IS THIS MY LIFE?

4:51:03 PM EDT
Feeling Jubilant

Thanks everyone I wish we could all go meet somewhere!!!

I can't figure out if this is someone I know - or if its just someone that wants attention but this was my last comment.

Either way - they must  either be jealous of how I live. or just a mean ass person with tons of time on their hands and a low self esteem of themselves. Oh well.

Comment from: bodcentril
"Another vacation?  How great for you.  Didn't you just get back from one to Vegas?  

I can understand needing to get away from the kids and the pets what with having a live in nanny and all.

Have a great trip!  You certainly deserve a break."

Yep I'm lucky enough to be able to have someone help me out. And go on another vacation. That's the way the cookie crumbles! LOL  If I play my cards right - I might get to go away again in August when Mimi comes back! :)

Oh and btw, Vegas was in May, it is now JULY LOL.

You see, 2 years ago I was almost wheelchair bound. I could barely walk at all and I was in a great deal of pain.

I couldn't do things like take my kid to see the fireworks or to the water park and run around with him all day.

 Or to the state fair and run in and out of fun houses all day.

Last year at this time - 10 year old Danny pushed me in the wheelchair around the same fair!

Plus I could add in about the special needs kid I have - but I won't bother - Because it's not worth my time.

The important thing is that while I am doing so much better then I was a year, 2 years ago - I'm still not 100 percent physically.

I get Exhausted easily both mentally and Physically.

So, that is why I'm taking off tonight for some fun in the sun.

And I realize how lucky I am - and  thank God every day.

That is all I really need to write.

 

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4:42:25 PM EDT
Feeling Stressed

  I really need a break.

Between the kids and the animals and all the pressures on me - I feel like I need a month off.

Of course that is a fantasy but I've managed to put together 2 days that I can get the heck out of here.

Tomorrow after numerous appointments that I can't get out of, I'm headed down to Atlantic City - by myself for two nights.

Not to gamble - although I'm sure I'll play the slots a little bit, but to lay in my own king size bed ALONE with no animals and no kids asking if they can hang out and watch TV with me.

I haven't been with out Danny since MARCH. and there is no end in sight for when my good for nothing Ex is going to get his act together and work with me to get Danny to want to come back.

I was going to stay local so I could run back and forth to the house if anyone needed me - and then I thought wait - WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT?

Mimi leaves on the 21st of July for a Month - to go home. Which means if I don't go somewhere fast - I'm not going anywhere.

For 85 dollars a night - which is cheaper then anywhere around HERE - I'll have a pool and the beach and boardwalk right outside my door in AC.

And I'm bringing my book - the one that I can't seem to read at home because of various kids/dogs that want to eat it. (ok the kid doesn't want to eat it but I keep getting interrupted and the Puppy just ate one book and chewed a tiny part of a page out of  a library book - NOT GOOD)

So, I'm taking off.

Yeah, I'll have to pay for gas. I don't care. 

To have 2 days of quiet to save my sanity - it is worth it.

And you know what - I just might even eat CARBS on my days off.

To hell with everything and everyone!

(not my jlanders though - I'll probably have Internet lol!!!!!)

Love,

Frustrated in NJ

 

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7:58:19 PM EDT
Feeling Exhausted

Ok, I did this to myself but I had fun lol.

We went to the Meadowlands Fair today and I decided to be a kid and go on stuff with Danny.

So we went in the fun houses lol.

I am fine on roller coasters that go at top speed and upside down and inside out.  

But these fun houses are a different story

They have steps and stairs the move and tunnels that move like a mouse wheel, And Huge Slides to go down with your arms crossed over your chest lol

I was huffing and puffing after the first slide.

After the fifth one, I was done in.

I was thrilled and quite relieved to catch my breath when one of the fun houses was a ride that we sat  on.

I refused to crawl up a rope net to get to a huge slide - I sat that one out.

Danny got through the fun houses three times for every one time I got though them.

I'm slow lol.

It was very good exercise. But I'm exhausted.

It was so much easier when I was a teenager! lol.

I ate a sausage and pepper sandwich with out the bread lol.

I'm getting good at this. I just keep sliding the food in the bun closer to me and by the time I'm done with the meat-  All I have left in my hand is the bun lol.

