Just Being Who I Am

Hello

 

well just another day........... momma in law left to fly back to florida today, gonna miss her, i really do like when she visits. i use to be so intimidated by her when i first met her, shes just this little thing but she tells it like it is and puts up with no bull so i didnt no if she liked me or not, sometimes i still dont no lol. but anyway we can talk about anything together and she has told me she feels comfortable around me and likes staying with is more than with her accual daughter n laws so thats a good thing! so had a good weekend with her except for my son getting sick, i guess some 24hr bug, vomiting and fever. he seems alot better today and eating so im glad, thats one thing i can say about him, never been really sick longer than a day except for colds but nothing real serouis. my sis did end up coming by friday and giving the money she owed to my boyfriend, i listened from bedroom, she just kept saying how sorry she was and that she no's it was wrong yada yada............ so its done with it, glad we got money back and i wont have to worry about this ever again cause im never letting her borrow money again, iv learned my lesson. i will im sure adventually talk to her again but im not in any rush!!!!!!! down 5 pds since yesterday so im happy about that but im sure it will right back up tomm though, thats my luck! well gotta get searching for a new vacumm mine sounds like its gonna blow! so gotta search the internet. hope everyone has a great week. hugs

moody7279 at 6:14:30 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 4 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

well just when you think you can trust someone ........... YOU CANT! my sister whom im close with but not real real close with asked to borrow $50 cause her cable got shut off i said okay not really wanting to give it to her though cause both her and her husband work, got good jobs and here in my house its just my boyfriend working. so anyway she needs a card to use , i give her the debit card number and she says she'll pay me back tomm. now her tommorrow is normally a week later i know this but i helped her out anyway. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE BITCH DID!!!!!!................. i check the bank account the next day cause i wanna know how much money we have and just like to keep track. there are 2 pending transactions for cable, not one 2!!!!!!! so call the bank and see for how much and one transaction was the nite before when she asked and the other was just that morning. she used $123.00 out of are account not $ 50. IM SO PISSED! she never asked me for more money and this was someone i thought i could trust but not anymore, im so over it. so she calles me later yesterday and was just a talkin, she dont realize i no she took more than she was suppose to then to top it all off she dont got my money she claims she will be by today because she gets payed. heres my problem , dont say ill pay you back tomm if you no you arent going to, say i need a week or something just be honest geez.......... so shes talking and i im waiting for her to tell me she took more money so finally i say to her i check my account and i see that theres 2 payments now whats up with that and shes like oh yea i needed more money to get it turned back on. i said to her did you ask me for more, you could have overdrawn my account and she was just like im sorry, BULLSHIT ! your just a selffish bitch who was desperate and you stole from me and didnt care wether i found out or not, she must think im stupid! so needless to say i cut the conversation short and told her you need to let me go cause im pissed! she heard and will see another side of me when you betray me when i help you. so if you comes today with the money i have nothing to say to her. JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN MONEY  and dont ever ask again . weve helped her out several times $100 here and there, like we have that too give, i would never ask her for money. hell shes 48yrs old and hitting me up, im the baby! anyway so i dont no how long i should be mad for, i feel real betrayed like i said and feel i cant trust her and people like that i write out of my life, i dont deal with it. but can i really write my own sis out of my life over this? or just deal with it, accept it and move on and just never give her money again and realize shes not the person i thought she was????? thats why i dont talk to my 3 brothers cause they are lying coniving people, would never give them money, thought she was different though but she does keep in contact with my brothers so shes just like them i see! i just dont get people like that, pretend to care and then screw you over and not one time either. she no's i have to see my specialist every 5 weeks and thats a $100 and i have hospital bills coming out of my ears why steal from me and boyfriend, we dont have money like that, we live paycheck to paycheck and sometimes have little extra cash here and there but not often. you dont bite the hand that trys to help you. okay im going to quit ranting here lol im just so pissed! anyways weigh in wasnt good iv gained 4pds since yesterday but am very swollen so i no thats partually the problem. i will drink tons of water today and see if that helps and will do my best to eat good. iv had some orangejuice and a yogurt so far. luckley im not very hungrey cause my stomach hurts and body hurts today. hope everyone has a great friday! hugs

moody7279 at 10:29:48 AM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 4 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

