Archives
4:46:00 PM EDT
Newbe
Hi there. My name is Brandie. I am 27 years old. I have been married for 8 years to a wonderful hardworking man. We have 3 beautiful children together. 2 girls and 1 boy, in that order as well. I am a stay at home mom at this time. We run our own business transporting trucks, motorhomes, and anything else that can be drove, all over the country. I do the dispatching from home. He drives all over God's beautiful creation delivering units.
A little more than 3 weeks ago, I quit smoking. Chantex really really works! I love being a non smoker. I love being able to breathe better, being able to play with my children without them telling me I stink. However sometimes I feel a bit lost without it. Like it was part of my personality. It sounds so sad out loud but it's true. I became dependant on it when I felt anything but good. When I was upset I would smoke. When I felt embarrassed, I would smoke. When I felt mad, I would smoke. It was a place to hide for me, behind a small damaging stick of tobacco. I have no where to hide now. That is kinda scary.
More recently I have been feeling the heat of my body image. When you can accidentally touch your own butt and swear it belongs to someone else (not in a good way), it's time. And with my hubby being a driver all over the country, I know he meets a lot of people. I do know in my heart that he would never seek out another woman but I fear that it might just happen. I mean, I see what he has to come home to. I have a mirror. I am sure he see's a woman who is not the woman he married. I weigh 50 pounds more than when we got married. I know he is not that shallow and loves me for every pound I am but I know in my heart that he deserves better. I know he deserves a woman that is vibrant and sexy. He deserves a woman with less rolls and more curves. I fear what he compairs me to out there on the road. I fear what he might wish I was. I fear what he desires. And as his wife, I want to be those things so desperately. I don't want him to have to wish.
I fear getting so big that things are difficult. I fear not being able to get my self out of a chair. I fear breaking my ankles because I am so large and my body can't take the weight. I fear having physical health problems. I fear the looks and terrible comments. I don't want the jokes, and the laughter of my weight. And I don't want my children to feel embarrassed by me. I want to set the standard of health for them. I want them to be active and happy, not to worry about their body's.
Thank you for letting me share my fears, desires, and hopes for my future here. I am very excited about being a part of a group of very nice people. I hope that here in this journal I can figure out why I haven't let me be the me I want to be.
Written by whatafinegrl Blog about this entry |
Add to del.icio.us | 
digg this
-
Welcome Brandie. I think that all of us here that are trying to lose weight can enter right into those feelings and fears. I certainly don't look like I did when I got married 21 years ago, and I have agonized over losing the weight. This is the first time I've tried losing it that I have actually felt like it would happen -- and it's because of this group and knowing that I can open up here and wail my despair at my failures and scream happiness at my successes. You are to be congratulated for quitting smoking. I believe you are the second member of this group who is using Chantix. I hope that continues to go well. Take it and the weight loss one day at a time, and I know that you'll reach your goals. Whenever you need help or a word of encouragement, don't hesitate to email me (or any of us!). Take care!
Lori
http://journals.aol.com/helmswondermom/DustyPages/ -
I'm not a member here, but I come by all the time!! I'm glad that you have come to this awesome journal where everyone is so uplifting and encouraging!!! My advice would be to start now.... get back to where you were if you really want to do it, don't wait, because it only gets harder. You can get exercise by playing with your children, you can eat well with them while they are little, and you can stay the woman your husband loves to be with.
Joann
http://journals.aol.com/preciousone25/JoannsWeightLossJourn ey/ -
Welcome! Congrats on quitting smoking! It's still on my to do list for this year. I tried Chantix last year, quit for a while and then foolishly went back to it. I think I thought I could actually have just one, thought I had it beat. Doesn't work that way unfortunately.
We're all working on the weight loss and exercising here. I think we're all trying to figure out where the magic switch is to get us all on the right track. Together we can do it!
Martha :-) -
Well, I think we've all probably felt this way before.....
Welcome to the group. I hope we can help you with your weight loss and smoking cessation.
XOXO,
bridgett
3/23/08 9:26 AM
First let me congratulate you on quitting smoking. I know that is not easy as I am also in recovery of that myself. I am in my third month now after smoking for over 30 plus years. I too used chantix and it is working well for me as well. I too can smell things now I never did and those that still do smoke, STINK lol like I did for so many years too. lol ewwwwwwwwww
What you are now going through now is also part of quitting too. I too have that amount to lose and haven't quite gotten on that particular wagon myself. Give your self some credit and pat yourself on the back for all the wonderful things you have accomplished and what you will in the future!! Fear is a terrible thing and that is why we are all here to deal with those and to gain support from each other.
Nancy