Danny keeps saying, "I feel so sorry for you,"  but I was full after eating the sausage and peppers and onions ,I didn't miss the bread.

We are leaving for the fireworks at 815 - but the rain is coming so I don't know if the fireworks are going to happen.

I'm ready to pass out right for the night lol.

Last night we went to my brother's house and watched the fireworks near him. The were really nice.

I've had my fill of fireworks but Danny really wants to see them.

So Mimi and her friend Nadia and Danny and I are going to try to go see them tonight.

This happened last year - We went on the 4th, the 5th - both nights were rained out and then on the 6th - Danny had to go to his father's so he missed seeing them.

He was very disappointed.

So, this year we've made up for that by going 2 times already and hopefully tonight it will be the 3rd and LAST time lol.

I hope everyone is having a fun and and safe 4th!!!

 

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3:41:19 PM EDT
Feeling Happy

I have only one child and 2 dogs for the next 4 days. Yippee.

Robert and Brian have left the building.

They had to get up at 8 this morning to leave with their father.

They were not happy campers.

Ozzy is ticking off a lot of his family members with his barking.

He barks in the early am - like a rooster to wake everyone up.

He barks at the cats, he barks at the dog. He barks at noises, he barks for attention, he barks when he wants to go out and he barks just for the hell of it.

Ozzy is  a Barker and I need to stop this ASAP.

I know there are barking collars but right now he is going through training with the invisible fence - and I don't know how many collars this dog  can wear at one time lol.  

 He is doing great with the invisible fence training.

So far we have him semi trained in the house.

We have it set up so he won't go in my living room, dining room or front door.

Also it is set up so he won't go near my kitchen table.

It is on a sound based signal and a very low correction level.

He figured it out very quickly and he steps back - he won't go in the flagged area even for his favorite - cheese. He's a smart dog.

Robert put it on him and he said he couldn't feel it at all..  

Robert is our tester lol.

Chocolate chip has one that gives a real zap but he is so trained that he doesn't go near the area - we don't even keep it on him a lot of the time - he just knows.

Next week we have two more trainings and then Thursday is containment day - kind of like graduation day - where Ozzy supposedly won't get off our property.

It worked with Chocolate Chip and he was a runner - he was always on our neighbors yard (our neighbors hate us now for that lol) The day of containment for Chocolate chip was like Magic!

I was so relieved that day - and Chip was able to run around and have fun with out leaving the property! It was really like magic lol. He had gotten out earlier that morning so I didn't think it ever was going to work. But it did!

So hopefully this will work for Ozzy. He doesn't try to get off the property yet so it might be easier to train him.

We used it indoors for Chip because we found him one too many times on my kitchen table stealing things such as but not limited to the following:

My eggplant parmigian hero,

many slices of pizza,

cheesey bread,

and the best - standing with all 4 paws on the kitchen table eating out of the box of 12 dunkin donuts that my friend had brought over for us.

The dog was out of control lol.

Since we've gotten Ozzy, Chocolate chip has become the Best behaved dog lol.

And Ozzy - he's not lol.

The only thing saving this dog is his cute teddy bear face.

Danny and Ozzy and I are going to my brother's house tonight to visit and then we are going to watch fireworks by the lake.

We want Ozzy to meet his Cousin Scotty lol.

I'll try to take pictures.

Scotty is this moose of dog - lab and great Dane mix.

Danny said to Ozzy - Scotty's going to tear you apart lol.

Scotty is lovable but Ozzy isn't going to know what hit him - he's used to bullying Chocolate Chip around.

Every dog bullies poor Chocolate Chip around.

(SHHH Choclate Chip's a mamma's dog)

That's why when we go to the park - Chocolate Chip sits on the bench with us and watches the other dogs play lol.

Tomorrow we are going to the Fair and then to the fireworks at night if it doesn't rain.

If it does rain, we are going to stay home and watch them on TV.

I won't be feeling too bad-  tonight will be our second time seeing fireworks.

And then on Saturday - We might be hitting the water park. I haven't decided yet.

 I wish you all a safe and fun Happy 4th of July!!!!

 

 

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4:46:37 PM EDT
Feeling Frustrated

Before all the issues with Danny and his father and stepbrother started, I was initially trying to get a child psychiatrist for Brian.

That was in February/March.