 

 

feeling so good today, just happy in general, wish i could be like this more often lol. went to drs yesterday and got my lab results, have to get them done every month to check my muscles cause of the disease and happy to report............. my test came back 2800 wich it was 5800 5 weeks ago, needs to get down to 200. so im doing much better and getting my strength back!!!!!! finally starting to feel normal again. its funny how when you start to feel good you wanna look good, iv become obsessed with clothes again and when i get to the store i want this and that and havent felt that way for a long time. my boyfriends mother is suppose to be flying in sometime this week from florida and staying with us till the weekend, a family member died. i dont mind her staying with us cause lucky for me we get along and i love her to death! she'll want a sub cause you just cant get a good sub in florida! so when she comes here she gets a sub when we fly there we get a cubin wich i love love! might be going out this weekend for karaoke, havent done that inforever, many months, im going thrue withdrawl!!!!!! in a new diet club called dietbusters and we have some new members, im hoping this will get me remotivated to loose this damn weight! sadley im one of those people who cant do it alone i need support wich i dont get here at home and i need someone on my tail keeping up on me or ill slack or give up! i want this soooooo bad i wanna loose this weight but have just gotten lazy from being sick and now that im getting better its hard to get back into the swing of things of eating better and watching what i eat. i was eating what ever and was getting away with it and now i cant casue now the weights creeping back up on me. when i seen my sis the other day wich i only see her once a month she said i can tell you lost weight but it didnt make me happy causee i no that just 5 weeks ago i was 14 pds lighter, i feel gulity!!!. gotta get my SHIT TOGETHETR! before i gain back all the weight i lost. hope everyone is having a good week and have a good wednesday. hugs

moody7279 at 3:07:33 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

ugh the weather just sucks, but thats alot of places right now. i just wanna stay in bed..................................... not much going on, i had hoped to maybe go to a store or something, maybe go to fashion bug havent been there in forever  and in a new size clothes but dont see that happening. iv lost weight since being sick and have 12pds to loose to meet my little goal and i just hope i can do it, its sooooooo freaking hard. im like obsessed with the scale right now, gotta weigh in everyday wich is stupid cause my weights gonna flucuate but i still get on anyway and then am so unhappy if its up alittle. i should just weigh in on fridays but dont no if i can stick to it. I HURT TODAY, PAIN ALL THRUE MY BODY it sucks!!!!! can anyone tell me how to deal with a depressed person, i mean i get depressed and was there for many months but i didnt let it get out of hand but my sis she worrys me. she  throws up all the time and has for 10yrs now and was starting to get better but of course you start to gain weight when you get better cause you acually eating and so she was doing so good now shes back to not eating or not keeping anything down and feeling sick all the time, obsessed with working out and im just so worried about her, worried shes gonna end up the hospital again. i  need her in my life she helped raise me me when my mother died when i was 5 and so i dont no what id do with out her. shes so caring and giving and always just so damn worried about others and what they think. shes like obsessed she lets it control her life and always talking about how she shouldnt be alive. what the hell am i to do for a person like this????????/ i tell her how much i need her and how much shes loved etc etc but she wont get help and im lost. sometimes i just dont wanna talk to her when she gets these spells cause it brings me down and makes me worry about her, i cant just get up and go see her , shes in DE and im in MD, not that thats far away but its like 45mins and i dont drive right now and cant get in her house cause i cant do steps so iv gotta deal with her on the phone instead of in person like i would like. i dont no............... just wish she could be happy, she has a good life but i guess thats not always good enough. well enough of that. hope everyone has a good weekend. hugs

