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1:20:00 AM PST
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing Call and Answer - Barenaked Ladies and as I end I'm hearing Mr. Brightside - The Killers
Once upon a time...
Once upon a time I was married and I started this journal. I wrote in it religiously, more than once a day. I read everyone else's journals. I participated in Mr. Scalzi's Weekend Assignments. I think I journaled myself out because I eventually stopped journaling. I think I journaled so much that I lost my creativity.
Lots of things have changed since that wonderful day November 1, 2004 when I started Red Flannel Pajamas. I am no longer married. We are divorced. I do not regret my marriage. I have learned so much about myself, relationships, and many more things. I loved Daniel, and he will always have a special place in my heart as the father of my children. While the kids and I were in Ohio this past Spring he decided that he liked the single life more than married life and wanted to be divorced. He wanted the kids and I to just stay in Ohio. I told him, "No I am coming home to California and you're going to face this like a man." So, I came home to California in hopes of maybe fixing the marriage. That was not what happened. A few days after returning to CA he let me know in an EMAIL that he had been with another woman. To which I replied, "That's all I need" and I filed for divorce. Shortly after filing for divorce I ended up in the hospital with terrible pains in my stomach and back. I had pancreatitis. The cause? Gall stones! So, while I was trying to get divorced and get things in order so that the kids and I could move home to Ohio I had to schedule a surgery to get my gall bladder out. That went well, thankfully, and two or three weeks later the kids and I got on a plane and landed in Cleveland, OH where my mom, her husband, and my little sister picked us up.
At first we lived with my sister, Heather, and her husband Jimmy. I am forever grateful to them for allowing us to stay there during that transitional period of our lives. A couple of months after moving here I got a job working from home taking phone calls for hotel reservations. Now, the kids and I are living in our own little two bedroom apartment.
It is hard to go from married, stay-at-home mom, to divorced working mom, but there are several blessings includingmy work from home job, that have made things wonderfully easier. But, working from home has it's own woes which I'll be sure to tell you about, I'm sure, someday.
I am feeling creative again, I guess. More than that, though, I've felt like I needed to have some sort of outlet to release whatever it is that is inside and needs out.
So, here I am. Making no promises about how many entries I'll put out. Making no promises they'll be happy, happy, joy, joy. But, I do promise to be myself. I haven't been myself in a while. I do believe I lost myself somewhere in California during the marriage. It's great to be meeting myself again - for the first time.
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Hey you! Glad to see you're back and that you're finding strength in everything that has happened. Come visit when you get a chance - http://journals.aol.com/kiska
r/babymakestwo - things in my world have turned upside down again too! - K. :) -
I don't know how I got your alert but I did. I understand the pain of a wandering husband and the "other woman." In my case the other woman was what I thought was my best friend. I was a happy home maker when all that happened back in 1981. Many years have past ..I did get a job at a local hospital health system where I'd worked part time briefly when I was married. Yesterday (Jan 25th ) was my 25th anniversary there and Feb 1st is my last day...I'm retiring. My kids survived and I survived...and when I think of all the dear friends I've made in the last 25 years at the various jobs I've held...I know it was God's way of compensating me for the heart ache of divorce. I also believe that He spared me all these years from a mean spirited, angry man. His kids will have nothing to do with him...he's so unpleasant to be around. It's a sad situation. I feel sorry for anyone who is betrayed this way by someone who you love and trust. But let me tell you, from experience...who will become stronger & stronger with every year. Bless you and I look forward to your future entries. Linda in Washington state
http://journals.aol.com/lsfp1960/LindasWorld/ -
I am glad you are back...I enjoyed reading your journal. I know you have had alot of changes but hang in there....it gets better.
Shelli in Missouri
2/24/07 9:18 PM
I haven't read your Journal in a long time, but I am glad to see that you are back. I left for awhile too, I am no longer working at AOL and writing my BackTalk blog, but I am back writing at www.kristinehistand.com. Please keep in touch, a network of moms is a very powerful thing!
Kristine