Things got so bad with Danny and his anxiety and then there was all that drama with Robert and the cell phone issues that Brian got put on the back burner for along time.  

Then came the time for everyone in the family besides the animals and me to need braces and the therapy got put again on the back burner.

Well, now we are down to the last two pills for Brian and guess what - the neurologist is telling me - get him a psychiatrst  ASAP I am no longer treating him.

The neurologist has told me that Brian needs to be treated by  a psychiatrist since he is older now and it's not the neurologist's field to treat him with psychiatric medicine at his age .anymore;. (he's on Prozac)

I knew it was coming - its my fault.

HE is going to call in one last bottle for me.  I think I might have found a Dr finally - I'm waiting for a call back.

Of course all the in network Dr's are full or won't take him or have some other excuse. - So once again I'll be paying out of pocket.

This is such BS - I'm so Pissed.

Mental health care is a joke.

I can barely afford it - although my ex will be paying for some of it - but what about all those people who can't afford it.

They just don't go or they go to a place like a clinic and wait hours upon hours to see a Dr who just drugs them and leaves?

(I'm basing that on the clinic I went to once - and I waked out after the 3rd hour of waiting and went to a private Dr)

That's BS in my book.

My old psychiatrists told me he stopped taking HMOS because he would have patients begging him to put them in the hospital and he would try only to have the insurance company tell them sorry No.

Nice huh? 

He's not going to be happy about the therapy part  but I'll worry about that when the time comes.

So, that's my new top priority.

Fun fun fun.

So, I'm on a 30 day rush to find someone for Brian lol.

I would have taken Brian to the place that Danny goes to but there is a 3 month waiting period and its too long.

So, we will hopefully get a faster appointment at this place. 

  Ah, a mother's job is never done! lol

 

 

 

 

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10:21:05 AM EDT
Feeling Happy

 

 

 

 

 

These pictures are the best pictures I have of my kids.

I want them printed out and framed.

Rich - THAT IS A BIG HINT lol.

Rich took these pictures before Brian's graduation.

I need to update my mantle in my family room - all my pictures are from when the kids were in first grade to 4th grade.

I think it is time lol.

I also want another set of the pictures in my room.

My kids and taking pictures together are not a great match lol.

Every year I have to beg them for a nice picture together.

And every year it is a fight.

So I am very happy I have a picture of them with me - even if I don't have a  great picture with all of them together.

I still have my mothers day picture of the three of them together - maybe I can enlarge that picture too and get rid of the meal in it lol

 This might be the picture going out as my Christmas picture next year lol

Maybe we can get a better shot?????

 

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7:24:27 PM EDT
Feeling Cheerful
Hearing the quiet

Last week I was 171.5

This week I weigh - 170 YIPPEEEEEEEE!

I'm really psyched/

I had a lot of days where I had to fend for myself this week - off the diet - and I managed to keep on track.

The hardest was at my cousin's graduation party. They had so much good food.

But I was able to eat eggplant parm and a little bit of sausage and peppers and I had salad and that was more then enough for me. And those are my favorites.

I skipped the cake and the fried chicken and a few other things - and I was  satisfied.

We went to Coney Island on Sunday - And I gave up a Nathan's Famous hot dog for a hamburger- which was burned - that I was annoyed about - but I ate it with ketchup and only used the bun to hold the burger with lol.

It wasn't great but it made me full along with a bottle of water.

I keep chanting to myself  EAT TO LIVE DON'T LIVE TO EAT lol.

I was really happy to see 170. I'm hoping to plunge into the 160's this week.

The mouths in this house ar going to be full of metal in the next two weeks.

Just don't call them Metal mouths.

Danny is an old pro with his braces now.

I no longer have to turn that palate expander. THANK GOD lol.

We don't have to go back for another three weeks.

Robert gets his braces on Thursday. He was in agony with his spacers over the weekend but it didn't stop him from going to the beach with his friends and their parents.

He will be with his father this weekend so I don't have to deal with him.

I took Brian to his orthodontist - I must be the only person on earth with three kids with three different orthodontists lol.

His is one of the top 50 pediatric dentists in the country  according to Time Magazine and he is also a special needs dentist/orthodontist.

I walked in there telling Brian that we didn't have to make any decisions today about his teeth - his teeth look great - the best out of all my kids - they are really nice looking teeth.