moody7279 at 11:52:22 AM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

WoW it feels like its been forever since iv written! my computer got all these viruis and i just got it back from the shop and with being sick time just slips away from you. summers gone already :( i didnt have a summer this year , couldnt go do any fun stuff but thats okay as long as im getting better thats all that matters. i finally found out a little over a month ago whats wrong with me, i went and seen a specialist and had all these test done and was diganoised with polymyositis its a muscle disease, my immune system attacks my muscles to the point that doing normal physical things can be impossible. since weve found this out iv been a really high steroid and am doing so much better, hate to jink myself!!!!!!! finally am able to walk around pretty good again, get out of some chairs by myself, the car etc. those last 4 months were the roughest for me, i stayed in bed alot just because i couldnt get up . so things are looking up and im feeling soooooo much better and looking better might i add :) iv lost even more weight , but its been a struggle cause all i wanna do is eat cause of the steroid but im the lowest weight iv been in 2 years so i hope i can continue to loose. i just hate how my face looks right now, my eyes always look puffy and my face is fatter from the meds or the disease wich ever but oh well watcha gonna do. i still gotta get another test done to check my lungs though cause the disease effects them, i have shortness of breath alot and always coughing plus they found a spot on my lung but im trying not to worry about that cause they said its not cancer but im still going to keep up on that. my son started pre-k this year, im so glad he was able to go to school, i thought he wouldnt cause i thought he wouldnt get bus service and i couldnt take him, but he got bus service and seems to like school. gotta go get him off the bus  in a few, so glad i just gotta walk out my door and a few steps to my driveway and thats it. so thats really it just trying to get my life back the best i can and enjoy each like its the last. just wanna send a shout out to christina (evil) missing you girl and im here for you if you need to talk!!!!!!!!!. have a great week ya'll! hugs

moody7279 at 11:40:37 AM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

Its been awhile since iv wrote here, not much has changed go figure lol. well im back on predisone cause its all that helps with my swelling, in a week a iv lost 25 pds again. i applied at social services for new insurance , this is my last resort and i hope i get approved! PRAY FOR ME PLEASE!!!!!! they said i would know something by the 31st so i hope i get approved and can go from there. had a use to be friend contact me couple days ago, we were friends for a couple months, met off of here and had gotten real close but are friendship ended just because of an augument and i dont no, its been like 7 months but she contacted me to say hi and see how i was doing. im happy that someone thought of me after this long but then also am like what does she want? not trying to renew that friendship i dont think, she was the too flirty type and would flirt with my bf and everyman. had a real nice thing happen this week though, i come from a big family but we arent close all. im close with my sis cause she helped raise me when my mom passed when i was younger and shes been so good to me, always there for me. i have another sis whom i love too but just not as close with, not much in common. anyway they thought because of a joke my bf told someone that got back to my sisters, he said he was gonna kick me out if i didnt get better soon and go to the hospital, needless to say they heard about this and really came out and showed me support and it was just nice to no they cared, even though the joke wasnt true. i always feel alone and not loved, could just be my retardedself  but thats how i feel but to see people from my family who dont normally show support come to me and be concerned it really made me happy. not much to say and like i said not much happening right now. hope all u friends are well and doing good. have  a good week. hugssssss

moody7279 at 5:33:26 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

its friday! thank god!

well im gonna start weighing in on fridays, my weight loss group im in has challenges every month and weigh in every friday. i havent been in a challenge for a while because of being sick and dont no why im starting back into them cause i think im gonna regret it :P

anyway i wont acually write down my weight cause only certain people no that. from last wednesday to today, a week and 2 days iv gained 24.9 pds back. im swelling up like crazy! wich i new was going to happen once i got off that med, so now im like now what????? i dont wanna deal with this, im trying to keep my head up and im not crying over it like i wanna but also not sure what to do. my dr when i asked him before about a water pill didnt want to put me on one cause he dont want me to get dehydrated, well id rather dehydrate then gain 30 to 40 pds in month wich is whats gonna happen! so im a sitting duck right now....................... i hope you all are doing good and having a great friday as i sit here getting fatter.......... lol    iv got to keep my sense of humor at this time . hugs

moody7279 at 12:57:50 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

well if you dont wanna read about me boohooing stop now!!!!!....................................

