:49:00 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
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3:49:00 PM EDT
Feeling Quiet
The Past Few Days
While I've been tied up and trying to do a million things at once, someone came along and stole summer! I want whoever stole summer to give it back!!! I am not ready to let go of it yet. That makes me so mad! Especially since I'm one of those people that suffers from seasonal depression.
I have been struggling with so much lately that I think it's finally causing me to break down. I am not feeling well at all. I feel run down, exhausted both mentally and physically, I'm not sleeping well, nor am I eating well or enough. That in itself is a problem for me, being diabetic, and not eating regularly or the right things is dangerous, and unfortunately I've been getting a little taste of that reality lately. It's getting to the point that I'm even afraid to drive now because I could be feeling ok one minute and then about to pass out the next! I don't know what else to do.
I know a lot of what's going on has to be stress related because of everything that has happened the past couple of weeks. My never ending issues with my adopted daughter Lynn, the air conditioner breaking down, my husband's surgery, and the pain that he has been in while trying to recover. It has drained me so much. Then of course there is Sept 11. I think that affected me more than anything else, and it is still affecting me. I had so much more which I wanted to post, but I changed my mind and instead used the space from my blank entry for a 911 memorial with a $20 dollar bill.
I haven't been able to get it out of my mind and I can't stop feeling it. Reading through the tributes that were written was so hard because it was real. All those lives that were lost were real people, and reading about them just made it all the more painful. I can't stop seeing all of the faces. I can't stop thinking about Sheryl Rosenbaum, it's like I can feel her and that just makes it so much harder. Her memory has been etched in my heart and I can't help but feel her loss. I can't stop wondering how her children are, and how her family is doing.
I haven't been able to comment in the journals because it has just been too painful. A couple of them contained links to pictures or video of that day which I hadn't seen so naturally I followed the links only to regret it later. There was a video with the 911 phone call of one of the victims who was trapped on the 105th floor with two other people, and it played all the way until his last words while the tower collapsed on him. Why was that necessary? Granted, a beautiful and very touching tribute was written for him, but why include the recording of that phone call? It was horrible! All I could think about was his family. Were they even aware that such a recording existed? What if they found out while they were reading the tribute? I just don't understand why that 911 phone call was released to the public. I feel it was not necessary for the public to hear this man's last words. September 11 is painful enough as it is, it's a day that we will NEVER forget, so why pour salt in the wounds? I just don't get it!
It's important to remember what was done to us because forgetting will allow us to let our guard down, which will then make us more vulnerable to the enemy, or even to ourselves. Remembering is one thing, but sensationalism is something totally different, and is NOT NECESSARY. I am still deeply affected by all of this so I wasn't able to make a post about my memories of that day, or where I was and I don't plan on it.
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This entry has 15 comments: (Add your own)
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Mandy, I was shocked also and saddened by some of the pictures even. I didn't click on any links because I just didn't think it was necessary and was afraid to. I hope you get through this and can find some peace. Can you call your doctor? I do know how depression feels. I suffer from chronic depression and my son does also. The fact that it gets dark so much earlier also adds to the cold weather here in Pa. Hope Ga. gets some summer back and you can smile again. HUGS Chris
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I know exactly what you mean about summer....I can't let go either. It will be warm here in Fl. for quite some time though so maybe I won't have to. I really hope things get better with the house and the family and you! Feel better soon! Hugs and GBU, Shelly
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((((Mandy)))) sorry you're feeling ill, can't the doctor help you? change your medication or something? so you don't feel so bad. I wish you better real soon. And I agree, although all the tributes were beautiful they were very painful to read. I couldn't click on many of the video links either, way too painful. I'm glad I didn't hear that telephone call, heartbreaking I'm sure.
Big hugs to you, thinking of you.
much love Debbie ~xxxxxxx~
http://journals.aol.co.uk/debbiewebb4465/TheLifeTimesofanEs sexGirl -
(((Mandy))) you take care of yourself
betty
9/15/06 9:55 AM
Thx for visting my journal and leaving a comment. I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well. As u know, the only pics I used were before 9/11 and after the cleanup. Posting 911 calls on journals and images of that day is too much for me. We don't need to hear them. We've all seen enough images and have heard the cries and pleas of families who have lost someone. You did a beautiful tribute on Sheryl. Take care. Dana
http://journals.aol.com/rainy