By the time I walked out - they had booked his appointment - Brian asked really smart questions and he had picked out his own braces - he had a choice between porcelain braces and metal - they cost the same - but the Dr told him the differences between the care - and after the third difference = Brian said METAL lol.

 The differences was what he could eat, how careful he had to be with how he brushed and things like that.

It sounded like we would have been back and forth to the office every week or two with the porcelain ones - they break easier then the metal ones but look nicer 

The big issue to Brian was when the Dr said crunchy pizza crust WAS A NO NO WITH PORCELAIN.

He said I'll take the metal ones lol.

He doesn't even eat the crust on pizza, but I guess he doesn't want to take a chance on not being able to eat pizza at all lol. 

Oh and Bagels - he can only have soft bagels with porcelain braces.

Brian doesn't have a lot of food choices as it is - so to have to worry over what he does eat doesn't sit well with him.

On the way home he asked if they would gas him so he could be calm. I told him I don't think they would do that.

He said he just wants it for his nerves. Believe me I'd be happy to gas him for my nerves.

I told him again - I don't think they will go for that but I'll talk to the Dr. lol.

I'll ask the Dr if there is something I can give him.

I think all my kids should become orthodontists when they grow up and pay me back on the first 3 mouths they fix

Or maybe the first 30 mouths just for all the money I spend on them that is not dental related.

Brian said he'd rather go into computers lol.

Oh well, can't hurt to ask the other two :)

 

 

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8:37:17 PM EDT
Feeling Cheerful

At age 2 my son was non verbal.

He had a fascination with letters.

My mom had gotten Brian a phonics tape that he would play over and over. We thought maybe that would help him learn to talk.

He was what is called Echolalic

He would repeat words or phrases over and over. 

 So the tape would say.

A is for Apple ...........AH AH  AH

B is for Banana  Bah Bah Bah

and then it would say TURN THE PAGE ............BEEEP

And we would hear Brian in his room saying

Turn the page.......Beeeep.

lol.

Brian was able to take the letters of the alphabet and decode them into numbers from puzzles books. He was great at it.

A=1 B= 2 and so on and he would spell out long words like giraffe and elephant using numbers in chalk on our patio outside.

We'd ask Brian- Hey Brian - what's the number for R - and he'd say it immediatly -  18?  while we would count it out on our fingers and say yep he's right again. Even now I'm not sure if I counted on my fingers correctly - he would know every one by heart.

He was amazing. A human calculator lol.

We thought he was a BOY GENIUS. lol.

He is a really smart kid - but back then- we thought omg - this kid has POWERS.

He did manage to teach himself how to read at a young age(before he spoke)  so the letter thing came in very handy.

Anyway I was just telling somebody a story about the letter W story the other day when I took the boys to Disney - Brian was 2 years old.

I was 5 months pregnant with Danny and I had gone with my son Robert who was 4.

 Brian was carrying around this foam letter W from the bathtub letters that you can stick on the wall.

He carried that damn W from NJ to Orlando, all through the Disney parks screaming bloody murder if he dropped it - I had to keep bending down and getting it, it fell in the garbage, it fell out of lines, and we were all scared to death of what Brian would do if something God forbid   happened to the letter W.

Well, on the way back from the Disney park, the letter W fell of the tram ride while it was moving. We, as you can see survived lol.

And that was the end of the letter W. lol.

Today at 14, Brian's letter issues are much different although still odd since he didn't mention them to me til today lol.

I knew that his laptop of almost 3 years old was missing a letter or two - and a space bar. lol. He uses it so much and he just thought if he pried off that space bar that maybe he could get it to work - but it didn't work.

About 6 months ago I offered to get him a new keyboard. He said his was fine. Then I forgot about it.

 The same thing happened to letters I O and P I think. They are Gone. Still usable = but gone.

But what he didn't tell me that Letter H was broken to the point of no return.  It's hard to type with out the letter H. lol.

Brian tells me tonight that he has to cut and paste the letter h every time he wants to use it in word.

And that he's been doing it for two weeks like this. He never told me.

I laughed so hard when he told me he was cutting and pasting his H's.

I went out to staples and bought him a wireless keyboard and mouse tonight.

He said it was nice to be able to have his capital H back.