i need to vent cause im just so down right now and feel like no one truly understands what im going thrue  and what im feeling. ever since the dr took me off the  one med predisone  wich he did because he said i cant stay on it cause your body will start depending on it and plus it can give you suger and all these other probelms. iv felt like crap for days and then acually started feeling better monday but here it is wednesday and iv noticed some new things , with out that pill iv become weak again, so tired, its like someone sucked the life out of me. for a whole month i was on it i really felt like i was getting my life back and woundnt have to depend on people to help me as much with certain things , like getting out of a chair of the car, steps etc. but now its over again, my legs are back to being weaker and my body hurts more than it did before. i just raelly thought i was getting better and looked forward to summer and now i dont. im back to not wanting to go out anywhere cause i get tired from walking so quickley. im like why me im 28 yrs old and  i feel like hell. i feel stupid feeling this way when i no so many people out there are dealing with stuff far worse than me but i guess i dont deal well with certain stuff. i couldnt get in the house today for a good 1 1/2 casue i forgot to take the chain off the back door and thats how i have to get in cause theres a ramp back there, i cant go in thrue the front casue thiers steps and i cant do them, my legs wont let me. so my bf couisn had to come over and go in the house and unlock the door, i felt like such an ass cause hes probobly like what is wrong this girl! then i get hom from picking sn up from school and by then my legs are so stiff and i can hardley move them, i had a lot of trouble getting out of the car, it took like 10 mins for me to keep trying to pull myself up and get out, my legs werent helping me.  and then i fell asleep cause my new meds just make me tired. i just dont no what to do. i just really feel bad for my bf  who has to deal with me, one minute im happy the next im crying and just depressed and im sure hes tired of hearing i dont feel good. plus i can just feel myself blowing up weight wise my legs are getting real heavy again and i feel it in the middle yet im hardley eating. today i had a salad with chicken and  a granola bar. im sure some of this rant is from pmsing that i have no clue when it will show but just had to get this out cause like i said i dont think anyone gets  my fears or what im going thrue right now.

moody7279 at 7:15:15 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 4 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

Hi,

 its a beautiful day here, sunny and in the 50's but oh so nice! i feel so much better today or for right now then i have felt since thursday. iv felt like i was hung over, nausea, migraines just awful! im trying to eat something cause im starving but its one of those things were food doesnt even sound good to me still,  and even though i havent ate much for days the scale is up 12 pds since wednesday wth!  i no this is gonna happen cause i have problems right now  but doesnt make it any better. iv been trying this new medicine my dr gave me for  rosacea only have tryed it for 2 days but i can tell a difference already.  i didnt have it real bad to begin with , its just on my cheeks and it makes me look really really flushed, but its working i can tell cause it makes my face itch! , one less problem to deal with i hope lol. went out saterday nite for karaoke, had a good time. i got to sing like 6 songs compared to 2, they werent busy. i have to sign my son up for preschool , hes in a preschool program right now, and today was the first day for sign ups, ill be going tomm. if they dont take him cause they take low income and hadicapped children first then i dont no what ill do, theres no where else for him to go around here. that means he will miss a year and that mommys 2 hr alone time is gone!!!!!!!!!!!. im sure it will all work out though. well thats about it for my exciting life lol. hope you have a good week.

moody7279 at 2:15:49 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

   okay this isnt going to be a happy entry im so darn miserable today! i didnt hardley get any sleep last nite , i was awake about every 10-20 mins cause my hands were numb and they were burning and shooting pain up my arm so that kept waking me up, plus i had a migraine that just wouldnt go away and its still here!!!! i just hate feeling like crap and wanna be alone when i dont feel good but i cant cause i have to be MOMMY! i might be feeling liek crap cause i stopped my other meds and maybe its withdrawls , i didnt get my new meds yet, suppose to be getting tonite. just got back from seeing bf at work, we went and got lunch wich was nice but i had a little attitude  but then did apologise cause i hate being mean plus he went in the store and got me some tylenol cause he new we didnt have any, so i guess he loves me alittle, he dont wanna see me suffer or its just to SHUT ME THE HELL UP! lol either way it was nice. dont no whats in store for this weekend, we really dont do much cause  of gas being so high or we are broke. we are Deffiently getting some socks in this house all of us have holy socks , i dont no how it happens! lol so thats a must on my list. i didnt weigh intoday i ment to but went to luch and forgot all about it and i aint getting on the scale now, i aint crazy! well i guess thats it have a wonderful weekend, ill try but its supppose to rain all weekend! bla     hugs

moody7279 at 2:03:50 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own