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Subject: Undaunted, Maybe Unbalanced
Time: 11:26:00 AM EST
Author: monponsett
Stacey didn't really mean it when she said that I (the babysitter) wouldn't be doing the football picks any more. Well, she meant it, but she didn't think I'd get physical to protect my status as America's youngest female with a regular sports betting column.
I tried not to bruise her that badly, but that was before we went over the side of the couch. She's just coming to now, and she'll probably be a few minutes getting her wrists out of the medical tape I bound them with. I don't yield the floor easily, especially when I go 3-11 calling NFL games the week before. I gotta wear that for life.
I intend to make the football picks here until the power is taken from me. The Colonel won't get involved- he sees Stacey and I fight all the time, usually over the TV... and he knows better than to intervene. As for our bookie... if Abdullah shows up... well, he'll be a tougher nut to crack. We'll burn that bridge when we come to it... probably by flirting or tears, quite possibly both.
Until then... enter the (Green) Dragon:
Minnesota 20, Green Bay 19
Even without a QB, Minnesota isn't losing to Green Bay until the GB figures out a way to stop that Peterson kid.... and I don't see them doing it.
KC 21, Denver 18
On weeks where New England and Atlanta aren't wearing their throwback jerseys, KC has my favorite shade of red in the NFL.
Buffalo 17, Miami 15
Even normally-loyal Aquaman is betting against the Dolphins this week.
New Orleans 35, St. Louis 13
We've said it before in this column and we'll most likely say it again... but Reggie Bush's ad for Subway is pretty much Abs Heaven if you know when to concentrate on the TV. My sudden, near-rabid interest in Subway commercials- which are advertising what I generally view as a poor quality deli sandwich- has more than one person thinking I'm pregnant, but it's all Reggie's succulent tummy. Stacey knows what the deal is, but she's smart enough to keep quiet.
Pittsburgh 31, Cleveland 24
Don't let this L distract you from the fact that old friend Romeo Crennel seems to have pretty much righted the ship out on Lake Erie.
Carolina 14, Atlanta 13
The Pants lost their QB the old-fashioned way (injury) rather than going the more sordid way and murdering pit bull terriers.
Jacksonville 12, Tennesse 10
Goddamnit... all Vince Young does is win football games... except when he loses, or doesn't play.
Philly 20, Washington 17
Rather than betting on the outcome of the game... see if your bookmaker (Abdullah gets offended when we say "bookie") will provide a line on whether Donovan McNabb will be injured. If you can get 3 to 1, it's worth dropping a few Bennie Fraks on.
Cincy 27, Baltimore 24
Cincy is in free-fall, but girls just get a sense about these things.
Detroit 21, Arizona 10
You all laughed at Matt Millen... and you probably will still be able to when the Lions play a real team in an important game.
Dallas 20, NY Giants 18
The best team from the JV conference plays the weaker Manning brother. Were this the playoffs, this would be a good See-Who-Gets-To-Get-Slaughtered-By-New-England NFC title match.
Chicago 13, Oakland 9
Were Miami and St. Louis a little better, this would be a good See-Who'll-Be-Drafting-First-Next-Spring game... sort of like the anti-championship.
How cool would a Miami/St. Louis game on the final week be... especially if there's some Senior tearing apart college football at the moment it occurs... and, like more especially if they're both 0-15? You might see more than one man run the wrong way with the ball, punt on 2nd down, trip over his own dick, etc... a true Comedy Of Errors, run by two coaches who will probably be coaching high schools next year.
Indy 38, San Diego 35
Looks like you chose the wrong team, Vinna Terry! I hope you stub your toe on the artificial turf.
Seattle 27, San Francisco 20
Only people with a point spread-driven interest will be awake when this game ends.
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11/9/07 9:35 PM