 

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1:05:41 PM EDT
Feeling Thoughtful

I can't believe it's Thursday already.

I am far behind in journals and comments - so I'll try to make rounds when I can.

I haven't been doing all that much - just been kind of run down this week.

Saturday night we went to Day in the park in our town and watched the fireworks.

We went with my friends Stacey and Matt and Jared, Danny and Ozzy.

This is an event they do every year and they had an awesome band there and it was a great evening.

The fireworks were so cool - and they played music in the back round which I never had seen/heard before with the fireworks.

It was great.

Sunday my girlfriend Debbie came over to meet Ozzy with her daughter Emma - I haven't seen her in ages - so it was fun to see her and catch up on things

Monday I forgot to weigh in!

I've been doing really good on the Medifast - My new favorite side dish is the cauliflower rice - its very good - with some sauce on it - any jar sauce will do - I have a low calorie one I use.

I weighed in on Tuesday -and I'm down another lb. 

I had a huge weight loss last week so I was expecting not to lose this week.

I was 172.5 last week.

This week - I'm 171.5.

So I was happy. Since I also wasn't that good on the diet this week. A bit of stress eating - no bad carbs - but other stuff.

I'm not really missing the bread much which I still find amazing and even when I've been bad this week - I've eaten bacon two separate times this week and I've been heavy on the mozzarella cheese because I was stressed and it was there and I wanted it lol  so I was surprised I lost anything and didn't gain.

I guess that is all that is new around here.

I'm feeling a bit "off"  this week  - a little out of sorts, my back has been bothering me more then usual - I'm not sure why - I've been going to the chiropractor and that usually helps.

I have therapy tonight at 6.  Talking usually helps so that should help.

My guess is that its just from everything that happened last week - the stress of Brian and graduation and everything else that I had to do - it was a very busy jam packed week.

 I was thinking this week would be nice and relaxing but  everything is catching up with me now.

 

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9:26:12 AM EDT
Feeling Quiet

Ok, for all of you with children out there with preteens or teenagers or for those of you who see young kids with a cell phone attached to their ear all the time - here's a story for you.

I want Brian to have a cell phone.

He is 14 and the only member in the family besides the dogs and cats that doesn't have a cell.

Danny has had one since he was 9 thanks to his grandmother - and Robert has one too.

I didn't think at that age they needed one but I wasn't going to be the mean mom who took away their kids cell phones that grandma bought them for Christmas. (ex's mother)

Robert's cell never leaves his ear. His claim to fame is how fast he can text. Maybe he can put that on his college transcripts.

Danny texts me and calls me when goes to his friend's house to let me know where he is.

We've had more insurance claims on those 2 kids phones then you could ever believe.

That's a different blog entry.

So, last night when he got home - I said Brian - your going into high school in the fall - I got you a cell phone. With a big happy face.

Note- I knew I was going to meet with strong resistance on this lol.

Brian Has ISSUES with this like everything else in this world lol.

He doesn't want a cell phone.

"It's just another responsibility" he claims.

I am not sure if he means plugging it into the outlet or what.

"The school doesn't allow cell phones" he said.

I said that is not true. "They just don't want you texting in class  like Robert has been caught doing."

After he asked one too many times "Do I have to have a  cell phone.?.". I said " Yes Brian -- It's a rule in this house."

(the whine was a bit too much like "Do I have to go to graduation????" and was on my last nerve)

I want to be able to check up on him when I am out.

I want to be able to get messages to him if we are running late to get him from school.

I don't need a reason - I'm the mom.

And that is that.

If he can carry an ipod in one pocket - he can carry a cell phone in his other pocket - on vibrate so it doesn't ring.

How many parents do you know have to force a kid to carry around a cell phone? lol

There is an ulterior motive to this story  - although I planned to get him cell phone for graduation all along...

I had been wanting the Voyager phone for MONTHS.

It's the closest thing to an Iphone and since I can't get Cingular in my house - I can't get the Iphone.

The Iphone is so much cooler but this is pretty cool too lol.

Well, when you add a line you get the Voyager at sale price.

So, when I had to run into Verizon to replace a cord for Danny's phone I asked about switching my old phone for Brian and getting the Voyager for me :)

And the next thing I knew.......

Now I just have to figure out how to use the thing. lol

I know Iknow... I have way too much time on my hands lol.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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